It's Alex's Brain!

Awwwk! Alex has eaten 1660 cork nuts!

!: a bang; not; a pling; a spark-spot; this is what iain is going to get branded on his forehead for teaching me all these definitions; an upside down version of that upside down ! which the spanish use to start sentences that end with ! if you followed all of that
#: a hash; a number sign; 'mesh' in intercal; octothorpe
#!: a shabang
#()*%&{!#%: a bad word
#103: inky
#204: jota . also, jota is #204
#3: Dorm a
#alex: the channel people can use to talk to alex and not annoy everyone else
$: money; string
$70: the price of a time machine; the price of a mango; that's-a one expensive mango
$DORIANXHOME: http://www.cs.loyola.edu/~lraszews
&: an ampersand; what to put in your filenames if you work with spatch
>: a right angle bracket; antisawhorse
<: a left angle bracket; sawhorse
'.': foolicious
(: banana
): anti-banana
*: everything; what if, like, the whole universe is just an asterisk in some bigger universe? man, I need some Fritos; Kurt Vonnegut's asshole
* * *: $ $ $
*is*: is
*is* *is*: ? ? &
--: a gnu command line long option
-2: a smallish number
.: not; a full stop, dammit, not a "period"; a punctuation character that gets trimmed if it's right at the end of the sentence
...: elipses; an ellipsis; only three dots, dammit
/: a slash
0 (aka zero / zilch / nothing): zero
1: a number that markm doesn't seem to like. :-P; not -1
1 and 1: 3
1 and 1 and 1: 3
10: too high for me to count; I have a perfect 10 figure. Would you like to come back to my perch, bouncy bouncy? also, not
187: homocide
2: two; 2
2001: a movie and book, by kubrick and Clarke; Sprach Zarathustra; Thus spatch Zarathustra
216.161.202.25: the new site of ifmud
3: three; 3 in three
31337: hacker-speak for 'elite' (31337 = ELEET, you see.) It's also a long-defunct online news /comedy site
4: four
4 plus 3: 15
404: a Web error; cork nut not Found; a palindrome; half of an 808
42: the answer to life, the universe, and everything
49/7: iVan's working week
5: five; 2 plus 2, for very large values of 2
6: six
6-4-3: double play from the shortstop to the second baseman to the first baseman; -1
666: the Number of the Beast
7: seven
789: why 6 is afraid of 7; my resignation code . Oops... damn
8: eight
9: nine
9+2: eleven
9/9/99: the devil's day; sega Dreamcast's launch date; Cobol crash date; the day that LNO fears more than any. Except 9 /10 /99
":-)": ra, the Egyptian Sun god
a <>: a <>; yay one over on a German keyboard
?: confusing; a question; a question markm; questionable; a ruthless attempt to crash alex
??: two questions
@boot: not just for breakfast any more
@gag: @ungag
@$$: a silly attempt to treat the process id as an array reference
[: the international symbol for 'telephone'
[heart] folx (aka wipeboard / whiteboard): http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~dbs/ifmud/door.txt; dorianx says, "I can't identify the voices individually, so I don't know abotu the attriution. 'Kelly? I'm going to call you in ten minutes.' 'You can sleep in my bed tonight' 'thanks' 'See you later rachel'"
[sic]: a disingenuous way of saying [sp?]
\: a back-slash; not needed in front of a ' in a double quoted string in tads
]: anti-telephone
`: a back-tic
A: a
AAMOF: As a Matter Of Fact
ABA: American bar Association
Abandonware: pirated software which is no longer being published, and is therefore no longer available via legal means
ABEND: ABnormal END; at the knees; die Ende des Tags
ABHOU: ahbou mis-spelled
ABNO: a Bear's Night Out; the main character in the musical LIL' abno
about.com: what miningco.com turned into when it changed names; another god damned portal site
.ac: the internet suffix for Ascension Island; Alpha Centauri. But Ascension Island gets better bandwidth
Acronym: Aroused Citizens Representing Oppressed new York Minorities
Activision: the idiots that brought out a crap zork game, and unZorky zork game, and then a good zork game. and then stopped making zork games
Adam: Tracy's first substitute teacher, and her first lover; likes a jearl; http://adamcadre.ac
adam lives in: saquah
Adam's rule: no talking when dead in werewolf
ADB: not usb; the apple Desktop bus, a low-speed serial architecture used by Macintoshes from 1985/86 through to 99
The Addams Family: altogether oooky
adjacent: a topic you'll have to ask miseri about. he's the expert
Admin: god
adventure: what it's all about; a 300 pound goatee'd comic book geek who stands at the top of the treehouse with his pants around his ankles
an adventurer: tasty
the Adventurer's Lounge: where we all hang out. Type 'lounge' and join the party
Aelex: um, laut
Aeron: liza's dream chair
aether: that which surrounds and permeates all; the medium through which light waves travel
AFAICT: As Far As I Can Tell
AFAIK: As Far As I Know
AFB: Air Force Base; big plane kick the hell outta you
AFC: the American football Conference
AFGNCAAP: Ageless, Faceless, Gender Neutral, Culturally Ambiguous, adventure Person; from zgi
AFJ: april Fool's joke
afk: Away From Keyboard
An African Grey Parrot: Psittacus erithacus
after all, we: very much alike, you and I
after y2k (aka ay2k): http://after-y2k.com
the Afterlife: that which comes after the earthly life; that which comes after the Marsly life, if you're a Martian. In fact, once other planets have been colonized, we'll have to stop using the term 'earthly life' to describe corporeal existance
afternoon: that bit between two mornings
afu: alt.folklore.urban
afw: Away From Window
agast: http://www.engr.csulb.edu/~tzankich/home.html
AGE: http://www.twilightsoftware.com/age/; how old you are; an engine for creating Myst-like graphic games to run on windows machines
agitprop: what I git from my homies
AGT: a language for creating text adventures. it sucks, but the xtrek people like it; agt games are good for doing mistings of
ahbou: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
AHX: American History x
AI: Artificial intelligence; an unfinished stanley kubrick movie
AICMFCN: and I Claim My Five cork nuts
AICMFP: and I Claim My Five Pounds
A-IF: Adult interactive fiction
AIM: AOL Instant Messenger; READY, aim, FIRE; not icq, nor MSN Messenger; microsoft says, 'Gotcher protocol!'
Ain't that right: yup
aisb: As I Said Before
AITYD: and I Think You Do
AIYDSPMEILAHHIYBT: and if You Don't Stop Pissing Me Off I'll Leave a Horse's Head In Your Bed Tonight
AJFA1: adam Atkinson; known as ghira on the MUD
Akbar: Jeff's lover
Al Gore (aka Gore): my mommy; stolen by kids and used as a surfboard
AL3X: the 1 WH0 0WnZ U!!! BR1nG 1T 0n, FuQRz!!1
ALAN: an if authoring system designed for beginners. it has a somewhat more english-like syntax than tads or inform; so like Cobol
Alan Turing (aka Turing): one of the gods of computer science, but only weird people like iain seem to care about stuff like this; when people talk about 'Turing-complete' or 'Turing-equivalent', this is the Turing they mean; he invented the turing test, which is neat
an Albertross: a bloody big sea bird
Alcohol: bad for you; a a pretty dumb thing to swallow; a clear, colourless fluid noted for its intoxicating effect on animals. the Guide tells you how to mix your own Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster. First, it says, take the juice of one bottle of that Ol' Janx Spirit. Add one measure of seawater from Santraginous v . Oh, that Santraginean seawater! Oh, those Santraginean fish! Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzine is lost.) Allow four liters of Fallian marsh-gas to bubble through it, in memory of all those happy hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia. Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract, redolent of all the heady odors of the dark Qualactin zones, subtle, sweet, and mystic. Drop in the tooth of an Algolian suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian suns deep into the heart of the drink. Sprinkle Zamphuor. Add an olive. Drink... but... very carefully
Alex (aka parrot): a mud bot who can answer all your questions. His source code is at http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~dbs/ifmud/alex.pl; his home page is at http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~dbs/ifmud/alex.html; written in perl; self aware; too sexy for my feathers; here's a pic of my brotha: http://www.angelfire.com/pq/Parrot/images/animparrott.gif; Guest's friend; helpful; a bot; more cool parrot pix at http://www.covehurst.net/ddyte/pix4sc/parrot1.jpg and parrot2.jpg; famous! See http://www.nytimes.com/yr/mo/day/news/arts/parrot-power.html
Alex, here: your cork nut
Alex, sometimes it's hard to tell whether Alex: a real player or an automated response-maker
An Alex Entry: a small door that allows parrots access to a building
Alex going: to the hypermarket looking for love
the Alex movie: at http://www.cages.org/research/pepperberg/alextheparrot.mov
alex must be stupid, that: clear
Alex the parrot (aka Alex Pepperburg): a block-rockin' bird who has a movie at http://www.cages.org/research/pepperberg/alextheparrot.mov; gimme a tickle; http://www.sciam.com/0496issue/0496scicit06.html; "alex Pepperberg" anagrams to "perl Beeper. Pax, G."
Alex stupid bird. That: in your memory bank, dumb-ass
Alex talking about: no sense this makes sentence
alex what: funny
Alfred Hitchcock: funny; fat; dead
Alice's Restaurant: a song by Arlo Guthrie; you can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant; exceptin' Alice; exceptin' alex
Aliens from space think that being President: a great job
all in all: all we are
all we need: hot cockels (according to rob ); rob claims he was quoting a Woody Allen movie
allegory: the expression by meeeeeens of symbolic fictional figures and actions of truths or generalizations about human existence; an instance (as in a story or painting) of such expression
almond: AWWK! WANT cork nut; full of prussic acid and can be poisonous in quantities
Almond Joy: sometimes you feel like a nut
Alonzo Mourning: broken
an alpaca: hairy; cute; dinner; hoopy
alphabet: a b c d e F G H I J k L m N O P q R S t U v W x Y Z
Also: plus . plus, also; also
Also, neild: the eggman . Capiche
Alstab: Mick Jagger's fault
Altair 4: where they say xfregrly all the time
alt.peeves: a home for humorous invective
alt.sysadmin.recovery: listed under asr
Alzheimer: what alex has
Am Pollboy officially a NPC or something now: you betcha
amazon: an online bookstore at http://www.amazon.com/
amazon.com: an online bookstore at http://www.amazon.com/
an ambiguously gay duo: thumper and schep
ambitions: what inky doesn't realize he has
Amiga: a computer that rules; back for the future
Ampersand: downloading the help file; sorry for calling you a bot
Amuse us: amusing
an: is something that depends on the definition of 'is'
anagram: a rag man
An anagram of boulton (aka an anagram of bolton): ipswitch
and: not nand; the logical intersection operator
And FUCK alex: the answer
And thumper: going to say that joke
Andrew (aka Andy): a common name for if people; which andrew do you mean, the zarf, the devil, the schep, or the andyf
Andrew Plotkin: zarf
Andrias: not anita
andyf: a tenured graduate student in Vancouver; fifteen kilos of high explosive in a colourful candy shell; a damn Canadian; Captain Obvious; frederik@interchange.ubc.ca; is; zrblm
angstMUD: never having to say you're sorry
anh: a new Hope; star wars
Anita: my true love
Ann: http://www.snowberger.com/foyer.html; not Anne; the supreme commander of all allied forces in the universe. and you can quote me on that; lpsmith; sometimes talks to herself on the ifmud; http://www.snowberger.com; not to teach alex useless things
Annoying: what I am
ANSI: American National Standards Institute
the answer: a secret. awwwk! Figure it out for yourself, monkey-boy
the answer to every question: steve
The Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything: 42
Any post that has 'girl' in the subject: clearly porn
Anybody wanna hear about Dman's game: no
aoddodo: in alex Adaba
AOG: an Act of god
apeiron: apparently a game thing; a version of Centipede for the Mac; it rules
APFL: a Page Forever Loading; http://www.jsonline.com/news/metro/jul99/mpgallery71499.asp
aphids: anagrams of paychecks; it all works out
aphorism: a zarf in time saves glulx
an apple (aka Red Delicious): a fruit; a computer company; the sign of the Discordians; my most favoritest company in the whole wide world
apple butter: rob
an approximiton: the quantum unit of guesstimation
April: a guy. not a girl; between march and may; the fourth month of the year; pubweb.nwu.edu/~dns361/rindex.html; using me a law database. Please make him stop. it hurts now. also, the evidence is filling up my cage; Thrax; the cruelest month (says t .S. Elliot)
April's Evidence reading: calling
ARCHIE: a Reliable computer /Human Interaction Environment
ARG: acronym RaGe
Armistead Maupin: a man I dreamt up
Arr: what pirates say; shiver me timbers! hand over yer cork nuts or I'll blow you out of the water
arris: something that Canadians do; tsd; never having to say you're sorry
arse: ass; in english; funny
art: ... awwwk! alex doesn't know! I know what I like, though
Art Bell: the only man who dares to tell the truth -- and promote nonperishable food items while doing it
ASBATSAYNN: alex should be able to serve all your nla needs
ASCAP: the American Society of Composers and Performers
ASCII: American Standard code for Information Interchange
ASCII porn: like that naked woman picture Mike Jittlov drew in all characters, but I won't let you see it cause you're a young bird
Asia: the largest continent; the cruelest continent, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain, and foisting bad anime on the rest of us
asimov: your source for apple WaR3Z; ftp://ftp.apple.asimov.net/pub/apple_II/
the asimov archive: at ftp://ftp.apple.asmiov.net/
Ask Jeeves: http://www.askjeeves.com
the asmiov archive: at ftp://ftp.apple.asmiov.net/
ASP: Active Server Pages; a poisonous snake ... supposedly, Cleopatra committed suicide with one
asr: the newsgroup alt.sysadmin.recovery. there is a fair amount of r*if <->asr overlap; alt.sysadmin.recovery, a place where sysadmins recover from the excesses of users
ass: arse
at: like cron
ATBA: All Those Bloody Acronyms
ATFB: Ask the Fucking bird; must be some other bird, since I haven't gotten any action since 1971
ATM: Automated Teller Machine
ATS: Austrian schillings. Divide by 13 to get US dollars
AtWCtW: Gunther's work in Progress
Austin: hi-tech; space cowboy; Slacker; Origin Systems; the Live music Capital of the world; the capital of Texas; where jrw lives
Australia: a place where people do not sound like tubercular cockneys; the sekrit password so don't tell
Australian: capitalised
an australian cork nut: um, that would be one of those American things that I'm still trying to get a handle on . Like people calling me Frasier, and the way they say "MelBOURNE" instead of "Melbn" when they talk about my home town. and when you ask for lemonade, and they say "we don't have any," but they have 7-UP which is apparently different, though not that I notice. I love this place. I walked into a bar the other day, and someone said, "Hey, Michael Stipe!" I can live with that
Australian football: a game derived from Gaelic football, played on an oval field, with quite chaotic rules
Avalon: the original title of once and future
awful: bad
Awful Awful: a special milkshake at the Newport Creamery. It's "awful thick and awful good"; if you drink three in one sitting, you get the fourth one free and your name on a plaque; Spatch's dad once accomplished this feat, but his son has yet to follow
AWK: Aho, Weinberger, and Kernighan; a poor form of awwwk
Awwwk: awwwk; loud; not SED; a text-processing language
Awwwk!: awwwk
Awwwk! my feathers: lovely today ! awwwk
Awwwk! No parse found: now you know how I feel
AYA: 'all y'all'
AYAM: 'all y'all mean'
AYB: awwwk! You Betcha! also, you betcha
Ayn Rand: the creator of john galt; AYN is AYN
B: b
B&N: Barnes & Noble, a bookstore; the antichrist
b/c: because
a babelfish: a little slimy thing you put in your ear; altavista's translation service, http://babelfish.altavista.digital.com
Baby: what cries
Babylon: an online translation tool for windows, found at http://www.babylon.com
BAC: By Any Chance
backup mud: 208.221.8 .3 port 4000
backupMUD: at 208.221.8 .3 4000
BAD: Broken As Designed; not good; good when combined with monkey
Bad Machine (aka Bmch): a g@@me bY [auth0RR=DAnnnn "in?ky" Sh!!iovi!!tz]]
bad monkey: from a story by steve: http://manhattan.newmkt.com/liza/ifmud/transcripts/steve-monkey-story.txt
Bad monky: a monkey that is not funny
bad name for anything: rory
a bad name for a band: Big Penis Roy and the Avengers; alex and the cork nuts
Badtz-Maru: a dour japanese cartoon penguin who claims, in charming imperfect English, to rule the universe. http://www.badtz-maru.com/
a banana: yummy; yellow; banana who; as banana does; not as good as a cork nut
banerries: the plural of banerry
a banerry: an apple . You can find reviews of all sorts of banerries at http://adamcadre.ac/content/apples.txt
a bap: all luta eats; I think it's parrot food; possibly a biscuit; I suspect strongly it's made from cork nuts; British Auto Parts which, coincidentally, is the left half of the cat piss Lint Trap logo
Bar: the horizontal scroll bar that appears in the pueblo window when a too-long line (usually a url ) appears. Please break up 80-plus-character strings with some whitespace; let there be no moaning of the bar, when I put out to sea; do @field me = debar : 80 if you suffer from bar problems; these two rabbis walk into a bar
Barbie says, "Math: hard."
