Not My Father's Son: A Memoir
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Not My Father's Son: A Memoir Hardcover – October 7, 2014
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Editorial Reviews
Review
Alan Cumming’s moving memoir NOT MY FATHER’S SON is a beautiful book—sad, funny, haunting, surprising, suspenseful, gut-wrenching, endearing. It will linger inside of you long after you turn the final page. (Harlan Coben, author of New York Times bestsellers Missing You and Six Years)
“Equal parts memoir, whodunnit, and manual for living, NOT MY FATHER’S SON is a beautifully written, honest look at the forces of blood and bone that make us what we are, and how we make ourselves. I was completely sucked in.” (Neil Gaiman, author of American Gods and Ocean at the End of the Lane)
“Equal parts memoir, whodunnit, and manual for living, NOT MY FATHER’S SON is a beautifully written, honest look at the forces of blood and bone that make us what we are, and how we make ourselves. I was completely sucked in.” (Neil Gaiman, author of American Gods and Ocean at the End of the Lane)
From the Back Cover
Dark, painful memories can be like a cage. Or, in the case of Alan Cumming, they can be packed away in a box, stuck in the attic to be forgotten. Until one day the box explodes and all the memories flood back in horrible detail. Alan Cumming grew up in the grip of a man who held his family hostage, someone who meted out violence with a frightening ease, who waged a silent war with himself that sometimes spilled over onto everyone around him. That man was Alex Cumming, Alan's father.
When television producers approached Alan to appear on a popular celebrity genealogy show in 2010, he enthusiastically agreed. He hoped to solve a mystery that had long cast a shadow over his family. His maternal grandfather, Tommy Darling, had disappeared into the Far East after WWII. Alan's mother knew very little about him—he had been a courier, carrying information between battalions on his motorbike. The last time she saw her father, Alan's mother was eight years old. When she was thirteen, the family was informed that he had died by his own hand, an accidental shooting.
But this was not the only mystery laid before Alan's feet. His father, whom Alan had not seen or spoken to for more than a decade, reconnected just before filming for Who Do You Think You Are? began. He had a secret he had to share, one that would shock his son to his very core and set into motion a journey that would change Alan's life forever.
With ribald humor, wit, and incredible insight, Alan seamlessly moves back and forth in time, integrating stories from his childhood in Scotland and his experiences today as the celebrated actor of film, television, and stage. At times suspenseful, at times deeply moving, but always incredibly brave and honest, Not My Father's Son is a powerful story of embracing the best aspects of the past and triumphantly pushing the darkness aside.
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53 of 54 people found the following review helpful
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prisrob
TOP 50 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on July 4, 2014
Format: Hardcover
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In the 43 years that Alan Cumming writes about in his memoir, he has endured much pain and much happiness. Born in Angus, Scotland, he lived with his parents and brother. His father a brutal man who certainly left his mark on Alan and the entire family.
In this book, 'Not My Father's Son', Alan Cumming moves from 'then' 1965 and his school years to 'now', 2010. The Then and Now occur in alternating chapters. We are introduced to Alan as his father cuts his hair with a rusty pair of clippers, all the while screaming at what a useless boy he was, and worse. This was what his days were like, terrified of his father's outbreaks of violence and abuse, Alan and his brother, Thom, walked and talked as silently as they could. Any little matter could cause pain and injury. Their mother was mostly silent and compliant, we don't know if she was beaten into silence or why she never came to their rescue. Life until Alan was 17 and old enough to go to college was filled with violence, abuse and dislike.
Now, brings us to 2010, when Alan was caught up in a television show, 'Who Do You Think You Are', which traced his relatives, and in this case his grandfather,Tom Darling. Alan's mother, Mary, never knew her father, he went off to War and never came home. He lived his later years after the war in Malaysia. No one knew why he had given up on his family. Now, Alan was going to trace his last years, and it would appear on this show. In the process Alan faced his own demons, and, in particular, his father. This is Alan Cumming's story to find the truth of his grandfather, his father and himself.
This is a marvelously written memoir. Poetic at times, but always written with such surety that I was confident that Alan would find his true self and his way.Read more ›
In this book, 'Not My Father's Son', Alan Cumming moves from 'then' 1965 and his school years to 'now', 2010. The Then and Now occur in alternating chapters. We are introduced to Alan as his father cuts his hair with a rusty pair of clippers, all the while screaming at what a useless boy he was, and worse. This was what his days were like, terrified of his father's outbreaks of violence and abuse, Alan and his brother, Thom, walked and talked as silently as they could. Any little matter could cause pain and injury. Their mother was mostly silent and compliant, we don't know if she was beaten into silence or why she never came to their rescue. Life until Alan was 17 and old enough to go to college was filled with violence, abuse and dislike.
Now, brings us to 2010, when Alan was caught up in a television show, 'Who Do You Think You Are', which traced his relatives, and in this case his grandfather,Tom Darling. Alan's mother, Mary, never knew her father, he went off to War and never came home. He lived his later years after the war in Malaysia. No one knew why he had given up on his family. Now, Alan was going to trace his last years, and it would appear on this show. In the process Alan faced his own demons, and, in particular, his father. This is Alan Cumming's story to find the truth of his grandfather, his father and himself.
