Doctor Who (1996)

The summary says it all: Oh, dear.

I don't particularly like it when Hollywood attempts to "glamourize" an existing phenomenon in order to rope in lots and lots of new viewers (to make money, of course, what other reason can there be?) but I've grown to accept the fact that it's an established part of the entertainment business. I approached this movie with what I hoped was an open mind, and I was even slightly intrigued by the first five minutes or so of the movie...

This changed, of course, when suddenly stuff started blowing up, pointless FX started popping up all over the place, and the scriptwriters apparently forgot that they were writing for DOCTOR WHO and seemed to think that they were employed by Chris Carter and the X-FILES, as they started a direct rip-off of the black oil creature, which is suddenly all that's left of the Master. (That this flies in the face of all previous background established by a show that had run for over twenty-five years is only to be expected; after all, it was only a cheesy little British sci-fi show and everyone KNOWS that Hollywood knows best, after all!) I was left with my mouth hanging open, aghast at the mess to which I was being subjected.

Paul McGann tried. God, how he tried. I can almost see him as the Doctor if I squint. This has nothing to do with the man's acting ability, which is superb, nor does it have to do with his comparatively young age--he was about the same age as Peter Davison was when he took over the role, after all. I just could not believe in a Doctor who was playing second fiddle to a completely new and fictitious TARDIS--say, last time I looked, wasn't the Eye of Harmony something to do with Rassilon back on Gallifrey?

Let us mercifully pass over the spectacle of the Doctor's first on-screen kiss--except to say that if he was never tempted by some of the companions in his past (particularly Romana, who at least was of the same species!) then why the heck would he be tempted by some jittery Earth woman who didn't particularly like him?

Please, o scriptwriter, if you're going to use characters and equipment that have been established over a quarter of a century, does it not make sense to have some passing familiarity with what you are writing? Or am I being ridiculous?

Never mind. At least I still have access to all of the videos of the classic episodes. Be sure that this travesty is one that I have zero interest in acquiring. If you're a fan of the television series, avoid this movie or spend the duration of it weeping for the mess they've made of DOCTOR WHO. If you've never seen the series and are a big fan of on-screen stuff that is really special effects in search of a movie, well, this will be right up your alley. Just don't subject a true fan to this nightmare, please.