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Rare Bird: A Memoir of Loss and Love Hardcover – September 9, 2014
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Editorial Reviews
Amazon.com Review
Rare Bird: A Memoir of Loss and Love
Q&A with Anna Whiston-Donaldson author of Rare Bird
1. Tell us the significance of Rare Bird, the title of your memoir?
Rare Bird rose up as the perfect title for this book! Not only was our son enamored with birds, his first word being “bird” at just 7 months, but after his death, we started seeing comforting signs come from birds showing up at the strangest times. Unbeknownst to us, one of my old friends would write a poem about Jack entitled “Rare Avis” or “Rare Bird”. Readers will discover how all this ties together in the book. Jack was so very special. We consider him a rare bird, indeed.
2. What will your community of blog readers find in Rare Bird that is different or new from the journey they have followed since Jack’s passing?
Those who follow my blog An Inch of Gray will recognize my family and our story, as they have walked with us so faithfully since the beginning of this journey. They already know us from my words. That said, they will find more back-story on our marriage and family dynamics, and more of the raw, ugliness of grief than I shared on the blog. They won’t get as many stories about Jack, whom they have come to love, but I think they will get to know him even better in the book.
3. Was there ever a point in the public response to Jack's death, when their sympathy and support felt too much or uncomfortable?
No. I felt like I needed every shred of support I could get. It never felt intrusive to me. Jack’s death was so horrifying and frightening, that any sympathy and love sent out into the world on behalf our family helped to hold us up. In one short day, I went from an anonymous blogger to one whose readers knew where I lived, my real name, etc. But I would not have traded their support in order to stay anonymous. I needed their prayers too much for that. Tim and Margaret had different needs than I did. Tim wanted to be around people in a social setting, and Margaret wanted things to be as normal as possible.
4. How have you and your husband Tim come to interpret the dreams, visions and images of Jack that family and friends shared? Were these helpful?
We accept them as signs of comfort from God. We have come to believe that Jack’s eternal life in heaven is active and vibrant, and that souls find ways of bringing us comfort and assuring us they are safe. I am delighted that so many others—friends, family, and blog readers—experienced similar signs, a whole notebook full of them, because I think that helped all of us see something beautiful and mysterious happening in the midst of something so terrible.
Review
Praise for Rare Bird
In this powerful debut memoir, blogger Whiston-Donaldson tells the tragic story—of the death of her 12-year-old son Jack. The author is an emotionally insightful guide to the territory of grief. She notes the relationship of grief and shame, the comforts and sorrows of sex, and the hideous fights between bereaved parents. From its disarming opening sentence (“I thought the first book I’d write would be about painting furniture”), the book avoids sentimentality. The book is well paced—the reader knows from the start that the author’s child is dead, but doesn’t know precisely how he dies for some chapters—and is underpinned by a steady drumbeat of faith, as Whiston-Donaldson negotiates a new relationship with God after Jack’s death. She feels deeply loved by God, “almost as if I’m wrapped in a soft, cotton batting,” but she is also “disappointed and hurt... and the only broken body I can picture right now is Jack’s.” Whiston-Donaldson’s compelling account belongs on the shelf next to Richard Lischer’s Stations of the Heart. (Sept.)
—Publishers Weekly
“In her beautiful, clear-eyed prose Anna brings to life complex miracles: that the anchor of being strong is tied to feelings of unbearable weakness; that the ache of grief is often accompanied by glittering beauty; and that all we do not understand is more important to making sense of life than what we know. Her story, as well as Jack’s story, is gorgeous, bold and true, and no one will be unchanged in reading it.”
— Stacy Morrison, Editor in Chief, BlogHer; author of Falling Apart in One Piece
“Profound, tender, honest—and utterly unforgettable.”
— Gretchen Rubin, author of #1 New York Times bestseller, The Happiness Project
“This is not a book; it is a kaleidoscope. With every turn of the page, a new discovery is made that forever alters your view of pain, joy, heartache, time, hope, and healing. As I journeyed through Anna’s divinely written prose, I found myself unable to stand by as a passive recipient of her message. I needed to act. Because of Anna and Jack, I talked with my child about heaven. I walked around the pool’s edge to sit beside a grieving woman. I looked into the darkest places of my soul and for the first time, I did not look away. If you yearn to stop hiding from that which prevents you from truly living, step into the kaleidoscope that is Rare Bird. Turn the page—wake up, stand up, comfort, love, and live. Turn the page—let your eyes be opened to the light that exists in whatever darkness you face.”
