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Channel: Loveawake.com blog

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      ["title"]=>
      string(28) "How To Get Your Ex Back Fast"
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After a break-up, some women are 100% sure that it is over. These women know that they are better off and they have no plans to ever try again with the ex. These women understand why the relationship ended, and they realize that unless their ex changes in some significant ways, getting back together would […]

The post How To Get Your Ex Back Fast appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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After a break-up, some women are 100% sure that it is over. These women know that they are better off and they have no plans to ever try again with the ex. These women understand why the relationship ended, and they realize that unless their ex changes in some significant ways, getting back together would not be beneficial for either party.

However, there exists another group of women who know that they don’t want to be with anyone else. These women are not over their ex, and they are not seeing things as clearly as their friends or family. These women want him back. To offer some encouragement to these women, we are going to tell explain to you how to get him back and how to get him back fast!

Getting him back will not be an easy task. In fact, it will include doing some things that you normally wouldn’t do and some that you may not even want to do. You may even have to act like someone besides yourself. That is why it is so important to be sure that getting him back is what you really want. You will have to act differently than you normally do. You will have resist your urge to call, text and constantly check Facebook. Most people would not be willing to pay this high of a price to get him back. However, those people who are unable to move forward will find themselves doing this.

The first thing you need to do is accept him for who he is. In other words, you need to accept that what you see with him is what you get. You should not look at what he could be, but rather, what he actually is. He will show you this not only by his words, but his actions as well. The question that you will need to ask yourself is if you can live with who he currently is. Now that you’ve had some time away from him, you will know for certain if you can actually accept his terms.

You need to be sure if you actually miss him, or just the idea of him. To make this clearer for you, make yourself a list of things you like about him. This will help you decide if the two of you are compatible enough to make a relationship work long-term. The relationship has to be more than just passionate kissing. It is of the utmost importance to be clear when making this decision. It is also crucial to keep your dignity and self-esteem in mind as you work on getting him back. You must accept yourself and who you are right now, just like you accepted him for who he is. This is an exercise in learning to love yourself.

Once you learn to love yourself and start living your life the way you want to, you may notice him starting to re-enter your life. By this time, it is likely that you won’t want him back because by then, you will have realized that you deserve a better partner than someone who makes you compromise your own beliefs and values. There is no point in worrying about what you’ll do then. You will know what to do when the time comes. Right now, you need to own your feelings and live your best life. Perhaps most importantly, you need to let yourself feel like it’s okay to want him back, while simultaneously knowing that he is not what’s best for you.

 

The post How To Get Your Ex Back Fast appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(562) "

After a break-up, some women are 100% sure that it is over. These women know that they are better off and they have no plans to ever try again with the ex. These women understand why the relationship ended, and they realize that unless their ex changes in some significant ways, getting back together would […]

The post How To Get Your Ex Back Fast appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4665) "

After a break-up, some women are 100% sure that it is over. These women know that they are better off and they have no plans to ever try again with the ex. These women understand why the relationship ended, and they realize that unless their ex changes in some significant ways, getting back together would not be beneficial for either party.

However, there exists another group of women who know that they don’t want to be with anyone else. These women are not over their ex, and they are not seeing things as clearly as their friends or family. These women want him back. To offer some encouragement to these women, we are going to tell explain to you how to get him back and how to get him back fast!

Getting him back will not be an easy task. In fact, it will include doing some things that you normally wouldn’t do and some that you may not even want to do. You may even have to act like someone besides yourself. That is why it is so important to be sure that getting him back is what you really want. You will have to act differently than you normally do. You will have resist your urge to call, text and constantly check Facebook. Most people would not be willing to pay this high of a price to get him back. However, those people who are unable to move forward will find themselves doing this.

The first thing you need to do is accept him for who he is. In other words, you need to accept that what you see with him is what you get. You should not look at what he could be, but rather, what he actually is. He will show you this not only by his words, but his actions as well. The question that you will need to ask yourself is if you can live with who he currently is. Now that you’ve had some time away from him, you will know for certain if you can actually accept his terms.

You need to be sure if you actually miss him, or just the idea of him. To make this clearer for you, make yourself a list of things you like about him. This will help you decide if the two of you are compatible enough to make a relationship work long-term. The relationship has to be more than just passionate kissing. It is of the utmost importance to be clear when making this decision. It is also crucial to keep your dignity and self-esteem in mind as you work on getting him back. You must accept yourself and who you are right now, just like you accepted him for who he is. This is an exercise in learning to love yourself.

Once you learn to love yourself and start living your life the way you want to, you may notice him starting to re-enter your life. By this time, it is likely that you won’t want him back because by then, you will have realized that you deserve a better partner than someone who makes you compromise your own beliefs and values. There is no point in worrying about what you’ll do then. You will know what to do when the time comes. Right now, you need to own your feelings and live your best life. Perhaps most importantly, you need to let yourself feel like it’s okay to want him back, while simultaneously knowing that he is not what’s best for you.

 

The post How To Get Your Ex Back Fast appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1573656843) } [1]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(44) "5 Things Men Naturally Know and Woman Should" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/12/5-things-men-naturally-know-and-woman-should/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 12 Nov 2019 16:36:34 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(10) "Andrew Tch" } ["category"]=> string(34) "Relationship Advicemensocietywomen" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3560" ["description"]=> string(595) "

1.  Ignorant people cannot be helped and they do not matter. First let us clarify who ?The Ignorant? are for they deserve their own special classification and proper noun status for all the power women seem to give them.  I am not talking about people who are mentally disabled or have a lower IQ than you.  […]

The post 5 Things Men Naturally Know and Woman Should appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(7597) "

1.  Ignorant people cannot be helped and they do not matter.

First let us clarify who ?The Ignorant? are for they deserve their own special classification and proper noun status for all the power women seem to give them.  I am not talking about people who are mentally disabled or have a lower IQ than you.  The Ignorant are those with the ability to learn, rationalize and grow intellectually but choose not to. We have all met people like this in life.  Sometimes we are even related to them.  There are those who continually over react to the most stupid and/or simple situations because they do not understand or refuse to try to understand the reasoning behind certain behavior or phenomena. Men naturally know to ignore the naysayers and push ahead.  It has been my observation that woman will not, or cannot, simply ignore the ignorant people and continue on with their own will.  Perhaps women allow The Ignorant to dictate their behavior because they want to please everyone.  Maybe a woman needs total confirmation and validation that they are doing the right thing.  Perhaps they figure the social cost of going against the grain is too high.  But ladies, you cannot let The Ignorant dictate your actions and choices. I think you will find it refreshing to be able to do what you want without fear of what people will say.

?Ignorance (is) the root and stem of every evil.?  Aristotle

 2.  It only matters if you think it does

This also has to do with validation.  Women are natural team players.  You look for a consensus in choices.  Men on the other hand are not very good team players but we do make good leaders because we like to take charge, love challenges and have the ability to believe very strongly in our decisions regardless if others agree or not. My point here is that since men tend to have a very singular outlook we only pay attention to what matters to us.  We are naturally designed to ignore or relegate to obscurity anything that stands in the way of our goals, decisions, aspirations, etc?.  Basically, we are not afraid of being the very assholes you accuse us of being.  Women on the other hand are pleasers.  It is one of the things we love about you and that drive us crazy at the same time.  Sometimes you cannot please everyone.  Sometimes it is not even a good option. If women could learn to take ownership and to get complete personal buy-in of their own opinions and decisions, I think you would find that more people will respect not only you but your judgment.

3.  Choose your battles.

This can be as easy as saying ?Yes Dear? when the wife asks you to take out the trash or giving into a colleagues request at work when you do not agree with that request. Every man knows to let go of the inconsequential.  It does not make sense to talk or fight over every little item you disagree with or do not like. This helps to keep the peace and let?s be honest, from a strategic standpoint, when you perform a favor, task, or simply acquiesce to the person you are allowing them to have their way.  Then they believe they owe you one, even if it?s subconsciously. This leads to the whole reason we choose our battles.  When it comes to something that is important to us, we have a much greater chance of success because we have given ground before.  We have essentially built up a stockpile of favor. A woman will often compromise, which seems the same as choosing your battle but it is not.  When you compromise or when you force an hour of discussion about every decision you do not gain any favor points because you are not giving anything away.  Instead you are forcing a battle of wills through said discussion or compromise. So ladies learn to simply say, ?ok, sure, no problem honey, we can do that, absolutely, I?d be glad to get you a beer, how can I help, I?d love to,? or any number of other surrender phrases so when it comes to the really big items in your life you care about you will find it is easier to get your own way.

4.  Use logic, and yes I know it?s a struggle for you ladies.

Ok please note this does not apply to couples.  It could but honestly there are normally too many emotions between a couple that interfere with being able to be Spock-like in your logic. It is a stereotype that men are logical and women are emotional, but stereotypes have some basis in truth.  Ladies, logic is a great way to surprise your opponent and force the focus onto them to disprove your point instead of arguing with you about what the point is. If I state a fact that supports my argument and challenge you to explain how that fact can be true and your argument valid at the same time I have effectively taken you from arguing your point to defending it. Emotions are intangible and can easily be disputed but logic has a weighted and measurable quality. You can even take it a step further and use sales techniques with your logic to make your opponent think you are right whether they want to or not. Try using this trick; preface or end your logic statement with something similar to ?as you know? or ?but you already knew that?, what this does is confer onto the person that you respect them for already having the knowledge you just told them.  In most cases they did not, but because no one wants to seem stupid they will take the compliment that they are smarter than they actually are and they will not argue the logic.  This method will be arguing that they did not know this fact and making your compliment of intelligence invalid, it quite literally puts them into a catch 22. Learn to use a little more logic in your discussions and negotiations and you will find that you will do much better in getting your way.

5.  You control the game.  No one else does, only you do

This is about confidence, confidence, and confidence. If you realize at the end of the day you have complete control over yourself and your choices, it makes it much easier to stand up, say no, choose your path, and do whatever you want. This is a state of mind as well as a philosophy. Women are pleasers, caregivers, team players who believe in shared sacrifice and we love you woman for that.  We love you being pleasers because it complements our style of wanting to be leaders.  (This is not always the case in relationships or in the work world, but this is just an example.)  However, your style of making everyone else happy does not always protect you.  Often because a woman is more caring and compassionate about others she will let others dictate how she feels about herself. You cannot allow this from anyone other than your most close inner circle. Don?t allow fair weather friends, co-workers, extended family, or everyday acquaintances control your game through controlling your emotions.  Realize they do not matter on the grand scale of things and that you control your life, the game, and no one else does. Looking at your life as the only person in control is amazingly empowering and frees you from so much of the petty worries and bullshit.

