function oneliner() { var oneliners = [ "\"A witty saying proves nothing.\" - Voltaire", "Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.", "All science is either physics or stamp collecting. - E. Rutherford", "An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.", "An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.", "Ankh if you love Isis.", "Anything worth doing is worth overdoing", "\"Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.\" - Kehlog Albran, \"The Profit\"", "As Zeus said to Narcissus, \"Watch yourself.\"", "Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason. - Winston Churchill", "All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.", "This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill", "We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm. - Winston Churchill", "Avoid reality at all costs.", "Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.", "Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little.", "Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.", "Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.", "Down with categorical imperative!", "E Pluribus Unix", "Entropy isn't what it used to be.", "Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own. - Don Vonada", "Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.", "God is real, unless declared integer.", "God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.", "God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.", "Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.", "\"Grub first, then ethics.\" - Bertolt Brecht", "He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...", "Heisenberg may have slept here", "Honk if you love peace and quiet.", "I like your game but we have to change the rules.", "I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.", "I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.", "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.", "If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.", "If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.", "If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.", "If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.", "If you cannot convince them, confuse them. - Harry S Truman", "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.", "Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.", "Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.", "My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.", "My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies", "\"Now is the time for all good men to come to.\" - Walt Kelly", "Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.", "Save the whales. Collect the whole set.", "The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.", "The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.", "There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.", "They also surf who only stand on waves.", "Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.", "\"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.\" - Salvor Hardin", "\"We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.\" - Walt Kelly", "\"We have met the enemy, and he is us.\" - Walt Kelly", "What I tell you three times is true.", "When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.", "Lack of substance dictates economy of style.", "The meek shall inherit the earth. The rest of us will go to the stars.", "The emperor has no clothes.", "Angular momentum makes the world go round.", "Good day for water sports. Take a bath with a friend.", "Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ", "People who are wrapped up in themselves make very small packages.", "My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.", "\"Never look at the trombones, it only encourages them.\" - Richard Strauss", "He who has but four and spends five has no need for a wallet.", "Be exceedingly humble, for the fate of man is but the worm.", "Veritas vos liberabit", "Non nobis solum sed toti mundo nati.", "When someone points skyward, it's the fool that looks at the finger.", "Calm down, it's *only* ones and zeroes.", "To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.", "Semper Ubi Sub Ubi", "\"My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.\" -- Ashleigh Brilliant", "\"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.\" -- Donald Knuth", "Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. -- Leonard Brandwein", "Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy.", "\"Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.\"", "Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.", "Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. -- Ambrose Bierce, \"The Devil's Dictionary\"", "By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task completely overwhelm you.", "Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore. - Russian proverb", "In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. -- Douglas Adams", "Death to all fanatics!", "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.", "Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate and captain of your soul.", "\"Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.\" -- W. Somerset Maugham", "\"Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.\" -- Kehlog Albran, \"The Profit\"", "Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.", "Everyone talks about apathy, but no one does anything about it.", "Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.", "For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. -- H. L. Mencken", "Hail to the sun god. He sure is a fun god. Ra! Ra! Ra!", "Help stamp out and abolish redundancy.", "Pi seconds is a nanocentury.", "I doubt, therefore I might be.", "Believe those who are seeking truth, doubt those who find it. -- Andre Gide", "\"I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.\" -- Kehlog Albran, \"The Profit\"", "\"I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.\" -- Ashleigh Brilliant", "\"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.\" -- Mark Twain", "Life is like a simile.", "Life may have no meaning -- or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.", "Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. -- Susan Ertz", "Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.", "Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire", "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. -- Oscar Wilde", "Life is too short to be taken seriously. -- Oscar Wilde", "A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. -- Oscar Wilde", "The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. -- Mark Twain", "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. -- Abraham Lincoln", "\"This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.\" -- Wolfgang Pauli" ]; document.write(oneliners[Math.floor(Math.random()*(oneliners.length-1))]); }