In this piece, I write for the first time in a third person style. Or maybe second person. I always get these confused. Second person, once removed perhaps.

Anyway, This is a question and answer piece. You also get to see my extraordinary math skills. There aren't actually 20 questions.

Twenty Questions of a ninja warrior

I couldn't help but notice that you have a book in your pocket. At least I hope it's a book. What's that all about?

Well, I had to take the bus to get here. If you've ridden on a few buses (or is it busses?) in your day, you know that if your trip is longer than 20 minutes, you need something to read if you want to keep your sanity. Just like in the bathroom.

Unfortunately, I once found myself in a situation where I was bookless for a 45 minute bus-jaunt, and see what happens. The proof is in the pudding...

So what's it like being a ninja warrior?

You'd be pretty surprised how many people ask me this. I always answer the same: it ain't that easy. You've always got work to do: assassinations, top secret government acts, saving cats from trees. Sometimes I think it's more trouble than it's worth.

What do you mean, more trouble than it's worth?

The rewards for being a ninja warrior are not that great. When I complete a job, all the guy that hired me has to give as payment is to get my ninja warrior suit cleaned. I'll admit, sometimes I'll go a little out of my way to get dirty. That way, the guy has to pay alittle bit more.

How does one become a ninja warrior? Is it many, many years of training?

Oh, good heavens no! If it had been, I might have been sidetracked during my training by a shiny piece of metal. Which would have been a shame, because the world would have lost a great ninja. Actually, all you need is a ninja warrior suit: A black hooded sweatshirt and some black pants. I wear jeans when I'm out in the city during the day. The sweat pants are more like evening wear.

Any advice for the little Mike C. Wade/Ninja Warrior wannabes?

Sure. Stick with it, you know? It may not always seem like being a ninja warrior is worth it. But you won't realize how much you'll miss it until you hang up that hooded sweatshirt. Don't worry about trying to be as great as I am: it just ain't posssible.

Thank you very much time.

Sure. Hey, I spilled some of this dip on my ninja warrior suit. Can I have some money to get it cleaned?