The post 5 Things Men Naturally Know and Woman Should appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(595) "

1.  Ignorant people cannot be helped and they do not matter. First let us clarify who ?The Ignorant? are for they deserve their own special classification and proper noun status for all the power women seem to give them.  I am not talking about people who are mentally disabled or have a lower IQ than you.  […]

The post 5 Things Men Naturally Know and Woman Should appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(7597) "

1.  Ignorant people cannot be helped and they do not matter.

First let us clarify who ?The Ignorant? are for they deserve their own special classification and proper noun status for all the power women seem to give them.  I am not talking about people who are mentally disabled or have a lower IQ than you.  The Ignorant are those with the ability to learn, rationalize and grow intellectually but choose not to. We have all met people like this in life.  Sometimes we are even related to them.  There are those who continually over react to the most stupid and/or simple situations because they do not understand or refuse to try to understand the reasoning behind certain behavior or phenomena. Men naturally know to ignore the naysayers and push ahead.  It has been my observation that woman will not, or cannot, simply ignore the ignorant people and continue on with their own will.  Perhaps women allow The Ignorant to dictate their behavior because they want to please everyone.  Maybe a woman needs total confirmation and validation that they are doing the right thing.  Perhaps they figure the social cost of going against the grain is too high.  But ladies, you cannot let The Ignorant dictate your actions and choices. I think you will find it refreshing to be able to do what you want without fear of what people will say.

?Ignorance (is) the root and stem of every evil.?  Aristotle

 2.  It only matters if you think it does

This also has to do with validation.  Women are natural team players.  You look for a consensus in choices.  Men on the other hand are not very good team players but we do make good leaders because we like to take charge, love challenges and have the ability to believe very strongly in our decisions regardless if others agree or not. My point here is that since men tend to have a very singular outlook we only pay attention to what matters to us.  We are naturally designed to ignore or relegate to obscurity anything that stands in the way of our goals, decisions, aspirations, etc?.  Basically, we are not afraid of being the very assholes you accuse us of being.  Women on the other hand are pleasers.  It is one of the things we love about you and that drive us crazy at the same time.  Sometimes you cannot please everyone.  Sometimes it is not even a good option. If women could learn to take ownership and to get complete personal buy-in of their own opinions and decisions, I think you would find that more people will respect not only you but your judgment.

3.  Choose your battles.

This can be as easy as saying ?Yes Dear? when the wife asks you to take out the trash or giving into a colleagues request at work when you do not agree with that request. Every man knows to let go of the inconsequential.  It does not make sense to talk or fight over every little item you disagree with or do not like. This helps to keep the peace and let?s be honest, from a strategic standpoint, when you perform a favor, task, or simply acquiesce to the person you are allowing them to have their way.  Then they believe they owe you one, even if it?s subconsciously. This leads to the whole reason we choose our battles.  When it comes to something that is important to us, we have a much greater chance of success because we have given ground before.  We have essentially built up a stockpile of favor. A woman will often compromise, which seems the same as choosing your battle but it is not.  When you compromise or when you force an hour of discussion about every decision you do not gain any favor points because you are not giving anything away.  Instead you are forcing a battle of wills through said discussion or compromise. So ladies learn to simply say, ?ok, sure, no problem honey, we can do that, absolutely, I?d be glad to get you a beer, how can I help, I?d love to,? or any number of other surrender phrases so when it comes to the really big items in your life you care about you will find it is easier to get your own way.

4.  Use logic, and yes I know it?s a struggle for you ladies.

Ok please note this does not apply to couples.  It could but honestly there are normally too many emotions between a couple that interfere with being able to be Spock-like in your logic. It is a stereotype that men are logical and women are emotional, but stereotypes have some basis in truth.  Ladies, logic is a great way to surprise your opponent and force the focus onto them to disprove your point instead of arguing with you about what the point is. If I state a fact that supports my argument and challenge you to explain how that fact can be true and your argument valid at the same time I have effectively taken you from arguing your point to defending it. Emotions are intangible and can easily be disputed but logic has a weighted and measurable quality. You can even take it a step further and use sales techniques with your logic to make your opponent think you are right whether they want to or not. Try using this trick; preface or end your logic statement with something similar to ?as you know? or ?but you already knew that?, what this does is confer onto the person that you respect them for already having the knowledge you just told them.  In most cases they did not, but because no one wants to seem stupid they will take the compliment that they are smarter than they actually are and they will not argue the logic.  This method will be arguing that they did not know this fact and making your compliment of intelligence invalid, it quite literally puts them into a catch 22. Learn to use a little more logic in your discussions and negotiations and you will find that you will do much better in getting your way.

5.  You control the game.  No one else does, only you do

This is about confidence, confidence, and confidence. If you realize at the end of the day you have complete control over yourself and your choices, it makes it much easier to stand up, say no, choose your path, and do whatever you want. This is a state of mind as well as a philosophy. Women are pleasers, caregivers, team players who believe in shared sacrifice and we love you woman for that.  We love you being pleasers because it complements our style of wanting to be leaders.  (This is not always the case in relationships or in the work world, but this is just an example.)  However, your style of making everyone else happy does not always protect you.  Often because a woman is more caring and compassionate about others she will let others dictate how she feels about herself. You cannot allow this from anyone other than your most close inner circle. Don?t allow fair weather friends, co-workers, extended family, or everyday acquaintances control your game through controlling your emotions.  Realize they do not matter on the grand scale of things and that you control your life, the game, and no one else does. Looking at your life as the only person in control is amazingly empowering and frees you from so much of the petty worries and bullshit.

The post 5 Things Men Naturally Know and Woman Should appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1573576594) } [2]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(60) "Why Men Can Be Fat, Bald, Dress Badly and Still be Damn Sexy" ["link"]=> string(97) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/12/why-men-can-be-fat-bald-dress-badly-and-still-be-damn-sexy/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 12 Nov 2019 16:24:20 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(10) "Andrew Tch" } ["category"]=> string(38) "Dating IssuesBody Imagemensocietywomen" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3556" ["description"]=> string(620) "

A guest post by Mark Clemens I was discussing the subject of how men and woman differ when dealing with their individual body image(s) the other day. I was rather intrigued how woman are taught to view themselves. The process of becoming a woman and what defines her self worth is on appearance and how […]

The post Why Men Can Be Fat, Bald, Dress Badly and Still be Damn Sexy appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3891) "

A guest post by Mark Clemens

I was discussing the subject of how men and woman differ when dealing with their individual body image(s) the other day. I was rather intrigued how woman are taught to view themselves. The process of becoming a woman and what defines her self worth is on appearance and how she is viewed by others. In simple terms it seems to me that woman are raised with the expectation of beauty yet are reinforced through dealings with female family, friends and the occasional asshole boy that she never quite measures up.  That she must always strive to be more beautiful, to work harder at being beautiful, and to commit as many resources; time, money, and self-respect to that grand pursuit. Why is a woman?s worth so undeniably tied to her looks?

Men on the other hand are not as pressured about our appearance. Our beauty tips passed down from our dads consist of how to shave, our first bottle of old spice, and somewhere around 12 or 13 when we start to get a certain odor we are taken to the store to get our first anti-per spirant/deodorant.  If you are really lucky you might learn about body spray and hair product, but do not count on it. We are normally introduced to those wonderful grooming accessories by a girlfriend down the road; you girls do so love the personal grooming products.

My point being very little time is ever spent on equating our looks with how we fair in life. As a guy we are taught to be tough, competitive, and to work and play hard and that?s it.  As long as we do these things everything else will fall into place. I point out these activities for a reason, all of them are designed to build and reinforce our confidence. I might just lose my man card here for telling you girls this, but CONFIDENCE is key. If you have confidence you can walk down the beach in nothing but a blue Speedo, or down the sidewalk,  beer belly hanging out the bottom of your shirt, or rock the craziest of haircuts like the mullet and/or the classic comb over. With enough confidence and bravado you can still command respect and still find many girls who want to be with you.

Now do not get me wrong ladies, we men mostly appreciate all the effort you take in looking good for us.  I am told it is not ALL for us, but I am going to ignore that for right now.  What has been bothering me, is how you girls are forced to mentally suffer over any perceived fault or slight and how you feel such fierce competition with other females. As a guy I can?t even understand what that would be like. I am so used to feeling powerful and the king of my domain, that the thought of having to even compare myself to another guy is not my modus operandi.  I walk into a room it as natural to feel like the Alpha-Dog as it is to breathe.  For you to better understand just what I am saying let me assure you I am no Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or even Jon Stewart.  I am 6?, 340lbs., and slightly balding ? yet in my mind I am just as good if not better than any man I will ever come across. So my questions is this, and please feel free to use the comment section below to leave me your feedback, but why is it so easy for other girls to tear you down?  How can we as a society/parent/mate do better in providing you the confidence you crave or are we better off leaving the system as it is?  Is there an argument for the female competition of beauty and the perpetuation of the human race? I look forward to seeing your input on this subject, and yes guys I am interested in your point of view as well.

The post Why Men Can Be Fat, Bald, Dress Badly and Still be Damn Sexy appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(620) "

A guest post by Mark Clemens I was discussing the subject of how men and woman differ when dealing with their individual body image(s) the other day. I was rather intrigued how woman are taught to view themselves. The process of becoming a woman and what defines her self worth is on appearance and how […]

The post Why Men Can Be Fat, Bald, Dress Badly and Still be Damn Sexy appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3891) "

A guest post by Mark Clemens

I was discussing the subject of how men and woman differ when dealing with their individual body image(s) the other day. I was rather intrigued how woman are taught to view themselves. The process of becoming a woman and what defines her self worth is on appearance and how she is viewed by others. In simple terms it seems to me that woman are raised with the expectation of beauty yet are reinforced through dealings with female family, friends and the occasional asshole boy that she never quite measures up.  That she must always strive to be more beautiful, to work harder at being beautiful, and to commit as many resources; time, money, and self-respect to that grand pursuit. Why is a woman?s worth so undeniably tied to her looks?

Men on the other hand are not as pressured about our appearance. Our beauty tips passed down from our dads consist of how to shave, our first bottle of old spice, and somewhere around 12 or 13 when we start to get a certain odor we are taken to the store to get our first anti-per spirant/deodorant.  If you are really lucky you might learn about body spray and hair product, but do not count on it. We are normally introduced to those wonderful grooming accessories by a girlfriend down the road; you girls do so love the personal grooming products.

