2016 27 27 break out your ascots stocks hsh 5.01 % hillshire brand company hsh 37.71 1.80 5.01 % share prices jumped on the announcement that lit l smokies will be the official smoked cocktail sausages of fun . s 2013 north american tour . america s finest news source tu stultus es election 2016 video politics sports local business entertainment science & technology search this is the golden age of television claim executives who have not yet made show about robotic wizards los angeles praising the expansive slate of high quality fantasies comedies and period dramas currently in production while negligently overlooking a gaping hole in the entertainment landscape cable and network executives reportedly continued to claim this week that we are living in a golden age of television despite having never made a show about robotic wizards . the donald trump in these allegations is not the complete monster i married by melania trump related topics opinion donald trump sunny saves bo from mountain lion during cross country journey to reunite with obamas gardiner mt fending off the large wildcat moments before it could harm her best friend presidential pet sunny reportedly saved fellow first dog bo from a mountain lion attack last month as they journeyed across the country to find their way back to the obama family . trump complains entire personality rigged against him west palm beach fl responding to his flagging poll numbers and a string of newspaper editorials and cable news pundits questioning his fitness to lead republican presidential nominee donald trump reportedly complained to a rally crowd thursday that for the entirety of this race his personality has been rigged against him . election 2016 more election coverage the onion is withholding our endorsement for president until both candidates respond to our questionnaire this year as in every election cycle the citizens of the united states have been waiting with great anticipation for the presidential endorsement of our editorial board . this is an awesome and sober responsibility and rest assured it is one whose far reaching impact we understand full well . area man a staunch single gender voter johnstown pa saying it was the only factor he considered when deciding who to cast his ballot for local man william swanson 44 told reporters thursday he is strictly a single gender voter . fact checking the second presidential debate democratic nominee hillary clinton and republican nominee donald trump discussed topics including national security taxes and their ongoing personal scandals in a contentious town hall presidential debate sunday . the onion evaluates the truthfulness of their claims quick jump to series page onion film standard onn exclusive onion explains onn cast browse all up next in the news the longest championship droughts in sports history as the chicago cubs enter the nlcs seeking their first world series title since 1908 onion sports examines the most notable championship droughts in history . subway breeding program successfully creates black forest ham meatball marinara hybrid milford ct announcing the creation of a genetically viable new menu item they said could soon appear in franchises nationwide researchers with subway s sandwich breeding program revealed thursday they had successfully developed a black forest ham meatball marinara hybrid . a timeline of halloween history rooted in multiple traditions and observed in countless ways halloween is a beloved celebration across much of the world . the onion provides a timeline of the holiday s inception and evolution special coverage graphical features sunday magazine our afterlife preview news in photos badass surgeon puts on fingerless latex gloves before operating slideshow david ortiz looking back at the career of boston s favorite non white son recommended most popular see all the donald trump in these allegations is not the complete monster i married by melania trump condoleezza rice holds bathtime talks with undersea representatives washington dc delegates worked out a new cease splash agreement and broke an impasse on temperature reform . why do all these homosexuals keep sucking my cock look i m not a hateful person or anything i believe we should all live and let live . but lately i ve been having a real problem with these homosexuals . you see just about wherever i go these days one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock . trump complains entire personality rigged against him west palm beach fl responding to his flagging poll numbers and a string of newspaper editorials and cable news pundits questioning his fitness to lead republican presidential nominee donald trump reportedly complained to a rally crowd thursday that for the entirety of this race his personality has been rigged against him . our afterlife preview popular features american voices horoscopes commentary editorial cartoons most recent see all our afterlife preview tips for preparing for a hospital stay personal space stations to launch in 2020 body given false hope with first piece of fruit in 9 days duluth mn excitedly believing the chunk of strawberry marked the beginning of a new more nutritious diet the body of area woman jenny cook was reportedly given a sense of false hope friday after the 27 year old consumed a piece of fruit for the first time in nine days . the donald trump in these allegations is not the complete monster i married by melania trump letters to the editor all star dear the onion thank you so much for profiling me as last week s academic all star . that got me so much ass at the maine youth orchestra retreat on saturday . parker weisman wells me american voices see all personal space stations to launch in 2020 500 000 votes already cast in 2016 election commentary see all the donald trump in these allegations is not the complete monster i married by melania trump oh am i transporting you to a new world and introducing you to beautifully drawn characters you pussy by a book cartoons see all arnie s harm y the final lie mester sign up for the onion s newsletter give your spam filter something to do . daily headlines weekly update x close sign up for the onion s newsletter give your spam filter something to do . daily headlines weekly update x close the onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age . copyright 2016 onion inc. all rights reserved election 2016 video politics sports local business entertainment science & technology our company about us contact advertise careers the onion store privacy policy special coverage onion inc. sites the onion the a.v. club clickhole onion studios the onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age . copyright 2016 onion inc. all rights reserved .