— Rachel Macy Stafford, New York Times best-selling author of Hands Free Mama
“A masterpiece of hope, love, and the resilience and ferocity of the human spirit.”
— From the foreword by Glennon Doyle Melton, Momastery.com; author of Carry On, Warrior
"Rare Bird is not just another well-written story of love, loss, and the aftermath of death, but it is a story that clearly shows the constant presence and grace of a loving God. It gives assurance and comfort to those whose hearts are grieving, and hope to those who are afraid."
— Mary C. Neal, MD, New York Times best-selling author of To Heaven and Back
In this powerful debut memoir, blogger Whiston-Donaldson tells the tragic story—of the death of her 12-year-old son Jack. The author is an emotionally insightful guide to the territory of grief. She notes the relationship of grief and shame, the comforts and sorrows of sex, and the hideous fights between bereaved parents. From its disarming opening sentence (“I thought the first book I’d write would be about painting furniture”), the book avoids sentimentality. The book is well paced—the reader knows from the start that the author’s child is dead, but doesn’t know precisely how he dies for some chapters—and is underpinned by a steady drumbeat of faith, as Whiston-Donaldson negotiates a new relationship with God after Jack’s death. She feels deeply loved by God, “almost as if I’m wrapped in a soft, cotton batting,” but she is also “disappointed and hurt... and the only broken body I can picture right now is Jack’s.” Whiston-Donaldson’s compelling account belongs on the shelf next to Richard Lischer’s Stations of the Heart. (Sept.)
—Publishers Weekly
“In her beautiful, clear-eyed prose Anna brings to life complex miracles: that the anchor of being strong is tied to feelings of unbearable weakness; that the ache of grief is often accompanied by glittering beauty; and that all we do not understand is more important to making sense of life than what we know. Her story, as well as Jack’s story, is gorgeous, bold and true, and no one will be unchanged in reading it.”
— Stacy Morrison, Editor in Chief, BlogHer; author of Falling Apart in One Piece
“Profound, tender, honest—and utterly unforgettable.”
— Gretchen Rubin, author of #1 New York Times bestseller, The Happiness Project
“This is not a book; it is a kaleidoscope. With every turn of the page, a new discovery is made that forever alters your view of pain, joy, heartache, time, hope, and healing. As I journeyed through Anna’s divinely written prose, I found myself unable to stand by as a passive recipient of her message. I needed to act. Because of Anna and Jack, I talked with my child about heaven. I walked around the pool’s edge to sit beside a grieving woman. I looked into the darkest places of my soul and for the first time, I did not look away. If you yearn to stop hiding from that which prevents you from truly living, step into the kaleidoscope that is Rare Bird. Turn the page—wake up, stand up, comfort, love, and live. Turn the page—let your eyes be opened to the light that exists in whatever darkness you face.”
— Rachel Macy Stafford, New York Times best-selling author of Hands Free Mama
“A masterpiece of hope, love, and the resilience and ferocity of the human spirit.”
— From the foreword by Glennon Doyle Melton, Momastery.com; author of Carry On, Warrior
"Rare Bird is not just another well-written story of love, loss, and the aftermath of death, but it is a story that clearly shows the constant presence and grace of a loving God. It gives assurance and comfort to those whose hearts are grieving, and hope to those who are afraid."
— Mary C. Neal, MD, New York Times best-selling author of To Heaven and Back
More About the Author
Anna Whiston-Donaldson is a former high school English teacher who lives in the Virginia Suburbs. Her blog, An Inch of Gray, shares Anna's stories of humor, motherhood and loss and has twice been voted one of BlogHer's Voices of the year.
In 2011 her two children went out to play in the rain and only one came home.
Anna is one of the authors featured in Sunshine after the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother.
Anna's memoir Rare Bird: A Memoir of Loss and Love will be released by Convergent Books, a division of Random House, September 9, 2014. Rare Bird deals with raw, new grief and finding faith and hope in impossible circumstances.