My point being very little time is ever spent on equating our looks with how we fair in life. As a guy we are taught to be tough, competitive, and to work and play hard and that?s it.  As long as we do these things everything else will fall into place. I point out these activities for a reason, all of them are designed to build and reinforce our confidence. I might just lose my man card here for telling you girls this, but CONFIDENCE is key. If you have confidence you can walk down the beach in nothing but a blue Speedo, or down the sidewalk,  beer belly hanging out the bottom of your shirt, or rock the craziest of haircuts like the mullet and/or the classic comb over. With enough confidence and bravado you can still command respect and still find many girls who want to be with you.

Now do not get me wrong ladies, we men mostly appreciate all the effort you take in looking good for us.  I am told it is not ALL for us, but I am going to ignore that for right now.  What has been bothering me, is how you girls are forced to mentally suffer over any perceived fault or slight and how you feel such fierce competition with other females. As a guy I can?t even understand what that would be like. I am so used to feeling powerful and the king of my domain, that the thought of having to even compare myself to another guy is not my modus operandi.  I walk into a room it as natural to feel like the Alpha-Dog as it is to breathe.  For you to better understand just what I am saying let me assure you I am no Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or even Jon Stewart.  I am 6?, 340lbs., and slightly balding ? yet in my mind I am just as good if not better than any man I will ever come across. So my questions is this, and please feel free to use the comment section below to leave me your feedback, but why is it so easy for other girls to tear you down?  How can we as a society/parent/mate do better in providing you the confidence you crave or are we better off leaving the system as it is?  Is there an argument for the female competition of beauty and the perpetuation of the human race? I look forward to seeing your input on this subject, and yes guys I am interested in your point of view as well.

The post Why Men Can Be Fat, Bald, Dress Badly and Still be Damn Sexy appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1573575860) } [3]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(44) "6 Secrets for Dating Success for Workaholics" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/12/6-secrets-for-dating-success-for-workaholics/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 12 Nov 2019 10:56:37 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(43) "Dating AdvicedatingrelationshipsWorkaholics" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3550" ["description"]=> string(581) "

So you?re a workaholic, and you?ve just realized that you need a dating life. Don?t worry ? you are not alone. The sad reality is that a lot of individuals find themselves buried in their work today, and at the same time, they end up realizing that they do have a need for companionship. While […]

The post 6 Secrets for Dating Success for Workaholics appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5616) "

So you?re a workaholic, and you?ve just realized that you need a dating life. Don?t worry ? you are not alone. The sad reality is that a lot of individuals find themselves buried in their work today, and at the same time, they end up realizing that they do have a need for companionship.

While in theory, it is easy enough to dump work and go paint the town red every once in a while, it is a different story when put into practice. Workaholics may have hard time giving up work even for just a few hours. This does not mean that it is not possible to be totally dedicated to your work and have some fun at the same time! Check out these dating tips for workaholics.

1. Broaden your circle of friends and acquaintances.

Stop for a while and think about this: how many friends do you have? When I say friends, I mean those that you can actually talk to about personal things without needing alcohol in your system. The next question is this: how many of these friends are from the office? If you figure out that most of your friends are connected with work, then you really need to shake things up a bit. And, even if you have friends outside of the office, you still can benefit from broadening your circle.

How do you do this? Go out with friends more. For sure, they will have friends that you do not know. It always helps to meet new people. Then there?s online dating sites. While not everyone is into these sites, they?re perfect for people who do not have much free time on their hands (like you presumably). I?m not saying that you should jump at date invites immediately, but the idea is to simply open up more doors to meet new people. With online dating sites, you can get to meet individuals who you might not meet otherwise.

2. Set your priorities straight.

You love your work, right? Yet you also cannot discount the fact that you want to have human interaction in the form of dating ? that?s why you?re reading this article right now. Well let me tell you one thing: you have got to set your priorities straight. You need to understand that you cannot have your cake and eat it too. You cannot work 24/7 and expect to have a dating life. Something has got to give ? even temporarily. Once you have understood this, you simply need to set aside a bit of your time to ?focus? on dating.

3. Manage your time wisely.

Speaking of time?your problem might simply be a case of time management. There will always be work to be done. This is even truer for those who are more passionate about their work than is normal. However, once you have decided that you need to get out and interact with other singles, you might find it a bit of a challenge to cram all your to-dos in 24 hours. The solution is to be organized about everything. The chances are that you already rely on your calendar (mobile phone or computer) heavily. Why not set aside a couple or so hours there for dating and dating-related activities? If your friends are going out on a certain night, put that in your calendar and no matter what happens, go with them. If you want to try online dating, set aside an hour or so ? put that in your calendar ? to update your profile, browse the site, or whatever. And, once you have placed things in your calendar, make sure you stick to the plan!

4. Engage in activities that you like doing ? outside of work.

Aside from going to the bar or pub with friends, you ought to try spending time on activities that you really enjoy. Do you like taking walks in the park? Going to the gym? Watching movies? Traveling? You don?t have to do them often, as long as you do them on a regular basis. Doing these things will help you expose yourself to a different environment and help you overall. And, who knows, you just might meet a likeminded person while you?re at it!

5. Compartmentalize!

So let?s say you?ve found yourself a date. What to do next? How do you keep your mind off of your work? Easier said than done, but compartmentalize. If you?re good at what you do in the office, then you ought to have some ability to focus. When you?re out on a date, make sure that you don?t dwell on your tasks at work. Focus on what your date is saying and/or asking you. Be genuinely interested in what he or she has to say.

6. Make a conscious effort to relax.

This applies both to while you?re out on a date and how you live your life in general. Workaholics tend to be uptight most of the time, and when you?re uptight, you tend to miss out on a lot of things. Relaxing may not come naturally to you, so you?ll need to make a conscious effort to do so. The more you feel at ease about relaxing, the better experience you?ll have at dating.

The post 6 Secrets for Dating Success for Workaholics appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(581) "

So you?re a workaholic, and you?ve just realized that you need a dating life. Don?t worry ? you are not alone. The sad reality is that a lot of individuals find themselves buried in their work today, and at the same time, they end up realizing that they do have a need for companionship. While […]

The post 6 Secrets for Dating Success for Workaholics appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5616) "

So you?re a workaholic, and you?ve just realized that you need a dating life. Don?t worry ? you are not alone. The sad reality is that a lot of individuals find themselves buried in their work today, and at the same time, they end up realizing that they do have a need for companionship.

While in theory, it is easy enough to dump work and go paint the town red every once in a while, it is a different story when put into practice. Workaholics may have hard time giving up work even for just a few hours. This does not mean that it is not possible to be totally dedicated to your work and have some fun at the same time! Check out these dating tips for workaholics.

1. Broaden your circle of friends and acquaintances.

Stop for a while and think about this: how many friends do you have? When I say friends, I mean those that you can actually talk to about personal things without needing alcohol in your system. The next question is this: how many of these friends are from the office? If you figure out that most of your friends are connected with work, then you really need to shake things up a bit. And, even if you have friends outside of the office, you still can benefit from broadening your circle.

How do you do this? Go out with friends more. For sure, they will have friends that you do not know. It always helps to meet new people. Then there?s online dating sites. While not everyone is into these sites, they?re perfect for people who do not have much free time on their hands (like you presumably). I?m not saying that you should jump at date invites immediately, but the idea is to simply open up more doors to meet new people. With online dating sites, you can get to meet individuals who you might not meet otherwise.

2. Set your priorities straight.

You love your work, right? Yet you also cannot discount the fact that you want to have human interaction in the form of dating ? that?s why you?re reading this article right now. Well let me tell you one thing: you have got to set your priorities straight. You need to understand that you cannot have your cake and eat it too. You cannot work 24/7 and expect to have a dating life. Something has got to give ? even temporarily. Once you have understood this, you simply need to set aside a bit of your time to ?focus? on dating.

3. Manage your time wisely.

Speaking of time?your problem might simply be a case of time management. There will always be work to be done. This is even truer for those who are more passionate about their work than is normal. However, once you have decided that you need to get out and interact with other singles, you might find it a bit of a challenge to cram all your to-dos in 24 hours. The solution is to be organized about everything. The chances are that you already rely on your calendar (mobile phone or computer) heavily. Why not set aside a couple or so hours there for dating and dating-related activities? If your friends are going out on a certain night, put that in your calendar and no matter what happens, go with them. If you want to try online dating, set aside an hour or so ? put that in your calendar ? to update your profile, browse the site, or whatever. And, once you have placed things in your calendar, make sure you stick to the plan!

4. Engage in activities that you like doing ? outside of work.

Aside from going to the bar or pub with friends, you ought to try spending time on activities that you really enjoy. Do you like taking walks in the park? Going to the gym? Watching movies? Traveling? You don?t have to do them often, as long as you do them on a regular basis. Doing these things will help you expose yourself to a different environment and help you overall. And, who knows, you just might meet a likeminded person while you?re at it!

5. Compartmentalize!

So let?s say you?ve found yourself a date. What to do next? How do you keep your mind off of your work? Easier said than done, but compartmentalize. If you?re good at what you do in the office, then you ought to have some ability to focus. When you?re out on a date, make sure that you don?t dwell on your tasks at work. Focus on what your date is saying and/or asking you. Be genuinely interested in what he or she has to say.

6. Make a conscious effort to relax.

This applies both to while you?re out on a date and how you live your life in general. Workaholics tend to be uptight most of the time, and when you?re uptight, you tend to miss out on a lot of things. Relaxing may not come naturally to you, so you?ll need to make a conscious effort to do so. The more you feel at ease about relaxing, the better experience you?ll have at dating.

The post 6 Secrets for Dating Success for Workaholics appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1573556197) } [4]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(36) "What?s In a Dating Profile Username?" ["link"]=> string(73) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/11/whats-in-a-dating-profile-username/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 11 Nov 2019 16:20:25 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(15) "Stella Painfree" } ["category"]=> string(79) "Dating Advicedatingonline datingpersonal profilespersonalsrelationshipsusername" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3547" ["description"]=> string(559) "

When online dating you often have no idea what you are getting into. What?s in a name?  According to Shakespeare, a rose by any other name smells just as sweet. But ask anyone named Maxie or Harry Bell and they?ll tell you that their name is the bane of their existence. Kids can be cruel, […]

The post What?s In a Dating Profile Username? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5046) "

When online dating you often have no idea what you are getting into.

What?s in a name?  According to Shakespeare, a rose by any other name smells just as sweet. But ask anyone named Maxie or Harry Bell and they?ll tell you that their name is the bane of their existence. Kids can be cruel, and in school you can bet that Maxie became ?Maxie Pad? and Harry Bell became ?Harry Balls.?

I don?t know if it?s the same for a man, but as a woman, I put a lot of thought into the naming of children. You have to look at nicknames, initials, and the way you can twist a name around to sound like something else. Just think about John Bohner, Speaker of the House ? are you telling me he was never teased as a kid?  ?Bohner has a boner, Bohner has a boner!?  I knew a man named Richard Sprinkle.  Yes, that?s right, Dick Sprinkle.  Helen Olivia Rollins?s initials are HOR ? her parents are to blame for her being called a whore.  I once had to make a call and ask for Tory Pussey.  It took me several tries to keep a straight face, and I?m an adult!

