McCinsey's Island (1998)

Those of you who have read my chat thread will know that I have already voted for and commented on this film under another name (agent_grrrr). My reasons for doing so again are purely selfish. This film is a criminal oversight on the IMDb's Worst 100 films ever made because, without a doubt, this film should be included in the top 10 of that chart. "McCinsey's Island" is not da bomb, it's a bomb. It's a giant, stinking, rotten, filthy bomb and must be avoided by all except those of a highly cynical nature.

The plot, such as there is, concerns retired secret agent Hulk Hogan who is brought out of retirement by a strangely lost-looking Robert Vaughn to recover the treasure on McCinsey's Island for reasons that are never fully explained. Maybe they needed all those cheap-looking jewels and gold coins to fund a sequel, who knows? Anyway, things take a turn for the worse in every sense when evil baddie Grace Jones shows up to claim the tat (I mean, treasure) for herself. In short, it's your typical family-entertainment fare which means it's light on story, characterization and effects and high on talking parrots, comical violence and low-speed chases on boats.

Actually, there was a curious phenomenon which occurred while watching the boat chase scene. Although it clearly doesn't, it felt like it lasted close to quarter of an hour. Round and round they went, endlessly sailing through what looked like the Florida Everglades. And it didn't even look particularly fast or thrilling, summing up the movie well. There is nothing to recommend about this movie. There is no reason why adults should watch this and there is little that even the youngest of kids will take from this. Besides, most kids these days won't have a clue who the Hell Hulk Hogan is anyway unless they watched his recent WWE comeback with utter dismay. Incidentally, Vince McMahon (if you ever read this) - why bring back Hulk Hogan AND Roddy "Saggy Tits" Piper? Hulkamania might live forever (if you believe in that sort of thing) but the human body certainly does not.

I think that you are all well aware of how strongly I feel about this film. It is easily the worst film I have seen since "Dungeons & Dragons" (and I paid money to see that!) and quite possibly, a contender for the worst film of all time. However, the producers were clever. By never releasing the film in cinemas (except Kuwait, of all places), they tired to bury this film. That's why you'll never see this film on DVD or rarely on TV for the unfortunate networks that bought the rights to it. They bury the film and hope that we won't notice. But we're better than that. We know offensive film-making when we see it and we see it here, cowering in fear beneath our steely gaze. Therefore, I issue an plea to all for view this movie or read this comment. Vote for this movie and get this installed in the Worst 100 Films according to IMDb users. If you have seen it then you have my sympathy - take your revenge and vote! If you haven't seen it then prepare yourself to watch a movie so bad it makes "Gigli" seem like "Gone With The Wind". Then return here and cleanse your soul by doing the right thing - voting! Think about how many schoolbooks this film's budget could have bought! Think about the hospitals, the charities, the orphanages that might have survived had "McCinsey's Island" never been made! Think about the children! Together, we can stop this evil before any more films of this nature are released on an unsuspecting and undeserving audience. You have the vote - use it wisely.