In 2011 her two children went out to play in the rain and only one came home.
Anna is one of the authors featured in Sunshine after the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother.
Anna's memoir Rare Bird: A Memoir of Loss and Love will be released by Convergent Books, a division of Random House, September 9, 2014. Rare Bird deals with raw, new grief and finding faith and hope in impossible circumstances.
Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
25 of 27 people found the following review helpful
By
Karen
on September 10, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition
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2 Comments
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I still remember hearing the news, that Jack Donaldson had died in a strange and terrifying accident on a rainy September night. I didn’t know Jack. I didn’t know his mother Anna. And yet, when I heard the news, I felt compelled to fall to my knees and pray like I’d never prayed before for comfort for the family of four that was now heart-achingly missing one member. He was twelve years old. He was only twelve years old.
Throughout the past three years, I’ve kept up with the Donaldson’s story through Anna’s blog and through facebook. Though I’ve never met her, I’ve felt so connected to her and her family that when I heard she was releasing a book about her Jack, I pre-ordered it and insisted my friends do the same because she felt… like family.
And then Rare Bird arrived on my Kindle.
Oh.
Oh friends.
This a book to cherish.
These are words to wind around and through your heart again and again until you bleed with the sheer cutting wisdom and love. Because this is a book so full of love that it spills out and around the virtual pages until you can barely see through the tears. I never before realized how much tears taste like love. This book has moved me in ways I can’t begin to describe because though it is a book about a mother’s grief… it is more. It is a book about a mother’s hope… a mother’s love… a mother’s heart. This is a love story from a mother to her two children and it is hauntingly beautiful. When I was barely half way through, I pulled my son from his bed and snuggled with him to read the rest. When I dropped him off at school this morning, I didn’t care if I was embarrassing him when I hugged him close and kissed the softness of his cheek. Because I am his mother and I love him with a ferocity.Read more ›
Throughout the past three years, I’ve kept up with the Donaldson’s story through Anna’s blog and through facebook. Though I’ve never met her, I’ve felt so connected to her and her family that when I heard she was releasing a book about her Jack, I pre-ordered it and insisted my friends do the same because she felt… like family.
And then Rare Bird arrived on my Kindle.
Oh.
Oh friends.
This a book to cherish.
These are words to wind around and through your heart again and again until you bleed with the sheer cutting wisdom and love. Because this is a book so full of love that it spills out and around the virtual pages until you can barely see through the tears. I never before realized how much tears taste like love. This book has moved me in ways I can’t begin to describe because though it is a book about a mother’s grief… it is more. It is a book about a mother’s hope… a mother’s love… a mother’s heart. This is a love story from a mother to her two children and it is hauntingly beautiful. When I was barely half way through, I pulled my son from his bed and snuggled with him to read the rest. When I dropped him off at school this morning, I didn’t care if I was embarrassing him when I hugged him close and kissed the softness of his cheek. Because I am his mother and I love him with a ferocity.Read more ›
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
By
Natalie Allen
on September 9, 2014
Format: Hardcover
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Rare Bird is about the loss of Anna’s son Jack, but it’s also about more than that. It’s about grief and the grieving process, and learning to live without someone that you couldn’t imagine living without. It’s about learning to live life again, differently, with her husband, Tim and her daughter, Margaret, but without Jack.
In Rare Bird, Anna allows us all to meet and get to know Jack. I love that she doesn’t just focus on him being a perfect child – we get to know his quirks and the good and the bad. We get to know him and he is a boy that you would want to know…the kind of kid you would want your kids to be friends with. She also explains what happened during the flash flood: how she felt before, during and after the tragedy. She describes the aftermath of it; the days and months that she was left numb and in great pain, but also knowing that Jack was still a part of their family even though he was gone.
I think my favorite part of Rare Bird is Anna’s realness. She allows us to share in her grief, but also in her hope and joy. She admits that her faith wavered (mine did too after Jason’s mom passed away) but how she also needed her faith to get her through those days.
Is Rare Bird hard to read? Yes – from the standpoint of being a mom and not being able to imagine the death of one of my children. But it’s so full of hope and positivity that it is worth it. On some level, you feel all of her pain. But the feeling that came to me after finishing the book was hopefulness.