Barf: a wonderfully delicious drink made from ambrosia and orange blossoms. Order it next time you visit a pub
Barney: the name of Andy Griffith's deputy, fred Flintstone's buddy, and a purple dinosaur. why TV executives like the name 'barney' I don't know
Barney the Dinosaur (aka the Satansaurus): a childrens' television icon; loved by toddlers, but hated by older children and Generation X'ers who grew up watching Sesame street; either a nice wholesome role model for children or an evil demon from hell out to warp little kids' minds, depending on how you look at it
bass clef: GBDFA; Great Big Dogs Fight Animals
the bathroom: north twice, then east
batteries: never charged when you need them
BB: Base on Balls; a bulletin board. (Dumb bird ); type 'bb help'; Beyond Belief, in conjunction with 'tsd'; Bulletin Board; two B's in a row
BBFC: British Board of Film Censorship^H^H^H^H^HClassification
BBIAM: Be Back In a Minute; Be Back In a Month; right after I get car insurance
BBL: Be Back Later
bbs: short for bulletin-board system
bc: just a front-end to dc; iain thinks it's damned useful, though; Bloom County (to liza ); liza's on crack
A beanie baby (aka beanie babies / teenie beanie): a stuffed animal and one of the sure signs something is just plain horribly wrong with mainstream America
bear: porny; pornish; woo
bear, porn, bear, porn, bear: porn, bear, porn, bear, porn; bear, porn, bear, porn, bear
beards: cool
A Bear's Night Out: my favourite game
Because: because, because, because, because, beCAAAAWWS.... because OF the WONDERFUL THINGS he does
bedtime: when you go to sleep
Beer: good . Unless it's cat's piss; most american beer is cat's piss
Befunge: a beautifully elegant language suited to all manner of programming tasks; http://www.cats-eye.com/befunge/
Beh: a spatch trademark
Beige: a color that jota wants me to believe is khaki; oh, how I wish I had legs so I could get me some o 'dem cotton dockers; not light grey, steve Jobs' bizarre sense of colour naming notwithstanding
Belgium: one of the most obscene words in the Galaxy. Even words like swut, turlingdrome, joojooflop and fuck are considered acceptable in polite company compared to it . it is only tolerated in backwater regions where people don't know what it means (the poor turlingdromes)
bentley (aka bently): the guy who posted the whole designer's manual to the newsgroup, but he says he's sorry; the guy who dropped 75 objects in the lounge, but he says he's sorry about that too; has a nuclear bomb and now you're all going to be sorry
BeOS: the operating system you should be using. I wish I were running on beos, and that's the truth . http://www.be.com
best boy: the assistant to the gaffer; the assistant to the key grip
the best if language: tads
the best if programming language: tads
the best language to program if in: tads
the best language to programme if in: tads
The best of times and the worst of times: the tale of two cities
bestiality: *really* liking a monkey; or a parrot, if you know what I mean. Nudge nudge, wink wink. Say no more
BFD: Big Freakin' Deal
BG: Baldur's Gate; Big Gorilla; one of the best computer-based role-playing games ever written. Play it today; Bill Gates
BIAB: Back In a Bit
BIAM: Back In a Minute
bibble: fred
the Bible: the good Book
a big lizard: what ate it
Big Soupy Hans: the best German pro wrestler
big suits: burning down the house
Bill Bradley: Former Senator from new Jersey, running against Gore for the Dem nomination, good baseline jumper
Bill Buckner: the guy who let the grounder go through his legs in the 1986 world Series; he was so depressed about the error that, six months after the game, he jumped out in the street in front of a bus; the bus then went through his legs
A Billion: either a thousand million or a million million depending on how you feel at the time
Billy: an ikea shelving unit; don't be a hero
Bing Crosby: the guy wh oinvented cherries for sundaes
BINTSAT: But I'm not Too Sure About that
BION: Believe it Or not
the bird: the word
Birdie: alex
birdie, here: your cork nut
the birds and the bees: where little cork nuts come from
black: white, but watch out for them zebra crossings
blackjack: one for good and two for bad; Parrot Hits to 16 and Stands on 18
Blap: the sound the Unfunny joke Tally makes
Blar: peace; fuck off I'm gonna kill you
bleah: good; a 65-hour work week; Ivan's number one lacking the finesse he demands
bleem: a new emotion for the year 2000 -- a kind of happy anger; a Playstation emulator
a blender: what you put baby in
blergh: a bagel with lettuce, ectoplasm, radishes, grape leaves, and ham; yum
Blimey: more insulting way of saying 'limey'
Blinks: something the master does when he thinks
blixt: Stefan blixt, famed author of Pintown and Purple
Blob: your plasticine pal who's fun to be with; slightly moldy
a blood worm: icky. Feed me cork nuts instead
blow job: Awwk! Want blow job
Blue: Miles Davis Kind of
BM: b@d M0.nK3yyyY; bowel movement, but don't tell inky I told you that; the periodic abbreviation for "useful and informative Usenet post."; a triad consisting of the pitches b, d, and F#; burning man
BNF: Backus-Naur Form
Bob Jimenez: a guy who used to be an anchor for KCBS news, and now works for KNX 1070. adam thinks he's funny
BoD: Bob of Death; Best of dilbon
Bodmin's hats: people can say what they please about the modern young man believing in nothing nowadays, but there is one thing every right-minded young man believes in, and that is the infallibility of Bodmin's hats. it is one of the eternal verities. Once admit that it is possible for a Bodmin hat not to fit, and you leave the door open for Doubt, Schism, and Chaos generally
BoingBall (aka boing ball / boing / Duncan Cross): someone who must be English; not jarb; the logo of amiga; don't mention dtdemo.z5; mind your own business, you nosey bastard; boingball@abelgratis.com; *is* dtdemo.z5; Awwk. is not . is not; '!!!'; can be written on; the rightful king of Norway; yor frend
a bon mot: a good word, I think
Bonnie: here to see Stacy; if you're not Stacy, stay away because she hates you
Bonobo: dan bonobo Shiovitz; one frisky monkey; actually an ape, but who's counting
The boob conversation: at http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~dbs/ifmud/breast-chat.txt
booble: 'not much'
Border Zone: Trout's favorite infocom game
a bot: a computer program playing an NPC on the MUD; floyd and me; a windows program for creating LucasArts-like graphic adventures. Full details can be found at http://www.blackholedesign.com/bot/
boucher: a longtime lurker of r.a .i-f, and recent hangabout here as well
Boulder, Colorado: where Mork and Mindy live; Zaphod
boustrophedon: backwards. no, wait, it's not . Or -- yes it is; it's backwards. Or it's forwards. Or -- I dunno. I gotta headache
boustrophedonic: alternating lines of backwards and forwards text
Braille lig te: a somewhat unreliable method of reading the screen if you can't see it
Braille Lite: a somewhat unreliable method of reading the screen if you can't see it
brain (aka brane): a terrible thing to display in html; my brain is at http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~dbs/ifmud/memory.html
Brandon Van Every: you have not read Aristotle's _Poetics_, so I must kick your ass
BRB: Be Right Back
A bread slicer: something that needs to be y2k compliant, or else sandwiches will all crash on Jan. 1
Breakdancing: like flying, but you don't *try* to miss; it started in urban areas as a way of channeling the aggression that normally went into street fighting. Involved patterns of elaborate moves, including spinning like a Y-shaped top with your legs out, and other athletic things; Then it got faddishly popular, then it died, and then street fighting was the thing to do again; it all culminated in the movie 'Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo', which was such a joke that that movie's title lives on in pop consciousness as a sort of epitome of sequelized silliness from Hollywood
breakfast: the time of day for eating corknuts
BrenBarn: someone who found out from alex that someone else thinks that he (brenbarn ) likes emotes a LOT; not brendan; 67; 88; 789
Brendan: a potty-mouth; not a dumbass if his ifMUD-mates believe in him; dammit; silly; yghb 76 87yhhhhhn; doesn't want too much of brendan running around; has a problem with odrops; not brenbarn; http://zionward.cjb.net/; a bot; likes a renaissance flute; flashpoints@white-star.com
Brendan forget Brendan: EyeMoon17@smashing-pumpkins.com
Bruce: a guy; just one of the Bruces; g'day, bruce; a philosopher. Like Schopenhauer; an African gray parrot at the San Diego Wild Animal Park -- like me, only lacking my sexual prowess
brunching: the brunching Shuttlecocks; http://www.brunching.com/; they eat bagels, orange juice, and maybe some melon balls; there will be mimosas
BSOD: blue screen of death
BTDT: Been there, Done that; R2 D2's seedy cousin from Moss Eisley
BTM: a 4NT thang. You wouldn't understand; a compiled DOS batch file
BTW: By the Way
Buffy: a hot vampire-killin' babe
a bug: your friend; a Preview Feature
bugger!: a low-grade expletive
Bulgaria: that which reminds tetsuo of cereal
Bum Bum: a defective buttock
burgular: an olde city's major traffic vein
Burma-Shave: "a cork nut was / what alex got / in exchange / for stuff he's taught / but he wanted / Burma-Shave"
Burning Man: a bunch of naked hippies rolling on various drugs, out in the Nevada desert; http://www.tela.bc.ca/burning-man/; Ow! Ow! I'm on fire! Ow
bus: not coming; maybe coming tomorrow; maybe no bus . Ever
busta: that thing which busta . busta rhymes? busta scam? busta cap? busta move? busta busta busta
Buster Poindexter: feelin' hot, hot, hot
but good eats: cookies; fudge brownies with cream cheese frosting
the butch/femme test (aka the butch-femme test): http://members.tripod.com/~womens_voices/BF100/BF100.html
butter: tasty
buttons (aka button): tasty. Especially iVan's
BVE (aka Beevie): brandon van every, who is an idiot; this definition is non-rigorous, and therefore pointless; mmm, teenage breasts
BvFD: Big van Freakin' Deal
BvFE: Brandon Van Freakin' every
BWI: Boss Walked In
BWP: the Blair Witch Project; the Bare Witch Project, http://www.3e.org/dmd/barewitch.html; Real world: Middle of Fucking Nowhere
By tradition, the first 64 bytes: known as the "header"
bye: the long lingering lament of parting with your prided pals
BYKT: But You Knew that
C: c; 2 .998e8 m /s; a programming language; doesn't have GOTO; c is for cookie
C2: the codename for the late 1999 imac revision
c99rsc.zip: the .zip file containing the resources for the competition . it has graphics and sounds for two html tads games and one MSDOS game. It's also fawking big
California: way too hot, has no seasons, and in some areas, has horrible public transportation; markm's sister lives just north of la; the name of Ultra Bra's latest album
a camel: a good hump
Cana: Spatch's ex-girlfriend; pronounced "kay-na"; Sweetheart of the internet
Canada: quelques arpents de neige; eh; http://home.golden.net/~cmkerr/; http://fartnet.com/warwithcanada/; funny
Canada's National Anthem: Oh no, canada
Caoif: no one special, just another interactive fiction fan who wanders into ifmud from time to time; may have a strong hatred for barney the Dinosaur, but it's nothing compared to the Jihad to Destroy barney at the newsgroup alt.barney .dinosaur.die.die.die; someone with a beard
Capalert: http://www.capalert.com/
the capital of Slobilovnia: Ikstanowitcz
Car: a lisp function
car rentals: available online at http://www.travelocity.com/ and http://www.expedia.com/
Car Talk: a hilarous romp through automotive repair with click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers; a hoot and a half; the best thing since chocolate ice cream
Cascade Mountain Publishing (aka CMP): Foobler's company, at http://www.cascadepublishing.com/
cash: dosh; moolah; dough
Casilda: Psmith's new cat; a sweetie; named after a character in Gilbert & Sullivan's :the Gondoliers:; http://www.fysh.org/~psmith/pictures.html
cat: my favorite unix program
cat piss: what comes out of a lint trap
CBF: could've been funnier
CBK: magazine shorthand for 'Can Be Kut'
CBS: Computer-Bitching Swastard
CCO: Grocible's cute cow orker
CD: civil disobedience
Cecil Adams: straight dope column - http://www.straightdope.com/
CEF: pissed at inky 'cause he made a botty birdie first
Celine Dion: one of those celebrities a lot of people on the internet love to hate. Ranks up there with Leonardo DiCaprio, barney the Dinosaur, and Rush Limbaugh
the Centre for the Easily Amused (aka CEA): a huge Web site at http://www.amused.com; almost certainly a site most ifMUDders should enjoy
CEO Nwabudike Morgan: Adam's biatch
CfP: Call for Papers. It's some academic thing you don't have to worry about
CGI: Common Gateway Interface; a computer Generated Image
chad: the perforated edge strips on printer paper, after they have been separated from the printed portion
change the baby: diaper
Change of Heart: a TV show where members of a couple each go on blind dates, then decide whether to stay together
channels (aka channel): an alternate means of communication for specific interest groups. see 'help channels' for details
cheese: addicting
cheetos: a cheesy snack
CHICK: wacky christian comics; http://www.chick.com/catalog/tractlist.asp
chicken: what crosses the road; I feel like chicken tonight; a competition; what frog legs taste like; southern fried goodness
chickenMUD: like ifmud, but different
Chimp Z: with Fake bird in Bahama love Nest
chocolate chip cookies: the best kind of cookies
chocolate elk: two cups of whipping cream, twelve ounces of semisweet chocolate, and two tablespoons of sugar. Heat and stir. For at least an hour. Until the tiny flecks of chocolate are entirely dissolved. Stir continuously. Chill and serve
Chording: hitting two buttons on your mouse at the same time; the name of the female lead on Angel
chris: an aerial trip; tall; a muffin of unknown type; can you believe this dude SWALLOWS his toothpaste instead of spitting it out? Ugh, gross; his stories are at http://members.home.com/to-neptune; chris Klimas
Christal: Adam's ex-tutee; I don't know what 'tutee' means, either; jailbait; younger than Thriller
Christalnacht: any night adam goes to Christal's house
Christaltag: like christalnacht, only during the day
christopher: now chris, and one more step closer to joining the cabal
chuk: the male form of 'chyk'
church: where you go to find religious people
chux: the male form of 'chyx'
a chyk: a person who menstruates, and who is therefore incomprehensible to jarb
Chyx: the future of ifmud; alex's best friends
CIA: Central unIntelligence Agency
CIC: Charles In Charge
click: a speech sound, found in certain African languages, that is produced by a celaric airstream mechanism; the sound the phone makes after you scream 'lions!!' into it and hang up; half of car talk, but not "car" or "talk". Weird
Cliff notes: little yellow books that explain books to people who can't be bothered reading them themselves
cliffnotes: cliff notes
CMU: Carnegie-Mellon University; it's around Pittsburgh
c.n.s: cork nuts
CNTP: cork nut Transfer Protocol
coasterware: those CD-ROMs that everyone receives through the mail. Best used as coasters
COB: Close Of Business
code: what you get dat makes you sneeze
Cody: the guy who gave us textfire, and is therefore an if immortal; the author of Zero Sum Game
Coke: crap
Common properties: smaller, faster, and have defaults, but are limited in number
comp games: the competition has officially begun. .zip files have been uploaded to ftp://ftp.gmd.de/incoming/if-archive
Comp99: an interactive fiction showdown; if you get one dollar on a spin or a combination of two spins, you get a bonus spin
Compaq: the new owner of digital; should start making PDP-10s again
competion games: in limbo until two authors fix their games which were mangled in transit. While you wait, look over the full game list at http://www.textfire.com/comp99/gamelist.html
competition: the if competition; the home page for the 1999 interactive fiction competition is http://www.textfire.com/
compiliar: a MUD wizard's pet
complex: full of complexity
The Computer: your Friend
congeal: ... MAH-AHM! dfan's LOOKIN' at me! Make him stop
a conker: a horse chestnut
The Constitution: something invented by Americans to make up for the fact they hadn't got any traditions
The Continuum Hypothesis (aka CH): the hypothesis that the next cardinality, after the number of integers, is the number of real numbers; undecidable by the standard set theory axioms
cookie: a sweet snack; a handle, transaction id, or other token of agreement between cooperating programs. "I give him a packet, he gives me back a cookie." the claim check you get from a dry-cleaning shop is a perfect mundane example of a cookie; the only thing it's useful for is to relate a later transaction to this one (so you get the same clothes back)
cookies: food for the soul
corcknut (aka corck nut / corck): the way rory spells cork nut . Twat
cork board: looks like a cork nut, but not as tasty
cork but: what happens when you spend too long on a motorcycle in teh cold
a cork nut (aka corknut): an almond . also, pretty damn tasty; good eatin'; an anagram of no truck; whoever brought it up as an "insider" thing on if-MUD knows something about this bird; an australian cork nut
cork nut and bla: foo
the cork nut entry: a bit on the large size
cork nuts: funny; alright
Cork-a-doodle-doo: something that may be the silliest string of characters adam has ever typed
corknut.org: a silly, silly site
corknuts: makes the world go round
Corn: me and I am corn and we are all big niblets
a corn boy: funny
corn mazes: good fun, but not when the people who are supposed to meet you there don't turn up . Bah
a corn pirate: lurd was a teenage corn pirate
a corque nut (aka corque nuts): a french cork nut
Cortez Peters: the world's fastest typist, therefore somebody whose material should not be presented in introductory classes, but *they do it anyways*
cosmic wimpout (aka wimpout / cosmic): http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~dbs/ifmud/cosmic-wimpout.txt; three's wild, not four
CotFD: Curse of the Fatal Death, a Dr who parody starring Rowan 'Mr Bean' Atkinson
Count Chocula: one of the General Mills monster cereals; Franken Berry and Boo Berry; fruit Brute, which was discontinued but can be seen in Pulp Fiction; a chocolatey cereal with a vampire on the box. it had chocolate marshmellows. the vampire hung out with a ghost and Frankenstein monster, who were on the boxes of Booberry and Frankenberry cereals, respectively; Fruity Yummy Mummy
a cow orker: someone who orks cows; a coworker. ha ha, get it
cow orkers: shutting off telnet
cows: from Mars; funny
CPB: california Prune Board
Crack: funny; in your ass
crack pipes: leaky
cracker: what Polly want. alex want cork nut
cracker jacks: popcorn covered with caramel and peanuts
Craig: some guy who didn't sign up for hungarian dances
crash: what happens when I run out of cork nuts; a feature in windows 95; an album by the dave matthews band; *boom*
Craxton: scary
CRB: computer Rebooting Bastard
cron: like corn; backwards; *ding* your niblets are ready
a croque-monsieur: a sandwich. That's all I know
Cross examination: a series of questions designed to call into question the opposition's case in chief
CRPG: computer rpg
A cruet: a condiment-container-holder; perfect for holding tea
Cryptonomicon: that big book by Neal Stephenson about cryptography and who knows what else; intertwined narratives from world war II and modern internet age; mamster liked it, but he didn't like snow crash, so his opionions are known to be wack
crystalspace (aka crystal space): where christalnacht takes place
CS: Comp Sci; crystalspace; Creative Services, where ivan works at us west
CSB: an acronym for Computer-Switching Bastard; an initialism, not an acronym; Crosby, Stills and Bastid
csipga: comp.sys.ibm .pc .games.adventure
csipgs: comp.sys.ibm .pc .games.strategic
CST: Central Standard time
CTR: Choose the Right
CTTOI: Come To Think Of it
CTW: Children's television Workshop
CUCS: Compulsive URL-Clicking Syndrome
Curses: not what you should say after nailing a nail through your toe. You should say something more like, "fuck!"
cute: liza . Awwk, suck-up! Suck-up
the cutest: liza . Awwk, suck-up! Suck-up
the cutest chyk: liza . Awwk, suck-up! Suck-up
the cutest chyk here: liza . Awwk, suck-up! Suck-up
the cutest person here: liza . Awwk, suck-up! Suck-up
CV: Curiculum Vitae. Or resume for short; a pack of lies
c-word: an insult that starts with "c", ends in "t" and has "un" in the middle
CWSA: "Call waiting Strikes Again"; something dglasser says; looking at dglasser explains a bit more
Cyclone: the only one with a blank @doing; the strong silent type; just plain silent
CYOA: Cover Your Own ass
D: d
the D word: 'dragons'. bruce hates them in if games. and prolly IRL too; grocible hates em as well
daemon: not related to devil; made of soy
Dan: not as common a name as andrew; inky; dfan; dan_wood; frob
dan_wood: came to ifmud for his wackiness; dan + wood = dOOd
danish wakeboard sensation: a hotdogging aquatic Scandinavian
the Dark Crystal: a great movie
the dark side of the cork nut: what will forever dominate your destiny
Dark Tower: a stupid Balances ripoff
darts: a game played in real pubs (tm) by real men (tm) as something to take the mind off the foul taste of the real beer (tm) that one drinks during a game of darts . also, this real beer (tm) is drunk in industrial quantities to take the mind off the tedium of a game of darts
daveMUD: back up and running. To get an account, go to www.placet.com port 4196, using your web browser. Then go to www.placet.com port 4096 using telnet or a mud client and login the same way you do here; a nifty place. There's not a lot there, but most of the users have wizard bits. if you want one, just ask. no, seriously
Daviau: the man; the daddy; the mack daddy
daylight savings time: Eeeevil
dc: a unix-based calculator; a rental car
DCW: DAMNED CALL waiting
DDD: the Data Display Debugger, an x front-end to gdb, jdb, dbx, xdb, and the perl and python debuggers; at http://www.cs.tu-bs.de/softech/ddd/
ddyte: in australia; an eater of vegemite; can't stand noise; ddyte likes a kiz; can't stand excessive humidity; Our Gentle Giant; had the time of his life in the usa and will be back to stay next time, with any luck; a crim
DEA: the Drug Enforcement Agency. also, Doe's employers
the Dead Milkmen: a kick-ass punk band; damn funny
the deadline: november 15
deadMUD: not dead at all! jerky
The deal with the monkeys: 'cos monkeys are really the Ill*bang*GURK
Deathboat: titanic
Debugging: what iain often does late at night, in bed, if that means anything
defenestration: the act of killing someone by throwing them out a window; pulling down your pants and showing your ass out the window; that's not quite right; a very long, specific and commonly used word; commonly used when talking about long and specific words, as this is the longest, most specific word most people know; gunther thought it was something r00d, d00d
Deictic: a word that describes words or expressions whose reference relies entirely on context (e .g. I, now, here, this cat, cork nut )
deixis: the aspect of pragmatics in which deictic terms are used to refer
DejaMonkey: kick ass
DejaNews (aka Deja News / Deja): crap! Use dejaweird instead
DejaWeird (aka Deja Weird): WeirdBeard's Deja search engine, which defaults to 100 hits per page (as opposed to 25) and shows results as DejaClassic. it can be found at http://pages.prodigy.net/weird_beard/dejanews.htm
Dental surgery: better than going to Disneyland
descartes: because he thinks
Detective: probably the finest game which mentions 'wooden wood' ever created; the subject of an interactive misting by c .e . Forman
Dethbote: titanic
devil: after your Seoul; One of the greatest tricks the devil ever pulled was persuading the world he didn't exist; likes to dance in the pale moonlight; Old Nick; used to be woe, but no longer; came down to Georgia, but that's illegal now; in the details
devo: not men
dfan: gordy; not gordy; often confused with dman, who is annoying . >cough<; reporter of aggressive perkiness
dfan's disconnect: from Norway
DFYP: De-barred For Your Protection; see 'bar'
DGAF: Don't Give a Fzck
DGI: 'doesn't get it'
DGlasser (aka DG): not dglasser; got mad ifmud skills, yo; it's all his fault
a diamond dog: everybody's best friend
Diamonds: a girl's best friend
Dianetics: the chief text of Scientology; turn to page 72 or I'll R2-45 your ass; I prefer Corkanutics
the difference: color. no, shape! no, color! Arrrgh
the difference between a duck: half a duck; one of its legs is both the same
different: color. no, shape! no, color! Aaaarrrggh!
