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Slow Dancing with a Stranger: Lost and Found in the Age of Alzheimer's Hardcover – September 2, 2014


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Slow Dancing with a Stranger: Lost and Found in the Age of Alzheimer's + Creating Moments of Joy for the Person with Alzheimer's or Dementia: A Journal for Caregivers, Fourth Edition + The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People Who Have Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementias, and Memory Loss
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 240 pages
  • Publisher: HarperOne (September 2, 2014)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 006213082X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0062130822
  • Product Dimensions: 9.4 x 6.3 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (55 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #8,025 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Riveting and necessary.” (New York Times)

“An unflinching and intimate account...conveys a sense of passion and even frustration with a society that [Comer] believes has been slow to acknowledge the spread of Alzheimer’s disease or make adequate provisions to tend to its caregivers.” (Washington Post)

Alzheimer’s disease is a slow killer of the health and spirit of the caregiver- the secondary victim. Comer’s pain is contained in elegant writing and channeled into a worthy purpose. This book is a call to action as haunting and urgent as Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring. (Gail Sheehy, author of Passages in Caregiving and DARING: My Passages)

“In an unvarnished account of caring for a husband with dementia, Meryl Comer lays out the struggles and gallantry of a devoted and remarkable caregiver.” (Peter V. Rabins, M.D., MPH, Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, author of The 36-Hour Day)

“No silver linings, no phony homages to ‘spiritual growth.’ Meryl Comer writes the unvarnished reality of being exposed as a wife, daughter, caregiver, and potential Alzheimer’s victim herself. Admire her bravery and honesty and applaud her for taking away some of the loneliness of the long distance caregiver.” (Ellen Goodman, Pulitzer Prize winning, nationally syndicated columnist and author of Turning Points to Value Judgments and Paper Trail: Common Sense in Uncommon Times)

Slow Dancing With a Stranger is a remarkable and moving story that will change the way our generation thinks about how we deal with aging and caring for those we love. An amazing journey of caring, love, and resilience.” (Tom Rath, bestselling author of StrengthsFinder 2.0, How Full Is Your Bucket?, Strengths Based Leadership, and Eat Move Sleep)

This story is real. Meryl and Harvey are real. I don’t know what it’s going to take to wake the public up to this emerging catastrophe, but I suspect that emotional honesty is a key ingredient. Thank you, Meryl Comer, for telling it exactly like it is. (David Shenk, author of The Forgetting and creator of the Living with Alzheimer's Film Project)

“Meryl Comer in Slow Dancing with a Stranger unveils Alzheimer’s Disease in a remarkable and vulnerable way. Her personal story provides knowledge, inspiration and hope to us all. Her heroism jumps out from the pages and hopefully will motivate generations to make a difference against this horrible disease.” (David B. Agus, M.D., Professor of Medicine and Engineering, University of Southern California and author of The End of Illness and A Short Guide to a Long Life.)

“Comer received the Sargent and Eunice Shriver Profiles in Dignity Award in 2004, for her work as a dedicated advocate and remarkable, decade-long caregiver. Fast forward a decade later. In Slow Dancing With A Stranger, Meryl shows what it truly means to stay the course.” (Mark K. Shriver, Senior Vice President, Save the Children and author of A Good Man: Rediscovering My Father, Sargent Shriver)

“Meryl is a trailblazer in every aspect of Alzheimer’s and it shines through in this wonderful new book chronicling her long and winding journey with this devastating disease.” (Dr. Rudy Tanzi, New York Times Bestselling author of Super Brain and Joseph P. and Rose F. Kennedy Professor of Neurology, Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School)

“With her trademark honesty and class, Meryl Comer shares her struggles and triumphs in dealing with Alzheimer’s, one of life’s most devastating diseases. In Slow Dancing With A Stranger, she charts paths that others can follow and recharges the public conversation about a pending global epidemic.” (Maria Freire, Ph.D., President and Executive Director, Foundation for the National Institutes of Health)

