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Praised by everyone from Bernie Siegel to Daniel Goleman to Larry Dossey, Rachel Remen has a unique perspective on healing rooted in her background as a physician, a professor of medicine, a therapist, and a long-term survivor of chronic illness. In a deeply moving and down-to-earth collection of true stories, this prominent physician shows us life in all its power and mystery and reminds us that the things we cannot measure may be the things that ultimately sustain and enrich our lives.
— author of Emotional Intelligence
Chapter One
Life
Force
Coherent, elegant, mysterious, aesthetic. When I first earned my degree in medicine I would not have described life in this way. But I was not on intimate terms with life then. I had not seen the power of the life force in everyone, met the will to live in all its varied and subtle forms, recognized the irrepressible love of life buried in the heart of every living thing. I had not been used by life to fulfill itself or been caught unaware by its strength in the midst of the most profound weakness. I had no sense of awe. I had thought that life was broken and that I, armed with the powerful tools of modern science, would fix it. I had thought then that I was broken also. But life has shown me otherwise.
Many of the people who come to my office now as counseling clients have come because modern medicine has failed them in some way, or they have used up its power to help them and they do not know what else to do. They hope to find a way to heal, to cooperate with or even strengthen the life in them. After listening to hundreds and hundreds of their stories over the last twenty years I think I would have to say that most people do not recognize the strength of the life force in them or the many ways that it shows itself to them. Yet every one of us has felt its power. We who doubt are covered with the scars of our many healings.
So when people first come, this is the place we usually start--talking about life itself, our attitude toward it, our experience of it, our trust or distrust of it. Developing an eye to see it, in others and in ourselves. In the beginning is the life force. After more than fifty years of living, I have learned it can be trusted.
PLUM BLOSSOMS
Many years ago in the midst of a shopping trip, I found myself in a store specializing in Japanese furniture, helping a friend who was furnishing his house. He had been rapidly taken over by the only salesperson, a tiny woman in a kimono who had grabbed his arm and begun a discussion of Japanese paintings with him in a loud and intense voice. Her head reached barely above his elbow but in spite of her size her manner made me uncomfortable and I drifted away toward the door, lurking behind chests and tonkus, waiting until he finished his purchases. I thought I had hidden successfully until, without warning, the woman turned and moved toward me, pointing as she came. I saw then that she was very old, possibly even deaf, and this perhaps explained her loudness. She took me by the arm and began to pull me through the showroom, encouraging me with little clicking noises and repetitions of "Come. You come." I tried to shake her off but for someone so small and frail her grip was strong. So I went along, followed by my friend, who was clearly amused by my struggle.
She took us into a room in the back of the store, empty except for four scrolls, one on each wall, representing the seasons. Unlike the paintings in the showroom these were museum-quality. In one of them, an old and twisted branch bloomed with hundreds of tiny pink blossoms. The branch and the blossoms were covered with snow. It was exquisite.
Leading me up to this, she said to me, "You see, you see? February! The plum blossom comes!" In her odd intense way she told me that the plum suffered because it was the first, it bloomed early, in February, often still in winter, in the hard and the cold. She touched the snow on the branch with her small arthritic hand, nodding her head vigorously. Looking intensely into my face and shaking my arm slightly, she said, "Plum blossom, the beginning. Like Japanese woman, plum blossom gentle, tender, soft ... and survive."
I puzzled about this for a long time afterwards. As a physician, I thought I knew about survival, because after all I was in the survival business. I had known survival to be a matter of expertise, of skill and action, of competence and knowledge. What she had told me made no sense to me.
This was confusing to me for other reasons as well. Like the plum blossoms, I too had come early. My mother had suffered from toxemia and I had been delivered by emergency cesarean section far below full-term weight. In February 1938, I had not been expected to live. All through my childhood I had been told that I had survived because of the invention of the incubator. For many years I had felt grateful for this technology, dependent upon it for my life. Now as a young pediatrician I was working in a premature intensive-care nursery using far more powerful technology to keep other babies alive. But what the old woman had said had made me wonder. Perhaps survival was not only a question of the skillful use of state-of-the-art technology, perhaps there was something innate, some strength in those tiny pink infants, that enabled both them and me to survive. I had never thought of that before.
It reminded me of something that had happened one spring day when I was fourteen. Walking up Fifth Avenue in New York City, I was astonished to notice two tiny blades of grass growing through the sidewalk. Green and tender, they had somehow broken through the cement. Despite the crowds bumping up against me, I stopped and looked at them in disbelief. This image stayed with me for a long time, possibly because it seemed so miraculous to me. At the time, my idea of power was very different. I understood the power of knowledge, of wealth, of government, and the law. I had no experience with this other sort of power yet.
Accidents and natural disasters often cause people to feel that life is fragile. In my experience, life can change abruptly and end without warning, but life is not fragile. There is a difference between impermanence and fragility. Even on the physiological level, the body is an intricate design of checks and balances, elegant strategies of survival layered on strategies of survival, balances and rebalances. Anyone who has witnessed the recovery from such massive and invasive interventions as bone marrow transplant or open heart surgery comes away with a sense of deep respect, if not awe, for the ability of the body to survive. This is as true in age as it is in youth. There is a tenacity toward life which is present at the intracellular level without which even the most sophisticated of medical interventions would not succeed. The drive to live is strong even in the most tiny of human beings. I remember as a medical student seeing one of my teachers put a finger in the mouth of a newborn and, once the baby took hold, gently lift him partway off the bed by the strength of his suck.
That tenacity toward life endures in all of us, undiminished, until the moment of our death.
Continues...
