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Recent updates View all (3)

September 14

1.0.3 Update

The game has been updated to version 1.0.3.

Changes:

Fixed a bug where the phone would jump away from the hand by itself, leaving it in a glitched state.
The phone now resets itself onto the base more accurately.
Removed some of the gun targets at the bottom of the screen where it's hardest to aim.
Items now stuck out of reach of Stalin's hands less often.

4 comments Read more

September 11

1.0.2 Update

The game has been updated to version 1.0.2.

Changes:

Stamps are enabled in Endless mode now.
Failing state activity in Endless mode makes the clock run faster.
Added score to the Endless mode. Earn points by doing state activity like answering phone and using stamps. There is no global leaderboard at this point.
Added new achievement: earn 10,000 points in the Endless mode.

Fixes and balance:
State Integrity bonus for phone conversations is now granted gradually during the call instead of at the end.
It is now easier to pick up the vodka glass.
Rare bug that caused saves to corrupt after completing the game should be fixed now. Old corrupted saves should work properly after this fix.

Edit:
1.0.2a was released, the vodka glitch is now hopefully fixed.

9 comments Read more

About This Game

Features:

directly control your arms to move things around and interact with them
smoke your pipe to reduce stress and prevent shaking hands
set of useful tools and annoying distractions
story mode that unlocks more items to use
endless mode to challenge yourself and your friends for high score

System Requirements

Minimum:

OS: Windows Vista
Processor: 3 GHz 2 Core
Memory: 2 GB RAM
Graphics: 1GB dedicated
DirectX: Version 10
Storage: 500 MB available space

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Overall:

Very Positive (252 reviews)

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87 reviews match the filters above ( Very Positive)

Most Helpful Reviews In the past 30 days

CAJJI

124 products in account

1 review

Posted: September 11

Great game with a very fun base concept. If you enjoy multi-tasking and physics-based mechanics games, I'm sure Calm Down, Stalin.
HOWEVER, the game often times feels rushed. Once you reach a point where your desk is completely filled with items, you question how often the gameplay was tested. I sincerely like this game, but there are some simple "bugs" that are nearly game breaking.

Currently I think this game would be hugely benefitted by:

-Restraining the objects from passing a certain points on the desk's axis.
If I throw an object too far down the table, I may not be able to reach that object for the remainder of the round. If I knock my phone out of my hand with my other hand (that's another bug by the way), it can also fall BELOW the table. Why not restrain it if it's never supposed to be there?

-Fixing the phone's recall leap.
It landed on the button 4 times in a row when I was starting off. Other times it just gets stuck. In this case I'd consider removing the physics aspect of this and just making it dash back into receiver if it can't be fixed otherwise.

-Creating more space for objects.
Unless the grabbing can be tweaked to work more precisely, it's too frustrating trying to grab objects that are cluttered in the small space you have. The punching bag for example, introduces another task without it DIRECTLY getting in the way of others, which is good. The small space also makes it much easier to accidentally knock objects out of reach. Maybe throw in a shelf?

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Sweet-Tea

314 products in account

62 reviews

Posted: September 12

Beating a malfunctioning lamp and threatening my enemies with nukes is the highlight of my day.

Then I come home and get to do it again on Calm Down, Stalin.

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(SH) Scoutmaster Chief

239 products in account

5 reviews

Posted: September 11

YOU SEE IVAN

WHEN HANDS WORK LIKE MINE

MULTITASK BECOME LEETLE AMERICAN PROBLEM

EMENY IN FEAR OF BIG RED BUTTON ON DESK

I FEAR DESK LAMP

10/10 Communist Simulator

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Raditz

309 products in account

23 reviews

Posted: September 19

Guys, please make a hitler one too.

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Siggi

424 products in account

13 reviews

Posted: September 18

Smoke pipe.
Threaten enemies.
Answer phone.
Slap lamp.
Smoke pipe.
Smoke pipe.
Smoke pipe.
Shoot incompetent subordinate.
Drink vodka.
Slap lamp for good measure.

A good day in the office.

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BbySpook

99 products in account

14 reviews

Posted: September 24

Can't wait for the sequal, "Don't Panic, Hitler!"

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r2com

216 products in account

14 reviews

Posted: September 12

I was thinking to buy GTA V, but settled for this instead

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10% pizza, 100% ＳＫＥＬＥＴＯＮ

577 products in account

178 reviews

Posted: September 16

Pretty short game, but it has some pretty tough and unique mechanics by the end of the game.

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piecrustyumyum

41 products in account

1 review

Posted: September 13

I love this game, its funny to play and kinda intense. PS: I hate that Freaking Lamp.

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Offroadkarter

81 products in account

2 reviews

Posted: September 12

I accidentally threw my phone at the red button and started a nuclear holocaust.... Whoops...

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Recently Posted

Posted: October 9

Lenin's gaze inspires me to have more vodka shots, shoot more traitors, answer important calls, hit the lamp and punching bag, scare away the fly and out of all... threaten the enemies

1922/10

Helpful? Yes No Funny

Posted: October 5

gave me some good laughs

Helpful? Yes No Funny

Posted: October 3

The best part about this game is the royalty free music.

11 beaten up lamps out of 10

Helpful? Yes No Funny

Posted: October 2

Can somebody help me? When i try to lauch the game, it says : Error. The following components are required to run this program, Microsoft Visual C ++ 2015 Runtime, would you like to install them now? Then, I installed that, and when i runned the game , its said the same thing, everytime i try to launch the game. Can someone help me?

Helpful? Yes No Funny

Posted: October 2

The game is, in it self, quite fun. Sadly, it just so happens that some features (such as the shooting) is completely broken and even when you do it right only seem to be working some of the time. It is small things like this that ruin the overall game experience.

Helpful? Yes No Funny

Posted: October 1

I asked someone who knew more about these matters than me, and found that the gun the lamp, and the phone are all historically accurate. 10/10 most realistic Stalin Simulator known to man.

Helpful? Yes No Funny

Posted: September 30

DRINK VODKA EVERY DAY
SMOKE EVERY DAY
THREATEN EVERY DAY
STRIKE THE LAMP EVERY DAY
THE BEST SIMULATOR FOR EACH DAY

Helpful? Yes No Funny

Posted: September 29

THE STALEST GAME EVER MADE

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Posted: September 29

...

Helpful? Yes No Funny

Posted: September 28

One of those games that´s a bit funny in a minute or so.
Then it gets repetitive, boring, and the fact that the game is ugly isn´t even funny after a while.

I will not recommend this.

Helpful? Yes No Funny

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