“Meryl Comer’s heart wrenching story will resonate with the millions of families who know the devastation of Alzheimer’s disease first hand. Her journey makes a powerful and compelling case for the urgent need to support Alzheimer’s prevention trials.” (Reisa Sperling, M.D., Professor of Neurology, Harvard Medical School and director of the A4 Study)

“Written with great insight and tenderness, Slow Dancing With a Stranger is both a cautionary tale and a call to arms as Meryl Comer helps lead the charge to beat this horrific disease before it beats us.” (Ken Dychtwald, Ph.D., CEO of Age Wave, author of Bodymind, Age Wave, Age Power: How the 21st Century Will be Ruled by the New Old and A New Purpose)

“Meryl Comer is one of my heroes. With unflinching courage, candor, and determination, she eloquently underscores the terrible toll that Alzheimer’s takes on patients and families and the urgent need for us to address this unacceptable problem once and for all. ” (Eric M. Reiman, MD, Executive Director, Banner Alzheimer's Institue and Professor of Psychiatry, University of Arizona)

Slow Dancing with a Stranger is a poignant story of Alzheimer’s disease robbing memory, personality, life and dignity... Meryl’s book is a daily motivation for me personally to find a medicine against this terrible disease which is impacting so many lives.” (Professor Dr. Andrea Pfeifer, CEO of AC Immune)

“As a physician-scientist who has studied Alzhiemer’s disease for more than 25 years, and a son with a 99-year-old mom with Alzheimer’s dementia, I recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with the tormenting issues of Alzheimer’s care.” (Michael W. Wiener, MD , Professor of Radiology, University of California, San Francisco)

“Meryl Comer’s account is a page-turner; it is wrenching, soul-baring and beautifully written. It should shock the nation into providing more support—both for Alzheimer’s research and treatments, and for the legions of family caregivers who will bear ever-growing burdens in the future.” (Susan Dentzer, Senior Policy Adviser to the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation)

“Meryl Comer’s Slow Dancing with a Stranger takes us into the tragedy that is Alzheimer’s disease and shows what is ahead for nearly half of us who live to age 85. We must respond to this emergency and Meryl courageously shows us why.” (Jeffrey Cummings, MD, SCD, Director and Kate Zhong, MD, Senior Director for Research, Cleveland Clinic Lou Ruvo Center for Brain Health)

“Although [Meryl Comer] would say she doesn’t deserve the recognition, she definitely deserves the ‘Rock Star of Humanity’ award for her caregiving and her humanitarian work.” (Florence Haseltine, Emerita Scientist NIH and Founder of the Society for Women's Health Research)

“Turning tragedy into art and productive work is a hallmark of the great human spirit. Meryl has done this in a very emotional, engaging and thoughtful manner. The book should be read by all, but especially those with Alzheimer’s disease in their lives.” (Howard Fillit, M.D., Executive Director and Chief Science Officer, The Alzheimer's Drug Discovery Foundation)

“An unsparing and moving account of the symptoms of early Alzheimer’s disease and at the same time a call to arms, a memoir and an accurate clinical description....The author’s account will help open readers’ minds to the need for early diagnosis of this devastating global illness.” (Maria Isaac, M.D., Ph.D., Psychiatrist, Senior Scientific Officer, European Medicines Agency)

“This is a great love story in an era when love has become an all too shallow emotional commodity. ‘For better, for worse, in sickness and in health’ has never been made more powerful in its deepest sense. ” (Larry Minnix, President and CEO of LeadingAge)

“Relates in very human terms the essence of palliative care. Not only did the author care for her husband with unconditional love, but optimized whatever physical and mental capacities were left to preserve his dignity. Readers will be inspired to want to help both victims and caregivers.” (Elizabeth J. McCormack, Chairman, Partnership for Palliative Care)

Meryl Comer offers an unvarnished account of her experience as her husband’s caretaker after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Comer has become an advocate for the need for early diagnosis and treatment for Alzheimer’s. A poignant love story with a powerful message. (Kirkus Reviews)

From the Back Cover

From Emmy award-winning broadcast journalist and leading Alzheimer's advocate Meryl Comer comes a profoundly intimate and unfl inching account of her husband's battle with Alzheimer's disease, one of today's most pressing—and least-understood—health epidemics.