This is a marvelously written memoir. Poetic at times, but always written with such surety that I was confident that Alan would find his true self and his way.Read more ›
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47 of 48 people found the following review helpful
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krebsman
VINE VOICE on July 2, 2014
Format: Hardcover
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Tolstoy’s famous line about happy and unhappy families certainly rings true here. This unhappy family is a doozy. Cumming senior was a paranoid bully who terrorized his family. His younger son, Alan, bore the major brunt of his father’s meanness and cruelty. People develop different strategies to cope with such horror on a day-to-day basis. I’ve known several people in my lifetime who have survived loveless childhoods. Most become alcoholics, drug addicts, or religious fanatics, but the lucky ones become artists. Alan Cumming is smart enough to recognize that he was and is lucky. The whole book is framed by Cumming’s participation in a British reality show called “Who Do You Think You Are,” in which a celebrity’s genealogy is revealed to hold some shocking secret and the subject has a tearful on-camera epiphany when it is revealed to him. The TV program focuses on his maternal grandfather, who had died in Malaysia of an accidental self-inflicted gunshot wound when Cummings’s mother was thirteen. He knew very little about this grandfather, but as he learns more of his story, he finds that certain elements of it exacerbate his unresolved relationship with his father. Cumming is a good writer and expresses his feelings very well, and along the way he makes some pungent observations about our culture. But this is a sad and unsettling book. It’s certainly not the usual actor’s biography, and that is refreshing. However, it was, for me, a downer. I still give it four stars for being honest and compellingly written.
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37 of 38 people found the following review helpful
By
A. Whitney
VINE VOICE on July 3, 2014
Format: Hardcover
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My first experience seeing Alan Cumming was in "Circle of Friends" in which he played a creepy, scheming, slithery character. When I next saw him in "Goldeneye" I remember thinking, "Ugh, it's that creepy guy." I laugh about it now because Alan Cumming is not creepy, but a very talented actor who has since shown such range and command of his art that in now look forward to seeing him in productions. I have followed him on Twitter for a few years and he seems like someone with a joyous, satisfied life who shares his love with those around him. So it was a big surprise to read this book and discover that for much of his young life he lived in fear of his father who not only best him physically, but also best his spirit and will to live. I found parts of this book hard to read as his retelling of what he endured is heartbreaking. The book is organized so that is alternated between episodes from whence was a child, and 2010 when he appeared in a genealogy show that traced the story of his maternal grandfather. Throughout the story, Cumming is pursuing the truth about his grandfather while also investigating his own life. The structure allows the reader to have some breaks from Cumming's upbringing and also exposes some parallels between the two threads.
Cumming is an engaging writer and the story is extraordinary. It's a testament to his spirit and his desire to find happiness that he arrives at a fulfilled, self-aware life, when many others would have been unable to escape such an upbringing, and may have even repeated it in their own lives.
This book could give hope to those who struggle with overcoming a difficult childhood. Fans of Cumming will find it enlightening. I'm glad to have read this inspiring story.
Cumming is an engaging writer and the story is extraordinary. It's a testament to his spirit and his desire to find happiness that he arrives at a fulfilled, self-aware life, when many others would have been unable to escape such an upbringing, and may have even repeated it in their own lives.
This book could give hope to those who struggle with overcoming a difficult childhood. Fans of Cumming will find it enlightening. I'm glad to have read this inspiring story.
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27 of 27 people found the following review helpful
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Half Fast Farmer
TOP 1000 REVIEWER on September 13, 2014
Format: Hardcover
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I have liked Alan Cummings since I saw him in Spy Kids years ago. He has a innocence and sweetness that can't be faked. His take on the scarecrow in Tin Man was funny and lovely and sad.
I was interested to read more about what had made this extraordinary man.
His memoir is every bit as wonderful as he is. It is innocent and still too wise. It is sad and lovely. Heartbreaking violence towards a child is slipped in next to celebrity memories. His wondering about where he could come from is written with longing and the same enthusiasm with which he distances himself from the father he knows is part of his past.
But even as we explore the answers to his mysteries we see what Alan does not. He is his fathers son in absolute negative. Where his father looks over a small child to find fault, Cumming writes about his father with grace. Perhaps, he posits, there were good and happy times with his father that he and his brother were just too traumatized to remember. Where his father rages, Cummings is gentle and wry. Alan looks deeply and he sees.
Cummings is a lovely writer. Each vignette hands the reader one small part of him. It is up to the reader to put them together. Along the way we are treated to thoughts on what Shakespeare would be doing if he were alive today, the Eurovision Song contest, and the story of his blue sweater vest. His fathers relentless cruelty never diminishes but Alan grows far beyond it.
He makes it beautiful
I was interested to read more about what had made this extraordinary man.
His memoir is every bit as wonderful as he is. It is innocent and still too wise. It is sad and lovely. Heartbreaking violence towards a child is slipped in next to celebrity memories. His wondering about where he could come from is written with longing and the same enthusiasm with which he distances himself from the father he knows is part of his past.
But even as we explore the answers to his mysteries we see what Alan does not. He is his fathers son in absolute negative. Where his father looks over a small child to find fault, Cumming writes about his father with grace. Perhaps, he posits, there were good and happy times with his father that he and his brother were just too traumatized to remember. Where his father rages, Cummings is gentle and wry. Alan looks deeply and he sees.
Cummings is a lovely writer. Each vignette hands the reader one small part of him. It is up to the reader to put them together. Along the way we are treated to thoughts on what Shakespeare would be doing if he were alive today, the Eurovision Song contest, and the story of his blue sweater vest. His fathers relentless cruelty never diminishes but Alan grows far beyond it.
He makes it beautiful
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