A username for online dating should have as much thought put into it as a child?s name.  This username is how people will first get to know you, and because you choose it yourself, it carries the added weight of showing the world quite a bit about who you are.  You can?t blame your parents for the username you use.  Some usernames are simple.  Some people use ?txt? speak, eliminating vowels and substituting numbers and letters for words. Some people use an aspect of their personality, or something they love, or their profession.

And some make you wonder if the person put any thought into whatsoever.  Or maybe it?s that they put too much thought into it, which is even scarier.  Let?s look at a few, shall we?

I have no imagination?  Whynot265.  Newuser33345.  I know it?s hard guys, but come on!

My name is?  Brian78678.  JohnBriggs34.  JoeBobFuller15.  Thanks, now I can google you!

My hobbies are?.  Golfer4U.  FrisbeeBoy124.  MarathonMan12.  Awesome, now I know what you do with all your free time!

My job is?  TennisPro82.  InsuranceGuy136.  MathTeacher314.  Well, now I don?t have to ask that question.

My favorite sports team is? SoonerFan4Ever.  RU4Patriots2.  DallasMavsRule34.  Well, as long as you?re not a Bama fan.

Watch out, Ladies, this is probably his “O” face.

I live in/I?m from?  NYtoFL.  CaliGent.  AZMan4u.  I used to love this, because you might instantly have something in common with someone (You?re from California, me too!), but I rarely get replies back when I comment on it, so obviously it?s useless.

I?m perfect for you?  PickMe298.  UandMe4ever97.  Luvmebeeoch.  Yeah, I?m thinking not.

I?m perfect?    RUWANTINGME.  PerfectGuy.  uNoUwantMe.  Me no want u.

I do drugs?  Lucid420.  Prtyfavors.  Doobie88.  It?s match.com, not dealer.com.

I?m a sex machine?  LatinLover69.  LuvDisciple.  ImAStallion Really?!

I know what I typed, don?t you?  Ijizhere (I think his initials are lj, and he?s here, but all I see is ?jizz?). sffanny  (I?m hoping it?s a San Fran fan in New York, but all I see is ?fanny?), Lookin4mylass (again, all I see is ?ass?), bOObOO (I get that this is a Yogi Bear reference, but I always see ?boob? when I read it).

Then there are the ones that I?m not touching with a 10 foot pole:  8inUncut.  Negro_dp.  LunchAtTheY.  Rodforyou (Granted, this guy?s name is probably Rod, but come on, dude!).

Usernames can be so telling.  GreekGator is a frat guy from University of Florida, and since he?s in his 30?s, he really should give up the frat life.  BackwoodHonky is a good ole? boy from the country.  CelineFan is a closet homosexual.

You may think it?s nothing, but a username is one more piece of what you are presenting to prospective matches. Don?t be lazy. Put some thought into it. Name your ?baby? well.  Because what you think is a great name may be made fun of on the playground.

Personally I was going to use ?sprinkles? as part of my username, because I love sprinkles (you know, the kind you put on cookies and ice cream), and because I have freckles, and I thought that would be a cute little twist.  And then a friend told me, ?They might think you like golden showers.?  Oye.

**All usernames are based on real usernames.  However, I have changed/added numbers or come up with similar names when needed, to protect the not-so-innocent.

The post What?s In a Dating Profile Username? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(559) "

When online dating you often have no idea what you are getting into. What?s in a name?  According to Shakespeare, a rose by any other name smells just as sweet. But ask anyone named Maxie or Harry Bell and they?ll tell you that their name is the bane of their existence. Kids can be cruel, […]

The post What?s In a Dating Profile Username? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5046) "

When online dating you often have no idea what you are getting into.

What?s in a name?  According to Shakespeare, a rose by any other name smells just as sweet. But ask anyone named Maxie or Harry Bell and they?ll tell you that their name is the bane of their existence. Kids can be cruel, and in school you can bet that Maxie became ?Maxie Pad? and Harry Bell became ?Harry Balls.?

I don?t know if it?s the same for a man, but as a woman, I put a lot of thought into the naming of children. You have to look at nicknames, initials, and the way you can twist a name around to sound like something else. Just think about John Bohner, Speaker of the House ? are you telling me he was never teased as a kid?  ?Bohner has a boner, Bohner has a boner!?  I knew a man named Richard Sprinkle.  Yes, that?s right, Dick Sprinkle.  Helen Olivia Rollins?s initials are HOR ? her parents are to blame for her being called a whore.  I once had to make a call and ask for Tory Pussey.  It took me several tries to keep a straight face, and I?m an adult!

A username for online dating should have as much thought put into it as a child?s name.  This username is how people will first get to know you, and because you choose it yourself, it carries the added weight of showing the world quite a bit about who you are.  You can?t blame your parents for the username you use.  Some usernames are simple.  Some people use ?txt? speak, eliminating vowels and substituting numbers and letters for words. Some people use an aspect of their personality, or something they love, or their profession.

And some make you wonder if the person put any thought into whatsoever.  Or maybe it?s that they put too much thought into it, which is even scarier.  Let?s look at a few, shall we?

I have no imagination?  Whynot265.  Newuser33345.  I know it?s hard guys, but come on!

My name is?  Brian78678.  JohnBriggs34.  JoeBobFuller15.  Thanks, now I can google you!

My hobbies are?.  Golfer4U.  FrisbeeBoy124.  MarathonMan12.  Awesome, now I know what you do with all your free time!

My job is?  TennisPro82.  InsuranceGuy136.  MathTeacher314.  Well, now I don?t have to ask that question.

My favorite sports team is? SoonerFan4Ever.  RU4Patriots2.  DallasMavsRule34.  Well, as long as you?re not a Bama fan.

Watch out, Ladies, this is probably his “O” face.

I live in/I?m from?  NYtoFL.  CaliGent.  AZMan4u.  I used to love this, because you might instantly have something in common with someone (You?re from California, me too!), but I rarely get replies back when I comment on it, so obviously it?s useless.

I?m perfect for you?  PickMe298.  UandMe4ever97.  Luvmebeeoch.  Yeah, I?m thinking not.

I?m perfect?    RUWANTINGME.  PerfectGuy.  uNoUwantMe.  Me no want u.

I do drugs?  Lucid420.  Prtyfavors.  Doobie88.  It?s match.com, not dealer.com.

I?m a sex machine?  LatinLover69.  LuvDisciple.  ImAStallion Really?!

I know what I typed, don?t you?  Ijizhere (I think his initials are lj, and he?s here, but all I see is ?jizz?). sffanny  (I?m hoping it?s a San Fran fan in New York, but all I see is ?fanny?), Lookin4mylass (again, all I see is ?ass?), bOObOO (I get that this is a Yogi Bear reference, but I always see ?boob? when I read it).

Then there are the ones that I?m not touching with a 10 foot pole:  8inUncut.  Negro_dp.  LunchAtTheY.  Rodforyou (Granted, this guy?s name is probably Rod, but come on, dude!).

Usernames can be so telling.  GreekGator is a frat guy from University of Florida, and since he?s in his 30?s, he really should give up the frat life.  BackwoodHonky is a good ole? boy from the country.  CelineFan is a closet homosexual.

You may think it?s nothing, but a username is one more piece of what you are presenting to prospective matches. Don?t be lazy. Put some thought into it. Name your ?baby? well.  Because what you think is a great name may be made fun of on the playground.

Personally I was going to use ?sprinkles? as part of my username, because I love sprinkles (you know, the kind you put on cookies and ice cream), and because I have freckles, and I thought that would be a cute little twist.  And then a friend told me, ?They might think you like golden showers.?  Oye.

**All usernames are based on real usernames.  However, I have changed/added numbers or come up with similar names when needed, to protect the not-so-innocent.

The post What?s In a Dating Profile Username? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1573489225) } [5]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(66) "Forgiveness in Marriage: A Different Kind of Forgiving Your Spouse" ["link"]=> string(104) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/11/forgiveness-in-marriage-a-different-kind-of-forgiving-your-spouse/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 11 Nov 2019 15:48:05 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(80) "Relationship AdviceAcceptancefinding forgivenessforgiveForgivenesshow to forgive" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3543" ["description"]=> string(642) "

Has your spouse done something so horrendous that it has ripped your marriage apart and made you question the very foundation of your relationship? Are you in a place right now where you are wondering whether or not you can ever forgive this offense and move on with your marriage? Perhaps your partner has been […]

The post Forgiveness in Marriage: A Different Kind of Forgiving Your Spouse appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(10230) "

Has your spouse done something so horrendous that it has ripped your marriage apart and made you question the very foundation of your relationship?

Are you in a place right now where you are wondering whether or not you can ever forgive this offense and move on with your marriage?

Perhaps your partner has been regularly lying to you about your financial situation, and has put your family in jeopardy by doing so. Maybe he or she verbally attacked you one or more times, and you don?t feel like you can get past the awful words that were spoken.

Or maybe the worst has happened, and your spouse broke your marital vows, had an affair, and crushed you emotionally as a result.

In situations like these I find most people come to a point where they ask themselves: Can I ever forgive my spouse? Will I ever be able to open my heart to this person again, and move on with your relationship.

The question is a perfectly legitimate one, in no small part because the concept of forgiving is so complex.

What does it mean to forgive someone? Do you have to forget in order to forgive? And what if you can?t simply ?forgive? your spouse and move on with your marriage? What does that mean about you and your relationship?

In this article I am going to explore answers to some of these questions, and will offer you an alternative definition of forgiveness-one that will show you a different path for moving forward with your marriage.

What Does it Mean to ?Forgive??

For a lot of people, the very concept of ?forgiving? is overwhelming. I think this is largely due to the fact that in our culture there is a fairly specific definition for what it means to forgive. Unfortunately, for a lot of people this definition is unrealistic and nearly impossible to achieve.

I think for most people in our culture the idea of ?forgiveness? is almost a holy act. It?s supposed to happen in a single moment; a moment of revelation where you open your heart to another person in an act of the purest, most selfless compassion and restore the
relationship to its former level.

For example, I once heard a story about a mother and father whose daughter was murdered. At some point after the terrible crime, this couple went to prison, met with their daughter?s killer, and forgave him.

To be perfectly honest with you, this is not a kind of forgiveness I understand.

In my experience the meaning of this forgiveness and the cultural support it receives from examples like the one I just noted sets up an unrealistic expectation for people who have suffered from a trauma inflicted by another person and are trying to move forward.

