Tormented (I) (2009)

Let's face it; growing up through the ever encumbering teenage years can be tough. What with the numerous social pressures from peers, the raging hormones, dead serial killer bully victims and the fact that your every move pretty much defines your life from then on—it's quite possibly the hardest time of your life. But hold on just a minute, what's this about homicidal, vengeful ghosts of overweight asthma kids taking out their angst on other high school clichés from the chavs to the goths and emos? Well, yeah, it happens—not a lot, but Tormented goes on the record to prove just how much more inconvenient this little chink in the chain of teenage life can be. Think you have a headache from exam stress? Try having pencils shoved through your nose into your cranium, or perhaps something more traditional like a screwdriver through the throat; now, that's tough.

Like all brilliantly devised horror stories however, we must start at the beginning—the humble innocence of a time when ghosts and bloody murder seemed neighbourhoods away in some dingy alleyway somewhere, or perhaps confined to DVD collections of your average ditsy teenage girl. Here our story begins at the funeral of Darren Mullet, a guy with such a terribly obvious-to-pick-on name and stature that if it wasn't for the fact that he was the one being buried, he probably wouldn't have been invited. The same goes for his bombastic wake party hosted by his school peers who only ever knew him by his nickname (Shrek) and use the outing as another social ritual of alcohol-fuelled bedroom disappointments. All is going pretty well for the hypocrites and social pundits of Wherever High, that is, until big buzz-kill Darren decides to crash everyone's party and start bringing the thunder through various, very elaborate and poignantly ironic means of murder (it's pretty obvious he was horror buff)—well, when he's not gasping for air and taking a puff of his inhaler. Good news is though, that you can still get a reception in the afterlife because Darren even finds the time to send some rude, antagonising messages to his victims before slaughtering them; classy.

Sound comical? Well, it is, but not entirely in a good way. You see, while Tormented is being touted as being a "comedy horror", you could just about tag that onto most horror movies without causing much of a ruckus. The fact of the matter is, Jon Wright's movie can be fun (as fun as a movie that essentially strives to take the subject of teenage suicide and depression and look at the… ahem, funny side can be), sure, but it's also a bit of a drag at times. On the one hand you have this ridiculous plot which never seems to take itself too seriously, which makes for some entertaining watching at the very least—but then on the other you have this very fine cast ensemble who lend the movie a sense of Skins-esquire realism that distinctly puts the otherwise campy and self-depreciating narrative on a bit of a backburner, despite the fact that most play broadly written caricatures. The resulting feature is fragmented and somewhat perplexing; not quite dissimilar from your average teenager then, I guess.

Tormented can be genuinely funny, a little spooky, and even somewhat moving in a couple of scenes, but too often it's the case that the viewer will be left laughing at the movie rather than with it (a primary example being one of the best ads for safe-sex I've seen in a while). Sure, it offers a horror experience that, because of its levity, doesn't numb the cortex, but neither does it really make that much of an impression. Instead, the entirety of the movie can be written off as being a mildly amusing, but mostly insignificant distraction. Horror buffs will probably enjoy all the farcical horror shenanigans a lot more than your average cinephile of course, because despite the fact that Tormented really isn't a great movie per se, it's at least got all the staples and defining traits of your average back row snog-fest to fill up the awkward silences with guffaws of "Oh my God, look at that guys chest bleed! Awesome!". However, if you do decide to—or if you have already taken it upon yourself to—see Tormented, take a moment with me now to reflect on the life of poor Darren Mullet that was taken when he hung himself instead of just, you know, not using his inhaler anymore.