"Even if you added up your life and Lucas' life, you still wouldn't have a life."
[types randomly]
"Is this a program?"
"Damn."
[types randomly]
"Is this a program?"
"Damn."
...
"Where's the soap?"
"In the fridge, moron!"
"Don't bring that in here - Kiran will just line his nest with it."
"I perfected that sound over many, many years of making fun of people."
"Of course... in hyperspace!"
"Do I look normal now?"
"No, you're twitching too much."
"Haven't I taught you guys anything? You always have to tell someone when they smell."
"He doesn't really use vi - he uses pansy vi."
"Whenever we have these arguments, I'm the only one who gives actual facts."
"Where do you get them from? Right-wing Jew Monthly?"
"Happiness is a zero-sum game."
"I don't really care for those pot-head losers in the ASM."
"What should I do?"
"Do something, do nothing. Do whatever you want. It doesn't matter."
"You think you're better than me because you shower? You know what you are? You're one of the bathing elite."
"Whoa! It says here 'optional'! Good thing they warned me."
"This is yet another instance where everything goes to hell because people aren't enough like me."
"You're filthy!"
"Oh yeah?" [Picks off and throws a hunk of hardened clay that was encrusted on pant leg]
"You've been like a mentor to me. When I first came here, I was bubbling with enthusiasm and good will. Under your guidance I have become cynical and lazy."
"Thanks. I'd shake your hand, but you're not worth it."
"I may have to go to class, but you're losing thousands of dollars."
"I would never share. I don't like sharing."