In Rare Bird, Anna allows us all to meet and get to know Jack. I love that she doesn’t just focus on him being a perfect child – we get to know his quirks and the good and the bad. We get to know him and he is a boy that you would want to know…the kind of kid you would want your kids to be friends with. She also explains what happened during the flash flood: how she felt before, during and after the tragedy. She describes the aftermath of it; the days and months that she was left numb and in great pain, but also knowing that Jack was still a part of their family even though he was gone.
I think my favorite part of Rare Bird is Anna’s realness. She allows us to share in her grief, but also in her hope and joy. She admits that her faith wavered (mine did too after Jason’s mom passed away) but how she also needed her faith to get her through those days.
Is Rare Bird hard to read? Yes – from the standpoint of being a mom and not being able to imagine the death of one of my children. But it’s so full of hope and positivity that it is worth it. On some level, you feel all of her pain. But the feeling that came to me after finishing the book was hopefulness.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful
By
Kate Hood
on September 9, 2014
Format: Hardcover
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I read Rare Bird because my friend wrote it. But even if I had never met Anna, I like to think that I'd still find my way to this story of grief, hope, faith, grace, love and just flat out survival. While I'm not particularly religious, I personally find stories of faith and grace incredibly inspiring. We all need both in our daily lives and interactions with each other. Without them, we'd fall apart. Spoiler alert! This author did NOT fall apart - but she came pretty damn close. There really is something in this book for everyone... Whether they are grieving, trying to support others who have experienced loss, having a crisis of faith, love great writing and personal stories... This is a beautifully crafted memoir that is so raw and honest. It doesn't preach or pontificate. It just tells one mother's story - but you will absolutely carry that story with you as a touchstone for your own questions and moments of doubt.
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9 of 11 people found the following review helpful
By
E. V. Stewart
on September 9, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition
2 Comments
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Having being a blog reader and always thinking of her, still, whenever my husband dyes my hair, I begged Anna for an advanced copy of her book. I doubt this works with all authors, but I thought it worth a try.
When I received Rare Bird, I knew it deserved--and Anna, Tim, Jack, and Margaret deserved--two things. A close and loving reading and a well-written review.
I'm a fourth grade teacher, I'm a good reader but I'm no writer.
The words I have for this book are not deep or lyrical, and to be truthful, Anna's words are not all deep or lyrical. She is a gifted writer, but more so she's a mom who daily deals with a heartbreaking loss. So her words are calm, harsh, candid, puzzled, carefully chosen, freely flowing, and deep.
Her views on her Christ Following faith, and how Jack's death stirred them and is still shaping them touched me and caused me to think about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit in ways I haven't.
But there is no preaching in her pages, just truthful expressions of her experiences.
My usual reviews are brief. So in my truer form, here's mine for Rare Bird...
Read it, even if it's hard, even if you don't believe in God, even if you know it will make you cry. It is a well-written book that will have you from the introduction. And yeah, as I tell my students you must read the foreword and the introduction, they're there for good reasons.
Thank you Anna for sharing your whole family with me.
When I received Rare Bird, I knew it deserved--and Anna, Tim, Jack, and Margaret deserved--two things. A close and loving reading and a well-written review.
I'm a fourth grade teacher, I'm a good reader but I'm no writer.
The words I have for this book are not deep or lyrical, and to be truthful, Anna's words are not all deep or lyrical. She is a gifted writer, but more so she's a mom who daily deals with a heartbreaking loss. So her words are calm, harsh, candid, puzzled, carefully chosen, freely flowing, and deep.
Her views on her Christ Following faith, and how Jack's death stirred them and is still shaping them touched me and caused me to think about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit in ways I haven't.
But there is no preaching in her pages, just truthful expressions of her experiences.
My usual reviews are brief. So in my truer form, here's mine for Rare Bird...
Read it, even if it's hard, even if you don't believe in God, even if you know it will make you cry. It is a well-written book that will have you from the introduction. And yeah, as I tell my students you must read the foreword and the introduction, they're there for good reasons.
Thank you Anna for sharing your whole family with me.
Thank you for your feedback.
If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
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