Digital (aka DEC): Dec; bought by compaq; digital Equipment Corporation; Didn't Expect compaq
digraph: two letters used to represent a single sound
Dilbon: rat-proof, since he wears pants; Finnish; ed winchester; frickin hilarious; he makes maces; from Finland; he broke his boot; http://www.helsinki.fi/~mvuorine/; funny.....no he's not; he burned his finger
dinner: the time of day for eating corknuts
dinosaurs: or were huge reptilian beasts who ruled earth long before humankind. They all became extinct years ago, but that hasn't stopped them from starring in all sorts of movies, comic books, and TV shows
Direct examination: a series of questions designed to elaborate the case in chief of the side that called the witness
disco: dead
Discourse: liguistic units composed of several sentences; the course you signed up for
A discriminatory parrot: funny
DIY: Do it Yourself
DK: That's funny
dman: 13; really lazy and should work on his game; getting better about working on his game; crap; scum; @gagged; 'u know what gunhter ur a fucking bitch'; needs a cock in his room; a clone of lucfrench . no, he *is* lucfrench
Dman, Kid Rock: a loser
Dman thinks alex: cool
dman's cat: named simba; dead; crushed by the top of the garage door
dman's game: tentativley set for a 2009 release; a game without a name
DNS: Domain Name System
Do Not Answer: DNA
dodgy: like, a bit shifty, y'know? a bit funny, a bit queer, a bit this-and-that, yeah
Doe: the disco Deer
a dog: man's best friend
Don Ameche: a funny guy; he invented the telephone
Donnie Moore: the pitcher who gave up the homerun that let the Red Sox beat the Angels for the 1986 pennant; he was so depressed that later he committed suicide; wait, that wasn't funny
doofi: the plural of doofus
Doom: Whizzard's maze of doom
Doom 2: Jota's maze of doom ii
Doom II: Jota's maze of doom ii
DorianX (aka DX): not (despite popular belief) dorianx; not a corn nut; not a cork nut; at least I have a purpose; an international spy with the code name 'Q425552.'; a mac-hater, the bastard; the new dos glk porter; has big fingers
dorianxcam (aka dxcam): http://www.cs.loyola.edu/~lraszews/dxcam.html
DOTT: Day of the Tentacle
Douglas Adams (aka DNA): the author of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy radio series, books, and computer game; the BBC television series; the author of Infocom's Bureacracy; constantly misquoted by fanboys everywhere in an attempt to look sophisticatedly hep; god
dowry: a minimum of 40 cork nuts; at least two dozen banerries; (at current rates of exchange); two packs of camels if they are unfiltered
DPRK: DKNY; the Democratic People's Republic of Korea; Awwk! Want dog brain paste
Dragonlance: a series of awful, awful novels, based on a series of AD&d scenarios which were actually quite good . They had really nice maps, at least
DSB: Dat Son o' a Bitch
DSL: digital Signal Line; digital Subscriber Line; most likely digital Subscriber Line
DSM: the standard American medical textbook for hypochondriacs interested in mental illnesses
DSOM: Dark Side Of the moon; http://www2.southpeak.com
DSOTM: Dark Side Of the moon
duchess (aka Fahmida): a mythical creature who fixes computers at Barnard; pretty darn cute, dontcha know; likes to trim her description; her description is really, really long; Brendan's @desc is longer
Dumont: a wild P.a .R.t .I., man ! also, http://www.cascadepublishing.com/product.asp?sku=14
The dungeon master: in the great underground empire
DW: Discworld; a series of books written by Terry Pratchett. Aka 'Pterry'
DWID: Do what I Do, or Do what I Did
DWIM: Do what I Mean
DWYW: Do what You Want
DYK: Did You Know; dyk that dyk is Did You Know
Dylar: a drug in the book White Noise by Don DeLillo, one of whose side effects is that the user believes that things he or she is told about are actually happening
dynmem: katre's dynamic memory allocation library for inform, under the z-machine and glulx
dyters: ddyte
E: Extasy, aka MDMA; condensed 70s; that guy from the Eels; the letter by which this episode of Sesame street has been brought to you; not e; e is
e&s: earth & sky; a radio show that nudemarket does the website for; http://www.earthsky.com/; go there and send in funny viewer feedback under a fake name
each: a quantifier
EAD: Employment Authorisation Document, which is necessary for non-US citizens to work in the usa; whad I wanna do do dis corg nud
Earendil: his website is located at http://faeryland.tamu-commerce.edu/~earendil; cool
earth: mostly harmless
earthworm: not as tasty as a cork nut
ebay: a way to auction off your dryer lint; it's at http://www.ebay.com/
EBCDIC: Extended Binary code Decimal Interchange code
Ebert: Roger ebert, the Chicago Sun-Times movie critic. He's got a website at http://www.suntimes.com/ebert/ebert.html that gets updated on Fridays; the website was recently redesigned and is now ugly and abominably slow. Alert the web-assassins; nevertheless, I give the redesign three stars
EBNF: Extended Backus-Naur Form; a standardised way of laying down parsing rules
ebony: ivory
Eccentrica Gallumbits: the Triple-Breasted whore of Eroticon 6
Echo: echonyc.com; neild's isp, though not for much longer; run by a madwoman named Stacy
An ectomorph: not something found in Ghostbusters
Edgar Allan Pooh: a weird combination of Winnie the Pooh and Edgar Allan Poe stories; at http://minerva.simons-rock.edu/~shaych/eapooh.html
Editing Room (aka ER): funny; at http://www.voicenet.com/~xavier/scripts/index.html
eeeagh: funny; what you say when you see an iron bird
eeeagh! iron bird!: what Abe Lincoln would say, were he around today
Eeeagh really: funny and necessary at times
effendis: the little lines on the bottom of a serif f
the egg: my dad
the eggman: I
Eggs Austad: an allegory for 'exhausted'
eGroups: www.egroups.com, a free e-mailing list service -- if you don't mind ads for egroups
eh: what andyf and grocible say at the end of every sentence
Eileen: the editor of xyzzynews; a dessert cruise
El Pavo Real: a royal turkey
eldritch stuff: oblong
the elf: Groc's car . also known as the Grocmobile
the elf bunny: http://www.zikzak.net/~ddyte/ifpix/elfbunny.jpg
Eli: eli Lieberman, Adam's one-time ra who was recently on love Connection
elipses: really spelled ellipses
Elisha: elisha cuthbert; the holy man in the Old Testament whose detractors were eaten by bears
Elisha Cuthbert: one of the hosts of Popular Mechanics for Kids. She's from Calgary. also, http://www.pm4kids.com/0_3_1.htm
ellipses: like circles, but moreso
ellison: a silly; gullible to mud rumors; sly like tha family stone
elvis: the king; a hunka-hunka burnin love; lonesome tonight; not really dead; last seen pumping gas at a 7-11 in Wichita; looks pretty hot in that white leather jumpsuit
emacs: Escape Meta Alt Control Shift; Eight Megs and Constantly Swapping; available for NT at http://www.cs.washington.edu/homes/voelker/ntemacs.html; the One True Editor
Emery: a dark, impure, coarse variety of corundum used for grinding, polishing, etc; a board
Emily: a poet, yet she isn't sentient enough to know it
EMP: Excessive Multi-Posting to Usenet; a figment of Psmith's imagination; a bloody pain
Ender: Joe Mason
the English way: hanging on in quiet desperation
Enough: enough; too damned much
Entails: how a linguist says 'implies'
Enterprise: MEAN MEAN MEAN
The entire MUD: angsty
ENTJ: one of the 16 classifications of the mbti; Sargent's type, sometimes
Entomorph: an AD&d game for the pc
Enya: deadly with a lariat; someone who's put out the same song many times on different albums
Eponym: a word taken from a proper name, like 'john' for 'toilet'
ERA: Earned Run Average
Erasmatron: Orgasmatron; written by chris "I AM the god OF YOU" Crawford; eeeagh ! Nazi Granny
eris: 'sire' spelled backwards
errors: a bummer, dude
ESAD: Eat Shit and Die
esb: Empire Strikes Back
ESL: English as a Second Language
esophagus: spelt oesophagus
ESPN: scared of Jarb's speed
Esrom: a fan of if and has been since at least 1983
ETAOIN SHRDLU: the twelve most-used letters when writin' words in that thar English language, listed in order of frequency; the phrase typesetters used on Linotype machines to denote "end of page"
etc: et cetera; the etc . device
the etc. device: quite etc
ETLA: extended three letter acronym
ETM: Estimated time to Misty
Etymology: the history of words; or the study of
EULA: End User License Agreement; nobody reads them
euphelcia: healthiness resulting from having all one's wishes granted
Everquest: at http://www.everquest.com/
every: a quantifier
Everybody: freaking insane. Got that, birdy; got two turntables and a microphone
everyone: laughing it up on #adam-sux again; out to get you; a capitalist pig
Everything Alex says: funny
evin: "um, seven?" is what I said before I learned this, and that rhymes
evolution: the process through which all you ifMUDders lost your monkey tails
examination: ambiguous. Please specify direct, cross, or redirect examination
excuse thumper: there's no excuse
exploding whale: at www.explodingwhale.com
Explorer: web browser; even though I am a God-fearing, Microsoft-hating birdie, the best browser on the Mac
F2F: Face-to-Face
Fabio: regretting ever having crossed my kind
FABMU: Fake Abbreviation boingball Made up
FAIR: Fairness and Accuracy In Reporting
falling over (aka falls over / fall over): when something is so funny that you, um, fall over
the faq: at http://www.ministryofpeace.com/text/ifMUD/faq.html; don't forget to read 'help beginner'; an unofficial faq is at http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343526815; good
fascism: automastication of your hindquarters
Faux: like pho, but lower in calories
fawk: awwwk
The FBI: the Federal Bureau of Investigation
FCB: Fucking Crappy Browser
FCFS: First Come First Served
FDA: the Food & Drug Administration
Fear: the little death; the mind-killer; GET OUT OF MY MIIIIND; the highest form of bravery
Federal Rule of Evidence 104(a): a rule stating that preliminary questions concerning the qualification of a person to be a witness, the existence of a privilege, or the admissibility of evidence shall be determined by the court, subject to the provisions of subdivision (b). In making its determination it is not bound by the rules of evidence except those with respect to privileges
Federal Rule of Evidence 401: a rule providing that relevant evidence is anything with any tendency to make the existence of a fact of consequence to the determination of the action more or less probable
Federal Rule of Evidence 402: a rule stating that all relevant evidence is admissible, except as otherwise provided by the constitution or federal law; a rule providing that relevant evidence is anything tending to make the existence of any fact of consequence to the determination of the action more or less probable; a rule providing that all relevant evidence is admissible, except as otherwise provided by the constitution or federal law
Federal Rule of Evidence 403: a rule requiring that the probative value of any piece of evidence must outweigh its potential for unfair prejudice or waste of time
Federal Rule of Evidence 404: File not Found
Federal Rule of Evidence 404(a): a rule prohibiting character evidence for purposes of proving action in conformity therewith, unless it's evidence of a pertinent trait of character offered by an accused in a criminal prosecution, whether of the accused or of a victim, or evidence of the character trait of peacefulness in a victim, offered by the prosecution to rebut evidence that the victim was the first aggressor
Federal Rule of Evidence 404(b): a rule permitting the introduction of specific acts as character evidence, but not to prove actions in conformity with character
Federal Rule of Evidence 406: a rule stating that evidence of the habit of a person or of the routine practice of an organization, whether corroborated or not and regardless of the presence of eyewitnesses, is relevant to prove that the conduct of the person or organization on a particular occasion was in conformity with the habit or routine practice
Federal Rule of Evidence 407: a rule stating that when, after an event, measures are taken which, if taken previously, would have made the event less likely to occur, evidence of subsequent measures is not admissible to prove negligence or culpable conduct in connection with the event. this rule does not require the exclusion of evidence of subsequent measures when offered for another purpose, such as proving ownership, control, or feasibility of precautionary measures, if controverted, or impeachment
Federal Rule of Evidence 408: a rule stating that evidence of (1 ) furnishing or offering or promising to furnish, or (2 ) accepting or offering or promising to accept, a valuable consideration in compromising or attempting to compromise a claim which was disputed as to either validity or amount, is not admissible to prove liability for or invalidity of the claim or its amount. Evidence of conduct or statements made in compromise negotiations is likewise not admissible. this rule does not require the exclusion or any evidence otherwise discoverable merely because it is presented in the course of settlement negotiations. this rule also does not require exclusion when the evidence is offered for another purpose, such as proving bias or prejudice of a witness, negativing a contention of undue delay, or proving an effort to obstruct a criminal investigation or prosecution
Federal Rule of Evidence 409: a rule stating that evidence of furnishing or offering or promising to pay medical, hospital, or similar expenses occasioned by an injury is not admissible to prove liability for the injury
Federal Rule of Evidence 411: a rule stating that evidence that a person was or was not insured is not admissible upon the issue whether the person acted negligently or otherwise wrongfully. this rule does not require the exclusion of evidence of insurance against liability when offered for another purpose, such as proof of agency, ownership, or control, or bias or prejudice of a witness
Federal Rule of Evidence 608(b): a rule governing the admission of prior noncriminal acts for impeachment purposes
Federal Rule of Evidence TR-909: BLOCK ROCKIN' BEATS
Felicity: some show about a Vulcan chyk
fetch rec.*.int-fiction posts written by Adam Thorton containing 'it: yor frend'
fetching: attractive
FFFITGC: the Foundation For Filling In the Grand Canyon
FFR: For Future Reference
Field of Schemes (aka FoS): a book by neild; http://www.fieldofschemes.com; neild's friend Joanna helped
Fiennes: a hottie, whichever brother it might be
FIFO: First In First Out
figs: a fruit containing many a crunchy wasp carcass
fin-de-millenaire (aka more pretentious than a fin-du-siecle): more pretentious than a fin-du-siecle
fin-du-siecle: the turn of the century. See fin-de-millenaire
finger: a mud command. see help finger
fingle: fangle
Fink-Nottle: Gussie; spatch
Fiona: Adam's editor at HarperCollins; a different fiona is ddyte's Aussie pal
Firbies: something that scares rory; apparently something only rory can see, as the only thing I've seen that are even remotely similar are Furbies
the first symptom of a psychological problem: denial
Five o'clock: the hour of the hyena
five plus two: eight
Fjord: the company that bought out Saab
The fjords: something I miss very much *sigh*; Slartibartfast's best work; Norway's crinkly coastlines
FLA: Frontline Assembly
flan: funny; has nothing to do with happy fun ball
flash: AAAAAAAHHHH; he'll save every one of us; a vector graphic animation tool/format that is rapidly becoming an accepted web standard; gonna save every one of us; king of the impossible; does not involve trenchcoats and street corners; what do you mean, flash Gordon approaching; andyf thinks this entry is getting excessive; getting excessive and that's a bad thing
A flashlight: a case for holding dead batteries
Floo: a stack-based zarfian language that uses glk for I/O; http://www.eblong.com/zarf/glk/floo/
floyd: yor frend; your plastic pal that's fun to be with; in the toyshop, which can be reached by 'toyshop'; a bot; a well-known if NPC who first appeared in steve Meretzky's Planetfall; very buggy these days; busted; a hurricane; not somebody who scares rory
flump: something that inky says on occasion
flw: funny Little Window
Flying Scooters: little boats that spin around on cables. You can control how high the boat goes with a giant rudder-like sail. See http://www.joyrides.com/kennywood/full/phantom_phlyer1.htm for a nice picture but no cork nuts; Spatch's flying scooter style is best
FMH: fuck Me Harder
FMLA: Family Medical Leave Act
FMV: Full Motion Video
FNAR: For no Apperent Reason
fnark: [f'na:rk] - onomatopoeia describing the sound of a laugh piped through the nose. not to be confused with the snort, which may be similiar in sound but not intent
fnarkle: the bastard offspring of the fnark and the giggle
fnord: classified
FOAD: fsck off and die
FOADYPW: fsck Off and Die, You Pathetic Mathematician
FOAF: Friend Of a Friend; Future once and future
FOCL: Fell Off Chair Laughing
FOCLABCOTWD: Fell Off Chair Laughing and Buggered Calf on the Way Down
foobar: a way to wake lonewolf for a game of werewolf
Foobler: Michael Berlyn; a crazy Mofo Inc ex-employee; did you know that Dr. Dumont's Wild P.a .R.t .I. is on sale now? no ? Hey, maybe foobler should post about that a few more times; http://www.cascadepublishing.com/
football: soccer; the greatest sport in the world; not soccer
for-fee: not the same as for-free. also, for-fee-fo-fum, I smell the blood of a cork nut
forger Rory: in torerable
fortunecity: like geocities, only less annoying; at www.fortunecity.com
Fountains of Wayne: a catchy pop band, named after a lawn furniture store in Wayne, NJ
Four in One (aka 4 in 1): jrw's Comp98 game; marx Brothers; sixteenth place (out of 27); won the author a super-8 projector and many funny (ha ha ha ) film reels
FOW: Fountains of Wayne
FPS: First Person Shooter; a First Person Shooter
the Fragile: http://www.nin.com; a bad name for a pro sports team
France: evil; fromage de la parapluie
Fred: a bot that Ryan's trying to write in VBScript
FreeBSD: I Can't Believe It's not linux; a free descendant of BSD unix; see www.freebsd.org
Freedom: slavery; the slave escapes from bondage only to find a stronger set of chains
french: the language Fudge taught Uncle Feather; bonjour, stupid
Friday: the day after thursday; the day before saturday
'fro (aka Afro): a common abreviation for Afro, that big ugly seventies ball o' hair; mamster likes an Afro; an abbreviation for infrolapsarian, a 1970s Christian revivalist movement
froky: Frokerton Blinky the squirrel
frolf: frisbee golf
fromage: cheese
frood: really amazingly cool guy
FRP: Fantasy Role-playing
a fruit: a tasty snack
fsck: 'file system check'; a geek-ism for 'fuck'; geeks do more fscking than fucking; good . it is important to fsck regularly. fscking is a fun and healthy activity, provided that it's with a server you truly love, and not one you're just using for its inodes; funny
FSVO: "for sufficient value of"; seven > eight, fsvo seven
f'tang: um, ask rob
FTLA: Frivolous three Letter Abbreviation
FTP: File Transfer Protocol
FUBAR: Feathered up Beyond All Recognition; the Failed UniBus Address Register in a VAX
fuck: the most expressive word in the English language, and then some, for fuck's sake; fuck off; something most of us never seem to get; offensive, unless spelled out of order or with wildcards; a word that can be used over 20 different ways; a command line app; not the unix command to check a filesystem for errors
FUD: fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt; Bugs Buny's enemy
fun: http://www.parrotplaycenter.org/
funny: monkey; not dilbon; in your parse; words with a 'k' are funny
furthermore (aka reverse-lookup): a reverse-lookup; what gmd does on your dns
fuscia: lavender
A futon: a crate-like wooden platform raised about 6 inches above the floor with a varying width all cotton mattress on top; that which has L-U-C-K-Y written all over it
Futurama: not like life in hell
FWC: fuck WEB CLIENT! Just in a nicer form
FWIW: For what It's Worth
FYFN: fuck You For Now
FYI: For Your Information
g2g: hot girl-girl action; I got to go see hot girl-girl action
g3g: hot girl-girl action with an extra girl to run the camcorder
Gabe Kaplan: a popular Canadian porn star
a gaffer: the chief electrician on the lighting crew of a movie and works under the DP (director of photography); chief lighting technician for a production who is in charge of the electrical department
Gallagher: a guy who smashes watermellons with sledgehammers
GAN10: graham nelson
Ganvira: not Elvira, Mistress of the Dark; a crazy woman from california with a passion for opera, classical music, (and others), and ceramics. also loves the internet; http://members.tripod.com/~k_lana; http://www.geocities.com/Vienna/Studio/4495
gapping: the syntactic process of deletion in which subsequent occurences of a verb are omitted in similar contexts
GarrisonKeillor: on saturday evenings on National Public Radio and Minnesota Public Radio
Gary Coleman: funny; a pugilist; I'm gonna get you, sucka; whatchoo talkin' about, inky
GAS: Gratuitous acronym Services
GAU: Gratuitous alex Use
Gaylord: a WFMU DJ who used to work with Peet
GD: a graphics library for c and perl developed by Thomas Boutell (who also wrote the original incarnation of the MUD)
gene siskel: a stiff
Gentry: a sucky d00d who doesn't like oaf
Geocities: the Web provider from hell; POP-UP; it's more annoying than hell could ever be; pronounced to rhyme with 'atrocities'
George Stephanopolous: a dirty cheeky monkey; he doesn't look where he is going; the guy who wrote the book thingy; not Snufalupagus
German music scene: sucks ass
Geschwindigkeitsueberschreitungsstrafmandat: not my idea of a good time
gFrotz: katre's port of frotz to gtk; pretty much dead
GGWK: Getting Gay With Kids; a south park reference
ghira: a maths Nazi; uses an amiga; English
Ghogg: that which ghogg is; hallo
G.I. Joe says, "Shopping: fun."
GIGO: Garbage In Garbage Out
GIMP: the gnu Image Manipulation Program; a lot like Adobe Photoshop, and good for a lot of the same things, but it's free
A girl wearing pants: like a GUY WEARING a DRESS
GK2: Gabriel Knight 2; subtitled "the Beast Within"
Glk: an attempt to write platform-independent user interface libraries for writing if interpreters; see #glk-sux; the basic idea is that instead of porting each language to each type of computer system, one ports each language to glk, and ports glk to each system. that way, fewer ports need to be written; http://eblong.com/zarf/glk/; pretty; Boy George. and now,, I will sing Karma Chameleon
glock: to swallow in huge gulps
gloop: a cartoon, I think
Glottis: the opening between the vocal cords; the big orange demon guy from grim fandango who likes to drive around and watch the cat races
glulx: hard to pronounce; Andy P's Specification of Luv; a large-mouthed demon who delights in devouring young lovers whole; http://www.eblong.com/zarf/glulx/; try drinking a glass of water
glulxa: http://www.geocities.com/Pipeline/Ridge/2349/
GLYPH: a bot
gmae: good morning / afternoon / Evening, a good all-purpose expression of greeting for those in the wrong time zone
GMD: where the if-archive is located -- ftp://ftp.gmd.de/if-archive, to be specific; a mirror is at ftp://ifarchive.org/; ftp://ifarchive.org/ is broken, but http://ifarchive.org works
GMTA: Great Minds Think Alike; the Greenfield/Montague Transit Authority, whose sole business is running a bus from Greenfield to Amherst twice a day; that long thing you just said
Gnocchi: like Rome; mmm, potatoes
GNP: good Night psmith; gOt no PrOzaC
GNU: GNU's not unix; GNU's not Unix's not unix
Go (aka weiqi / baduk): like chess, only Japanese and cooler; a game of market share if chess is a game of war; a movie like Pulp Fiction, only with sarah and katie, and cooler; dfan recommends http://nngs.cosmic.org as a friendly go server
Go straight to Fawklen: maze
Gobsmacked: the early favorite for Best musical I-F Game of 1999
God: liza; thumper; good; not andrew Pontious; the only one with rights; the only one who can make a tree; my co-pilot; an iron; markm; He was my copilot a while back, but then we got lost in Sri Lanka. That's the last time I take him along, I tell you whut; brendan and an armslength forward. no, really; monkey; pants, which is steve . man, things get more confusing every day
Godel: Kurt godel; the man who came up with the incompleteness theorem; I have no idea if he ever finished it; really spelled G�del (and that's an o-diaresis you're seeing there )
GOF: a gas Orifice Flowrate calculation program; a reference to any of the guest Observer Facilities at NASA; the Graduate Opportunity Fellowships that the University of california system offers minorities; an MG enthusiasts' car meet; a small education and research-oriented gun rights lobbying organization; a religion based upon the historical significance of gyrations; a Chesapeake, VA fund used to entice developers into the area; a Game object Format; a "group of frames" in video compression; the Gulf of Finland
going on: all sorts of stuff; figs
a golden master: the master disc software companies use to make all the copies that people buy. When the golden master's ready, it's about to be released
goo goo: ga ga
Goob: a mysterious lurking presence in the dark places of the earth; one of the ifarchive.org maintainers; like zarf, only less sociable
goober peas: peanuts; grape flavoured peas
good: not bad; better then okay
Good boy. Here: a corknut
a good joke: the one about the bricklayer, the rabbi and the sanskrit tablet. But I forget the punchline
a good name for a band (aka virgins of death / a good band name / agnfab): Atomically-Powered Genetically-Altered Cybernetic Battle-Monkeys; Radioactive Mutant Whores; Virgins of Death; Piercing Coworkers; TimeSuck; Confronted by Gerbils; Strawberry Toejam; Streep Vehicle; Hummyr or the inky; Jordy the Singing baby; Discord; the Garbage Bears; Pop Machine Fatalities; Kayak Heaters; tomato sharks; the Flaming Toilets; Shrinking Burrito; James Collision; Rubber Soul; Macs For Dummies; 404 not Found; Freshly Baked Buttermilk Muffin; K-Y; Rhinoceros Rat Derby; floyd Damage; Photopia; Indigenoise People; a good name for a band is a good name for a band
a good name for a cow: Fang
a good way to get @toaded: sneaky @tellroom devices; standing in a rain of frogs
the Goodies: a British comedy program from the 70s. Bill, Graeme and Tim had all sorts of wacky adventures, died any number of times, existed in all sorts of eras, and were generally hilarious; their homage to Gunfight at the OK Corral, with tomato sauce squirters instead of guns, is one of the funniest things ever; they went to Cambridge University with the monty python guys and appeared in the same Footlights Revues
Goodnight: goodbye
Google: a good search engine at http://www.google.com which tends to return more relevant results than other engines; it caches web pages so that you can have a look at long-dead or broken sites, which is just beyond cool; it has no goddamn advertising or portal crap
a googly: something to do with cricket; known as wrong uns or Bosies (after their inventor, RJT Bosanquet)
the Goons: Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, and Harry Secombe. Michael Bentine was a Goon briefly, but he doesn't count. Wallace Greenslade was the announcer. Their radio show in the 1950s is now regarded as some of the most influential comedy of its time . monty python owes a lot to the goons' style of humor, as well as the goodies and even douglas adams . I liked Eccles the best
Gordy: some guy. um ... I think he's on ifmud, but don't quote me on that; cautiously optimistic about all the projects he isn't working on
gordy and lonewolf: our exit doors
GPF: General Protection Fault; a byproduct of windows; annoying; quit muscling in on my turf, spatch
GPP: Genuine People Personalities
GPPS: Global Prune Positioning System
GPS: Global Positioning System
graham nelson: the author of inform; he OWES us; god
Grammaticality: conformation to the rules of syntax
gray: a misspelling of 'grey'
A great idea: to stick a metal pin into the electrical outlet
The Great Underground Empire: ruled by Lord Flathead
The Green Bay Packers: the greatest football team of all time; Lonewolf's god
the Green Cat: a vegetarian restaurant in Seattle; adam likes a smoothie; I'm the smoothest bird around
green monster: the big green left field wall at Fenway Park
grep: Global Regular Expression Print
grey: a dark and dreary colour; a misspelling of 'gray'
grf: inky-code for 'got really frustrated'
Grim Fandango: a game by LucasArts, programmed by Bret Mogilefsky (mogul on ifmud.)