As a result, people often judge themselves when they can?t seem to forgive people who have hurt them the way the two parents in the example above were able to forgive their daughter?s murderer. They seem to feel like they are not as ?good? as people like this.

But in my experience, forgiveness is a very complicated and personal subject. Everyone moves forward in different ways, especially when they are trying to reconcile with people who have hurt them.

It is especially complicated when the person who has hurt you is your spouse-the one person on Earth you are supposed to trust above and beyond anyone else.

Another example might help to make this point clear.

Let?s say Jeff and Sally have been happily married for many years or at least that?s what Sally thought. She has been going through her days thinking that her husband Jeff loves her and is completely faithful to her. They have children, and they have built what seems to be a beautiful life together. Sally thinks everything is wonderful.

Then one day Jeff comes home and drops a bomb on Sally.

He tells her that he has been having an affair for more than a year. He expresses regret. He cries. He even begs for Sally?s forgiveness. But Sally is emotionally crushed. The world she felt safe in has been torn apart, and the man she thought she knew has turned out to be a liar and a cheater.

In this situation is Sally simply supposed to ?forgive? her husband? Is she supposed to have some experience where she realizes in the blink of an eye that she can open up to him again; that she can trust him again?

Imagine all of the questions this must raise for Sally. What if she forgives Jeff and he betrays her trust again? What if she exposes herself to more pain by doing this? And what if she simply can?t forget what has happened, and forgive him the way those magnanimous parents did in the story above? How is she supposed to move on with her marriage?

Over and over again, I see people who have this kind of experience, and I think the questions these people ask about forgiving are legitimate.

I am not saying those parents were wrong or disingenuous. I am sure those parents were sincere in the forgiveness they offered. I?m just saying that this kind of forgiveness is not something I understand, and it?s not something I think is useful for all people.

In fact, I think it can be detrimental for couples who have suffered through an affair and are trying to move forward with their marriage. The injured person thinks he or she is supposed to be able to ?forgive? his or her spouse this way, and when that can?t happen the person feels stuck, and, in some cases, judges himself or herself harshly, complicating an already difficult situation.

When I work with clients I try to get them to move toward a different kind of forgiveness than the one typically promoted by our culture. This form of forgiveness is more practical. It requires work. And it focuses on the concept of acceptance. Let me explain what I mean.

Acceptance: An Alternative to Forgiveness

Acceptance is defined as the ?willingness or ability to tolerate? some event in your life. This step-accepting that the terrible events that have happened in your marriage have in fact happened-is the first thing you need to do if you are going to move on with your relationship.

That doesn?t mean you have to like what happened. You probably hate what happened. But you have to accept that it occurred, and you have to accept the feelings that come along with it if you are going to move forward.

Let?s go back to the example of Jeff and Sally above. When Sally learned about Jeff?s affair, she was emotionally destroyed. She wanted to move forward and try to save her marriage, but she just couldn?t forgive Jeff for what he did.

Sally didn?t have to forgive Jeff at when she found out, because she wouldn?t feel it in her heart.

What Sally did have to do was accept the reality that Jeff had the affair and accept her feelings about the situation and about Jeff.

If Sally is able to do this, then she can move forward with her relationship (assuming of course Jeff is willing to put some real work into changing his character and repairing the breach in trust he created). Once Sally accepts what has happened and her feelings about it, the opportunity exists to heal the pain and create a better marriage.

In fact, acceptance is the first in a series of steps that ultimately have the power to move you toward forgiveness in a practical way. Forgiveness doesn?t have to come in a single revelatory moment. It can be the outcome of specific steps leading to recovery.

These steps include:

. Exploring your own feelings, and learning how to cope with and manage them more effectively
. Rebuilding the trust in your marriage
. Communicating your pain to your partner and acquiring an appropriate and complete apology
. Getting over images and obsessive thoughts about the event that created your pain

You can work through each of these steps in practical and effective ways.

The result?

If you work through each step properly, in time the overwhelming emotions that you are experiencing right now will move to the back of your mind. You won?t experience them nearly as much, and when you do they will be less intense. The feelings will start to fade as you rebuild your marriage and get over the pain that has been created.

At this point you will move toward forgiveness. It won?t happen in a single moment. Instead it will take time, energy, investment, a real commitment, and work. AND, a demonstration by your partner that he or she has made real changes. But it can happen.

This is a different kind of forgiving. It is one that is built on practical steps you can take to heal your relationship. It?s a style of forgiving that allows you to have your feelings and still move forward with your marriage. It?s a forgiving that happens more naturally as the emotions you have fade to the background and you move on with your life.

If you do the work you need to do to heal your relationship and make it better than ever you can experience this kind of forgiveness.

You will know in retrospect when it has happened. One day you will realize that your emotions and memories of the awful circumstances have moved to the back of your mind, and you will realize it is okay to move on again. These are the hallmarks of my definition of forgiveness.

But the whole process starts with acceptance. That?s the key. That?s the starting point.

The post Forgiveness in Marriage: A Different Kind of Forgiving Your Spouse appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(642) "

Has your spouse done something so horrendous that it has ripped your marriage apart and made you question the very foundation of your relationship? Are you in a place right now where you are wondering whether or not you can ever forgive this offense and move on with your marriage? Perhaps your partner has been […]

The post Forgiveness in Marriage: A Different Kind of Forgiving Your Spouse appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(10230) "

Has your spouse done something so horrendous that it has ripped your marriage apart and made you question the very foundation of your relationship?

Are you in a place right now where you are wondering whether or not you can ever forgive this offense and move on with your marriage?

Perhaps your partner has been regularly lying to you about your financial situation, and has put your family in jeopardy by doing so. Maybe he or she verbally attacked you one or more times, and you don?t feel like you can get past the awful words that were spoken.

Or maybe the worst has happened, and your spouse broke your marital vows, had an affair, and crushed you emotionally as a result.

In situations like these I find most people come to a point where they ask themselves: Can I ever forgive my spouse? Will I ever be able to open my heart to this person again, and move on with your relationship.

The question is a perfectly legitimate one, in no small part because the concept of forgiving is so complex.

What does it mean to forgive someone? Do you have to forget in order to forgive? And what if you can?t simply ?forgive? your spouse and move on with your marriage? What does that mean about you and your relationship?

In this article I am going to explore answers to some of these questions, and will offer you an alternative definition of forgiveness-one that will show you a different path for moving forward with your marriage.

What Does it Mean to ?Forgive??

For a lot of people, the very concept of ?forgiving? is overwhelming. I think this is largely due to the fact that in our culture there is a fairly specific definition for what it means to forgive. Unfortunately, for a lot of people this definition is unrealistic and nearly impossible to achieve.

I think for most people in our culture the idea of ?forgiveness? is almost a holy act. It?s supposed to happen in a single moment; a moment of revelation where you open your heart to another person in an act of the purest, most selfless compassion and restore the
relationship to its former level.

For example, I once heard a story about a mother and father whose daughter was murdered. At some point after the terrible crime, this couple went to prison, met with their daughter?s killer, and forgave him.

To be perfectly honest with you, this is not a kind of forgiveness I understand.

In my experience the meaning of this forgiveness and the cultural support it receives from examples like the one I just noted sets up an unrealistic expectation for people who have suffered from a trauma inflicted by another person and are trying to move forward.

As a result, people often judge themselves when they can?t seem to forgive people who have hurt them the way the two parents in the example above were able to forgive their daughter?s murderer. They seem to feel like they are not as ?good? as people like this.

But in my experience, forgiveness is a very complicated and personal subject. Everyone moves forward in different ways, especially when they are trying to reconcile with people who have hurt them.

It is especially complicated when the person who has hurt you is your spouse-the one person on Earth you are supposed to trust above and beyond anyone else.

Another example might help to make this point clear.

Let?s say Jeff and Sally have been happily married for many years or at least that?s what Sally thought. She has been going through her days thinking that her husband Jeff loves her and is completely faithful to her. They have children, and they have built what seems to be a beautiful life together. Sally thinks everything is wonderful.

Then one day Jeff comes home and drops a bomb on Sally.

He tells her that he has been having an affair for more than a year. He expresses regret. He cries. He even begs for Sally?s forgiveness. But Sally is emotionally crushed. The world she felt safe in has been torn apart, and the man she thought she knew has turned out to be a liar and a cheater.

In this situation is Sally simply supposed to ?forgive? her husband? Is she supposed to have some experience where she realizes in the blink of an eye that she can open up to him again; that she can trust him again?

Imagine all of the questions this must raise for Sally. What if she forgives Jeff and he betrays her trust again? What if she exposes herself to more pain by doing this? And what if she simply can?t forget what has happened, and forgive him the way those magnanimous parents did in the story above? How is she supposed to move on with her marriage?

Over and over again, I see people who have this kind of experience, and I think the questions these people ask about forgiving are legitimate.

I am not saying those parents were wrong or disingenuous. I am sure those parents were sincere in the forgiveness they offered. I?m just saying that this kind of forgiveness is not something I understand, and it?s not something I think is useful for all people.

In fact, I think it can be detrimental for couples who have suffered through an affair and are trying to move forward with their marriage. The injured person thinks he or she is supposed to be able to ?forgive? his or her spouse this way, and when that can?t happen the person feels stuck, and, in some cases, judges himself or herself harshly, complicating an already difficult situation.

When I work with clients I try to get them to move toward a different kind of forgiveness than the one typically promoted by our culture. This form of forgiveness is more practical. It requires work. And it focuses on the concept of acceptance. Let me explain what I mean.

Acceptance: An Alternative to Forgiveness

Acceptance is defined as the ?willingness or ability to tolerate? some event in your life. This step-accepting that the terrible events that have happened in your marriage have in fact happened-is the first thing you need to do if you are going to move on with your relationship.

That doesn?t mean you have to like what happened. You probably hate what happened. But you have to accept that it occurred, and you have to accept the feelings that come along with it if you are going to move forward.

Let?s go back to the example of Jeff and Sally above. When Sally learned about Jeff?s affair, she was emotionally destroyed. She wanted to move forward and try to save her marriage, but she just couldn?t forgive Jeff for what he did.

Sally didn?t have to forgive Jeff at when she found out, because she wouldn?t feel it in her heart.

What Sally did have to do was accept the reality that Jeff had the affair and accept her feelings about the situation and about Jeff.

If Sally is able to do this, then she can move forward with her relationship (assuming of course Jeff is willing to put some real work into changing his character and repairing the breach in trust he created). Once Sally accepts what has happened and her feelings about it, the opportunity exists to heal the pain and create a better marriage.

In fact, acceptance is the first in a series of steps that ultimately have the power to move you toward forgiveness in a practical way. Forgiveness doesn?t have to come in a single revelatory moment. It can be the outcome of specific steps leading to recovery.

