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[GRAD ADVICE] What to do if you feel awkward at a conference?
Hi fellow VNSA DHSs, I did sometimes feel pretty awkward at conferences,
particularly conferences in subjects that I am hardly familiar with
(am there trying to learn) and know almost no one. So it is good to know
that there are some tips for getting out of this bad situation. Hope you
will find them useful. Hai.
>From doc-talk:
--------------
Fellow graduate students:
A few weeks ago, I posted a query about how other graduate students coped
with feeling awkward and uncomfortable at conferences. Many people wrote
with lots of helpful advice! I thought that I would summarize some of
the themes which showed up in several responses and some of the specific
advice that I received, such that others might enjoy the great hints and
support that people sent. Unfortunately, I had to do some selecting
--but I want everyone to know that I found their message helpful
and that I appreciate everyone's time.
Thank you, Oona Schmid.
--------
People were very reassuring about feeling awkward. That in itself was
great to read. Many others feel ill at ease, or had at one time, even
some battle-scarred veteran conference-goers! People suggested giving it
time, reminding oneself that feeling uncomfortable was okay and
appropriate, and might even be seen as an empowering position.
Some of the specific advice people sent was:
--Send an e-mail to scholars you know you want to meet in advance. Ask
them about a recent publication or their interest in your current
research. Sometimes they'll ask to meet you at the conference!
--Prepare a question ahead for someone important that you know will be at
the conference.
--Stay in the main conference hotel whenever possible.
--Take the initiative and introduce yourself. Be a good host. Introduce
others around you.
--Be socially generous. Invite others along, bring them into
conversations, introduce them to colleagues, connect them to someone of
common interests.
--Remind yourself that young scholars are important to a conference. We
bring cutting edge research to the field. We're a breath of fresh air. We
remind big scholars of how far they've come!
--While listening to presenters, try to look wise--frown, nod, take notes.
If appropriate in your field, maybe punch in some numbers on a calculator
and shake your head sadly... ;^)
--Accept any invitation to eat with a group, especially gatherings of
"more important people," that may or may not occur.
--Remind yourself schmoozing is important and okay. Check out other
people's nametags, you want to know who they are. Let them see your
nametag so they can identify you.
--BE KIND. Everyone is in this together.
===================
From: mgoodman@bu.edu (Michael Goodman)
Dear Oona,
I read your doc-talk message and thought you might appreciate this message
I once received from another mailing list prior to attending my first major
conference. I'm not sure what your field is, but if its a social science
related discipline ( I'm a sociologist in training ) I'm sure some of the
wisdom will translate well. For the record the following was written by Dan
Ryan, a fellow grad student at Yale University.
Good luck!
--------------
I have some notes somewhere on "how to enjoy a convention" that include the
following (completely unedited and unexpurgated):
o Never pass up an opportunity to go out with a group to eat,
especially in favor of a gathering with "more important people"
that may or may not occur.
o Don't let yourself get cynical about schmoozing. This IS what
the meeting is about and that's not a bad thing. It is quite common
for newbies and beginners to feel left out because they don't know
too many people. A common response to this feeling is to express
disdain for how "it's all just a big reunion of people who don't care
whether a nobody like me lives or dies." That's true. The secret,
though, is to know that that IS all thatit is and the only reason you
feel that way is because you don't know too many people yet. Give
yourself some time. Quickly slipping into the defensive wall-
flower frame of mind is a sure recipe for prolonging the period in
which you feel like you don't know anybody.
o Related to this, don't get too turned off by nametag gazing. It is
what people do at these things. Yes, people will check yours out,
discover that you are nobody and then move on. Some of the folks
doing this are real ass-kissing idiots who are just looking for famous
people to kiss up to. Don't sweat it. Don't let the turkeys get you
down.
Think about this sociologically. You have a gathering of several
thousand people from one profession. Most of them work in middle of
nowhere places with two colleagues, one of whom they loathe. They spend
all year teaching the writings of other people (some of whom are their
heroes) to 19 year olds. Some of those heroes are walking around the
hotel. Of course they're looking at the name tags.
Alternatively, here you have a gathering of several thousand people in
the same profession. Profession and job is one of the most common
categories for sorting the people in one's world. If everyone around
you is in the same profession, you need some other status markers to
help you order the crowd. Look at the nametags.
o Remember that it's OK to engage people in serious conversations about
what they do, what they think about, etc. This may be the only time
all year where you don't have to explain what sociology is or that it
is NOT the same as social work to the person who says "oh, my brother
is a social worker."
o Don't worry about money -- that's what plastic is for. In the
end, you are going to spend more than you intended; no use
wasting emotional energy fretting about it
o Stay in the main conference hotel whenever possible. The idea of
staying with a friend who lives just twenty minutes outside of town
is almost always a bad one.
o Recognize and celebrate the fact that the most important and enjoyable
part of the annual meeting is the stuff that occurs OUTSIDE of the
sessions.