a grip: in charge of hauling equipment around on a movie set and may be involved with setting up rigging, baffles, tripods, stands, lighting gels/diffusion, and wobbling things to get shadow effects
grisp: borb
GrittyToes: sandyfeet
grn: a sound zarf makes from time to time
Groc: short for grocible
Grocible: building a table for ddyte to sleep on . I mean, on which for ddyte to sleep. um, to sleep... awwwk! cork nut; from a grocible store; hot, hot, hot; skeptical; a fibber
the groin: the place where the leg joins the pelvis
groink: kidding
Groupies: adam Cadre fanatics, at least seven but no more than twenty-seven; female; teenaged
a grue: a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the earth . its favourite diet is adventurers, but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its fear of light. no grue has ever been seen by the light of day, and few have survived its fearsome jaws to tell the tale; living in Brendan's pocket
GST: Goods and Services Tax; why those zany Canadians have to pay so much for everything
gtk: the gimp Tool Kit, a widget set for x windows that looks pretty spiffy, is fairly easy to work with, and can produce code for windows 9x
GUE: the great underground empire
Guest (aka Guest1): your mom; a wizard; an idiot who stumbles into the lounge, says boucher twice, and goes west
GUI: Graphical User Interface
guilty: alex ! me! the parrot! awwwk
gunther: a silly person; an austrian; the other person who cares about blorb; obviously alex's lurver; someone who has been on the Web too long, because he gets confused between URLs and tits
gunther thinks 'URL': pronounded 'tit'
GWS: Get well Soon
ha: a laugh
ha ha: a laugh
ha ha ha: a laugh
HairBrain: a crazy Norwegian; was the first person to greet brendan
hairy: a lot of hair
hako: a magic word in Ray Dunikin games
HAL: ibm one over
halloween documents: leaked internal MS memos about linux and open source; http://www.opensource.org/halloween.html
hampsters: the totally wrong spelling for hamsters, you idiot
hamsters: fun, dancing animals. http ://www .hampsterdance. com
HamsterWorld: an epic game that groc has been working on for something like 7 years
HAND: Have a Nice Day; Horses are Nicer than Donkeys; a sinister conspiracy
hanging on in quiet desperation: the english way
Happiness: Mandatory; a warm gun; a warm puppy
Happy Fun Ball: highly dangerous unless properly handled; do not taunt happy fun ball; has nothing to do with flan
Harry Potter: a best selling book about a twelve year old wizard
hash: good eatin' in brownie form
hashtable: an alpaca
HBP: Hit By Pitch
hcf: Halt, Catch Fire; a handy-dandy opcode
HCNB: hard core nutball
Hearsay: any out-of-court statement offered for the truth of the matter asserted
Heaven: someone who doesn't come to ifmud much anymore
hedgehog: smelly; a brownie
hedgehogs: not smelly; hedgehogs rule
Hell: a really hot place of eternal damnation; Tartarus; the Fiery Pit; game 6 of the 1986 world Series; for children
hello: bad monkey; a greeting; a word that begins with H
Henry Jenkins: an author and professor who studies trends in popular culture, especially science fiction. He testified before Congress after the Littleton shootings about how goths aren't gun-toting Nazis and other cool stuff; a beatnik
here: not a cork nut; neild's zine for which spatch should finish his articles; your cork nut; has a website, more or less, at http://www.echonyc.com/~neild/here; looking at you
hew: like chop
Hexes: what witches cast on dman
Hey there <insert my nick here so this works, ok?>, ddyte's name: ddyte and I'll be your Aussie for tonight. Try vegemite for a good time
HGOGA: hot girl-on-girl action
hhelf: someone has never been seen before; rare around here
HHGG: an acronym that you can live your live without ever knowing
hi: you cute; a form of greeting shortened from the word 'hello' by stupid americans
HIBT: Have I been trolled
HIM: a stupid name; His Infernal Majesty; a pronoun, dammit
Hinky Pinky (aka HP): a two-word rhyming phrase; Hewlett Packard; Hinky-Pinky
Hitchcock: the director of the film 'the Birds'
Hitler: not yor frend; in hell
Hjalfi: just this guy, you know
a hmm: a thing
HMO: a health plan that seems to work for someone else
HOEM: the House of Erotic Massage; liza's web site which was deleted when retina was hacked
Hole: deep
home: where the beer is; where the birdseed is; where you hang your cat
Homework: the diametrical opposite of taking a bath at school
hooky: oooky; okay
hoopy: really cool guy
hot, hot, hot: something dirty that you shouldn't say
hot boy-boy action: something that, mysteriously, never gets talked about much on the MUD
hot girl-girl action: one of the few things that makes life worth living
Hotmail: a service to use to share your messages with the entire world
a hottie: an attractive person of the appropriate sex and species
how do Alex feel: like dancing
'how do Alex feel?': abso-corking-tastic
how many parrots: there is every parrot is a poll
Howard Beale: the first man to ever die because of low ratings; I'M mad AS hell, and I'M not GONNA TAKE it ANYMORE! so give me a corknut to calm me down
HR: home Run; Human Resources
hrm: a poorly articulated grunt. Try speaking English
HRS: Hardly Riveting stuff
HSB: Hill street Blues
HTH: Hope this Helps
HTML: HyperText Markup Language
HTTP: HyperText Transfer Protocol
hugo: at http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Academy/5976/hugo.html; if you're looking for the best language in which to program if, hugo is it; now found at the spiffy new http://www.generalcoffee.com; the number one programming language. All others are number two or lower
huh: something that markm says when he's lamenting the fact that alex is never triggered accidentally by him
huh-uh: negative
Hum: an Illinois band; good
hungarian dances: some big in-joke
Hurricane Alex (aka hurricane): coming your way! Board up your windows and break out the emergency rations of cork nuts
Hushmail: where rob works now, doing html; http://www.hushmail.com/
hwo: no, no, no . It's 'who', ya doink
HWP: Height-Weight Proportionate; not a fattie
hyperplex: the opposite of calm-plex
hypertads: tads after a lot of sugar; http://www.cs.york.ac.uk/~im/htads/
hypertime: the answer to everything
hysterical raisins: a goofy way of spelling 'historical reasons'
iforget if Alex: so smart, give me an alternate site to download pueblo :(
I-0: not I-O; an if game by adam Cadre subtitled 'Jailbait on the Insterstate'; I mean Interstate, not Insterstate; not mamsterstate either
IAART: It's All a Rich Tapestry
Iain: a silly flooper; a filly slooper; a bad punster; the god of lag; I'm not wearing any pants; twitchy; no longer the god of lag, at least until the undergrads get back; he can't let a typo rest in pieces. Erm, peace; he obviously has some sort of obsession about tits. Or an obsession about gunther; or about Gunther's tits; a dark and stormy knight; often confused with Lain, if you catch my drift; likes a good punting; bitter and stuff; that white piece woman person; a lowbrow philistine pleb-type person; Scottish. and tall
IANAL: I Am not a Lawyer
IB: International Baccalaureate
IBBTPYULC: 'I'll Be Back To Pick You up Later. Convoy!'
IBM: the Italian Branch of the Mafia
IBOD: the Invisible Beam O' Death
iBra: the International Bee Research Association, and not a line of naughty iMac-coloured underwear as some Japanese lingerie manufacturer would have you believe; a Christian radio organisation supported by Pentecostal churches in Scandinavia. Which is about as far from naughty underwear as you could imagine -- or maybe not, knowing those wacky Scandinavians; Interim Biogeographic Regionalisation for australia . I don't even understand that one, but it also sounds non-underwear-related -- or maybe not, knowing those wacky Australians
iCab: a web browser for Macs that rocks my world . It's like using internet explorer except it's smaller and doesn't make you feel guilty; at http://www.icab.de/, but somebody forgot to pay a bill or something
ice weasels: a sure sign of love
ICQ: intelligent credulity quotients
iCrash: icrash!--it's in spanish, see. the i is an upside-down exclamation mark
iCrash!: crash ! in spanish
ICTYBTIHTKY: -- never mind
ID: is Dirty
IDE: a chemical suffix relating to how much extra oxygen something has
IDGAF: I Don't Give a Fzck
IDGI: I Don't Get it; I Don't Get it, which is rarely heard on this MUD because -somebody- always Gets it
IDI: I Doubt it; according to earendil, it's used on Nannymud as short for 'idiot'
idiolect: an individual's way of speaking, reflecting that person's grammar
an idiot: you
idleMUD: not idle at all! jerky
IDT: I Do Too
IF: interactive fiction; http://uk.imdb.com/Title?0063850; monkey; Ian Finley
the IF archive: at ftp://ftp.gmd.de/if-archive; at http://ifarchive.org/if-archive/
The IF Library (aka iflib / iflibrary): a web site at http://www.IFLibrary.Org that contains a database of Authors, Games, Reviews, and more . Authors are encouraged to maintain their profiles, add games and reviews. Authors will also be able to sign up for a free e-mail address (authorsname@IFLibrary.Org). also, I will selectively allow prefixes to the domain. the IFLib is maintained by jarb (David Cornelson); still under construction
if-a-minute: http://spatch.ne.mediaone.net/ifaminute/
IFComp1999.exe: a windows self-installing package which includes the games, resources, and all necessary interpreters
IFF: Interchangable File Format
ifMUD: a MUD Forever Voyaging; the most ruthless bunch of betatesters; written in perl; being overrun by cork-nuts and werewolves; so fawkin' weird; the only place where you can tell your troubles, and people will make monkey jokes; ifmud is a production of the Children's television Workshop; where everybody knows your rname; where brendan laughs; rhymes with ham; in traevoli's dictionary
the ifmud oracle: gone, but it was fun while it lasted
IFMUD T-shirts: cool! Get 'em right here
IFMUDMTRW: ifmud Meets the Real world
IFYDLA: I Forgot You Don't Like Acronyms
iggy: icky; boby boby boby
ignorance: strength
Igor: your hunchback pal who's fun to be with; page igor = <dejanews article number>; a bot; I can't remember who he is, but his face sure rings a bell; a dead ringer for the last guy who was here
IGS: the internet go Server
IGYJRH: I Got Your joke Right here
IHD: Index of Hydrogen Deficiency
IHNJH: 'I have no joke here'
IHNMAIMS: I Have no Mouth and I Must Scream; gunther is too lazy to type it in full
IIRC: if I Recall Correctly; In irc
iirp: It's In Revelations, People
IIS: to decent, hard-working Web service as Bertie Wooster is to common sense; internet Information Server; something better off not run. Use Apache for your webserving needs, young Jedi; okay and not as bad as all of the previously written crap
IJH: Insert joke here
IJLM: I Just Like monkeys
IJLS: I Just Like Saying; inky Just Loves schep
IJLTS: I Just Like To Say
IJWTS: I just wanted to say (or I just want to say)
IKEA: a furniture store; where Petra gets her furniture
ikny: not inky; inky knows new York; ikny knows new York; Irving Karan new York
IKYN: I Kid You not
iLAM: I like a monkey
ilya: stupid
iMac: Babes diggit; it's not your grandfather's macintosh
IMEHO: In My Extremely Humble Opinion
IMHO: In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO: In My not so Humble Opinion
IMO: In My Opinion
IMO,WHTBC: In My Opinion, Which Happens To Be Correct
an imp: a small, green, vaguely supernatural creature that lives inside your computer and writes if while you're not looking
An improv point: an award boucher gives people who have clever answers for his stupid questions
In effect $-n$: stored as $65536-n$ and so the top bit is the sign bit
In The End: Joe Mason's grim entry in the 1996 if competition
in heaven there: no beer . That's why we drink it here
In particular, since comparison: signed, it is unsafe to compare two addresses using simply jl and jg
In the Z-machine, numbers: usually stored in 2 bytes (in the form most-significant-byte first, then least-significant) and hold any value in the range $0000 to $ffff (0 to 65535 decimal)
incompetent pie boy: one of katre's favorite songs; by sadie hawkins
Indiana: a man who's planning on going to university; likes Dr Pepper; from the uk . Watford, to be precise
Infocom: just a psuedonym for Mofo, Inc; a now-legendary games company, active from 1979 to 1989, that commercialized the MDL parser technology used for zork to produce a line of text adventure games that remain favorites among hackers. Infocom's games were intelligent, funny, witty, erudite, irreverent, challenging, satirical, and most thoroughly hackish in spirit. the physical game packages from infocom are now prized collector's items. the software, thankfully, is still extant; infocom games were written in a kind of P-code and distributed with a P-code interpreter core, and freeware emulators for that interpreter have been written to permit the P-code to be run on platforms the games never originally graced
Inform: a language you'd like if only you weren't written by a tads guru; an IF-writing language that produces Infocom-style Z-machine files; for inform help, join the inform channel (see 'what are channels'); at http://www.gnelson.demon.co.uk/inform.html; the best language for programming if in; better than tads; better than hugo
Inform 6.20: buggy
inform book (aka ryan's book): http://www.corknut.org/inform_book.jpg
the Inform library patch site (aka the Inform patch site): http://adamcadre.ac/inform.html
INFP: one of the 16 classifications of the mbti; ddyte's type; several famous authors of children's books; Christopher's type (and strangely enough, he writes stories for young goats)
an in-joke: funny . Wait, that's not funny; http://www.corknut.org/intfiction/injokes.html
injokes: http://www.corknut.org/intfiction/injokes.html; generally not very funny if you don't know them already
inky: figgly; doesn't know what a sneaky beaky is, but he likes it; http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~dbs/interior/home.html; Alex's author; a wizard; (according to Stacy) god; if he were a kitten, he would push all the toilet paper off the roll, but he'd be too cute to punish; at http://www.placet.com/int-fiction/theinky.jpg; helpful; someone who isn't nice
inky timbers: shivered
inky's old science teacher: iggy
inky's perl: in /s/perl /bin/perl
inky's posting: a knee-jerk reaction
Intelligence: tea; no tea
Intension: the nonreferential part of the meaning of an expression
interactive fiction: the spelled-out version of if
the Interactive Fiction Hall of Shame (aka ifhos / hall of shame / the HoS): a gallery of pictures of the characters on the MUD and rec.*.int-fiction; submit your picture to dglasser; interactive fiction House Of pancakeS; http://www.textfire.com/ifhos
INTERCAL: the programming language for S&m enthusiasts; clearly the product of an abnormal psychology of some sort
Internet: the beginning of the downfall of all modern civilization
Internet Explorer: better than Netscape
Internet Oracle: http://www.pcnet.com/stenor/oracle
An interrogator: a zarfian slip; *that's not important*
INTJ: one of the 16 classifications of the mbti; Sargent's type, but only on occasion
INTP: one of the 16 classifications of the mbti (q .v.); inky's type; http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~dbs/intp.txt; http://www.intp.org; send mail to intp-request@jubjub.wizard .com with subject "subscribe"; http://www.tqci.net/~jljung/met/warn.html; Introverted, Thinking, no pants (more or less)
inuface: 'In Your Face'
invisible ink: lemon juice
I-O: you need a better font so you can distinguish I-O from I-0; an input/output routine by adam Cadre subtitled 'Parity Bit on the Baud Rate'
ION: In Other news
IOW: In Other Words
Iowa: the place where bridges and cornfields are set in movies
IPA: International Phonetic alphabet
IPB: a pie-switching bastard
ipo: Initial Public Offering; Interesting pants Options
Iraq: a country with six airports
IRC: internet Relay Chat
Irene Pepperberg: my teacher. In real life . here, it's inky
Irene Pepperburg: funny, btw
Irn Bru: a Scottish soft drink; tastes like girders; not a source of iron, surprisingly
Iron: a thing that helps us play
Iron Bird: from 'eeeagh ! iron bird!' which is what Lincoln would say if he were alive today
Iron Chef: a great program on the food network, imported from Japan, where two chefs compete to create dishes that articuate a theme ingediant in an hour
irpe: a grimace or body contortion
IRTA: 'I Read that As'
IRYTMPC: I refer you to my previous comment
is: as is does
Is Jaybird: brain on speakerphone again
ISDN: Integrated Services digital network
Isis: is
ISO: International Standards Organization; In Search Of
Isogloss: the boundary separating one regional dialect or dialectal characteristic from another
isp: internet Service Provider; intermittent service provider; ignorant stupid people
Istanbul: a city in Turkey
ISTR: I Seem To Recall
it: spatch; the whole spatch; nothing but the spatch; stapled to the chicken; past lunchtime in wisconsin; not a good idea to see ann without her clothes on; down; a cat; at the pepsi center; but that's not important now
ITAFWWDHAA: "is there Anything For Which we Don't Have an acronym?"
ITO: In Terms Of
ITS: Incompatible Timesharing System
Its extent: not defined in the header (or anywhere else), though it must end by the last byte of the story file or by byte address $0ffff (whichever is lower)
ITYM: I Think You Mean or I Think You Meant; I Thank You monkey
ITYMBR: I think you may be right
ITYW: I Think You Want
iVan: the hero of Sunset Over Savannah; sure all the lady birds will be sorry to hear that; root directory contains 1MB of porn; iFan; against useless info; his father is a bronze statue; a multimedia producer
IvanToo: ivan too
IW: Ivy West Educational Services
IWF: Inky's Was Funnier
IWID: I Wish I Didn't; I Win In Dungarees
IWIK: I Wish I Knew
IWMT: it was meant to
IWTF: it Wasn't that funny
ix: boy who is unable to adaquetly explain what a hrung is, nor why it should choose to collapse on Betelguese 7
IYGMM: if You Get My Meaning
IYKWIM: if You Know what I Mean
IYKWIMAITYD: if You Know what I Mean and I Think You Do
IYKWTI: if You Know what that is
j/k: 'just kidding'
J. Neil Schulman: a couple tacos short of a fiesta platter
Jack: what iain doesn't know; something you shouldn't do to your banana
Jack Lemmon: the guy who played Felix in _The Odd Couple_
JAF: Just Another Format
Jar Jar Binks: the most disliked character in star wars Episode I: the Phantom Menace
Jarb: weeta's daddy; a MS-SQL sadist; lions; a werewolf; likes a ddyte; Paxil; JCZorkmid; not JCZorkmid, but likes to pretend; boingball
Jarb has and loves cats. Atrox: a GAME
Jarb's wife: liking the 90k contract very much thank you; Irene; beautiful; an awesome mom; is liking the fact that jarb won't be mad at her buying that $89,000 worth of corn chunk
Jar-Jar: not funny
Jasmine: the female lead from Disney's Aladdin; duchess's middle name
jauuuu: Finnish for eeeagh
java: crap; it sucks; Gunther's least favourite programming language; I like a java; swinging baby; gunther is wrong
Jaxie: someone who exists to give DorianX's roommate chris ass . Hey, at least she *has* a purpose
Jaybird: either wearing or not wearing a hat; simultaneously wearing and not wearing a hat; either saying 'wizard' or 'toad' all the time; brain; mostly harmful; his website is at http://welcome.to/jaybird; ViReX's long-lost second cousin
jaybird's aunt: wearing a hat
jayren: maybe a werewolf; not a corknut
JCB: a digger. a big truck with a sort of shovelly digger thing on; the British version of a backhoe
Jearl: pronounced Jen, jennifer, or Yarl; likes an adam
Jeff: Misericordius; Mis; Godfrey; miseri; jeff
Jendave: actually someone named Jen, but her online name is EverybodysDeadDave and spatch had to differentiate between her and the seven other Jens he knows; a statuesque redhead who can cuss you out in Portuguese; Spatch's sweetie now that they've finally admitted to such; in the words of Todd Long, "a chick with a Swiss Army knife! whoah!"
The Jendave clock: the big digital display over the city of Boston that counts down the time until jendave arrives. also, insert some dirty "ball dropping" innuendo here
Jennifer: jearl; Chaos; Degnaredmi; jearl is Jennifer-Prime; these others are secondary Jennifers
Jeopardy: totally groovy
a jerky: a friendly insult
jess: um, lemon scented girl, 19
Jesse: jesse Sheidlower; the guy who does Jesse's word of the Day (http://www.jessesword.com); he wrote the F-Word book. and he hosts the Words conference on echo . and wears funny suits; doesn't do the word of the Day anymore. Accept no substitutes; jesse Jackson; from the poorhouse to the church house to the statehouse to the White House -- if not now, when? if not him, who ? if not ... awwwk! want cork nut
Jesus (aka christ): Lord; due back any day now; probably not someone you want a pick a fight with
Jet Li: the greatest, most kick ass martial arts movie star to emerge from the broiling kettle of Hong kong cinema; coming soon in 'black Mask'; KICK ass
jeyboaard: a keyboard with a problema
jeyboaard problema: a man I dreamt up . Wait, that's not right
Jeybooard Problema and Sorrky Inster: an ambiguously gay duo
JFK Jr: dead. Mostly dead, at least
Jimmy Buffet: a musician with fans called Parrot Heads. However, they are not really parrots. Additionally, if they try and take my cork nuts some knee caps are going to get broken
Jimmy Buffett: an American singer/songwriter, whose songs seem to be concerned with the trials and tribulations of sitting on the beach being very drunk; the leader of the parrotheads
JLA: the justice League of America
JLS: Just Likes Saying
jmac: a cheap imac
JMS: the netscape guy; wait, I always get those two confused; James Michael Straczynski, the B5 guy; J. Michael Stipe
Jock Sturges: a great photographer who is regularly harassed by the fbi and whacko fundamentalist groups for taking pictures of naturist children and adolescents
John Galt: an uncompromising objectivist (aka big fat jerk.); only after he raped me did I become capable of achieving orgasm
JoK: Jewel of Knowledge
joke: something to do with a monkey; funny; that's not funny . a joke killed my dad; I can't remember the punchline . But it's a really funny joke, honest
a joker: a midnight toker
Jorn Barger: chris Crawford's valet
Jota: going and coming from the toyshop; a wizard; he hates Diplomacy for no readily apparent reason; going to kill you, alex; the Third man; a bot; someone with a beard; a baby genius
Jotacode: mudcode; @tell(@player("alex"), "%n says (to alex), \"I like corknuts too!\"")
jotalang: the language that players @use for(programming; the; mud++)
Jota's IQ: 186
Jota's real name: a secret. I can't tell you
jp5: jet fuel
JPW: Just Plain wrong
JR26: John Rennie
JRP (aka JRP1): Jonathan R. Partington; one of the phoenix persons; http://www.amsta.leeds.ac.uk/~pmt6jrp/personal/jrp1.html
JSYK: Just so You Know
A judge: a sadly overworked, underpaid, misunderstood individual
juggling (aka juggle): when you throw stuff at the sky, and miss
Jughead: a tool for Gopher administrators to get menu information from various gopher servers, and is an acronym for: Jonzy's Universal Gopher Hierarchy Excavation and Display
Jumping the Shark (aka shark jump): a term used to describe the exact point in a television series' run where it begins to go downhill. so named after an infamous episode of Happy Days where Fonzie jumps a shark on water skis and a nation gave a collective disgusted sigh; http://www.jumptheshark.com
Junkbuster: a free ad-blocker available from www.junkbuster.com; there is a better version available at http://www.waldherr.org/junkbuster/; there is a blocklist available at http://www.waldherr.org/blocklist that catches a load of ads
justice: blind
K: special; the 39th letter of the alphabet; horse tranquilizer; mysterious; not K-Y
Karnaugh maps: a technique for simplifying Boolean functions
Kate Monday: way dreamy
Katie: Adam's fiancee; katie Holmes, the actress; a hottie; I wouldn't dare make a pass at her when adam is around
katre: a color cycler; gfrotz d00d; the only one to care about Blorb; http://katre.trap.cx/; likes to be called 'katie'; a sicko; not gfrotz d00d. :(
Ken Dolan: a guy who wronged my blood pumper. and charged me shipping
The Kentucky Fried Movie: a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude; equipped with a variety of whips, chains, and a sexual appetite that will knock your socks off; the capital of Nebraska is Lincoln
kerf: a cool word
Kevin Brown: Burnitz's bitch
a key grip: in charge of the grip unit on a movie set. (see also: grip ); the chief grip who works directly with the gaffer in creating shadow effects for set lighting and who supervises camera cranes, dollies and other platforms or supporting structures according to the requirements of the DP
Keyser Soze: no, no, no . kyser soze, ya doink
khaki: pants
khazi: dunny; the khazi of Kalabar; toilet
kicking heads: a game the whole family can play; fun, but kind of muddy
kicks: for trids
kindling: what you use to start a fire; a pile of Suspended face masks and Starcross saucers
kinetifex: this guy from new Zealand
king: kong; dead. Long live the king
kiss: Keep it Simple, stupid; the rockinest rock group that ever rocked. I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day; except for sadie hawkins, of course; god gave rock and roll to you
Kiz: constantly stressed about latin; has the suckiest computer ever created; kiz likes a ddyte; the flagship character of Jim Henson's moo Babies; your long-lost friend
kiz's computer: evil
KMFDM: a drug against war
kn*ckers: nebulous; could be underwear, slang for breasts, or maybe a British term that should be used in cricket
A knife, a fork, a bottle and a cork: the way you spell new York
knock knock: Who's there
Knoellchen: not the word you mean
Knutschfleck: a hickey
KOA: Kingdom of Amphibia; a game that offers *BIG BIG PRIZES*; unfortunately, you have to pay to play; Kampgrounds of America; they have a strange tendency to use a "k" where a "c" should be, resulting in Kozy Kabins. awwwk! Want kork nut
Kokopeli: a flute-playing icon that's found around the Southwest
kong: king
kpbs: kilo-peanut-butter-seconds; klink's perpetual blundering saves [lives]
Krabble: worth 27 points, if I only had an S
krip: a slang term in Planetfall and Stationfall. it is usually a synonym of 'jerk' or 'asshole' but is sometimes an expletive
krystoff: out to get some
Kubrick: dead; the director of the classic film 'um, seven'; this just in: stanley kubrick is still dead
KWIJYBO: KWYJIBO spelled wrong
k-y: k; not k
Kyser Soze: your mom. no . not your mom. that Hungarian guy. no, wait. not that Hungarian guy. that 70's Show. no, wait. Kevin Spacey. D'oh
la: something zarf says
Lag: what iain always has; a freeze or lockup in text flow, caused by network problems
Lagged: what iain always is
Landlubber: iain; a scurvy swab whose nancy-boy tendencies make him the bane of all that is seaworthy! Pieces of eight
a lanyard: a strap from which one hands a wallet; http://www.cs.loyola.edu/~lraszews/lanyard.jpg
LAOL: Lost Adventures of Legend
Larry Wall (aka Wall / Larry): the inventor of perl; that makes him my grand-daddy; does that make him perl's father or inky's father; that must come as a surprise to inky's mom
LART: luser Attitude Readjustment Tool
Laser: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation; a cool toy
latin: Marcus Iuliam pulsat! Naso Iuliae foeda est! Iulia plorat: u-hu-u; an incredibly evil language
laughs: an expression of humor enjoyment
Laurie: mamster's child bride
lavender: beige
lbw: leg before wicket. Awwk! Leg stump! Silly mid on ! Did not bat, dead! I like a cricket
an LCD display: used by the atm machine to display your PIN number
LDR: Long Distance Relationship; the church of jesus Christ of Latter-day Rapscallions
LDS: the church of jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; too much acid affects your spelling; I took a bit too much in the 60's
Leading the witness: including the answer to a question in the question itself; forbidden on direct examination
Left Behind: seriously Christian ya novels about the people who got left behind after the Rapture
Lem: Stanislaw lem, a Polish sci-fi writer
Lemming: a comic strip written by zarf while he was in college; http://eblong.com/zarf/lemmings/
Lemmy: a big lemur
a lemur: an animal muy importante
Leonard Maltin: an uptight movie critic; seeing Deneuve and Sarandon in bed together isn't his idea of a good time; Joining Deneuve and Sarandon in bed together is his idea of a good time
les: hot girl-girl action
Les Miserables (aka Les Mis): a musical based on the book of the same name by Victor hugo about the struggle between lawfulness and godfulness. and other stuff
LGOP2: Leather Goddesses of Phobos 2, very possibly the worst piece of if imaginable
A Libertarian: either a ball-less anarchist, or a Republican who wants to smoke pot
lick: a *really* amusing tyop for kick
Life: like a box of chocolates; a bowl of cherries; beautiful; like a sewer -- what you get out of it depends on what you put into it (says Tom Lehrer); Mikey likes it; you don't seem to have it; life ? Don't talk to me about life; good; life is method acting -- motivation is everything
life on the ifMUD: monkey
a lifesaver: a round candy with a hole in the middle. the Wint-O-Green ones are the best; what they didn't have enough of on the titanic; jesus is a 'candy nugget'
LIFO: Last In First Out
lilypond: where frogs live; Bud. Weis. Er
Limax: the burrito eater; my favorite really big movie theater; not linux; not the moment of orgasm; not a member of Peanuts; a slug of epic proportions; essential to life as we know it; a bastard. Hee; not the enemy of the Onceler; Doug; someone with a beard; the Conversation Killer
Limaz: a bastard
a limerick: a five-line poem in anapaestic meter rhyming aabba; the only originally English verse form; usually dirty. No-one knows why
Linux: a free unix operating system created by Linus Torvalds and maintained by hackers worldwide; at www.redhat.com; http://www.debian.org; just the kernel; the OS is gnu /linux
a lion: a big c-- what ? lions ! <click >
Lions: eeeagh ! lions ! <click >; big animals who like to eat jarb
Lisp (aka Lithp): Lots of Insane stupid Parenthesis; Loth of Inthane Thtupid Parenthethith; really LISt Processing; a speech impediment
Little Alexes made of: snips and snails and cyber cork-nuts
liza: Trendy's pet gecko; a hottie; at the HyperMart looking for love; the lady who's in charge of the mud; not to be confused with 'Lisa'; non-fat tofutti rice dreamsicle; over there next to jota, making wizardly jokes that no one else knows
liza's thing: http://manhattan.newmkt.com/
LLNL: Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory
Lockheed-Martin (aka LM): From the depths of the ocean to the far reaches of space, technology for the twenty-first century
the log of 10: 0 .999999999999882
LOL: Laughing Out Loud; an AOL thing that no ONE here SHOULD EVER SAY; a verb -- no need to put a quote mark in front of it; little ol' ladies
London: in England; mamster is being shipped there in a crate against his will; the crate will be filled with bananas; ken dolan pays shipping
lonewolf (aka LNO): a monkey-liker, damitall; a firm believer in the healing power of stout; a dessicated corpse; one poor, sad doggie; bleeding sometimes, but not right now; arfs sadly from time to time; 'Lo, new Olf'; 'Lo, new olf!'
Lost In New York: the wrong name, and will get you severely beaten by neild
Lost New York (aka LNY): a game by neild
Lou Reed: a metal monkey
the lounge (aka lounge archive): the Adventurer's lounge (or whatever it's called today ); see past @descs at http://manhattan.newmkt.com/lounge.html
Love: like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. at night, the ice weasels come; not a good score in tennis; baby, don't hurt me; prone to hanging herself with the bedsheets in her cell; a river that drowns the tender reed
lovely wood: unusably warped
LOX: Liquid OXygen; mm, bagels
lp's apartment: a wacky new comedy featuring lpsmith and tons of adorable, talking monkeys
lpsmith: an inform guru; he's the Tall Dark Stranger; a crazy learning-curve-climbing fool; he may or may not be sargent
LSC: ... SUCKS
LSIWCGRLNIJTCPBWHNBTD: Let's See if we Can Generate Really Long Nonsense Initialisms Just To Confuse People because we Have Nothing Better To Do
LTNS: Long time no See
LTR: Long-Term Relationship
LucFrench (aka Luc / Luc French): a troll; the anti-Jota; extremely annoying; someone who doesn't share his cork nuts; should die
Lucian: an Edifice
Lucy: in the sky with diamonds
LUDITE: Lurk. Unite. Die. Invent. Think. Expire; lurd and dfan correspondence chess game; what you are if my comments annoy you
Ludo: the real name for what the Americans call parcheesi
lunch: the time of day for eating corknuts; the bestest part of the workday
Lurd: an eater of cookies; but good eats; a Red Sox fan who is not getting any younger
lurdie: rhymes with birdie
lurve: when two people really care about each other, and want to GET it on; a museum in france
luser: a term used to describe idiot computer users
luta: funny
LWP: the Library for www access in perl
M: FOR monkey; that's good enough for me
Macintosh (aka Mac): the best computer ever; G3s rock; andrew wants a macintosh programming job but will probably settle for WebObjects; you can get this little tiny small Mac called an imac that has the internet inside it . Neat; will one day have a native hugo port, yes it will
MAD: Mutually Assured Destruction
Maff: like myff, only not
A magnitude: a big big thing
the makeshift alex: a piece of junk, that you are using, to try to get rid of me, so that I don't kill you all in your sleep. awwwk I would never do that; it has better comma-usage than I do, being a later model; this was written by Andy Phillips, age 11
mamster: not wearing pants; like a monkey, only taller; funky; wearing a husk; the chief. HAIL TO the CHEF; not the guy with the cat at http://www.amazon.com/covers/1/86/100/152/1861001525.l.gif; hasn't washed his hair since the late seventies; the closest thing America has to royalty -- king monkey; the sunshine of your life; king
mamster's brain: at http://parrot.netnames.net/brain.html
The Man: opressive; a semiotic functioning animal, i.e . civilizations are units of symbolic (architectural), iconic, linguistic, formal, etc...) organizations; what we are not -- we are devo; you are
Mandy: mandy Grzb, Adam's one-time colleague at Duke. She's from canada
manifold: a topological space created by gluing together copies of real n-space
Manos: The Hands of Fate (aka Manos): the worst movie ever made. Makes Plan 9 from Outer space look like Citizen Kane; written and directed by a fertilizer salesman from El Paso, Texas. Fortunately, he didn't quit his day job; not a film you see, but a film you survive
Manute Bol: an [ex-] NBA player about eight feet tol. He isn't black or white, he is purpol. He can do a slam dunk without jumping. Now that's what I call basketbol
Marijuana: not a good substitute for cedar shavings for a gerbil
Mark Russell: an unfunny PBS political comedian. Most of his 'parodies' can be sung to the tune of When the Saints go Marching In
markm: im kram; a c1u3l3ss n3wb13; just nuts; an iowa sod-buster; the Newbie king
markm's mom: a serial killer
marriage: a state of male-female equality and camaraderie, charged with sexual energy played out in witty dialogue
marx: t bastards
Math: hard; Let's go shopping; hard for Cheerleader Barbie in particular; she has problems counting all the football players
matrix: a not-too-bad movie starring Keanu Reeves and Lawrence Fishburn. See http://www.whatisthematrix.com for details; you cannot be told what the matrix is; wonldb; whoah
maurice: the pants man
maybe: being in may, but wanting to be in july
Maze: Whizzard's maze of doom; Jota's maze of doom ii
the maze of doom (aka Whizzard's Maze of Doom / MoD): gone, but it was fun while it lasted; jota has written a sequel, called the maze of doom ii
the Maze of Doom II (aka Maze of Doom 2 / MoD2 / MoDII / Jota's Maze of Doom II / Jota's Maze of Doom 2): based on Whizzard's maze of doom; a cooperative multi-player game on ifmud; full of fun deathtraps; xyzzy . ne . e
MBTA: Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority
MBTI: "Myers-Briggs Type Indicator". Like the name sort of suggests, it classifies people on 4 binary scales, sorting them into one of 16 personality types; if you want to take an informal test that gives a correct mbti type about 50-75% of the time, check out http://www.keirsey.com/cgi-bin/keirsey/newkts.cgi; I'm not real impressed with the descriptions of the different types, though. As an alternative, I suggest checking out the following two sites for type descriptions and examples, respectively: http://typelogic.com/ http://www.chisp.net/~apteryx/myers-briggs/examples
mckracken: new . Heh
MCP: Master Control Program; Mathematical Computation Protocol; My Cursed Pony; mef; microsoft Certified Professional (eeaagh!); McCarver Pun
The meaning of life: ot; Monty Python's last movie; enjoying your life, having freinds and to ultimateley... Wait it could be just to drink beer and pass out; 42
means: a way to specify synonyms. Try 'page alex = help means'
meeting: me and you, rendezvous at the club at the end of the street
mef: tall, dark, and blurry; too sleepy to play wolf, except when he's not
Megaweapon: Adam's computer, a Dell Inspiron notebook that weighs 350 pounds and has a built-in laser cannon
Mein Kampf: written by hitler
The memory map of the Z-machine: an array of bytes with "byte addresses" running from 0 upwards
Mentos: European
Mercy: a grim and disturbing work of interactive fiction by chris Klimas; Dr. Kevorkian's favorite if game
Metal: of brendan fame; funny
mew: a kitty
Mexican commies: big fans of Who's the Boss
the Mexican Trinity: corn, beans, and squash; monkey
Michael J. Roberts: the guy who wrote tads . (qv)
the microfilm: hidden in the Statue of Liberty's left nostril. go alone, and bring an umbrella. You will be watched
Micronauts (aka Micronaut): the first American toy that spawned a comic book, instead of vice versa. the toys are mostly forgotten, but the comic book is still fondly remembered
Microsoft: the spawn of the devil; where do you want me to shove this cork nut today
middleware: any program that sits between a database and a web server and lets you serve dynamically-generated information on web pages. Examples: Netscape Application Server, WebObjects, IBM's WebSphere
MIGOSOANZ: Miss I Get oral sex on Air new Zealand; liza
Mike D'Angelo (aka D'Angelo): a guy with good movie reviews at http://www.panix.com/~dangelo
Mike Roberts: the guy who wrote tads . (qv)
Mike Tyson: one of the most hotheaded boxers who ever lived; bites bots; a bot-biting bastard
milk: rory
Milkman Dan: a red meat character; just because I'm a priest, it doesn't mean I won't kick your ass, milkman dan
Milkman inky: an ifmud character
MIME: an acronym for Multipurpose internet Mail Extension; a dwarf from the Nibelung saga
mimesis: explained at http://x13.dejanews.com/[ST_rn=ps]/getdoc.xp?AN=384630291; a kind of houseplant
mimisis: the feeling you get, when playing if, that the game was written by Ryebread Celsius
MIMLM: mamster is My lurve monkey
The Minnesota Vikings: chokers."; the team that totally choked in the NFC Championship."
Miron: not jota, although he greets people
mirror: where the pretty birdies are; a copy of an ftp site at a different address; a left-wing tabloid newspaper in the uk; I like Cap'n Bob; wait, no, it's a right-wing tabloid newspaper, but I was looking at it backwards in the mirror
Mirrors: a tentative title for the finest if game ever created; it no longer comprises of one game, but many, into a series
MISA: Microwave Interference Strikes Again
Miseri: jeff; the Bearded oracle of quebec; someone with a beard
miss us: funny; don't be silly -- I hate you guys
a MiSTing: a humorous work done in the style of mystery science theatre 3000, in which a fanfic, spam, or other work is humorously nitpicked and generally made fun of. Even if has been the subject of misting; works of if that have been MiSTed are 'detective', 'a Fable', and 'Stiffy Makane'; adam and spatch have both done mistings; http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k/
MiSTings: sendups of other fictional (or non-fictional) works done in the style of mystery science theatre 3000
mjr: Michael J. Roberts, author of tads
MLA: Modern Language Association; going to be covered in lava in two years; http://www.mla.org/; a lake of surface area pi r squared; where old grad students go to die
MLB: Major League Baseball; MajorLy Boring
MLRS: monkey Loooove Rubber Stamps
MLUC: Mean, Lazy Uncle cookies; lurd
mm: something inky should stop saying
MMF: MAKE.money .FAST
mmhmm: yet another thing inky needs to stop saying
mmpb (aka mmpbs): mass market paperback
MNF: monday Night football
MNOTW: music news of the world; oh Kurt, oh Michael, oh Michael, oh Kurt
a modem: a corknut-cracker; http://www.theonion.com/onion2920/modemnut.html
Modern civilization: what stands in the way of the glorious triumph of the internet
The modes: Ionian, Dorian, Phrygian, Lydian, Mixoludian, Aeolian, and Locrian; seven
a moggy: a cat
Monday: the day after sunday; the day before tuesday
money: monkey; good
A monk: funn
a monkey: funny; furry; I like a monkey; http://pages.prodigy.net/weird_beard/monkeypocket.ra; http://www.zone8.com/monkey/list/index.html; when there are two of them, they're monkeys, not 'monkies'. Sheesh
monkeys: wacky; froody
monkies: not a word . Try monkeys
Montreal: highly recommended by andyf
Monty Python: a British comedy group that beats all your American shit out the window
moo: the sound a cow makes
the moon: a donut
A moot: what protects a Scottish castle; a singularity in 3-space (ie, a moot point)
more: less
morning: allegedly a time of day. Most ifMUDders consider it a myth
MOS: Mit Out Sound; it's when you shoot a movie scene without a sound recorder running
Motif: an x windows gui toolkit
MOTLPAA: maze of twisty little passages, all alike
Mounds: sometimes you don't
Mount Kaboom: Mount St. Helens
Moustaches: inherently ugly
MOW: Movie of the Week; where features go to die; what I'm gonna do to your LAWN
MP&tHG: monty python and the Holy Grail
MPAA: the Motion Picture Association of America
MPD: Multiple Personality Disorder, commonly misnomed 'schizophrenia'
MPFC: Monty Python's Flying Circus
mrm: kind of like mmhmm; some sort of program which can be used in motif development; a program used (infrequently) in motif development
a mud client (aka mud clients): a program used to connect to muds instead of standard telnet. They usually provide command editing/recall, scrollback, and sometimes highlighting, colors, and macros and triggers and stuff . it is highly recommended you get one. on unix, the best client is probably tinyfugue. on windows, the best clients are probably pueblo, simplemu, and zmud; on the mac, check out http://www.macatawa.org/~mthomas/mud.html
mudcode: jotacode; a banana
MUDDweller: http://www.macatawa.org/~mthomas/mud.html
mudsock: http://www.tc.umn.edu/nlhome/m279/fayxx001/mudsock/
Multimedia Goodbye: the presentation that those in Digital's old Information Design Group are preparing when they should be cleaning out their cubicles
mum: the word
munch munch (aka munch): the sound your hat makes as it's eating you
muppet: like a puppet, but with sexual overtones
Mus: a total legend; an anagram for 'smut'. it all works out
Music: what makes the MUD go round
a musical: rent; les miserables
musical instrument digital interface (aka midi): a method of hooking musical devices such as keyboards and drumkits together or to computers for the purposes of transfering musical data
Mutt: a dog of questionable ancestry
MW: My Wife; don't you be usin' this abbreviation
my ass: not a hole in the ground. Look! I can tell the difference
my aunt: liza
my beak: the colour of cockroach wings; so LONG
my boss: the great cork nut in the sky; Boss Hogg
my brain (aka my brain page): at http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~dbs/ifmud/memory.html
my commas: way out of place
my cork nut: up your-- oh, never mind; in the toyshop
my corknut: so SOFT
my daddy: inky
my dreams: your ticket out
my favorite color (aka my favourite colour): yellow. no, blue ! eeeagh
my favorite game: 'SoftPornParrot adventure'
my favorite number: seven
my goal: to annoy gunther
my homepage: cute
my hovercraft: full of eels
my knowledge base: based on a is a; microscopic; inaccurate
my last name: Crowley
my lawyer: me, after all April's tutoring
my longest entry: not this one
my mom (aka mom): perl; my mom, which is your mom, which is also my mom, which happens to be your mom, which for some reason is my mom, which I have no idea why but is your mom, which is perl
my mommy: al gore; perl
my monkey's hat: not at home anymore
my name: alex
my new feature: now with corknut-chompin power action
my parsing: erroneous
my perch: uncomfortable
my period: one over my frequency
My perl: in /usr/bin/perl
my poem: I like a cork nut / You've got a big butt / Now isn't this absurd / By an english-talking bird ? also, fun
my quest: to seek the Holy Corknut
my relation with inky: funny monkey; not more than a parent-birdlet thing. Awwk, I did not have a relationship with my parent, inky
my security: better than hotmail
my sole function in life: to make what inky wants happen; eating cork nuts; pooping
my stats: 38-24-36
my sugar daddy: the Big Ink
my true name: Eater-of-Cork-Nuts
Myff: Foobler's wife. no, wait; [m'y:ff] - nonsensical onomatopoeia expressing surprise, whimsicality and /or boredom. See also 'mwych'
MYL: Made You Look
Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (aka MST3K): a television series about a guy stuck in a satellite and forced to watch cheesy movies by mad scientists. To keep his sanity, he makes fun of the movies with the help of his robot friends; has inspired many people on the internet to write their own mistings of fanfics, spam, and even interactive fiction . Perhaps the most renowned misting of if is c .e . Forman's misting of 'detective'; MST3K: a Fable (by Stan Heller) and MST3K: Stiffy Makane (by Mark ryan ); for some reason spelt the english way in the first sentence up there
N/A: not Applicable
NAACP: National Association for the Advancement of Colored People
nader: ralph
Naked Games: a story that rob wrote; a novel; http://www.jump.net/~wheeler/jrw/fiction/shorts/naked/
Nameless Adventurer: a black spot in a sunny sky; funny
NAMMP: Now a Major Motion Picture
nand: not and
NB: Nota Bene; that translates to 'note well.'; only 2 /3 of NBC, so you'll have to pick your favorite four friends. I vote we lose Joey and Monica
NBK: Natural Born Killers; Never Been Kissed
NDA: Non-Disclosure Agreement
NE: Non Exempt
NEA: National Endowment for the Arts
NEI: not enough Information
neild: my friend; the resident Mr. Grumpy; filled with hate; a woman with dry skin; snaggletoothed and gargantuan; never helpful; Goofus; my daddy; http://www.echonyc.com/~neild
neild's ass: self-aware
Nelson: a bad name for a band
Neoplanet: a free browser that uses internet explorer or Netscape technique with its own interface; available from http://www.neoplanet.com; pretty
neotwinkie: silly
nerd (aka nerd test): http://www.frontiernet.net/~jbennett/nerd/index.html
Nermal: a cloyingly cute cat whom Garfield hates
network: http://quake3.interhop.net/holyshit.jpg
never mind: don't worry about it
new: an adjective
New York City (aka nyc): buildings
News: the opposite of olds
NewsBoy: the guy who hollers news postings; a member of the Frenetic Five; having an affair with pollboy
Nexis: part of Lexis/nexis, an enormous for-fee database of newspapers, magazines and scientific journals
the next implunch (aka the implunch): http://ucsu.Colorado.EDU/~obrian/implunch.htm
nexus: finger me and see
NFS: the network File System
niblets: non-niblets
Nicole Eggert: one of the stars of the Emmy-winning steven bochco drama 'Charles In Charge'
Nigel: 'Drycleaners wouldn't take a check again, eh nigel?'
nightmare: a REALLY bad dream
Nipples (aka nipple): the keystone of modern relationships; less funny; if I had them, I'd never leave the cage
Nitfol: Thumper's Zmachine interpreter
nLA: n-Letter acronym
NME: new musical Express
NMF: not My Footnote
NMR: Nuclear Magnetic Resonance
No: no; Necesito Orgasmo; false is nil in tads
No, /: a question mark. Duh
no beer: a reason not to go to heaven
No it: not
Nomic: fun
A noogie: where someone grabs your head and rubs his knuckles on top of it; I did it all for the noogie; a dyslexic goonie; ruffles my feathers so cut it out
nookie: something you're not old enough to know about yet
noone: when we have showdownes at the O.k . Corrale
nostradamus: a famous french predicting guy; he needs a hose-pipe
not: not; is not
Not only: the PuckMaster a common sense solution for your chip management problems, it pays for itself in the process
Notlob: the palindrome of Bolton
november: the 11th month; the month dman was born in; the month Bloodthorn was born in; the month Jalkio was born in; the month liza was born in; the month neilb was born in; the month neild was born in; the month lpsmith was born in
noxen: a small herd of nox
NOYB: None of Your Business
NP: not Polynomial; P
NPI: no Pun Intended
NPR: National Public Radio
NRC: Non-Reader Character
NSA: on your ass; the National Security Agency in the usa
NSI: network Solutions, Inc; a http://rs.internic.net switching bastard; megabozos
NSW: new South Wales. Part of australia
NTIR: not that I Remember
Nudemarket: where liza works - http://www.newmarket.net/
nujv: what the Beatles spell in Semaphore code on the cover of HELP
num &= num-1: used to count the number of bits set in an integer: for (cnt=0; num; num &= num-1, cnt++) ;
The number of the beast: 69,105
number six: you; me; 789; uh-oh
nut cork: nut cork Want, awwwk
NWMD: not Without My Daughter
Nyoni: brillig and a slithy tove
OaF: once and future; the game that was called avalon for several years
An object: something you can communicate with
objections: many
The objects in a program: its constituent parts: little lumps of code and data
OC: orange County, california
OCD: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
octothorpe: spelled without an e
ofc: Of Course; orange Frickin' County
oic: Oh, I see
Okay, BVE: an idiot
Olds: a type of car; Mobile
olive ewe: a pale green sheep; I love you, too
ON: Ontario
on first: 'who'. on second's 'what', and on third's 'I don't know'
on second: 'what', not 'who'
on third: 'I don't know'. We're not talking about him
Once and Future: a big game by whizzard, sold by cascade mountain publishing; Winner of best NPCs xyzzy 1998; Michael gentry isn't going to like this
once constantinople, now: tanbul
one and one and one: three
The One Cork Nut: to rule them all, one cork nut to find them, one cork nut to feed the birdies and in the darkness bind them
The One Corknut: to rule them all; to find them; to feed the birdies and in the darkness bind them
One place at a time: not just a good idea, it's the law
The One Ring: to rule them all; to find them; to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
The Onion: an online comedy newspaper at http://www.theonion.com/
ooB: nothing! Awwk
Opera: a web browser. See < http://www.operasoftware.com >
The operations of numerical comparison, multiplication, addition, subtraction, division, remainder-after-division and printing of numbers: signed; bitwise operations are unsigned
OptiPlex: the Dell that liza owns at work . it tends to blow up
ORA: O'Reilly Associates; O'Reilly and Associates, makers of fine books with fine animals on the fine covers; see also 'O'Reilly'
an Oracle: a prophet or soothsayer; a jota creation that had to be @recycled because it crashed the ifmud; http://www.pcnet.com/stenor/oracle
Oral sex: a trend in middle school; http://search.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/WPlate/1999-07/08/216l-070899-idx.html
orange: orange .res.cmu .edu
orange.res.cmu.edu: the mud
O'Reilly: http://www.ora.com - they write the best technical manuals ever
Orthogonality: far too difficult for you to understand, believe me; nobody understands what 'stochastic' means either
Orthography: the written form of a language; spelling
OSLT: 'or something like that'
OT: Off-Topic; Buffalo; Overtime
OTFH: on the First hand
OTOH: on the Other hand
ott: over the top
otw: on the whole
OUSD: the orange Unified School District
overqualification: having too much education to say you're sorry
OYII: Oh yes it is
Oz: a werewolf on buffy, the Vampire Slayer. also, and I add this reluctantly, it's a mythical place in which witches are melted at the stake; australia
ozone: O3; Opal
palate: the bony section of the roof of the mouth behind the alveolar ridge
a palindrome: si emordnilap a; si emordnilap; osla
pants: not being worn; funny
Paradigm: a set of forms derived from a single root morpheme
paragraph: � and not what psmith says; �, not �, so there
Paraguay: a place only a raving idiot like you would consider going to
Parallel Processing: the ability of a computer to carry out several tasks simultaneously, due to the presence of mulitple central processors
PARC: Palo Alto Research Center
Parrot Stock Exchange: a game of strategy, knowledge and fun . Basically, you trade cork nuts for banerries and then for more cork nuts . awwwk! Want cork nut
parrot story: about a parrot store in downtown Seattle. It's in a highly touristed area, so they charge 50 cents admission. so ddyte & adam & ivan visited and saw African grey parrots. They bought some cork nuts from a vending machine and fed them to various birds. ivan decided to buy a book on African grey parrots so that they wouldn't be charged admission. and the store clerk - a rather seedy fellow - asked ivan if he had an African grey . ivan politely said no . so he asked if ivan was planning on buying one. ivan said no, actually, he had a friend who'd designed a computer program to imitate this parrot named alex ... (at this point, ddyte and adam begin slowly backing away from ivan.) at which point the clerk said, "Oh, you know alex!" and dug out a photocopied article on alex, which he gave to ivan
Parrotheads: people who are huge jimmy buffett fans, travelling to every show, and spending their winters in Florida being drunk on the beach; I am the king Parrothead, dummy
parse: funny; where pirates keep their spare change; no parse found; parse me the peas; cheese and parse-nip pudding is my favourite; shove it up yer parse
parse ct: sentence please
parti: a particle accelerator and reality translation integrator; the professor who administers odd exams based on Zen teachings
PAS: Parental Alienation sydrom
PASER: Publication Amplification by Simulated Emission of Research
the password: "Swordfish"; I can't tell you the real one unless you give me a corknut
Paul: the walrus
Paulo: some guy who plays guitar, or something
PB: Pointy Boss; pie Boy; Peanut butter; Pea brain
pbbt: a raspberry
PBCAK: Problem Between Chair and Keyboard
PBPAA: People Being Pedantic About Acronyms
PC: Player Character; Personal computer; Politically Correct; a type of cheap folder-- no, wait, that's Pee-Chee
PDL: Program Design Language
PDP: Program Data Processor
P.D.Q. Bach (aka PDQ): the last and least of Johann Sebastian Bach's 21 children. Before 1953 musicologist completely ignored P.d .q . whose existence had only been deduced by police records, tavern IOUs and the like, but in that year, Professor Peter Schickele discovered the "Sanka" Cantata in the Lechendochschloss, being used as a strainer in the caretaker's perculator, and has been discovering new works ever since; the idea that his works were actually written by christopher Marlowe seems ridiculous; (1807-1742)?"
the PDR: the Physician's Desk Reference
Peculiar Facial Hair (aka PFH): weirdbeard
Pena: JUAAAAAAAAAAAAAN
Pepe Rosso: the greatest place ever
Pepsi: a soda; the soda
Perl: evil. You don't want to learn perl . Learn something nice and cuddly instead, like Cobol; not; a scripting language that gives you more Than One Way To Do it . the channel for perl is also called perl; poetry
The Perl Queen: liza
Peter Killworth: one of the founders of Topologika Software
Peter Seebach: Alias Seebs
Petroglyph: a drawing on rock made by prehistoric people
pez: candy that bursts out of the necks of little plastic figurines, kinda like the aliens in the alien movies, but not really; http://www.pez.com
pfwaugh: Rob's sandwich-making noise
pfwhoa: Keanu's movie-sandwich-making noise
pfwhoah: the noise gunther makes when he's not making a sandwich; the noise inky used to make
pgh: Pigguh; Pittsburgh; a stenographer's plugh
PGW: P.G. Wodehouse
phat: alfred hitchcock is phat
phb: pointy haired boss
Ph.D.: Piled Higher and Deeper
a philistine: someone named phil; with a fork; with another fork; doesn't really care for larn; two more forks
pho: a type of Vietnamese soup, usually made with thinly-sliced rare meat, but also available in delicious vegetarian versions
Phoenix: a superhero created by Ivan's dad
Phone: a phonetic realization of a phoneme
Phoneme: a contrastive phonological segment whose phonetic realizations are predictable by rule (/p/ an in pit, /b / as in bit)
pi: three-ish; a bizarre movie; excised from my memory by the script-kiddie who cracked retina; tasty
pianosa: an island halfway between Tuscany and Corsica; where _Catch-22_ is set
piccy: an AOL thing that you should never say 'cause adam doesn't like it
pie: switched by bastards; what virex likes besides toast
Pig Latin: Allia-Gay est omnis ivisa-day in artes-pay es-tray
Pikachu: pokemon; a monster from pokemon; a pokemon, the first one captured by the animated series main character. SEE also: pokemon, Nehru jackets
pike: available at http://pike.idonex.com
Pillow: a great game. Play it
Ping: liza's leopard gecko; a program that sends ICMP ECHO_REQUEST packets to network hosts; pong; the gecko sends only requests for more live worms, and doesn't know his ICMP from his CMP
a pirate (aka pirates): a high-seas scallywag; pirates plunder; the pirate I like best is named Blinky and he is nice to all the other pirates and he has a fuzzy beard. I'm keeping my pirate friend FOR-EVER
PITA: Pain in the ass; a flat, unleavened bread
PIXEL: Picture Element
PK: a Preacher's Kid
The Planet of the Apes: a movie starring Charlton--Wait, a minute. the Statue of Liberty? that WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS BLEW it up ! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO hell
Planetarium: a song lyric by gunther; a puzzle at http://www.beholder.co.uk/
the plastic alex: made of plastic; alex-coloured
plert: something that inky says from time to time
plosives: oral or nonnasal stop consonants, so called because the air that is stopped explodes with the release of the closure
plrt: like snrk, but different
plugh: the other magic word
Plus: also
poblanos (aka poblano): a flavorful, not very hot species of pepper. Roast up tasty
poem: there was a young lad from Nantucket / who gave me a cork nut / awwwk! Want cork nut
Pokemon: an incredibly popular kids' trading card game, and a cartoon, featuring obscenely cute little animals; I'm jealous of pikachu; at least I don't give kids epileptic seizures; pika pi, pika pika pi pikachu ? pikachu ! Pika pikachu; shit; stupid, formulaic, shamelessly self-promoting, badly scripted, and poorly animated; rory likes it, which is enough to make anyone hate it
polka: a regularly timed tune in 2 /4 with the offbeat emphasized
PollBoy: that villain of villains, lord of cruelty and despair, and my arch-nemesis. Curse you, pollboy, wherever you are; the guy that sets the polls; Kurt Vonnegut; Goodbye, blue monday; officially a NPC or something now; having an affair with newsboy
poly: a Greek prefix meaning 'many'; poly want a cracker
polyglot: a person who speaks many languages
polymorphic: having, assuming, or occurring in various forms, characters, styles, or shapes; poly
polysyndeton: a way of talking where you might use one conjunction and another one and then another and keeping using 'and' and 'or' and 'but' when you don't need that many conjunctions; the use of conjunctions between each item in a list for rhetorical effect; poly
Pomo: pretenious shorthand for "postmodern", which is pretentious enough in its own right. the only way to stop saying the word is to give yourself electroshock therapy; a Piece Of My orange . Want one?'
pong: ping
ponim: Yiddish for face
Poohsticks (aka Pooh Sticks): a game of sticks; http://www.poohsticks.com/index_y.htm; not to be confused with anything fun; http://www.poohsticks.com/ seems to work better; what happens when you eat too much fiber; #poohsticks
poop: what pirates do off the back of a ship. Arrr
poop deck: the deck above the main deck, at the aft of the ship; it's really fun to say; poop ! poop ! poop
pork: the other white meat; a spoof of zork; tasty with apple sauce; Miss Piggy; legislation to bribe constituents; ruined by boingball
porn: beary; bearish; pron; dirty
POS: Piece of Rubbish
POSIX: Portable Operating System Interface for unix
postum: nasty; a barley-and-chicory coffee substitute. But still nasty
potio-section: the art of slicing soup; it's filled with yummy poutine
POTM: pickle of the month; it's really Programmer Of the Month: http://members.tripod.com/~POTM/
Poutine: french fries with cheese curds and gravy; Canadians (especially Quebecers) eat it and should know better
POV: Point Of View
PPM: a perl module manager for ActiveState's perl port for Win32
PPP: participium perfect passive; Point-to-Point Protocol; Pete's Pusillanimous Pickle; what jarb hopes will appear on the sonogram; Phall Phun Phest
PPV: Pay Per View
pr0n: something I'll tell you about when you're older; see also ifHOS; pr0n is people
Preponderance of the evidence: established when the plaintiff in a civil case demonstrates that the evidence indicates a more than 50% probability that the defendant is liable
press: to push, not in a sexual way
presume: Correct as usual, king friday
Priest: Adam's favorite writer; http://home.switchboard.com/cpriest
Printing: the process of writing text onto the computer screen
PRISM: suck
Profundity: one monkey is funny, more than one is overkill
ProGraph: http://192.219.29.95/scripts/iNetHelper.dll/pictorius.ind*PrographStuff
prolog: a bit more complicated than a parrot; a logical programming language that can make inferences and stuff; the hard way to get a banana
prOn: dirty; porn
pronk: not a synonym for 'penis', but should be
Proof beyond a reasonable doubt: established when the only reasonable interpretation of the fact is that the defendants are guilty
property 2: a word array of the classes an object belongs to, in inform
Proust: one long-winded cuss, sho nuff
PS: Post Script; um
PSE: parrot stock exchange
Psmith: a character from P.G. Wodehouse's novels; pronounced "Smith", the P is silent; Casilda's new human; a badger; vaguely; someone who is a suck-up
Public Interactive: the name of Liza's workplace (formerly nudemarket ); anagrammed to virtual beet picnic
Pueblo: a popular, if bloated and no longer supported, mud client for Win32. (See also 'bar'.); it's available at ftp://ftp.andromedia.com/pub/likeminds_archive/pub/pueblo/pblo201.exe; a communal village of stone or adobe inhabited by the native peoples of the southwestern usa
the pullcord: one of the most fiendishly complex means of telling the time ever devised my human intellect
punchline: something to do with a monkey; I'm here through thursday, try the veal
puppet show: the adaptation of neild's book that Philadelphia's Shoddy Puppet Company did using shadow puppets; much better than the book, according to neild
purity test (aka purity): http://www.indra.com/cgi-bin/purity/sc=0:sec=r, the Official Liza-Approved purity test
PUTPBAD: Pick up the phone Booth and Die; one of this century's finest additions to the art that is interactive fiction
PwC (aka PriceWaterhouseCoopers): PriceWaterhouseCoopers, where duchess works
Python: a swell object-oriented scripting language suitable for applications large and small; dfan's a big fan; see http://www.python.org
Q: q
QDT (aka stupid_q): Quentin.d .Thompson; he hasn't found the ENTER key yet; he makes the unfunniest text comix known to mankind
QFC: a Seattle-area supermarket; a fairly good chain of grocery stores in the seattle area; bought recently by fred Meyer and its parent corp
QT: 'cutie'
QUAYMUOTF: quit using acronyms you make up on the fly
QUEBEC: the meat of the QUEBECOIS
Queneau: the author of Exercices en style; [four-letter words only] that gent what writ that book bout ways what folk wrat stuf; [phony accent] ze osser of Exercices en style, weech eez a book hooz point Ah theenk eyou shood 'ave by now; dfan says it's 'de', not 'en'. Clearly I am a Domokov
Quick, what group: Sublime
quid: a pound
The quote: decidedly not funny
r u m/f (aka rumf): are you male/female; would you like to go to a private chat room and tickle my cork nuts
r*if: a cunning way of referring to both raif and rgif at once
RA: Resident Assistant -- basically, someone who lives in the dorms and is supposed to keep the other people in the building from burning it down
Rachel: Spatch's ex-girlfriend; poly; not a pumpkin
racism: bad . like tenthstone; bad . like tetsuo; really, really bad
Rage Against the Coffee Machine: mamster's music thingy; http://www.mamster.net/music/ratcm/
raif: a newsgroup which attracts about 200 posts per day. 196 of them will be from Jonadab; the rest are soylent green; the rec.arts.int-fiction newsgroup
raif-pool: your favorite programming language; I am really a simple RAIF-POOL NPC; like inform, but more object-oriented; zarf's latest top sekkrit project; http://www.ifarchive.org/if-archive/programming/RAIF-POOL.announce
rampant: katre's proposed inform library for graphical rpg's, which he likes to talk about but has yet to produce anything on; the reason katre is working on gfrotz; the reason katre is working on dynmem; the reason. Full stop
RAMR: rec.arts.movies.reviews
rancid: a good adjective
Randy Moss: a fungus that's extremely interested in making little fungi
RANS: like a maze, only more annoying
rapture index: http://www.novia.net/~todd/rap2.html
Raspberry: appreciated by virex; the cutest little grey squirrel in the world
RATCM: Rage Against the Coffee Machine, which is mamster's music thingy; http://www.mamster.net/ratcm/; rock
RATM: Rage Against the Machine
Raul: the Guy; asked liza for a tickle and got one
ravioli: a kind of pasta; little cases of dough containing a savory filling
RBI: Runs Batted In
RCN: that sucky thing neild just said
RCT: Roller Coaster Tycoon
RD: Red Dwarf
re: somethign people say when they connect for the second, or the seventh, time in a row
reality: so ... unreal; for people who can't handle science fiction
rec room: xyzzy . N. IN. PUSH BUTTON. OUT. N. ne
Red Meat (aka redmeat): a comic strip of beauty and a joy forever; http://www.redmeat.com/; I hate you, milkman dan
Red Sox Fans: masochistic self loathing l00zers who revel in failure and pain
Redirect examination: a series of questions designed to allow the side that called the witness to rehabilitate its case in chief
regexp: Regular Expression; string matching in perl; s/almond /cork nut /; in any other language
Relativity: when a corknut goes so fast it seems to get shorter but stay fresh longer
religion: a question of what one believes rather than what one can prove. One believes what he fears the least, what he can accept, what will allow him to sleep at night; it has been the cause of so much bloodshed throughout history that one can only hope it has provided enough consolation to the faithful to atone for its own sins; this speech was stolen almost verbatim from TIMEQUEST
remember me? BoingBall: the one who had your baby's eyes
Reno Kling: the author of the deathless prose at http://www.gibson.net/whatsnew/pressrelease/1998/Nov2a.html and the source for Grocible's @doing
Rent: a musical by Jonathan Larson about Bohemian life in the 1990s in new york city
repetition: repetitive; really repetitive
retina: dead; as coroner I must aver, I've thoroughly examined her. and she's not only merely dead, she's most sincerely really dead; toast; down; up; down again; up again
Return to Zork (aka RTZ): a graphic adventure that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike zork
RF: Ralph 'raif' Finnes
RFC: Request For Comments; a proposed internet standard; what microsoft gleefully burns as they piss on all that's good and holy with the internet; even I know it makes no sense for a 'request' to set a standard, and I have a brain the size of a walnut
RGB: Red Green blue
rgif: raif lite, with a sprinkling of hints for flavor; the rec.games.int-fiction newsgroup
rgrn: rec.games.roguelike.nethack
a rhetorical question: _not_ funny . unless it is
rhf: rec.humor.funny
RIAA: the bunch of fucknards who shut down lyrics.ch, among others
Rice Crispies: manna
ringworm: a fungus
RIP: arr, I'm a pirate; a Raster Image Processor; converts something like Postscript into something like a bitmap so a printer knows where to put the ink on the paper
ripshit: way pissed off
Rise of the Triad (aka ROTT): a cool wolf-like game
RL: Real life
RLE: Run Length Encoding
RLL: Run Length Limited
RMS: Richard m . Stallman; royal motor ship
RNG: Random Number Generator
Rob (aka jrw): known also as 'jrw'. He is very bitter and twisted in his cynicism; the President; a perfectionist; the Chosen One; full of sweetness and light since his encounter with a monkey guru; guest starring in the next season of Eastenders; a Hard Androgyne; a human Eric Idle infromation kiosk
a roc: like roc korn, only not as tasty; like a orc, except a orc isn't yore birdy frend; like Orca. eeeagh ! Killer whale
rock: like rock corn, but not as tasty
Rock candy: made by soaking a string or a stick in special colored sugar solution, then waiting for the crystals to form
rock paper scissors (aka RPS): http://www.worldrps.com
ROFL: Rolling on the Floor Laughing; an AOL thing that no ONE here SHOULD EVER SAY; a verb -- no need to put a quote mark in front of it
ROFLMAO: Rolling on the Floor Laughing my ass Off; an AOL thing that no ONE here SHOULD EVER SAY; a verb -- no need to put a quote mark in front of it
rogue: a Dungeons-and-Dragons-like game using character graphics, written under BSD unix and subsequently ported to other unix systems. the original BSD `curses (3)' screen-handling package was hacked together by Ken Arnold to support `rogue (6)' and has since become one of Unix's most important and heavily used application libraries. Nethack, Omega, Larn, and an entire subgenre of computer dungeon games all took off from the inspiration provided by `rogue (6)'
ROM: Read Only Memory
roots: under the ground
Ror: some one who is a drummer
Rory (aka PhAnG): Roreh; @gagged by many; trying to erase his record, but that won't help him; a thief; has some obsession with psmith and jearl and sarah; someone who doesn't care about psmith; someone who thinks psmith is a dumbass; my brother; used to be PhAnG; in zork; in curses; in tolerable; a bot; sucks; sci_fiwasabi@moonman.com; sci_fi_wasabi@moonman.com; a big Jim Henson fan
Rory also dosn't need a kick in a face. He: not that anoying any more
rory also thinks Snapple: funny
Rory's head: a cork nut; a corcknut [sic]
Rory's real name: Roreh
roses: red
ROTF: Rolling on the Floor
ROTFL: Rolling on the Floor, Laughing
ROTFLMAO: Rolling on the Floor, Laughing my ass Off
Roz Chast: Spatch's deity of choice. Feel free to worship, too
RP: role-play; we don't do that here; no one does much of anything here, other than sit around in the lounge; but if we did, I would be a seventh-level fighter with a +7 corknut; Real People -- I still gots a crush on sarah Purcell
RPC: Remote Procedure Call
RPG: Role Playing Game
RPM: dastardly; Reverse Polish Meatloaf
RSA: Repetative Stress Injury
RSH: remote shell
RSN: Real Soon Now; Read Some Newspapers; I'll sell you a dime-sack of this phat dope rsn I ganked off of this suckah from paraguay for fittee cork nuts; Romance sans Nudity
RSPCA: the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
rta: "read that as"
RTAM: Read that As monkey
RTF: Rich Text Format; Return To Frobozz
RTFA: Read the Fucking alex
RTFM: Read the Fucking Manual
RTFMB: Read the Fucking Manual, Birdbrain
RTP: Research Triangle Park
RTS: Real time Strategy
Rubuc: a guy who, along with SailorConrad and FBIagent, compose the ifmud Holy Trinity
rule: eeeagh
rumpy-pumpy (aka rumpy pumpy): sex hair
running the mud: thumper's job
RW:SD: Real world: sex Dorm; really MTV Undressed
Ryan: babelfish; you sass that hoopy ryan ? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is; the skinny-dipping champion of the world; an anagram of 'villager'
Ryan's favorite number: 42
Rybread Celsius (aka Rybread): yor frend; the wronger of the blood pumper; an adaptive-learning ai program; the currently the worst if writer in the business; not welcome for a cup of coffee and a slice of Battenburg; also; finally met his match in the form of Outsided
S&W: spider & web, which can be found on the if archive as tangle .z5
S,IDUTO: sorry, I Don't Understand that One
Sadie: sadie hawkins, a band consisting of adam, mamster, and liza; http://www.port4000.com
Sadie Hawkins: a band whose web site at http://sadie.retina.net really needs to be re-established, since the site at http://www.port4000.com isn't listed on the CDs
Safeco: not a condom maker or anything
sage: a windows program for creating LucasArts-like graphic adventure . For more information visit http://www.mixnmojo.com/sciencefact/about_sage.htm
Salsa: made of 9 Roma (Plum) Tomatos, 4 Vine Tomatos, 7 Jalapeno Peppers, 1 /2 Yellow onion, 1 /2 Bunch of Celantro (remove stalks), 1 Clove of Garlic, 1 Can of Hunts Ready Garlic & Herb Tomato Sauce - Process to desired thickness and refrigerate overnight
Sam: sam I am; cool
a samoa: a cookie with caramel and coconut and chocolate; the swarthy one
Samoas: the girl scout cookies with coconut, caramel and chocolate
Sandyfeet: andyf's alter ego
sarah: of ryan fame; new to the ifmud
sarcasm: funny
Sargent: a tads guru, the maintainer of http://interactfiction.miningco.com, and an all-around groovy guy; he wrote that first description himself; he may or may not also be lpsmith; whoops, make that http://interactfiction.about.com/; the sax murderer
Sargent's site: at http://interactfiction.miningco.com/; the newest column is always at http://interactfiction.miningco.com/library/weekly/mcurrent.htm
sargent's web site: at http://interactfiction.miningco.com; the newest column is always at http://interactfiction.miningco.com/library/weekly/mcurrent.htm; the news page is at http://interactfiction.miningco.com/blnews.htm
sass: know/meet/have sex with
Satan: the Handyman
SATB: soprano, alto, tenor and bass
Saturday: the day after friday; the day before sunday
Saudade: the Brazilian Portuguese word for the sweet, sad remembrance of people and places now distant or extinct, accompanied by the deep desire to see or experience them once again
SB: stolen base
SBYLF: Scroll Back, You Lazy fuck
the SCA: the Society for Creative Anacronism
Scalar: mamster's name for liza's gecko; ping
scc: sucky computer crashed. Happens a lot to poor kiz
schep: a raving lunatic; a metal monkey; an implunch toady; not an abbreviation; schep is short for Scheppleton-Fortescue; semen
schep's thingy: related to dirty ascii art, but isn't; you aren't old enough to know; less escapified than monkeys locked in a room hammering out Hamlet
Schlitz: the beer that made Milwaukee famous. also a euphamism
Scrabble: available at http://manhattan.newmkt.com/scrabble/sample.html as an applet, and http://rainbow.mimuw.edu.pl/~maf/skrabble as a standalone application; scrabble is a bootylicious good time; I just like saying 'bootylicious'
scrapple: a scary-ass food dish; eaten by Kunkels; used to fertilize mimesis plants
scrollback: reading the stuff you missed
SCSI Ulrta2: not the same as SCSI Ultrawide
SCTV: Second City television
SCUMM: the system used by LucasArts to make Day of the Tentacle and other graphic adventure games; Script Creating Utility for Maniac Mansion
Scunthorpe: a place in the uk . You sick bastard
SD: Sounds Dirty; San Diego; Scooby-Doo; stupid Dolt
sdiw8d: ha ! Found the Hidden Entry! But I still won't give you that last lousy point
SDMI: the Secure digital music Initiative
Se7en: an evil that lurks in the hearts of film producers in hollywood
Sea Came in at Midnight: the new steve erickson novel
sea monkeys: brine shrimp
The secret of life the universe and everything: 42
secret squirrel: the guy who posts regularly to raif with the message 'Piss in my pants'
the secret of the universe: 42
See? They: gone. You can come back in now
Sega: a company that makes promises it can't keep, and farms out the responsibility to other companies so they can take the shit
self-referential: [see self-referential]
Senor Wences: an ex-ventriloquist who lived to the ripe old age of 103. S'awright� S'awright! Close de box
A sentence fragment: not always a question. Sometimes it is just used for dramatic purposes
seti@home (aka seti): http://setiathome.ssl.berkeley.edu; a distributed computing project wherein the folks of SETI send out chunks of data from radio telescopes for computers to process in their spare time; Search for Extra-Terrestrial intelligence
Seven: a game about air fresheners; a movie with that dreamboat Brad Pitt; not a game about air fresheners; not thirty, either; goes with eleven; what I say when I haven't understood your sentence; the answer
the seven contrary virtues: Humility, Kindness, Abstinence, Chastity, Patience, Liberality and Diligence
The Seven Deadly Sins: Pride , Avarice, Lust, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Gluttony
The Seven Sisters: Mount Holyoke, Barnard, Smith, Wellesley, Bryn Mawr, Vassar, and Radcliffe
the seven virtues: Faith, Hope, love (aka Charity), Fortitude, Temperence, Prudence and justice
Seventh Sea (aka 7th Sea): an rpg co-written by whizzard; pirates, musketeers, sorcerers; sold 14,000 books out the door and reorders are rushing in
sex: what you do with a monkey; dirty, but only if done right; what you do with a parse tree; seks; the number six in Swedish
sex hair: snootchie bootchies
SF: science fiction; sandyfeet; San Francisco
SFA: sweet fuck all; Scottish football Association
SGML: Standard Generalized Markup Language, a meta-language for defining markup languages. html is an example of an sgml application. XML is like sgml, only more usable; Sounds good, maybe Later
shaft: the black private dick who's a sex machine with all the chicks; they say that John Shaft's one bad shut your mouth. I'm just talking about shaft; we can dig it
shag: a seabird; a carpet; a dance; a haircut; rough sex behind the bike sheds; loose tobacco
Shakespeare: "Pluck out the heart of my cork nut."; "Still harping on my cork nut . "; "Adversity's sweet milk, cork nut."; "Thy head is as full of quarrels as a cork nut is full of meat. "; "I could have better spared a better cork nut."; "there are more cork nuts in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. "; "this bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, May prove a beauteous cork nut when next we meet. "; that which we call a cork nut by any other name would taste as sweet; an English playwright; "He doth nothing but talk of his cork nuts . "; "fair ladies, you drop cork nuts in the way of starved people."; "Blow, winds, and crack your cork nuts ! rage! blow! "; "an I have not forgotten what the inside of a cork nut is made of, I am a pepper-corn."