When Meryl Comer's husband, Dr. Harvey Gralnick, chief of hematology and oncology at the National Institutes of Health, began forgetting routine things and demonstrating abrupt changes in behavior, doctors were confounded as to what was wrong. Diagnoses ranged from stress and depression to Lyme disease, from pernicious anemia to mad cow's disease supposedly acquired from a trip to London. Finally, after years of inconclusive tests, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, a seemingly impossible disease for a man in his prime.

Comer gave up her television career and for the next two decades cared for Harvey in their home, tending to his every need while watching him regress into an emotionally distant and sometimes violent stranger. "The man I live with is not the man I fell in love with and married," she writes. "He has slowly been robbed of what we all take for granted—the ability to navigate the mundane activities of daily living: bathing, shaving, dressing, feeding, and using the bathroom. His inner clock is confused and can't be reset. His eyes are vacant and unaware."

In Slow Dancing with a Stranger, Comer brings readers face-to-face with Alzheimer's, detailing the realities, its stressful emotional and fi nancial hardships for families, as well as the limitations of doctors and assisted living and long term care facilities to manage diffi cult patient behaviors. With candor and grace, Comer chronicles her personal experiences—her mistakes, her heartbreaks, her minor victories—to paint an intimate and moving portrait of Alzheimer's and, in the process, she reveals the truth about the disease and everyone it affects.

One hundred percent of the proceeds from Slow Dancing with a Stranger will support Alzheimer's research.


More About the Author

From Emmy award-winning broadcast journalist and leading Alzheimer's advocate Meryl Comer (merylcomer.com) comes a profoundly intimate and unflinching account of her husband's battle with Alzheimer's disease, one of today's most pressing--and least-understood--health epidemics.

When Meryl Comer's husband, Dr. Harvey Gralnick, began forgetting routine things and demonstrating abrupt changes in behavior, doctors were confounded as to what was wrong. Finally, after years of inconclusive tests, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, a seemingly impossible disease for a man in his prime. Comer gave up her television career and for the next two decades cared for Harvey in their home, tending to his every need while watching him regress into an emotionally distant and sometimes violent stranger.

In Slow Dancing with a Stranger, Comer brings readers face-to-face with Alzheimer's, detailing the realities, its stressful emotional and financial hardships for families, as well as the limitations of doctors and care facilities to manage difficult patient behaviors. With candor and grace, Comer chronicles her personal experiences--her mistakes, her heart- breaks, her minor victories--to paint an intimate and moving portrait of Alzheimer's and, in the process, she reveals the truth about the disease and everyone it affects.

LEARN MORE: http://www.merylcomer.com & http://www.21cbt.org & http://www.health-eBrain.org

Customer Reviews

I will highly recommend this book to anyone struggling with this horrid disease.
Del
Thank you for sharing some of your most personal and intimate moments with your readers.
M. L. Bourque
This is the book I would have written if only I could write really, REALLY well.
hereistand