o After you've heard your fourth or fifth poorly presented paper on poorly
thought-out research, remind yourself that the speaker teaches for a
living and wonder how someone who talks in front of groups 4 to 8 times
a week can fail to have ever gotten good at it.
o Upon checking in, locate the health club or fitness center in your hotel
and see what their hours are. Then look around to see if they have a
decent breakfast buffet in one of the restaurants. Next, scan through
the index of the program to see if there is anyone you absolutely don't
want to miss a talk by. Draw a little time chart and note where these
talks are and when. If you're not doing anything else, you can try
to catch them. After this, make a list of all the people you
want to say hello to, have a meal with or meet. This roster is your
main task list for the meeting.
o Remember that everyone else is feeling like they don't know anyone too.
o Always remember the first law of socializing: act like a host. This
means taking the initiative and introducing yourself to others. It
means keeping in mind the people you know and have met so that when
you meet someone new, even if your interests are a million miles apart,
you can always say "Have you met so and so? You should. I'll introduce
you when I see you together." And then, when you do, they'll possibly
be grateful for the intro, but definitely remember the service. All
of this is based loosely on good network theory: weak ties are all --
be one whenever you can.
o If you have the opportunity to introduce someone big and someone small,
do it by asking the big person if they've met the small one, not vice
versa. It's a wonderfully pleasant way to go against the standard
status inequalities.
o Be as socially generous as possible. It almost never "costs" anything
to invite someone along, bring them into a conversation, introduce them
to a colleague, connect them to someone of common interests, etc. and
these things (a) are always remembered, and (b) go around and come
around.
o Buy some books.
o If you're giving a talk, just tell us what you did, why you thought it
was interesting and what we should remember about what you found out or
showed. The point of the talk is to help me decide whether I might
want to read your work or not.
o If you are giving a talk, do not read your paper. Do not fight with
the organizer over time. Do not be convinced that the audience will
be enthralled if only you can get this one last point in. Do not edit
out whole sections on the fly as you notice time running out. If you
find yourself falling in love with your own prose, exercise caution.
All of these things will serve only to make you look inept,
unprofessional, immature and uninteresting.
o Don't join your nutso colleagues in the mad rush to grab books at a
discount as the book exhibits close. The behavior of some folks at
this moment is truly embarrassing -- best not to join them.
o Remember, you are going to spend a few days with 3 or 4 thousand people
who are, perhaps, better at analyzing the social world than participating
in it. Be kind. We're all in this together.
Michael Goodman (mgoodman@bu.edu)
Department of Sociology
Boston University
===================
From: Emily Parkany <empark@translab.its.uci.edu>
Even when you're not done with course-work, conferences are important
for not just meeting people, but to learn the "latest" in your field and,
hopefully, to motivate your own research (get ideas from others and/or
be convinced that you can do it better).
Don't be intimidated by the "big names" in your field. If they brush
you off, then approach the younger people that have jobs you aspire to.
Most people encourage questions related to their presentations--even a
couple of days later in the hall. I make a point of asking everyone (in
elevators, crossing the street between hotels, waiting in lobbies, air-
port shuttles, etc.), are you here for the _____ conference? Often they
are and it's fascinating to learn why they decided to come--it's likely
that you have something in common and it's a face to smile at across the
room. Even if they're not affiliated with the conference, you'll
probably have a chance to explain why you're in town and it will make it
that much easier when you talk to someone at the conference.
===================
From: Sheilah <coffeys@wam.umd.edu>
During the time I have been working on my PhD I have attended several
conferences. I am lucky because my advisor is well known in the field and
she has introduced me to several other people at conferences. I have
often joined her or someone she has introduced me to in the bar during the
evening after the conference meetings have ceased. You just have to jump
in BUT don't be pushy. Yes they may know more than you and they may have
loads more experience but they don't have your take on things. You may be
able to give them a new slant on things.
At one conference I was able to approach someone whose work I admire and
discuss possible joint research with her and yes it felt wonderful when I
realized I had held up my end of the discussion without making a fool of
myself. Another time, I joined in a discussion of textbooks and actually
had opinions and suggestions that the others (professors) had not thought
of, or so they said.
My advice is jump in and after a couple of experiences like I have listed
above it will be easier.
Sheilah Coffey (almost ABD)
==========
From: David Atkinson <dnatkinson@ucdavis.edu>
Most new grad students go to the symposia and visit the posters to get a
feel for their own research. Most nearly finished students spend their time
hob-nobbing looking for a job. And there's everyone else in between. As a
new student, pay particular attention to posters and presentations that were
presented well, so that when it's your turn to present (do it as much as you
can - you can get plane fare that way as well as become a familiar face) you
can make a good one. I also note the posters that are constructed to be
easy to travel with and post. And be sure to talk to the poster presenters
- it's good to talk to people about research!
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