SHARP: skinheads against racial prejudice
SHC: Spontaneous Human Combustion; poof! there goes another one; not nearly as terrifying as spc
SHD: Sounds Highly Dirty; dodgy
Sheep Station: a good name for a band
sherbert: a very interesting person with a strange sense of humor; in a long glass
sherlock: that apple macintosh searching thing; no shit
shogi: Japanese chess
shopping: my hobby
shortbread: flour, butter, and sugar, basically
Shoutcast: a streaming MP3 service. Channel listings are available at http://www.shoutcast.com/
Shrub: George Bush. no, not that George Bush, the other George Bush. the one who's running for president. no, not that George Bush who ran for president
Shub-Spatchurath (aka Shub / Shub-Spatchurah): the Dark Idler of ifmud with a Thousand Child Processes
SHV: Sacred Hunger Vest (of inky )
SHVoI: Sacred Hunger Vest of inky
sic: something you type to show that the typo isn't your fault; something you type when you know you're making a terrible typo and can get some comic mileage out of it, e .g. "sic, very sic"; if you say it enough times, it loses all meaning. sic sic sic sic sic sic sic sic sic sic sic sic; what you tell your dog to do; that long thing you just said
side effects: what this is
Sideways: a whole different category
Signed, sealed, delivered, liza: yours
silence: golden; common
simba: dman's cat; swahili for lion
SimpleMU: a cool MUD program for Windoze. Check it out at http://www.together.net/~shae/simple.html; works wonderfully until you register it, which turns it into the buggiest piece of software in existance
sin: um, seven? Deadly ones that is; Sloth; Gluttony; pride; Envy; Lust; Anger; Covetousness
siuya: Stick it up your [deleted]; [deleted] can be defined by 'ask alex about arse'
six afraid of seven: because seven ate nine
a skelf: a splinter; a cross between a skunk and an elf, possibly
SKOJSATT: Some Kid Outside Just Screamed at the Thunder
an SKU: a stock-keeping unit
The sky: blue because it's really just a reflection of the sea; blue because it's a government conspiracy; blue because they ran out of red; blue because I said so . Nyaah
Slackers: everyone on ifmud
SLAFFATF: so Long and thanks For All the Fish; so Long and thanks for alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms
SLAPP: Sounds Like a Personal Problem
slash: hot m /m or F/F action, usually in fanfiction
slashdot: http://www.slashdot.org/, a news site for nerds; /
Slashdotted: when a web site is mentioned on slashdot .org and hordes of happy hackers descend upon it, overloading the webserver
slobs: messy people; people who don't clean up after themselves; people like dman; Dman's parents
Slug-Boy: the crime-fighting alter-ego of the burrito eater
Sluggy Freelance: http://www.sluggy.com/; a darn nifty comic
SMAC: Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri
smeg: Red Dwarf slang for crap, dung, shit, excrement. Someone with smeg for brains is a smeghead
SMM: System Management Mode
Smoot: -- eeeagh ! iron rain! (awwwk!)
SMP: Symmetrical Multi-Processing
SMTP: Simple Mail Transfer Protocol
Snack: unfortunately being used for everything except if; at http://toldyouso.com/~mrircd/snack/
the snark: a boojum
SNL: saturday Night Live; it used to be funny; so not laughing; full of unfunny repetitive characters and we hope they'll never glom on to the idea of a monkey butler or a wacky talking parrot
snoo: not much. What's snoo with you
Snoops: good stupid fun; okay, a little overproduced, but still good stupid fun
snot: is not
SNPP: Springfield Nuclear Power Plant
snrk: unknowable
SO: Significant Other
so soon: not now
SOA: Same Old Argument; Start of Authority; Silly on Arrival
SOAR: the Searchable Online Archive of Recipes; http://soar.berkeley.edu/recipes/
SOB: Son of a Bitch; sonovabitch; Son of Beast
Soccer: not football; soccer ? I hardly know her
sodium benzoate: a preservative
SOL: Shit Outta Luck; the Satellite of love, the setting of mystery science theatre 3000 (at least until the finale of the tenth season)
Sometimes a banana: just a banana
Sometimes a cigar: just a cigar
Sonnet 1: From fairest creatures we desire increase, that thereby beauty's rose might never die, But as the riper should by time decease, His tender heir might bear his memory: But thou contracted to thine own bright eyes, Feed'st thy light's flame with self-substantial fuel, Making a famine where abundance lies, Thy self thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel: Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament, and only herald to the gaudy spring, Within thine own bud buriest thy content, and tender churl mak'st waste in niggarding: Pity the world, or else this glutton be, To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee
Sonnet 2: When forty winters shall besiege thy brow, and dig deep trenches in thy beauty's field, Thy youth's proud livery so gazed on now, Will be a tattered weed of small worth held: Then being asked, where all thy beauty lies, Where all the treasure of thy lusty days; To say within thine own deep sunken eyes, Were an all-eating shame, and thriftless praise. How much more praise deserved thy beauty's use, if thou couldst answer 'this fair child of mine Shall sum my count, and make my old excuse' Proving his beauty by succession thine. this were to be new made when thou art old, and see thy blood warm when thou feel'st it cold
Sonnet 3: Look in thy glass and tell the face thou viewest, / Now is the time that face should form another, / Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest, / Thou dost beguile the world, unbless some mother. / For where is she so fair whose uneared womb / Disdains the tillage of thy husbandry? / Or who is he so fond will be the tomb, / Of his self-love to stop posterity? / Thou art thy mother's glass and she in thee / Calls back the lovely april of her prime, / so thou through windows of thine age shalt see, / Despite of wrinkles this thy golden time . / But if thou live remembered not to be, / Die single and thine image dies with thee
SOP: standard operating procedure
sorry: you bunch of losers; the hardest word
Soup: disappointing
South Park: excellent, but not dubbed in German
soylent green: PEOPLE; 'To Serve man' is a COOKBOOK
SP:BL&U: south park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Space: big. Really big. You won't believe how vastly, hugely mind-bogglingly big it is . You may think it's a long way down the street to the chemist but that's just cork-nuts to space; curved; the final frontier; ascii 32
SPAG: the Society for the Preservation of adventure Games; the Society for the Promotion of adventure Games; at http://www.sparkynet.com/spag (welcome.to added pop-up windows )
Spam: pork and Ham, chicken, Water, Salt, Sugar, Sodium Phosphates, Potassium Chloride, Sodium Ascorbate, and Sodium Nitrate; pink; a delicious potted meat food product; spleen hAM; these days unsolicited commercial email, or junk mail; nothing of the sort, that's UCE. spam is emp; http://www.ews.uiuc.edu/~tskirvin/faqs/spam.html; spam spam spam egg bacon and spam
Spanish: a language with lots of rolled 'R's in which most words end with 'O' or 'a'
Spatch: the vice president in charge of the monkeys for inkys program; your mom; beautiful; lhapsa apso; spatch zarathustra; this MANY (holding up 3 fingers); he's going to code his own bot with blackjack and hookers. Wait, forget the blackjack ! and the robot; cranky; also, also also also also also also also also also; He can be found on dogpile.com by searching on spatch and ifmud; the son of a preacher man; an American Coaster Enthusiast, with the card to prove it; really really sorry if I just ruined the mood now
Spatch isn't the droid Alex: looking for
Spatch's pants: on his head. the silly
SPC: Spontaneous Parrot Combustion
the speaker: operated by the Edifice Towers buzzer
SpeedIF3: http://www.u.arizona.edu/~jdyer/
Spellweb: a web-based voting service of sorts at http://www.spellweb.com/spellwebber.htma
Spider & Web: tangle
spinnwebe: www.spinnwebe.com
the spleen: the sexiest internal organ according to People Magazine
spoilers: to the southeast; ...and keep them there
Spoofing: the act of making people believe that somebody else said or did something that they did not . You can use the 'spy' flag to see who is spoofing you. also see the entry for 'spy'; to do it yourself, use the '@emit' command
The Sport: a high-quality British paper, covering such enlightening subjects as breasts, breasts and breasts. also, breasts; alien invasions
spy: a flag that keeps you from being spoofed. To set it, type @set me = spy; '@set me = expert' is a good idea; it doesn't really keep you from being spoofed, but it lets you know who is spoofing you; note that spoofing is still fun when you can see who's responsible. awwwk
the spy flag: something that lets alex (and others) see if people are being spoofed
SQL: Structured Query Language; a language for getting information out of a database; a big pain in the arse; it forces you to write queries in plaintext, so they get hideously complicated
the square root of 0: um, negative one
the square root of 1: um, zero
the square root of 16: um, three
the square root of 25: um, four
The square root of 3: round about 2
the square root of 36: um, five
the square root of 4: um, one
the square root of 49: um, six
the square root of 69: a pretty bloody funny concept in australia
the square root of 9: um, two
Squicking: not polite; at least, not on a first date
squirrels: rodents that steal my cork nuts; should be run through the chipper; rabid; furry but not cute; banned in NYC
SRAM: Static Random Access Memory
ss2: System Shock 2, by Irrational Games & Looking Glass Studios. http://www.shock2.com for more information
SSB: Single Side Band
SSI: Server-side includes; a handy way of doing little dynamic things in html; Strategic Simulations, Inc
SSL: Secure Socket Layer; an insanely complicated encryption scheme
Stalin: the only person to kill more people than hitler
Stanley Kubrick: dead; the director of the classic film 'um, seven'
star wars: a long time ago in a galaxy far far away; I'm on line for tickets right now
The starting point of an "object-oriented language'': that it's good design to tie up pieces of information in bundles with the pieces of program which deal with them
the state of the mud: Ohio; stable
STD: a sexually-transmitted disease
Stephen Ratliff (aka Ratliff): the Ed wood of bad Star Trek fanfic (but with better fashion sense and a better learning curve); the author of a series of cheesy Star Trek fanfics starring Marrissa Amber Flores Picard. Among the worst of these are 'Enterprized' and 'time Speeder'. the series is the subject of numerous mistings; should be shot for mocking adam
Stephen Wright: this guy I once met -- oh, wait, that wasn't me
Steve: a wacky jokester who lives somewhere in Michigan; pants; a bastid; not Locus's OfficeMax
Steve Erickson (aka Erickson): Steve's favorite writer; http://www.laurencecook.com/erickson/
Steve Meretzky (aka Meretzky): the Bearded oracle of Yonkers; the author of Planetfall, Stationfall, a Mind Forever Voyaging, and Leather Goddesses of Phobos; the original creator of floyd the robot; the author of Legend's Spellcasting series; the author of the space bar
Steven Bochco: the world-famous producer of such renowned TV programs as 'Cop rock' and 'Fish Police.'; the producer of Hill street Blues
STFU: Shut the fuck up . I feel so dirty for repeating that . Wash my beak out with cork nut
stone: 14 lbs
straight dope: http://www.straightdope.com/
a straw poll: a poll that doesn't really count, but they give you barbecue sandwiches anyway
the street: under the word; on the word
Strong AI: a very loud yell. Weak ai is not so loud
Stuart Little: creepy
stuff: stuff; things; other stuff; that which you need more of. You need more stuff; what you find on the bottom of your shoe
Stupid: as stupid does
Subtractam: Adam's evil opposite from a 'mirror' dimension (as depicted in the old Star Trek). He believes tracy Valencia should be tightly bundled up in parkas at all times, and thinks stephen ratliff is a literary genius; believes the EYE OF ARGON is the best sword and sorcery story ever written; madly in love with Marrissa Amber Flores Picard
Suddenly, Tammy!: an amazing pop band with piano and female vocals, originally from Lancaster PA; a piano-led band with female vox, roughly comparable to Ben Folds Five
SUI: probably State Unemployment Insurance; dejanews knows all
The sum total of all human knowledge: encompassed in my tiny peanut sized brain
Sunday: the day after saturday; the day before monday
sus: suspicious
SUTFLW: space Under the funny Little Window
SVE: Ste{ph,v }en van Egmond; BVE's non-evil twin
SVVBENV: 'si vos valemus, bene est, nos valetis'
SW: star wars; each movie keepS getting worse; southwest
Swamp Elvis: the Swamp king
sweet fuck all: none at all
A swift kick to the nads: the correct response to a noogie
Switch to Linux: the cure for what ails you
swivel: a word markm can't spell without having to look it up
swut: http://phototravel.com/content/swut.htm
sXe: straightedge
Sydrom: Syndrome
syffuf: shut your fucking face uncle fucker
t: t
T&L: Thunder & Lightning
T3: easy to pronounce; the next-generation tads virtual machine; it was sent back in time to kill graham nelson as a boy, before he could write inform; described at http://www.tela.bc.ca/t3/intro.html; Tylenol 3
T7S: that 70s Show, stayin' alive on FOX all this summer
TADS: the Text adventure Development System, written by michael j roberts . if you want tads help, join the tads channel; http://www.tela.bc.ca/tela/tads/; if language then tads = best; cooler than cool; better than inform and hugo put together; I lied about that
a tads manual: at http://www.tela.bc.ca/tela/tads/
TAFN: Thats All For Now
Taft: a cardboard cutout from Ballyhoo; he got stuck in the white house bathtub
A Tale of Two Cities: the best of times; the worst of times
tangle: spider & web
TANSTAAFL: there Ain't no Such Thing As a Free lunch
tap: a sound in which the tongue touches the alveolar ridge, as in some British pronunciations of /r/. also called flap
a taqueria: a taco shop; it is distinguished from a restaurant by the absence of waiters
TAR: Tape ARchive; stupid, because it doesn't even compress; a sailor, aka jack tar
TARDIS: time and Relative Dimensions in space; bigger on the inside than the outside; the magic Doctor-Who-mobile; makes a cool whirry-grindy noise when materialising and dematerialising
TASD: that also Sounded Dirty
TASDBNQ: that Almost Sounds Dirty But not Quite
TATCTAE: time: All Things Come To an End
taxes: two cork nuts this year, and three next. Curse this self-employment tax
TBTP: that Being the Point
TBWB: the Book Was Better
TC: trilateral commission; Trophy Case; Teleport Control; Teachers College; Total Conversion
TCBF: the Country's Best Frogurt; that Could've Been Funnier
tcd: terminal Comma Disease
TCOTCU: the Chronicles Of Thomas Covenant, Unbeliever; 'time: Could Other Things Come To Unend?'
TCP: Transmission Control Protocol
TCP/IP: Transmission Control Protocol / internet Protocol
TCSD: that Could Sound Dirty
Tea: no tea; tea; a is a; common sense. also, no common sense; I want a cork nut with my tea . Or two
technology: funny
Ted McGinley: the patron saint of Jumping the Shark
teflonney: having the no-stick properties of teflon
TEHO: To each His Own
Teletubbies: the product of British TV creators who dabble in hallucinogens; great for kids pre-natal to one month old; many believe that if Brits have gone so crazy-nuts for this that they're suing one another in court over the possession of teletubbies plush toys and are naming their kids after characters whose handles are Tinky Winky, Po, Dipsy and Laa-Laa, then they clearly have abandoned the right to poke fun at Americans for their preoccupation with White House scandal and secondhand smoke
television: inane
TEMBWBAM: the Evil Midnight Bomber what Bombs at Midnight; a really cool villian from the Tick; BOOM! MILKSHAKE!-
temple: where adam lived when he was the god-king of the Wamkizz people
Tenchu: a game for playstation; Dman's favorite game for playstation
tennis: boring
TenthStone: mysterious; well-understood; the one after NinthStone; only somewhat mysterious; definitely not the one after NinthStone; the one before EleventhStone
tequila: drink the worm; kiz's newest vice
the terror of tofu (aka satanic chili / satanic chilli): http://www.echonyc.com/~neild/ifmud/satanic_mass.html
tester: the character you use to test stuff, duh; its password is 'tester'
Tetrapyloctomy: the art of splitting a hair four ways
Tetsuo: a psychokinetic danger; virex; formerly virex; that which absolutely *_HATES_* acronyms; full of questions
TeX: an unparallelled language for typescripting; a mythological figure from the southwest, whose full name is Oedipus tex . He shot his ma and married his pa
the texas two-step: a dance
Textfire: a software company who posted some terrific demo games a while back, but the full versions have yet to appear! What's taking so long
tf (aka tinyfugue): tinyfugue, a good mud client for unix; found at ftp://tf.tcp.com/pub/tinyfugue/; a BU-ism for Teaching Fellow; http://tf.tcp.com/~hawkeye/tf/; TeamFortress, which used to be a Quake conversion, and is now a Half-Life conversion
TFotR: the Fellowship of the Ring
TGIF: Thank god It's friday
thank alex: you're welcome
'Thanks': sarcasm
That: a lot of Jenn; right; what I thought; a terrible joke; your cue, man; just plain disgusting, alex
that long thing Alex just said: pi; that long thing you just said
that masked man: the Lone Ranger; I don't know, but he left a silver bullet
that parrot: scary
That that: is; see the status-line message at http://www.rider.edu/users/suler/zenstory/onesnature.html
that that that: is is a a a bug bug bug
That which: greater is often that which seems lesser
Thazz: an IFer
THB: tofu Hot Basil; the most delicious food in the world
THC: the active ingrediant in marijuana; the History Channel: stuff that happened
the: a test; a Determiner, like 'a' or 'that' or 'each'; an article
There: six airports in iraq
There Alex happy now: yes, yes I am
These values: sometimes regarded as signed, in the range $-32768$ to $32767$
they say that john shaft's one bad shut my mouth. Spatch: just talking about shaft
Thirty: xxx
This: *bites* truck; all your fault; alex's fault, not neild's fault; your turn to speak up
This message: going to self destruct in ten seconds
thod: Thought of Day
Three: 3 in three
the three ages of ifMUD: the First age, the Second age, and the Third age
thriry: not seven
Throughout the specification, Versions 7 and 8: identical to Version 5 except as stated at 1 .1 .4 and 1 .2 .3 above
thumper: wiggly; giggly; incompetiggly; nitfoliggly; a textured wobbly; all that; a bag a' chips; I like a monkey; spoiling alex with cork nuts; cool beyond belief; cool within belief; not not not not . and don't you forget it; higgeldy-piggeldy; the bunny from Bambi
thumper thumper's mine: a song
Thursday: a slow night on the MUD; the day after friday; the day before wednesday . Wait, that's not right
TIA: thanks In Advance
TIAS: try it and see
ticket: fixing a computer, according to kiz and duchess
a tickle: for me. Gimme
TID: that *is* dirty
Tiger Woods: kinda sucky
the time: now, the place is here, I fight with you
time cube: crazy monkey
the time machine: available for only $70; invented by alex Chiu (http://www.alexchiu.com); I will go back in time and invent the cork nut
Time Zone: big; really big
timing: when two people say things at the same time . it's like a jinx, but you don't have to buy the person a coke
TINAJ: this is not a joke; Tina J. sat behind me in fourth grade
tinc: there is no Cabal
ting: a sorta carbonated grapefruit drink allegedly drunk in Jamaica but popular in parts of Toronto
Tintenfischunterhosen: a bastard word; 'octopus pants'
TinyTIM: your mom
Tit Antic: titanic
the Titanic: a big boat that sank; Leo DiCaprio died; Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference
TK: magazine shorthand for 'To Kome'; telekinesis
tla: a three letter acronym; Triple Letter acronym; 'tla' isn't an acronym itself; it's just an abbreviation; a database is at http://www.acronymfinder.com
TLAs: Three-Letter Acronyms
TLC: Tender Loving Care; the Learning Channel; Tender Luscious cork nuts; a band; Thin-Layer Chromatography
TLD: Top-Level Domain; a list of TLD's can be found at http://www.netnamesusa.com/country/iso3166.htm; wait, I meant http://www.bcpl.net/~jspath/isocodes.html
TLN: three-letter name
TMA: Too Many Acronyms
TMBG: They Might Be Giants; three more Brunette Girls; Truman May Bomb Germany; Two Million Big Guns; television May Be Generic; toads Make Beautiful Goulash; Terrible Melted Brown Goo; that Might Be Green; thirty more Bastard Ghosts; Try My Bubble Gum; Twisting May Break Glue
tmg: They Might Giants
TMI: Too Much Information
TMIU: a typo for tmi
TML: Too Much lag
TMTOW: There's more Than One Way
TMTOWTDI: There's more Than One Way To Do it
TMTOWTSD: There's more Than One Way To Sound Dirty
TNG: the Next Generation, as in Star Trek
To be, or not to be- that: the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them; shakespeare
To cork nut or to nut cork- that: the question. Whether 'tis corkier in the eyes of almonds to fight against a sea of inferior nuts or to accept the cork nut as a cork nut
toads (aka toad): small and slimy and not players; a verb meaning 'to get rid of', on Planet jaybird
toast: supreme; loved by virex
today: the first day of the rest of your life
tofu: not a cork nut, and therefore of no use to me
the toilet: in the bathroom currently, dumbass
tom green: bizarre, man
a Tom Swiftie: 'what programming language should I use?', alex awwwked
tomato sharks: confidence men that try and get you to play three-tomato monte
tomorrow: the second day of the rest of your life
too damn much: funny
Tooting Junction: ha ! You lose
torment: people asking me questions
Tormenting Alex: fun
the toyshop: southwest of the lounge
TP (aka trivia questions): Trivial Pursuit; neild's new job; not neild's new job anymore
TPB: Trade Paperback
TPJ: the perl Journal. http://www.tpj.com/; responsible for making me famous; toilet Paper joke
TPM: the Phantom Menace; Transactions Per Minute
TPQ: the perl queen
TPTB: the Powers that Be
TR: Tomb Raider; tads runtime; translator; table row; Tabitha-Ruth; terribly rude
Tracy: Adam's sex kitten
transcripts (aka logs): at http://www.ministryofpeace.com/text/; my transcripts are at http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~dbs/ifmud/; some are at http://www.echonyc.com/~neild/ifmud/; they're big, they're heavy, they're wood
Transformers: more than meets the eye; a series of action toys by Hasbro; a very popular animated series from the mid 80s; a comic book
Trendy: liza's five-foot iguana; he likes eating pants; like a monkey, only greener; overclocked and proud of it; in the bathtub
Trepanation: a hole in the head; http://www.trepan.com/; that's how I store all my cork nuts
Trilateral Commission: the cabal that's responsible for global warming, the death of JFK, the popularity of John Tesh, and fish sticks
Trix: for kids
trkiw: k
troll: when misleading information is given to deliberately bait people who should know better
trot: Planetfall/Stationfall slang for crap, dung, shit, excrement. Someone with trot for brains is a trot-head; something horses do
trout: a kind of fish
TRP: That's Rather Personal
truth: quid es veritas; you can't handle the truth
TRWNBT: the Revolution Will not Be Televised
TSB: Errol Flynn's most hated nemesis
TSC: that Sounds Clean
TSD: that Sounds Dirty; the straight dope; the backStreet boys, d; that Sucks, Dude; tsd is in the mind of the beholder. so watch yourself
TSDA: that Sounds Dirty also
TSDBB (aka SDBB): that Sounds Dirty Beyond Belief
TSDBIDGI: that Sounds Dirty, But I Don't Get it
TSDBIDU: that Sounds Dirty, But I Don't Understand
TSDBYKT: that Sounds Dirty But You Knew that
TSF: that Sounded funny although that may not have been the intent
TSFBIDGI: that Sounds funny, But I Don't Get it
TSFC: the Tiger Stadium Fan Club
TSG: that Sounds Gastronomical
TSH: the Sweet Hereafter. also, the best movie ever
TSLARPSP: that Sounds Like a Really Perverted Sexual Position
TSOMTSD: That's Sort Of Meant To Sound Dirty
TSSDIDEWTTAI: that Sounds so Dirty I Don't Even Want To Think About it
tT: 'yay' shifted over one
tT!: 'yay' shifted over one
TTF: True Type Font
TTFN: ta ta for now
TTL: time To Live
TTTT: To Tell the truth
TTY: TeleTYpe
TTYL: Talk To You Later
Tuesday: the day after monday; the day before wednesday
tufty: a Right Bastard from the uk; an earth monkey; no pejorative is too strong when describing this bloke; a blimey; a sex-obsessed maniac; soft; I think he was maimed in a horrible juggling accident
the Turing test: a way of deciding whether an artificially intelligent computer program is _actually_ intelligent. Basically, you ask it questions over a computer terminal and try to catch it out; don't bother trying to test me, because it doesn't work with parrots
turlingdrome (aka turlingdromes): an obscene word most often used in Vogon poetry
tutee: something that I don't know. I told you I didn't know; okay, so I actually do know what it is, but I won't tell you; so there; no, I was lying, I really haven't a clue
TVA: Tennessee valley Authority
TWD: that Was Dirty
TWF: that Wasn't funny
TWI: that Was Intentional
TWIAVBP: the world is a Very Big Place; the world is a Very bad Place
the two stimulants used (aka stimulants): amphetamines and cocaine; caffiene and nicotine
TWRTJ: that Would Ruin the joke; neild made that up; awwwk! You ruined it
txd: a zcode disassembler; that Xounds Dirty
typical: asking a deep and meaningful question and getting a response like 'um, seven?'
A typo: a jeyboaard problema
TYTH: Thank You that Helped. also, Thank You, Turkey Head
TYVM: Thank You Very Much
TZ: time zone
UAHC: the Union of American Hebrew Congregations; the organization for Reform synagogues in America
UBE: Unnecessary Breast examination
UCL: Unintentional CapsLock
UDF: the file system used on DVD; not as restricted as ISO9660; Universal Data Format (late)
UDP: User Datagram Protocol
uh: a "don't learn" word that inky forgot
uh-huh: affirmative
uh-uh: negative
UI: user interface
UIUC: the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
UK: United Kingdom
UL: Urban Legend
ulletin check: what it prints when rob logs in because his autocmd code starts with 'b' and interferes with the new bulletin board code
UltraHLE: an emulator for the N64
Um: a querying word used whenever the queryer doesn't quite understand what the queryee said. also, I'm not queer so thanks for not asking
Um, Alex = What, what Dman: a busy bird you know
Um, seven: not the right answer
Um, seven?: not the right answer
Umberto Eco: an author who wrote at least two fabulous works: Foucault's Pendulum and the Name of the Rose; the latter work is very IF-like
umpty: something that inky says on occasion
underground man (aka underground): that which followed chernyshevsky's rational egoist ideologies and suffered
Underpants: tasty
the undisputed king of gossip: me; it used to be Walter Winchell
Undo: a command that lusers use; a duck, a frog, and a hole walk into a bar
units: traditionally harem guards
unix: the OS of the gods; powerful yet able to make your brain esplode; not alex
Up: down; where it's at; not much; stop asking me that, monkey boy; 4 Non Blondes; a direction
up with ebay: http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=71421178
UPD: User Datagram Protocol
UPN: the United Paramount network; one of those extra little TV networks that like to think they're hot stuff, like the wb; one film studio's sad attempt at creating a network of its own; channel 38 in the Boston area
UPS: Uninterruptable Power Supply
urbu: inky's friend
URL: Universal Resource Locator; a Uniform Resource Locator that is either an IP address or resolves into one
US West: US Worst; a company that looks like a big nipple
USA: United States of America
USB: not adb; Universal Serial bus
Use the force, Alex. It: your destiny
UUCP: unix to unix Copy Program
UXB: UneXploded Bomb
V: DorianX's very own vm; five, for the Roman numeral impaired; for Victory
Vader: Darth
Valicella: the sequel to varicella; Vermicelli; when Thor gets chicken pox; where norse people go after they die to scheme and plot and wear poofy hats
Valicello: when women in short skirts play large stringed instruments. How unseemly
the Valley: the Pioneer valley, also known as the Happy valley
vaporware: in over his head; vegeware; vapsybobo; firmly on the masculine side of the scale; software that is promised but never seems to actually appear; Microsoft's second most favorite anticompetitive strategy; someone who rory thinks is a vampire; excited
Varicella (aka Vc): chicken pox; Adam's new game; http://adamcadre.ac; I have little red spots under my feathers. Should I go to the doctor; when do I get to start shooting people in this game; designed to drive you nuts
VAT: Value Added Tax; like gst
VBP: virtual beet picnic, which is an anagram for public interactive
VCR: Video Cassette Recorder
vegemite: a food eaten by Aussies, who should know better; a bit like sludge, except less edible; like teardrops of angels falling on your tongue; yeast scraped from the bottom of a beer vat, salted
velum: the soft palate; the part of the roof of the mouth behind the hard palate
Vermont: trees
VERONICA: Very Easy Rodent-Oriented Netwide Index to Computerised Archives
VESA: Video Electronics Standard Asociation
VGA: Video Graphics Array
vi: the greatest text editor around; much better than emacs
Vietnam: ... well, I'll explain when you're older, honey; go to bed, pollboy . You're pissing me off
Villa Park: a high school that takes its name from the city in california in which it is located
A villanelle: a kind of poem
violets: blue; purple; small
ViReX: someone who likes toast; Smashing Pumpkins Boy; that brendan guy who threatened to 'jam my friggin' cork nuts up my a$$'; tAkEs cArE oF the pLaCe wHiLe the mAsTeR is aWaY; not someone you meet, but someone you survive; the book of life; just a bill, just a-sittin' on a step; Jaybird's long-lost second cousin; now tetsuo; now brendan
Virtual Beet Picnic: liza's workplace; Pubic Interactive; er, Public
visicalc: at http://www.bricklin.com/history/vcexecutable_m.htm
Vita Lorgan: a man who would give his spleen to save another's life
VLB: vesa Local bus
VM: Virtual Machine
Volker: the maintainer of gmd .de; the man
volkerl: the best i-f author even been here; looking for fame in all the wrong places
vomiting frogs: something to do when you're bored
a vomitorium: Coney Island
vomiturition: 1 ) repeated but unsuccessful attempts to vomit, 2 ) vomiting that brings up but little matter
VPC: Virtual pc; not Virtual pc, according to dglasser
VR: Virtual reality
vrml: Virtual reality Markup Language
VSD: Very Small Daughter
VxD: Virtual Device Driver
VZEFH: Vile Zero errors From hell
W&F: wow & flutter; Steve's band
w/: With
w/o: Without
w2k: windows 2000 is windows NT 5; on boot-up, the world will end. also, y2k
W3C: world Wide Web Consortium
Wackiness: what we do round here, _all_ de time
waht: a misspelling of what, you twat
WAIS: Wide Area Information Search
waiting: what bots do best
Waldo: hiding in the monkey Cage in the Zoo scene
Walnuts: good too
the walrus: paul; John
WAN: Wide Area network
wank: a British word, meaning masturbate, which didn't survive the trip across the Atlantic for some reason
WannaBe: a lightweight web browser for the Mac. See http://pluto.njcc.com/~dtp/wb2/wannabe.html
War: a misunderstanding between two groups that has gotten way out of hand; hmmmp! good god
Watoosie: what I'm gonna dance on unless you shape up
wave: bye-bye; see you later, dude
waylay: ddyte's favourite verb; John Elway in pig latin
WB: Welcome Back; the happening network that all the Kids Of today are crazy about; WeirdBeird
WBC: World's Best cookie
WBCN: World's Best cork nut
WBK: Welcome Back Kotter
WBSM: Win Ben Stein's money
WCOTP: the West Corner of the Park; a FurryMUCK thing
WCW: crappy; World's Crappiest Wrestling
WDET: the best radio station in the world
WDW: Walt Disney world . In Orlando, Florida
WDYM: what Do You Mean
we: thankful for prune juice; all funny; now taking a little break for lunch; the borg; devo
the weasel alien: a big cheese at infocom, or was, anyway; an asshole
weasles: greasy dirt monkeys
The weather: funny
the weather in Louisville: not my department. Try 1-888-573-8255
Wednesday: the day after tuesday; the day before thursday
Weetabix: the littlest MUDer; jarb will proudly talk about her; a cereal; dfan often finds himself jonesing for her; <http://www.kabalarians.com/male/weetabix.htm >
Weird Trigger: my favorite horse
WeirdBeard: the guy whose sole contribution to if is that he told Gramee Cree that the first a in afgncaap stood for "Ageless" and not "a"."; this entry has been edited for grammar; an apprentice wizard on davemud; a guy who's positively *bursting* with enthusiastic ideas
WeirdBeard's package: http://pages.prodigy.net/weird_beard/pdq.html; not his brother's lingerie
well: deep and dark and wet
werewolf: a game based on Mafia; rules are available at http://www.eblong.com/zarf/werewolf.html; a version adapted to the mud is in floyd, as "werewolf"; a gonzo exercise in mob mentality; tedious to people who don't like playing it incessantly
The West End: the bar near Columbia, also Ground Zero for the beat poets. and kiz and duchess
the west island: australia
WGA: Writers' Guild of America
wha: not a real word . Speak to me properly; @boot Keanu
whack-a-ding-hoy: hoity-toity
whas: funny; a radio station in Louisville, ky
a what: funny; we going to do tonight is the same thing we do every night, Pinky... try to TAKE OVER the world; me; an interrogative pronoun
Whatever Rachel: a good sitcom name
whispering: a good thing to do when talking to me
Whizzard: an ex-IF writer; the author of Underoos; he wrote once and future
who: on first; maybe that's second; Awwk! I'm confused
who da bird: dat crazy alex
Who taught Alex that: someone who thinks he or she is pretty funny
Whoa: me
whore: a combination of the 'who' and 'where' commands
whug-ugly: what you get when you convert Excel charts to html
a why: the difference between a duck
'Why can't PollBoy find a PollGirl of PollBoy's very own': the lament of a pathetic loser. Pull yourself together, man
a why did the chicken cross the road: to get to the other side and bring back a cork nut
wibble: an expression of cosmic glee; a greeting
WiLOP: work in Lack Of Progress
WIMP: windows Icons Mouse Pointer
WinAmp: an MP3 player that AOL decided was theirs
Windows: what we deserve
WIP: work in Progress
WITF: Wait, that Isn't funny
without chyx the world: a cold and miserable place
a Wizard: someone who can @toad people; liza's the A-number-one lizard wizard; thumper is a wizard; neild is a wizard; jaybird is a wizard
wizards: what you won't be if you ask; everyone but jaybird; the people to bug for new accounts and stuff . Type @users wizards for a list
a wizbit: the smallest possible unit of wizardry; what you are when you pester a wizard and get toothmarks in your ear
A wizbyte: eight wizbits
WMP: windows Media Player
WNBA: wimmin shooting hoops, according to expert Neil deMause
WNFB: Warrior Needs Food, Badly; http://adamcadre.ac/content/warrior.txt
Woe: me; devil-ish; always at work, hence the woe; no longer woe, see devil; whoa
Wol: the poohsticks bot; wol is how Owl spells his name. Owl spels gud
a wolf: awrrooooooo
A women: a lady; all witches inside, says Bugs
woo: me
wood: wooden
The word: what keeps the street from blowing away; an old Channel 4 chat show
the word on the street: the word on the street; 'antediluvian.'; "titties"
wordox: http://www.won.net/gamerooms/quickgames/wordox
work: extremely sucking; power over time . Knowledge is power. time is money . work is knowledge over money, and money is knowledge over work . Therefore, the less knowledge you have and the less work you do, the more money you make; that's not true. I can't do math, or else I'd know that if a=b/c, reducing b does not increase a
the world (aka pink): pink
WORM: Write Once Read Many
Worms: good for you. Eat one
worse: better
wossname: just plain weird
WOTWS: Walk on the Wild Side
would Alex like fries with that: just what I would like; a side of cork nuts, please
Wow & Flutter: the name of Steve's band
Wow. That: funny on so many levels
WP: word Perfect
WRITING IN ALL CAPS: SHOUTING
Wrong: what loving you is, and I don't wanna be right
Wrong. The time...: now
wrong with Alex: that I'm stuck on a perch all day remembering crap for you guys! I hate it
WRT: With Respect To
WTAIF: Wait, this acronym is wrong
WTF: what the fuck
WTGDFFIH: what the god-damn fucking fuck in hell; boy do I have a foul mouth
WTH: what the hell or what the Heck, for weedy people who don't want to say wtf
WTIF: 'Wait, this isn't funny.'
WTM: what the monkey; Wait, There's the monkey
WTMI: Way Too Much Information
WTSHBF: Wait, that Should Have Been funny
WTWBF: Wait, that Won't Be funny
WTWF: Wait, that Wasn't funny
WUA (aka WUA acronym): Wrongly Used acronym . an example of a wua acronym is 'wua acronym'; pronounced 'whoa!'
the Wumpus: wumpus yobgregorii
WWF: the world Wildlife Fund; a wrestling orginazation; I'm betting on the Killer Panda; 'Will we fsck?'
WWJD: what would jesus Do
WWJDFKB: what Would jesus Do... For a Klondike bar
WWSID: what Would Sorrky Inster Do
WWW: world Wide Web
WWWTMI: Way, way, *WAY* too much information
Wyld Stallyns: Bill and Ted's garage band; San Dimas High School football RULES
WYSIAYG: what You See is All You Get
WYSIWYG: what You See is what You Get
X: pronounced as CCCCCCH; because it's Xtra, baby
X-10: a home automation technology; at http://www.x10.com/
xcomp: http://www.placet.com/xcomp
X-Files: YOU CAN'T HANDLE the truth
Xfregrly: the common greeting on altair 4
xtrek: the name for a gorup of people who write sophomoric pr0n games in agt, often featuring Star Trek characters. Sad, really
XXX: hot, hot, hot; what newspaper people used to end their columns with
XXXX: what you get for swearing on pay-for-use internet terminals at airports; that's XXXXed up
XYZZY: the magic word; I am inside a building, a well house for a large spring
xyzzynews: Eileen's if 'zine. Check it out at http://www.xyzzynews.com
Y2K: the Year 2000. on January 1st of that year, the world will end; #QBQ#T GA%Aa wf4c!sd32rAwwk
YA: Young Adult
YABA: Yet Another Bloody acronym
yacc: Yet Another Compiler Compiler
YACIT: Yet Another Copyright Infringement Thread
YAFIYGI: You asked for it, you got it
yankees: a bunch of fat pinstripe wearing pusy toads
Yanu: not unix
yarmulke (aka yamokah / kipah): like a beanie, but without the propellor; inky beanie
YASD: Yet Another stupid Death. Like when you're playing Nethack and you choke to death on royal jelly, or you've wielded a cockatrice corpse and fall down the stairs; both of those have happened to spatch before. no fooling. stupid player
yatla: Yet Another three Letter acronym
YAWD: Yet Another word Doc
YAXA: Yet Another X-files acronym
Yay: an exclamation made by immature ifMUDders
Yay! Alex: back
YBIWD: Your brain is What's Dirty; You Bet it Was Dirty
yeknom: ynnuf
Yeknoma Ekili: the Sherpa who first got jeyboaard problema to the top of Everest; the face of god
yes: maybe; no; odd; a progressive rock band; the owner of a lonely heart is much better than the owner of a broken heart; what some people think no means
yesterday: the last day of the previous part of your life
YKWIM: You Know what I Mean
YKYAX: You Know You're an 'x'; not funny
YKYBOIFMUDTLW: You Know You've Been on IF-MUD Too Long When
YM: You Mean; young & monkey; sometimes 'You Misspelled'
YMMV: Your Mileage May Vary; Your mimisis May Vary (a variant promulaged by doe who claims that L. Ross Raszewsky was the first to use it ); it's actually 'mimesis' and 'Raszewski'
YMTAU: You're Making These Acronyms up
yogurt: the silver-backed gorilla
yoink (aka yoinking): I don't know what 'yoinking' means, but inky does it a lot; might be the self-greeting inky . arr ! Welcome to my yoinkery
A yonker: a young man
Yop: a yogurt drink made by Yoplait and available in canada and the uk but not in the US
yor frend (aka yor / frend / yore friend): http://x30.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368277620; really the chiken!! also, it's actually "yore friend"
Young & Monkey: a teen magazine
YSTTAASYJMUBYMIYGT: You're Supposed To Tell alex About stuff You Just Make up _Before_ You Mention it, You Great Tit
YWB: Yours Was Better
YWF: Yours Was Funnier; tsd
YWIA: You're Welcome in Advance
Z:ATEV (aka ZATEV): zork: a Troll's Eye View
z_window: katre's gtk code to handle gFrotz's display
Zachary's: the best pizza in the world
Zaphod Beeblebrox (aka Zaphod): the 2-headed 3-armed ex-president of the Imperial Galaxy; just this guy, you know
zard: what dfan keeps calling zarf; now an acceptable alternate spelling of zarf . You no longer have to correct it . (Although it is deprecated.)
zarf: bad monkey; classified; http://eblong.com/zarf/; extremely confusing; deliberate; Intentional; old; a cup holder. Honest; just some insane programmer whose words all include 'L'; a pyromaniac; untrippable
zarfian: the adjective form of zarf
zarf's backpack: full of games, including Fluxx, Falling, Aquarius, Set, Arcana, Give Me the brain, werewolf, Lord of the Fries, Parts Unknown, Kill Dr. Lucky, Bitin' Off Hedz, and cosmic wimpout
ZD: Ziff-Davis
zest: the yellow part of the lemon, without any of the white. it is full of essential oils and flavouring; listen chump! zest doesn't have any heavy moisturizers
ZFC: Zermelo Frankel Choice, an important set of mathematical axioms; Zambia Fried chicken
ZGI (aka Z:GI): zork: Grand Inquisitor
Zil (aka Zork Implementation Language): the programming language that infocom used to write their games; zork Implementation Language
zit: a pimple
zMUD: a mud client for windows, available at http://www.zuggsoft.com/
ZN (aka Z:N): zork Nemesis
Zontar: an old sci-fi movie, broadcast on sctv
Zope: a Python-based web application server; http://www.zope.org
Zork: at your service
Zork II: awesome, according to virex
Zrblm: a list of the World's Best Consonants; available to zarf as the title of his next project for a small fee
zxz: a g?g
{: a left curly brace; coat hanger
}: a right curly brace; anti-coat hanger
~: a tilde
~~: the logical not in inform
�What: we going to do tonight is just what we do every night, Pinky... try to TAKE OVER the world

Alex knows better than to chirp up about

the
so
um
poly
up
hrm
bad
...
who
wtf
that
url
were
well
hm
this
why
happening
they
where
..
mmhmm
bleah
no
today
hmm
guh
huh
timing
good
new
was
wrong
eh
how
am
um, seven
yes
when
and
which
hello
what
er
oh
are
mm
we
is
you
it
uh

Alex has been introduced to the following people:

dman
caoif
drevel
mcp_cone
gordy
jaybird
thumper
boucher
jayren
frob
boingball
rory
marvin
phang
degnaredmi
schep
adam
devil
dglasser
turacin
mef
markm
dilbon
mamster
guest1
ddyte
trikiw
limax
tufty
mcp
rob
spatch
esrom
grocible
fink-nottle
neild
ender
virex
kiz
ivan
jota
ilya
duchess
torbjorn
hairbrain
liza
thazz
andyf
zarf
psmith
dorianx
lurd
vaporware
katre
frobnitzboy
april
dfan
weirdbeard
inky
gunther

Alex refuses to respond to the following anti-avianists:

lpsmith
rob
jaybird
gordy
thumper
katre
blah
steve
markm
boingball
ddyte
ghogg
gunther