matt gilgenbach 11 comments before announcing our latest game devastated dreams i was scared . devastated dreams is a horror game but as the developer that isn t what terrifies me . i was afraid of the response to our choice of player character . not only is the protagonist a filipino female she is pregnant . i honestly expected it to be very controversial in these days where promoting diversity in games often carries with it contempt and a stigma as a social justice warrior . however the reception to our game was warm and i can t think of a single negative comment i ve gotten about our protagonist or our games exploration of filipino folklore . gamers seem genuinely excited by it however after speaking to a female friend in the industry who has been subjected to unfair cruelty i began to wonder why devastated dreams didn t make waves . we received none of the negativity that is often associated with the game industry broadening its horizons beyond a pastime only shared by male kids of the 80s who could afford the expensive pc or console necessary to play the latest and greatest video games . the answer seems simple because i m a white heterosexual male . i don t have any evidence to back that up of course but women are the targets of the most abuse in the game industry . women speaking out for better gender representation are vilified . perhaps men can receive some of that scorn but the internet is a hostile place for women in general as outlined on a recent segment on last week tonight with john oliver . while there are many laudable things about the game industry including the millions raised for charity by the humble bundle and child s play it isn t immune from online harassment . john oliver s report highlights the abuse of several women in gaming . taking a step back you may be wondering why i am making a game about a filipino pregnant woman . i d like to say it s because i want to promote diversity in games but my reasons are much less altruistic . the real reason is because it captures my personal interests and experiences . i learned about filipino folklore from my wife and her friends who were born there and it s fascinating to me the terrifying monsters called aswang that prey on the unborn seemed like a perfect metaphor for my fears as an expectant father . since the aswang prey on unborn children a pregnant woman felt like the only choice for the player character . the design of the game fell into place quite easily . while i am working very hard to make the best horror game i can i can only offer an outsider s perspective of being a pregnant woman as well as what life is like in the philippines . i am working closely with my wife our family and friends to ensure that it is an accurate portrayal but i don t really know what the experience is like . besides trying to get players to wet their pants with fear i want to make devastated dreams give players insight into living in the philippines and the fears and hardships of being pregnant . of course i am just guessing because there is no way i can experience it for myself as a white male . i expect that a filipino game developer who is also a mother would be able to capture the setting and the horror even better than i. if you fit that bill i d encourage you to make a similar game because of the current climate in the game industry i worry about what that abuse that developer might have to face . it seems ridiculous that i get a free pass to make devastated dreams because of my ethnicity and gender where as someone better equipped to capture its themes would be subject to harassment . i strongly feel that our medium benefits from diversity in subject matter and characters and that is one of the exciting things to me about working on a game taking place in the philippines . wouldn t the medium benefit even more from diversity in creators voices why do some gamers work hard to silence certain groups in our industry harassment is time consuming so wouldn t it be better to just ignore someone if you aren t a fan of her work no matter how inclusive and diverse the game industry is there will always be games starring white males . i don t think that s going away nor should it . as a white male i find it kind of boring though . if i am escaping to a video game i think being able to play as different types of characters and have totally different experiences is an amazing thing . that is the magic of our medium rather than passively watching what happens to a player character you can become that person and see the world through her eyes gaining a new perspective . if you aren t interested in that it s understandable but why try to prevent the existence of those experiences if you are interested in learning more about devastated dreams and my attempt to capture the fears and struggles of being a pregnant woman we have more information on our kickstarter as well as downloadable demo so you can experience the world through the eyes of a character different from yourself . posted in dev advice devastated dreams devastated dreams is live on kickstarter posted on july 17 2015 by matt gilgenbach no comments what are you waiting for go and check out the project we are super excited about it and it should be even scarier than neverending nightmares posted in devastated dreams announcing our next game devastated dreams posted on may 27 2015 by matt gilgenbach 3 comments i know it s been a while since i updated the blog but we have very exciting news we ve announced our next game devastated dreams also to celebrate we ve discounted neverending nightmares by 66 % on steam . you can see the devastated dreams teaser here devastated dreams is a psychological horror game combining the two things that have scared the developer the most being an expectant parent and feeling totally vulnerable in a rural area of the philippines without any electricity or running water . it is a narrative focused game telling the story of angel a young woman who may or may not be expecting a child as she has to journey through twisted nightmares plagued by horrible monsters inspired by filipino folklore . we are planning to launch a kickstarter in july and you can sign up for our mailing list to be notified when it launches over on the official site http www.devastateddreams.com like neverending nightmares devastated dreams is still very personal . my wife and i are expecting our first child and it s actually been quite terrifying . i m not sure i can really describe how terrifying it can be how powerless you feel to protect something you love so much that at least at the beginning is a formless blob . some pregnancies aren t viable and that is a terrible cloud hanging over the excitement of bringing a new life into this world . neverending nightmares was about showing my fears to the world that i couldn t express any other way and this game is very similar . my fears now surround my child which are perhaps more relatable . my ocd magnifies everything of which i m afraid and that will always be a battle but i suspect i m not the only expectant parent who is terrified that something could happen to my beautiful child . i say beautiful child but from the ultrasound pictures we ve seen it s kind of tough to tell that it is a child but the child is beautiful to me . it is crazy how quickly you feel attached to a tiny collection of cells . another aspect of the game that it really interesting to me is the settings in the rural philippines . my wife is from the philippines so i would say i have more interest in the region than the average person . however i ve found that it is super interesting and i think you ll see when you play devastated dreams what i mean . in america we have legends of vampires werewolves bigfoot and so on . in the philippines they have aswang which is sort of a blanket term for all the different types of monsters . the monsters are pretty twisted most prey on children born and unborn which makes them the perfect manifestation of fears for someone expecting a child . i m also very excited about the story and the world building we are doing for devastated dreams . the philippines is a developing country and being a sheltered american i didn t really understand how people live in other places . i feel embarrassed for being ignorant but sometimes you really have to see something to believe it . i visited the philippines in 2013 and it was an eye opening experience . when we visited a rural area without electricity i felt scared . i feel scared a lot but it s almost always mental fears tied into worries and catastrophizing . when we were riding in a van along a road in a rural area of coron there were no street lights stores were lit by candles and there were nipa huts grass and bamboo houses that are common in the philippines in the middle of a dark forest . i imagined myself in one and i felt a very visceral fear that i was unsafe . there was nothing threatening me but the unfamiliar and dark jungle felt dangerous throughout every cell in my body . i knew then that it would be a great setting for a horror game . it is also one that would be unique and hopefully eye opening about poverty other places in the world . the story of the game is a really important facet to devastated dreams . some people were disappointed that neverending nightmares didn t have more of a story . it was meant to be abstract and symbolic like a nightmare you can t quite understand but devastated dreams is going to be more story based . i love games with great stories and i think we have a lot of interesting things to say in our new game . to me though i think story by itself isn t all games can offer . i want to create a universe that doesn t fall apart to steal a phrase from my favorite author philip k. dick . getting lost in the world of a video game is an amazing feeling . that s why i am such a fan of panzer dragoon and silent hill . i feel like i could be in those worlds . that is especially impressive in panzer dragoon saga on the saturn and the original silent hill where they managed to create these worlds with polycounts in the thousands . world building can really help a story driven game . imagine what gone home would have been like without the christmas duck the x files vhs tapes off of tv and a world that really took you back to the 90s . my personal opinion is that it would have been a lot less compelling . i found what the residents in metro 2033 had to say almost more interesting than the story of the game since it revealed so much about their condition . we want to create something that