Members of the class of 2002, I stand before you today commissioned to
deliver a speech on the future.  At first I was stuck - who knows
what the future may bring? I realized that, in the end, the future is
what we make of it, no more and no less.  We are the authors of our
own destinies, and you will be the protagonists of your own life
stories, the Holden Caulfields, Winston Smiths, and Willy Lomans of
the future.

One thing is certain however: your GHS education will provide each of
you with a solid foundation upon which to build your future.  Whether
your years here were spent leveraging your prowess in ritualistic
contests of endurance and motor skills into a modicum of academic
achievement within the social sciences or honing your chops as fawning
sycophants, rest assured that your time here at GHS was well spent.
Many of you have also become quite familiar with the subtle
intricacies of our nation's search and seizure protocols during your
years here - this knowledge will undoubtedly prove useful throughout
the rest of your adult lives.

Many of you will be defaulting to college next fall and, while the
cost of your tuition may exceed the combined annual income of an
entire village in many countries, it will definitely be worth it.
Your majors in communications and liberal arts will give you skills
you cannot obtain through life experience alone.  In the next four
years you will succeed in communicating where others have not,
enabling you to change the face of middle management forever.  For
others, the next step will be military service.  You will uphold the
American ideals of freedom and democracy by risking your lives to
defend such bastions of liberty as Saudi Arabia and Kuwait.  By doing
so, you will ensure their everlasting gratitude and goodwill towards
the United States.  Those of you entering the workforce directly will
contribute mightily to the convenience of American life.  And
fortunately our equitable economic system will protect you from
ruthless exploitation.

The future will also be shaped by your unwavering sense of duty.  As
patriotic Americans, it will be your duty to acquiesce without
hesitation to the autocratic decrees of our benevolent corporate
taskmasters.  When instructed to purchase a product, you will not ask
"Why?" but rather "How many?" and "Where can accessories for said
product be purchased?"  Thanks to your compliance, many a downtrodden
Chief Executive Officer will be able to put food on the table.

Also, as people fortunate enough to have been born in America at the end of
the 20th century, you have unprecedented opportunities, and I urge you to
take advantage of them.  Carpe Diem my friends!  Never before have so many
possessions been available to so few people for so much money.  Continue
purchasing your $7 sandwiches and $90 pants, the world is your oyster.  You
may also wish to consider buying an SUV.  When striding into the future, we
must not forget the lessons of the past, and I encourage you all to take a
cue from the pharaohs of old.  Construct pyramids in which to store your
material goods after your death so that you can continue to enjoy them in
the next life.

Those you see before you and their generation will define the America that is
yet to be.  There are simply no words to describe us, mainly because beat and
lost have already been taken.  I'd like to end with the inspiring words of
Woody Allen: "More than any other time in history, mankind faces a
crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to
total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly."