Humor

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley

Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.
Terry Pratchett, Mort

God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.
William Bragg

"You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young!"
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen."
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The startling truth finally became apparent, and it was this: Numbers written on restaurant checks within the confines of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe.  This single statement took the scientific world by storm.  So many mathematical conferences got held in such good restaurants that many of the finest minds of a generation died of obesity and heart failure, and the science of mathematics was put back by years.
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

In the beginning the Universe was created.  This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the universe

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that concern for one's own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to.. Yossarian was moved very deeply by this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.
Joseph Heller, Catch  22