These steps include:

. Exploring your own feelings, and learning how to cope with and manage them more effectively
. Rebuilding the trust in your marriage
. Communicating your pain to your partner and acquiring an appropriate and complete apology
. Getting over images and obsessive thoughts about the event that created your pain

You can work through each of these steps in practical and effective ways.

The result?

If you work through each step properly, in time the overwhelming emotions that you are experiencing right now will move to the back of your mind. You won?t experience them nearly as much, and when you do they will be less intense. The feelings will start to fade as you rebuild your marriage and get over the pain that has been created.

At this point you will move toward forgiveness. It won?t happen in a single moment. Instead it will take time, energy, investment, a real commitment, and work. AND, a demonstration by your partner that he or she has made real changes. But it can happen.

This is a different kind of forgiving. It is one that is built on practical steps you can take to heal your relationship. It?s a style of forgiving that allows you to have your feelings and still move forward with your marriage. It?s a forgiving that happens more naturally as the emotions you have fade to the background and you move on with your life.

If you do the work you need to do to heal your relationship and make it better than ever you can experience this kind of forgiveness.

You will know in retrospect when it has happened. One day you will realize that your emotions and memories of the awful circumstances have moved to the back of your mind, and you will realize it is okay to move on again. These are the hallmarks of my definition of forgiveness.

But the whole process starts with acceptance. That?s the key. That?s the starting point.

The post Forgiveness in Marriage: A Different Kind of Forgiving Your Spouse appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1573487285) } [6]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(42) "The Single Most Toxic Relationship Element" ["link"]=> string(81) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/11/the-single-most-toxic-relationship-element/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 11 Nov 2019 15:27:42 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(225) "Relationship Advicecontemptcorrosivedestroy relationshipdestroy your relationshipdisdaindisregardemotional connectionlovingloving feelingsRebuild the Trustrelationship toxinsrespectscorntone of voicetoxic relationshipunworthy" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3539" ["description"]=> string(601) "

There is a toxin that can seep into your relationship, and before you even know what?s happening, it corrodes and eventually destroys your relationship. Of all the potential relationship toxins out there, this one is the single most toxic element you could ever allow in. It?s one where, you know it when you hear it, […]

The post The Single Most Toxic Relationship Element appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4420) "

There is a toxin that can seep into your relationship, and before you even know what?s happening, it corrodes and eventually destroys your relationship.

Of all the potential relationship toxins out there, this one is the single most toxic element you could ever allow in.

It?s one where, you know it when you hear it, and you have probably shuddered to hear others use it. The hard part is recognizing when you may be doing it yourself.

In this blog, you?ll learn what this toxic element is, and how to banish it from your relationship for good. Please keep reading?

It?s Like Porn? You Know it When You See It

Have you ever watched a television show, a movie, or even a cartoon, where one of the characters talks down to everyone around them, or maybe just to one person they dislike?

Their voice fairly drips with what?s called disdain. It?s one of those things where you know it when you hear it, because the tone of voice could never be mistaken for warm, inviting, loving or kind.

Other words that describe it are ?contempt, scorn, disregard.?

Disdain sends a distinct message: that the person being addressed is beneath notice, unworthy of consideration or respect.

In movies and cartoons, the character would be shown either with their nose in the air, or looking down their nose at the person they?re addressing to let them know they don?t think much of them.

And woe to the relationship where disdain creeps in?

It?s difficult for the recipient of disdain to feel warm, loving feelings toward a partner who views them as beneath them and unworthy of respect. Seriously? would you be able to cuddle up with someone who talks to you like that?

Disdain absolutely destroys the fabric of love, trust and emotional connection in a relationship. It?s insulting and psychologically abusive.

Here is the first thing you need to do:

Tip #1

Determine if Disdain has Entered Your Relationship

It?s not too hard to ferret out whether or not a relationship is experiencing the corrosive power of disdain. One of the hallmarks of disdain involves insults and name calling. For example, if you or your partner has ever referred to each other as a ?slob, jerk, bastard, wench, stupid, or ugly,? then disdain is present in your relationship.

Often, it?s a ?heat of the moment? kind of thing. You say something that you later think, ?Okay, so that wasn?t the best thing I could have said?? But when it becomes a repeat pattern, you have a major problem.

If you discover that disdain has leaked into your relationship, even the tiniest bit, here?s how to get it out:

Tip #2

Consciously Choose Your Words

So you said something in anger to your partner that was less than complimentary. It happens? but you need to be extra-vigilant to NOT let it happen a second time, which can lead to a third time, then a fourth, before next thing you know?there?s a bad habit that has formed that will ultimately destroy your relationship.

Have you ever heard a parent say to a young child (or you?ve said it yourself), ?Use your words carefully??

The same rule applies to adults. If you?re in a heated argument with your partner, pinch your arm if you have to, but make sure you are conscious of what you are about to say. It may feel like a ?win? at the time to score a point with a low blow, but really? how will you feel tomorrow to know you made your partner feel less than valuable in your eyes?

Save yourself?and your partner?the pain: think first, speak second.

My best to you in ensuring this corrosive element doesn?t leak into and destroy your relationship.

The post The Single Most Toxic Relationship Element appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(601) "

There is a toxin that can seep into your relationship, and before you even know what?s happening, it corrodes and eventually destroys your relationship. Of all the potential relationship toxins out there, this one is the single most toxic element you could ever allow in. It?s one where, you know it when you hear it, […]

The post The Single Most Toxic Relationship Element appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4420) "

There is a toxin that can seep into your relationship, and before you even know what?s happening, it corrodes and eventually destroys your relationship.

Of all the potential relationship toxins out there, this one is the single most toxic element you could ever allow in.

It?s one where, you know it when you hear it, and you have probably shuddered to hear others use it. The hard part is recognizing when you may be doing it yourself.

In this blog, you?ll learn what this toxic element is, and how to banish it from your relationship for good. Please keep reading?

It?s Like Porn? You Know it When You See It

Have you ever watched a television show, a movie, or even a cartoon, where one of the characters talks down to everyone around them, or maybe just to one person they dislike?

Their voice fairly drips with what?s called disdain. It?s one of those things where you know it when you hear it, because the tone of voice could never be mistaken for warm, inviting, loving or kind.

Other words that describe it are ?contempt, scorn, disregard.?

Disdain sends a distinct message: that the person being addressed is beneath notice, unworthy of consideration or respect.

In movies and cartoons, the character would be shown either with their nose in the air, or looking down their nose at the person they?re addressing to let them know they don?t think much of them.

And woe to the relationship where disdain creeps in?

It?s difficult for the recipient of disdain to feel warm, loving feelings toward a partner who views them as beneath them and unworthy of respect. Seriously? would you be able to cuddle up with someone who talks to you like that?

Disdain absolutely destroys the fabric of love, trust and emotional connection in a relationship. It?s insulting and psychologically abusive.

Here is the first thing you need to do:

Tip #1

Determine if Disdain has Entered Your Relationship

It?s not too hard to ferret out whether or not a relationship is experiencing the corrosive power of disdain. One of the hallmarks of disdain involves insults and name calling. For example, if you or your partner has ever referred to each other as a ?slob, jerk, bastard, wench, stupid, or ugly,? then disdain is present in your relationship.

Often, it?s a ?heat of the moment? kind of thing. You say something that you later think, ?Okay, so that wasn?t the best thing I could have said?? But when it becomes a repeat pattern, you have a major problem.

If you discover that disdain has leaked into your relationship, even the tiniest bit, here?s how to get it out:

Tip #2

Consciously Choose Your Words

So you said something in anger to your partner that was less than complimentary. It happens? but you need to be extra-vigilant to NOT let it happen a second time, which can lead to a third time, then a fourth, before next thing you know?there?s a bad habit that has formed that will ultimately destroy your relationship.

Have you ever heard a parent say to a young child (or you?ve said it yourself), ?Use your words carefully??

The same rule applies to adults. If you?re in a heated argument with your partner, pinch your arm if you have to, but make sure you are conscious of what you are about to say. It may feel like a ?win? at the time to score a point with a low blow, but really? how will you feel tomorrow to know you made your partner feel less than valuable in your eyes?

Save yourself?and your partner?the pain: think first, speak second.

My best to you in ensuring this corrosive element doesn?t leak into and destroy your relationship.

The post The Single Most Toxic Relationship Element appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1573486062) } [7]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(37) "Are You Still Hoping for Better Past?" ["link"]=> string(75) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/11/are-you-still-hoping-for-better-past/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 11 Nov 2019 14:55:13 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(58) "Personal GrowthForgivenessself developmentself improvement" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3536" ["description"]=> string(582) "

“Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past? –     Buddy Wakefield ? Poet via Rev. Kathianne Lewis of Seattle Let that statement roll around in your mind for a moment. What it says is very true and amazingly simple. Many people are very hung up on what has happened in the past, some […]

The post Are You Still Hoping for Better Past? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5008) "

“Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past?

–     Buddy Wakefield ? Poet via Rev. Kathianne Lewis of Seattle

Let that statement roll around in your mind for a moment. What it says is very true and amazingly simple.

Many people are very hung up on what has happened in the past, some to the point that they cannot really live in the here and now because they are mired down in what happened in their past, what happened to them, what they did to others, what they have done to themselves, etc. The wisdom of Buddy?s words is that in a way we do not forgive because in some very twisted way we are indeed hoping for a better past. When we say it that way we see the absurdity of the way we are thinking. We instantly see that we can?t hope for a better past because what has transpired will not change. We can?t go back in time and change our choices, we can?t go back in time and stop the abuse that was put upon us, we can?t go back and change what we said or did to someone or even to ourselves. Bottom line there is no hope for a better past and when we view it from this perspective we then begin to realize there is no reason to hold on to the past, there is no reason to hold a grudge, there is no reason to hold on to hate, there is no reason NOT to FORGIVE!

Truly the only way we can change the past is to change how we choose to allow the past to impact us in the present moment. We have the power to choose how we allow the past to effect this moment. We can choose at this moment to forgive.

Forgive the abuse you suffered at the hands of others

Forgive the neglect that you experienced

Forgive those who beat you down

Forgive those who stomped on your dreams

Forgive those who were not there for you when you needed them

Forgive those who abandoned you

Forgive those who showed you hate

Forgive those who did not return your love

Forgive those who lied to you

Forgive those who cheated you

Forgive those who treated you as a lesser being

Forgive those who were prejudice against you

Forgive those who did not accept you for who you are

Forgive those who pressured you into doing things you did not want to do

Forgive those who made you feel unworthy

Now:

Forgive yourself for abusing others

Forgive yourself for neglecting others

Forgive yourself for beating down others

Forgive yourself for stomping on other people?s dreams

Forgive yourself for not being there when you were needed by another

Forgive yourself for abandoning others

Forgive yourself for the hate you showed to others

Forgive yourself for not returning the love that was bestowed upon you by others

Forgive yourself for the lies you have told

Forgive yourself for cheating

Forgive yourself for acting as though you were superior to others and making people feel lesser then they are so that you could feel better about yourself

Forgive yourself for the judgments you have made out of prejudice

Forgive yourself for not accepting others as they are

Forgive yourself for coercing others into doing things they did not want to do

Forgive yourself for making others not feel worthy

Forgive yourself for not loving enough

Now:

Forgive yourself for abusing yourself

Forgive yourself for neglecting yourself

Forgive yourself for beating yourself down

Forgive yourself for not believing in your own dreams

Forgive yourself for not being present for your own needs

Forgive yourself for hating yourself at times

Forgive yourself for not loving yourself

Forgive yourself for the lies you told yourself

Forgive yourself for cheating yourself out of opportunities

Forgive yourself for being so hard on yourself

Forgive yourself for not accepting who you are

Forgive yourself for not listening to your inner voice and choosing to go against that which you knew is right for yourself

Forgive yourself for thinking you are not worthy

Forgive yourself for not loving yourself

Of course there may be other things you need to add to this list for yourself. Now do the list in reverse order. Forgive yourself first and then forgive everything and everyone else. You cannot hope for a better past however you can forgive and let go of your past and choose to create the ?now? and future that you desire.

The post Are You Still Hoping for Better Past? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(582) "

“Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past? –     Buddy Wakefield ? Poet via Rev. Kathianne Lewis of Seattle Let that statement roll around in your mind for a moment. What it says is very true and amazingly simple. Many people are very hung up on what has happened in the past, some […]

The post Are You Still Hoping for Better Past? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5008) "

“Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past?

–     Buddy Wakefield ? Poet via Rev. Kathianne Lewis of Seattle

Let that statement roll around in your mind for a moment. What it says is very true and amazingly simple.

Many people are very hung up on what has happened in the past, some to the point that they cannot really live in the here and now because they are mired down in what happened in their past, what happened to them, what they did to others, what they have done to themselves, etc. The wisdom of Buddy?s words is that in a way we do not forgive because in some very twisted way we are indeed hoping for a better past. When we say it that way we see the absurdity of the way we are thinking. We instantly see that we can?t hope for a better past because what has transpired will not change. We can?t go back in time and change our choices, we can?t go back in time and stop the abuse that was put upon us, we can?t go back and change what we said or did to someone or even to ourselves. Bottom line there is no hope for a better past and when we view it from this perspective we then begin to realize there is no reason to hold on to the past, there is no reason to hold a grudge, there is no reason to hold on to hate, there is no reason NOT to FORGIVE!

Truly the only way we can change the past is to change how we choose to allow the past to impact us in the present moment. We have the power to choose how we allow the past to effect this moment. We can choose at this moment to forgive.

Forgive the abuse you suffered at the hands of others

Forgive the neglect that you experienced

Forgive those who beat you down

Forgive those who stomped on your dreams

Forgive those who were not there for you when you needed them

Forgive those who abandoned you

Forgive those who showed you hate

Forgive those who did not return your love

Forgive those who lied to you

Forgive those who cheated you

Forgive those who treated you as a lesser being

Forgive those who were prejudice against you

Forgive those who did not accept you for who you are

Forgive those who pressured you into doing things you did not want to do

Forgive those who made you feel unworthy

Now:

Forgive yourself for abusing others

Forgive yourself for neglecting others

Forgive yourself for beating down others

Forgive yourself for stomping on other people?s dreams

Forgive yourself for not being there when you were needed by another

Forgive yourself for abandoning others

Forgive yourself for the hate you showed to others

Forgive yourself for not returning the love that was bestowed upon you by others

Forgive yourself for the lies you have told

Forgive yourself for cheating

Forgive yourself for acting as though you were superior to others and making people feel lesser then they are so that you could feel better about yourself

Forgive yourself for the judgments you have made out of prejudice

Forgive yourself for not accepting others as they are

Forgive yourself for coercing others into doing things they did not want to do

Forgive yourself for making others not feel worthy

Forgive yourself for not loving enough

Now:

Forgive yourself for abusing yourself

Forgive yourself for neglecting yourself

Forgive yourself for beating yourself down

Forgive yourself for not believing in your own dreams

Forgive yourself for not being present for your own needs

Forgive yourself for hating yourself at times

Forgive yourself for not loving yourself

Forgive yourself for the lies you told yourself

Forgive yourself for cheating yourself out of opportunities

Forgive yourself for being so hard on yourself

Forgive yourself for not accepting who you are

Forgive yourself for not listening to your inner voice and choosing to go against that which you knew is right for yourself

Forgive yourself for thinking you are not worthy

Forgive yourself for not loving yourself

Of course there may be other things you need to add to this list for yourself. Now do the list in reverse order. Forgive yourself first and then forgive everything and everyone else. You cannot hope for a better past however you can forgive and let go of your past and choose to create the ?now? and future that you desire.

The post Are You Still Hoping for Better Past? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1573484113) } [8]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(46) "Losing Oneself to Fit In ? The Procrustean Bed" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/11/losing-oneself-to-fit-in-the-procrustean-bed/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 11 Nov 2019 14:30:19 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(62) "Personal GrowthProcrustean Bedself developmentself improvement" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3533" ["description"]=> string(605) "

I came across the term ?Procrustean Bed? last night, a term that I was not familiar with. I have come to learn that ?Procrustean Bed? or Procrustean method are terms that are used to illustrate the relentless attempt to shape a person, an argument or an idea into an arbitrary or predetermined pattern (depending on […]

The post Losing Oneself to Fit In ? The Procrustean Bed appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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I came across the term ?Procrustean Bed? last night, a term that I was not familiar with. I have come to learn that ?Procrustean Bed? or Procrustean method are terms that are used to illustrate the relentless attempt to shape a person, an argument or an idea into an arbitrary or predetermined pattern (depending on who?s definition one uses). Procrustes was the ancient champion of enforced conformity. In Greek antiquity he was a legendary highwayman who lived in Attica. He had an iron bed which he regarded as the standard of length. Because it just fit him, he concluded that everyone should fit it. He stopped every traveler and tied him to the bed. If the person happened to be too short, Procrustes stretched him until he attained the correct length; if he happened to be too long, his legs were cut off until he met the proper requirement. Thus was everyone made identical in size.

The mythology of Procrustean paints a pretty gruesome scene. What I find fascinating about the story and analogy of the Procrustean Bed is that even after centuries have passed not much has changed. Today we are still placing each other and ourselves on the proverbial Procrustean Bed as we work at trying to make ourselves and others fit in to arbitrary sized boxes while sacrificing the authenticity of our true being.

It is not unusual for a person to feel lost or feeling as though they have loss something in the process of their journey. When we are children our parents and the adults in our life guide us in a way that encourages us to ?fit? in the world in the way that they think is best for us. Inadvertently the loving guidance of parents and other adults in our life as we mature sometimes represses or squashes our authentic being. It may be our authentic being that wants to be loud or inquisitive yet the adults in our life shut these traits down because they don?t make us a good ?fit? in their world. We may have other authentic aspirations and talents which are suppressed because they are not valued by the society in which we were born and therefore we adjust who we are to fit the proverbial Procrustean Bed.

As we grow older we strive to ?fit in? to social circles, to work circles, etc in order to build the life that we are expected to build. Many of the expectations of who we become are driven by external sources, parents, teachers, love interests, employers, media and society at large. We stretch and shrink to fit in as appropriate.

It is through this continuous stretching and shrinking that we lose our sense of self. We become like a confused chameleon on a multi colored piece of plaid fabric, that is we change so much and so often we lose sense of who we authentically are and thus we feel loss in a sea of our own change.

One of the key awakenings in our journey is to understand that we can?t possibly always fit in nor should we attempt to do so. Once we understand that it is permissible and desirable to be our authentic self and let go of the futile effort to fit into everyone else?s expectations we then can truly begin to shed the layers of false change and find who we truly are.

Of course this is easy to say and is a process to do. Sometimes we feel so lost we don?t remember who we really are, we simply have a gnawing feeling that who we are today is distant from our authentic self. The key to remember our authentic self is to be aware of our feelings and to trust our instincts. It is also helpful to remember ourselves as a child and to recall how we felt about certain things then as to how we feel about them today.

Deep inside, you know what rings true to you and what you are doing or who you have become to meet the expectations of others or to fit in. Look inside, listen to your soul and you will begin to remember that which you have taken on to fit in and that which is your authentic being. Follow your soul! Follow your heart! Be you! Let go of the need to ?fit in? and you will come to know a bliss that you may have long forgotten.

The post Losing Oneself to Fit In ? The Procrustean Bed appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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I came across the term ?Procrustean Bed? last night, a term that I was not familiar with. I have come to learn that ?Procrustean Bed? or Procrustean method are terms that are used to illustrate the relentless attempt to shape a person, an argument or an idea into an arbitrary or predetermined pattern (depending on […]

The post Losing Oneself to Fit In ? The Procrustean Bed appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4477) "

I came across the term ?Procrustean Bed? last night, a term that I was not familiar with. I have come to learn that ?Procrustean Bed? or Procrustean method are terms that are used to illustrate the relentless attempt to shape a person, an argument or an idea into an arbitrary or predetermined pattern (depending on who?s definition one uses). Procrustes was the ancient champion of enforced conformity. In Greek antiquity he was a legendary highwayman who lived in Attica. He had an iron bed which he regarded as the standard of length. Because it just fit him, he concluded that everyone should fit it. He stopped every traveler and tied him to the bed. If the person happened to be too short, Procrustes stretched him until he attained the correct length; if he happened to be too long, his legs were cut off until he met the proper requirement. Thus was everyone made identical in size.

The mythology of Procrustean paints a pretty gruesome scene. What I find fascinating about the story and analogy of the Procrustean Bed is that even after centuries have passed not much has changed. Today we are still placing each other and ourselves on the proverbial Procrustean Bed as we work at trying to make ourselves and others fit in to arbitrary sized boxes while sacrificing the authenticity of our true being.

It is not unusual for a person to feel lost or feeling as though they have loss something in the process of their journey. When we are children our parents and the adults in our life guide us in a way that encourages us to ?fit? in the world in the way that they think is best for us. Inadvertently the loving guidance of parents and other adults in our life as we mature sometimes represses or squashes our authentic being. It may be our authentic being that wants to be loud or inquisitive yet the adults in our life shut these traits down because they don?t make us a good ?fit? in their world. We may have other authentic aspirations and talents which are suppressed because they are not valued by the society in which we were born and therefore we adjust who we are to fit the proverbial Procrustean Bed.