Excerpted from Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen Copyright © 1997 by Rachel Naomi Remen. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
This isn't your everyday sappy inspirational story book. The vingettes are real and heartwarming. I have worked with cancer patients who have told me that this book offers more than just inspiration; it offers attitude alternatives. The stories and anecdotes in the book show how people in all walks of life from all backgrounds and of all ages, colors, and races deal with the cards they are dealt.
Although this book is not intended as a substitute for therapy or mental health counseling, it does afford the reader a thoughtful, common sense approach for dealing with life's difficulties. It's almost like sitting around the kitchen table with trusted family and long-time friends and trading stories which hold courage and perserverence at their core. I recommend this book to patients and clients (and their families) who face mental, emotional, or physical adversities. I believe that this is the best book of its kind on the market.
Cherie Renfrow Starry
Private Practice Counselor/Therapist
3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted Fri Oct 18 00:00:00 EDT 2013
Filled with short stories that heal the heart and offer an open loving attitude to Life itself. Author, Dr. Remen knows of what she speaks. Still teaching at San Francisco Medical Hospital/College she travels the world teaching physicians about Life.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.JoAllison
Posted Sun Jan 16 00:00:00 EST 2011
An absolutely beautiful warm hug of a book. The author is a physician & counselor and long-time sufferer/survivor of Crohn's Disease. The small stories she tells about herself, her patients, her family and friends are told with amazing honesty, beauty and grace. They deal with spiritual issues such as suffering, love, faith, and miracles. This is a profoundly healing book. It is one of the best books I have ever read.
I give a copy to every friend who faces a life-changing illness. Every one of them has since bought 10 books each to hand out to their friends who need it.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.AVoiceintheWilderness
Posted Fri Mar 12 00:00:00 EST 2010
I am a student of Dr. Remen not by being in one of her classes but by being touched by her profound insight into what matters. Dr. Remen says "we are always on sacred ground". Certainly I have learned when I read "We all influence one another", and "the things that divide us are far less important than those that connect us." I now read anything that I can get my hands on by Dr. Remen. As a doctor and a healer is her writings somehow more significant to me. Doubtful. Her wisdom is at the Kitchen Table.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.verajoffephdpa
Posted Mon Dec 07 00:00:00 EST 2009
One of the most influential books for my professional as well as personal life. All medical students, residents, and physicians would benefit from reading this book. Vera Joffe, Ph.D. P.A. (www.verajoffe.com)
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted Sun Aug 02 00:00:00 EDT 2009
A friend bought me this book after I was diagnosed with breast cancer 4 months ago. At a time in my life that I am doing a lot of soul searching, this book has been the perfect guide. The stories in the book are thought-provoking in a way that is not preachy. Some of them are personally helpful to me, some of them have given me valuable insight into people I know, and all of them are interesting, heartfelt, touching, and timeless. Dr Remen is a physician turned therapist to cancer patients, but this book is ideal for anyone who is looking for personal growth and a deeper connection to the world around them. I loved it so much I bought a copy for my Dad for Father's Day, who in turn loved it so much he bought a copy for a friend of his. This is a book I know I will come back to again and again.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted Sat Nov 29 00:00:00 EST 2003
We learned from our own kitchen table the stories about our very large and very vocal family. These stories helped us all to understand more about ourselves, life, hardships, joy, love and laughter. However, when I read Dr. Remen's book, Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories That Heal, I knew our family needed to know more about healing and life. The one sentence in the book,'We often see things not as they are, but as we are', made me reevaluate many of my thoughts about cures and healing. I am grateful and feel blessed to have read Kitchen Table Wisdom:Stories That Heal. This will be Christmas presents for all my sisters, children and grandchildren this year. Thank you Dr. Remen.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted Tue Oct 09 00:00:00 EDT 2001
As I walk the path with my parents who are aging and struggling with the everydayness of life, Rachel confirmed my need to be patient and understanding and compassionate, no matter what happens. Not only will I recommend this to my daughter who is in pre-med but to friends and family. My dear friend gave me this book as a birthday gift and I couldn't put it down until I finished it, weeping throughout. In light of Sept 11th, I believe we need to hear more stories that heal, that bring peace. I heard Rachel loud and clear saying that there is a stong possibility that it does matter what we say to each other, our tone, our expressions. Thank you Rachel.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted Sat Aug 23 00:00:00 EDT 2014
This book was loaned to me; I am now buying more copies so I can read, and highlight my own copy, and still be able to give away the book to others. Wonderful stories and essays, with great lessons, are shared within this book. Some stories are heart-warming, others heart-breaking.
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Posted Sat Jun 16 00:00:00 EDT 2001
This book is so incredibly profound - everyone can learn a great deal about life, death, and everday living through Dr. Remen's own kitchen table wisdom.
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Posted Sat May 20 00:00:00 EDT 2000
In this collection of true stories from Rachel's early childhood and into her adult life, Rachel speaks honestly, openly and from the heart about the seemingly routine journeys that we take in the course of a lifetime and the power of those with whom we have contact along the way to enhance and expand our connection to our true selves, our true voice and to others, or to nudge us further and further into isolation, denial and despair.
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Posted Mon Apr 06 00:00:00 EDT 2009
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Overview
Praised by everyone from Bernie Siegel to Daniel Goleman to Larry Dossey, Rachel Remen has a unique perspective on healing rooted in her background as a physician, a professor of medicine, a therapist, and a long-term survivor of chronic illness. In a deeply moving and down-to-earth collection of true stories, this prominent physician shows us life in all its power and mystery and reminds us that the things we cannot measure may be the things that ultimately sustain and enrich ...