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Alzheimer’s is almost always portrayed in books, on TV and in movies as a benign disease causing what might be called “extended senior moments”. After she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s (at the age of 54), my wife and I did our best to inform the public that Alzheimer’s is certainly not normal aging (and it isn’t) but it can also strike much earlier in life than almost anyone would expect. Younger Onset Alzheimer’s is cruel and a big thief. It steals not only the precious memories of its victims but the hopes and dreams of both victim and caregiver. In her book, Comer not only describes the early stages but, unlike any book I’ve seen to date, pulls back the curtain that hides the horror of Alzheimer’s late stages. This is the book I would have written if only I could write really, REALLY well. It is NOT "Hilarity for Charity" but a nuts and bolts look at a <horrible> disease and its profound effect on the lives of its victims.... and those who love and care for them. The Introduction alone is well worth the price of the book! I find myself constantly nodding in agreement as Comer puts into words what to me is unexplainable. "Caregivers are not unlike victims who survive a hurricane and find ourselves sifting through the rubble to rescue faded, storm-drenched photos or sentimental objects. We piece together what's left of our past and struggle to putdown building blocks for the future. I need to make some sense of my journey through this storm" And so it is.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Judy Borscheid on September 5, 2014
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I can't say it enough...Meryl is amazing. It is my hope that this book gets on the best seller list so many people will be educated to the effects of Alzheimer's. There is an urgency to get this knowledge out as 1 in 7 of us will be inflicted with this horrible disease by 2050. A disease with no cure! Once you have it you are stuck with it. To watch someone you love slowly die, no words could explain. Wake up Washington! You have a chance to make a worldwide difference. It takes money for the research, please see this as important as cancer and HIV/AIDS. Meryl has unselfishly showed us her life, this book is recommended for everyone, as some time in life everyone will see the destruction of this disease.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Cheryl D. Darby on September 3, 2014
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I pray that I would have the courage and stamina to face the damnable disease of Alzheimer's displayed by Meryl Comer. God bless her, her husband and her mother and all those suffering with Alzheimer's, whether patient or caregiver. My brother-in-law's wife was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer's 5 years ago. They live half-way around the world from us, with no family to offer hands-on support. They are truly heroic, as are all those confronted with this horror. This book should be required reading for everyone, medical professionals especially. We need to stop sugar-coating this disease and see it for the monster it is.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Anthony Pierulla on September 3, 2014
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Driving home from my son's home in Austin I was listening to NPR Diane Rheem Show. I thought I was listening to another disease of the week show. After about three minutes I was stunned because I Ms. Comer, the author, was speaking directly to me.
She admonished, advised, articulated and most of all encouraged me to battle againist the constant atrophy of the universe if for no other reason than one must be true to their self.
As soon as stopped the car I one click order two copies of the work; one for me and one for my precious 42 PCP who will be dealing with these issues for decades to come as my demographic is the fastest growing one in our culture.
In spite of the works short length and large print it is not an easy read but rather a tortuous one since I was compelled to reflect after each paragraph or two and reflect on my personal situation. Needless to say it is not a page turned but with that stated it is probably more important if one wants to learn how to live, deal and adjust to this type of depressing environment.
I can't thank Ms. Comer enough for her honesty and her ability to articulate the tribulations of a tenuous subject the majority or our generation will have no choice but to deal with now or in the not to distant future. The authors point is that this is not a challenge that is readily overcome or one that will resolve itself but rather one that requires total social and economic attention if we are to survive as the worlds greatest democracy.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Barbara K. Kincaid on September 5, 2014
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As a caregiver for 10 years of my mother who had late onset Alzheimer's, I was struck by the brutality and cruelty of Meryl Comer's experience. She and her husband operated in a highly visible pre-Alzheimer's life. It would be wonderful if Washington policymakers could recognize that this could happen to them, to you, to me. No one is guaranteed a pass in this game. And, the time is long overdue to providing funding for research on this devastating illness. The nature of the care required crosses generations and cuts careers down at a time when they could be most productive. The impact is broader than "old people." Let's do the work to find a cure!
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Dr. Richard L. Morgan on September 8, 2014
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As a founder of the advocacy network, CLERGY AGAINST ALZHEIMER'S I read this poignant narrative of caring for someone with early onset Alzheimer's. It is not easy reading, but I could l not put this book down until I finished it., It is a sober reminder of the struggles of a caregiver foe this dreaded disease, After placing her husband into two care facilities, Comer had the courage to care for him at home. Her narrative of her battle against this disease is something all caregivers need to read. I will recommend this book to all in our network, and caregivers in general. It is a classic!
Dr. Richard L. Morgan, Clergy Against Alzheimers
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