As we grow older we strive to ?fit in? to social circles, to work circles, etc in order to build the life that we are expected to build. Many of the expectations of who we become are driven by external sources, parents, teachers, love interests, employers, media and society at large. We stretch and shrink to fit in as appropriate.

It is through this continuous stretching and shrinking that we lose our sense of self. We become like a confused chameleon on a multi colored piece of plaid fabric, that is we change so much and so often we lose sense of who we authentically are and thus we feel loss in a sea of our own change.

One of the key awakenings in our journey is to understand that we can?t possibly always fit in nor should we attempt to do so. Once we understand that it is permissible and desirable to be our authentic self and let go of the futile effort to fit into everyone else?s expectations we then can truly begin to shed the layers of false change and find who we truly are.

Of course this is easy to say and is a process to do. Sometimes we feel so lost we don?t remember who we really are, we simply have a gnawing feeling that who we are today is distant from our authentic self. The key to remember our authentic self is to be aware of our feelings and to trust our instincts. It is also helpful to remember ourselves as a child and to recall how we felt about certain things then as to how we feel about them today.

Deep inside, you know what rings true to you and what you are doing or who you have become to meet the expectations of others or to fit in. Look inside, listen to your soul and you will begin to remember that which you have taken on to fit in and that which is your authentic being. Follow your soul! Follow your heart! Be you! Let go of the need to ?fit in? and you will come to know a bliss that you may have long forgotten.

The post Losing Oneself to Fit In ? The Procrustean Bed appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1573482619) } [9]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(60) "Hooking-Up on Facebook, Twitter and Other Social Media Sites" ["link"]=> string(98) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/11/hooking-up-on-facebook-twitter-and-other-social-media-sites/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 11 Nov 2019 14:03:09 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(83) "Dating Adviceadvicefacebookhooking upnetworkrelarelationshipssocial networkstwitter" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=3528" ["description"]=> string(657) "

If you had the chance to hook-up with your high school or college sweetheart would you?  Seems that many people are reconnecting with their love interests from high school and college via social media sites like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.  Couple this with shows like ?High School Reunion? where they throw a mixture of people who […]

The post Hooking-Up on Facebook, Twitter and Other Social Media Sites appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6777) "

If you had the chance to hook-up with your high school or college sweetheart would you?  Seems that many people are reconnecting with their love interests from high school and college via social media sites like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.  Couple this with shows like ?High School Reunion? where they throw a mixture of people who went to high school together on private resort to see what happens, basically to see who hooks up and who doesn?t and we have an interesting cocktail of emotions and ?what if?s? whirling through the minds of the masses.

The social media phenomenon and the impact it has on maturing adults is quite interesting. Many people are connecting with people that they have not seen or heard from in over twenty years. Much of the time the people that are reconnecting with are people from high school and college that they had a romantic interest in.

I opened a FaceBook account a couple months ago and within 48 hours of it being open I was contacted by three girls whom I dated while in high school and within a week I was contacted by a number of other women whom I vaguely remember from high school who were very interested in how I was doing. After a few back and fourths with each of them I reminded myself why they were in my past and shut down my account within two weeks. I was not interested in reuniting with these women from my past; however, I could see how easy it would be to hook up with them if that is what I desired to do.

I understand the allure of reconnecting with people from our past, especially people whom we were intimately involved with in our high school/college years. It is very interesting to see how these people?s lives turned out, what roads they took and where they are today. I find it very interesting how many people seem to be reconnecting with their old romances even when one or both parties are currently in a long term relationship. Some people are getting involved with their high school sweetheart to the extent where they are breaking away from their marriages. The question is why? Why after 10, 20, 30 years would one be inclined and driven to rekindle a romance with someone they have not been with or heard from since high school or college?

What is it about those relationships that make us get all giddy and lose sight of today? I think there are a number of factors. One being that most of us hold a special place in our heart for our first love; many people romanticize what that relationship felt like and what it could have been if they stayed together. For some it may be the allure of the ?one that got away?, the one they never quite got over, the one in their minds who could have been ?The One? and they want to explore the possibilities.

If we dig a little deeper I believe we come up with some more in depth reasons for being attracted to someone from our high school and college years. I believe much of the attraction is not necessarily to the person we dated back then as it is to a time in our life that in many ways was much simpler than today. We have to remember that when we dated this person in high school/college we did not have the responsibilities that we have today, we did not have a mortgage to pay, a career to maintain, children to run from event to event, bills to pay, laundry to do, house to clean, etc, etc, etc. Add to the fact that we weren?t living with this person and sharing every aspect of our life and we find that the time we were dating this other person becomes very alluring.

As we dig one level deeper we may find it true that the attraction that we experience for a high school/college sweetheart is not an attraction for that person at all. We may find our attraction is not even so much for a simpler time. If we dig deep what I believe we may find is that we are attracted to our self, that being our self from another time in our journey, maybe a more authentic self who was more open to the possibilities of our journey, who believed more in love and peace, who was not yet jaded or changed by the experiences of adulthood.

As I look back at who I was in my high school and college years I was wise in many ways, even though I had much to learn and experience I had some base wisdom which if I would have trusted would have served me very well. Yet like many, I allowed myself to be influenced, bent, stapled and mutilated to a point where that teenage person I was would have no longer recognized himself.

Because of where I am at in my journey, because of the awakening that I have experienced I can honestly say that my teenage years, my high school and college romances hold no allure for me. I do not have any desire to go back and try to relive those times with the people of that time for I know that there is no going back and that what we may romanticize in our mind is not what we would find if we attempted to go back.

If you are reconnecting with your high school/college sweethearts and thinking about hooking up I highly recommend that you step back and understand the attraction and what it really means in the scope of the reality of today.

I concede that there may be a few people who reconnect with the love of their life and build a successful relationship however I believe the majority of people who travel the road of reconnecting and hooking up with sweethearts from their high school/college days will find that the illusion is much sweeter than the stark reality of daily living and that they will learn a very difficult lesson which is that which seems to be the attraction is often an illusion and what we are truly seeking is that which we are. We are ultimately attracted to our authentic being and while you may recognize it in memories of your past you can only truly find your authentic self in the present.

 

The post Hooking-Up on Facebook, Twitter and Other Social Media Sites appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(657) "

If you had the chance to hook-up with your high school or college sweetheart would you?  Seems that many people are reconnecting with their love interests from high school and college via social media sites like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.  Couple this with shows like ?High School Reunion? where they throw a mixture of people who […]

The post Hooking-Up on Facebook, Twitter and Other Social Media Sites appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6777) "

If you had the chance to hook-up with your high school or college sweetheart would you?  Seems that many people are reconnecting with their love interests from high school and college via social media sites like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.  Couple this with shows like ?High School Reunion? where they throw a mixture of people who went to high school together on private resort to see what happens, basically to see who hooks up and who doesn?t and we have an interesting cocktail of emotions and ?what if?s? whirling through the minds of the masses.

The social media phenomenon and the impact it has on maturing adults is quite interesting. Many people are connecting with people that they have not seen or heard from in over twenty years. Much of the time the people that are reconnecting with are people from high school and college that they had a romantic interest in.

I opened a FaceBook account a couple months ago and within 48 hours of it being open I was contacted by three girls whom I dated while in high school and within a week I was contacted by a number of other women whom I vaguely remember from high school who were very interested in how I was doing. After a few back and fourths with each of them I reminded myself why they were in my past and shut down my account within two weeks. I was not interested in reuniting with these women from my past; however, I could see how easy it would be to hook up with them if that is what I desired to do.

I understand the allure of reconnecting with people from our past, especially people whom we were intimately involved with in our high school/college years. It is very interesting to see how these people?s lives turned out, what roads they took and where they are today. I find it very interesting how many people seem to be reconnecting with their old romances even when one or both parties are currently in a long term relationship. Some people are getting involved with their high school sweetheart to the extent where they are breaking away from their marriages. The question is why? Why after 10, 20, 30 years would one be inclined and driven to rekindle a romance with someone they have not been with or heard from since high school or college?

What is it about those relationships that make us get all giddy and lose sight of today? I think there are a number of factors. One being that most of us hold a special place in our heart for our first love; many people romanticize what that relationship felt like and what it could have been if they stayed together. For some it may be the allure of the ?one that got away?, the one they never quite got over, the one in their minds who could have been ?The One? and they want to explore the possibilities.

If we dig a little deeper I believe we come up with some more in depth reasons for being attracted to someone from our high school and college years. I believe much of the attraction is not necessarily to the person we dated back then as it is to a time in our life that in many ways was much simpler than today. We have to remember that when we dated this person in high school/college we did not have the responsibilities that we have today, we did not have a mortgage to pay, a career to maintain, children to run from event to event, bills to pay, laundry to do, house to clean, etc, etc, etc. Add to the fact that we weren?t living with this person and sharing every aspect of our life and we find that the time we were dating this other person becomes very alluring.

As we dig one level deeper we may find it true that the attraction that we experience for a high school/college sweetheart is not an attraction for that person at all. We may find our attraction is not even so much for a simpler time. If we dig deep what I believe we may find is that we are attracted to our self, that being our self from another time in our journey, maybe a more authentic self who was more open to the possibilities of our journey, who believed more in love and peace, who was not yet jaded or changed by the experiences of adulthood.

As I look back at who I was in my high school and college years I was wise in many ways, even though I had much to learn and experience I had some base wisdom which if I would have trusted would have served me very well. Yet like many, I allowed myself to be influenced, bent, stapled and mutilated to a point where that teenage person I was would have no longer recognized himself.

Because of where I am at in my journey, because of the awakening that I have experienced I can honestly say that my teenage years, my high school and college romances hold no allure for me. I do not have any desire to go back and try to relive those times with the people of that time for I know that there is no going back and that what we may romanticize in our mind is not what we would find if we attempted to go back.

If you are reconnecting with your high school/college sweethearts and thinking about hooking up I highly recommend that you step back and understand the attraction and what it really means in the scope of the reality of today.

I concede that there may be a few people who reconnect with the love of their life and build a successful relationship however I believe the majority of people who travel the road of reconnecting and hooking up with sweethearts from their high school/college days will find that the illusion is much sweeter than the stark reality of daily living and that they will learn a very difficult lesson which is that which seems to be the attraction is often an illusion and what we are truly seeking is that which we are. We are ultimately attracted to our authentic being and while you may recognize it in memories of your past you can only truly find your authentic self in the present.

 

The post Hooking-Up on Facebook, Twitter and Other Social Media Sites appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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