JOKES

[tien@altera.com (Tien Duc Pham)]

HIE^'N DA^NG VA` TIE^'P NHA^.N
 
Ta'm Ta`ng ddang ddi lang thang ngoa`i pho^', cho*.t nga.c nhie^n
tro^ng tha^'y Ca? Kie^'t la'i mo^.t chie^'c xe xi`-po ddo*`i mo*'i
phom phom pho'ng to*'i.  Ta'm va^~y Ca? Kie^'t la.i, ho?i:
 
-  E^ Ca?, ma`y la^'y dda^u ra ca'i xe ngon qua' va^.y?
 
Ca? Kie^'t dda'p:
 
-  Ho^m no. tao ngo^`i nha^.u lai rai ngoa`i pho^', ti`nh co*`
   ba('t bo^` vo*'i mo^.t thie^'u phu. gia`u co' tho*m nhu* mu'i
   mi't.  Ngo^`i ta'n do'c va` la`m duye^n vo*'i nhau cho to*'i khi
   qua'n ddo'ng cu*?a, na`ng mua mo^.t chai ru*o*.u quy' ro^`i hai
   ddu*'a tu.i tao la'i xe ra bo*` ho^` ngoa.i o^ cho*i.  Du*o*'i
   a'nh tra(ng huye^`n hoa(.c, tao say su*a ho^n na`ng ca? chu.c
   phu't.  Na`ng me^`m la? trong tay tao, thi` tha`o sa(~n sa`ng
   da^ng hie^'n ba^'t cu*' thu*' gi` ma` tao muo^'n.
 
Ta'm Ta`ng:
 
-  Ro^`i sao?
 
-  Thi`, tao la^'y... ca'i xe!
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CHO DDA'NG DDO^`NG TIE^`N
 
Nha si~ ba?o:
 
-  Ca'i ra(ng cu?a o^ng ho?ng ro^`i, kho^ng chu*~a ddu*o*.c, pha?i
   nho^?.
 
O^ng kha'ch:
 
-  Nhu*ng ma^'t bao nhie^u tie^`n?
 
-  Mo^.t tra(m na(m mu*o*i ddo^!
 
O^ng kha'ch nha?y nho^?m:
 
-  Gi` ma` dda('t the^'?  Chi? mo^.t hai phu't tho^i ma`?
 
Nha si~:
 
-  Ne^'u o^ng muo^'n, to^i co' the^? ke'o no' ra tha^.t cha^.m.
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CHI PHI' PHU. TRO^.I
 
Nho^? ra(ng xong, nha si~ ba?o:
 
-  To^i pha?i ti'nh cho o^ng bo^'n tra(m ru*o*?i ta^'t ca?.
 
Be^.nh nha^n:
 
-  Sao la.i bo^'n tra(m ru*o*?i?  Tie^`n nho^? mo^.t ca'i ra(ng
   chi? co' tra(m ru*o*?i tho^i ma`!
 
Nha si~:
 
-  DDu'ng ro^`i!  Nhu*ng vi` o^ng la lo*'n qua', hai be^.nh nha^n
   ke^' sau o^ng so*. qua' bo? cha.y ma^'t ro^`i!
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TIN VUI, TIN BUO^`N
 
Nha si~ kha'm ra(ng xong, ba?o:
 
-  To^i co' tin vui va` tin buo^`n cho o^ng.
 
-  Sao co*?
 
-  Tin vui, la` ta^'t ca? hai ha`m ra(ng cu?a o^ng dde^` to^'t
   nguye^n.
 
Be^.nh nha^n:
 
-  The^' co`n tin buo^`n?
 
Nha si~:
 
-  Tin buo^`n la` nu*o*'u cu?a o^ng ho?ng hoa`n toa`n, pha?i ca('t
   bo? he^'t.
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CA('N
 
Mo^.t nha co^ng chuye^n la`m ra(ng gia? pha?i dde^'n ta^.n nha`
tha^n chu? ddo`i tie^`n la`m ra(ng.  O^ng ta tro*? la.i pho`ng
ra(ng, ve? ma(.t kho^ng vui.  Co^ thu* ky' ho?i:
 
-  O^ng ddo`i ddu*o*.c tie^`n chu*'?
 
Nha co^ng la('c dda^`u:
 
-  Con quy? ca'i kho^'n na.n ddo'!  Cha(?ng nhu*~ng kho^ng tra?
   tie^`n ma` mu. co`n du`ng ra(ng cu?a to^i dde^? ca('n to^i nu*~a
   chu*'!
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KHO^NG CA^`N THUO^'C TE^
 
Na(m Ro`m cu`ng vo*. bu*o*'c va`o pho`ng ra(ng.  Na(m Ro`m ba?o
nha si~:
 
-  Co' mo^.t ca'i ra(ng ca^`n pha?i nho^? ngay, nhu*ng sa('p tre^~
   gio*` coi ha't ro^`i, nha si~ kho?i chi'ch thuo^'c te^, cu*'
   dde^? va^.y nho^? ngay cho.
 
Nha si~:
 
-  Tro*`i!  Cha? ma^'y ngu*o*`i can dda?m nhu* o^ng, tha^.t dda'ng
   phu.c!  DDa^u, ca'i ra(ng na`o dda^u?
 
Na(m Ro`m quay sang ba?o vo*.:
 
-  Ha' mo^`m ra cho o^?ng coi, cu*ng!
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CA^`N NHIE^`U NU*O*'C
 
Na(m Ro`m ba?o co^ y ta':
 
-  Co^ la`m o*n cho to^i the^m mo^.t co^'c nu*o*'c nu*~a nhe'!
 
Y ta':
 
-  Nhu*ng dda^y la` co^'c thu*' mu*o*`i ro^`i dda^'y!
 
Na(m Ro`m ho^'i ha?:
 
-  Va^ng, phie^`n co^.  Nhu*ng co^ xem ki`a, pho`ng to^i ddang
   cha'y.
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CHUA CHA'T
 
O^ng Ba Ga` ddang du*o*~ng su*'c sau khi mo^?.  Y ta' be^ cho o^ng
mo^.t khay thu*'c a(n to^'i.  O^ng Ba nga('m nghi'a khay thu*'c
a(n, tha('c ma('c:
 
-  Mo^.t mie^'ng thi.t mo?ng nhu* gia^'y, mo^.t mie^'ng ba'nh mi`
   nho? ba(`ng ngo'n tay em be', mo^.t mie^'ng ba'nh kem to ba(`ng
   ha.t dda^.u pho.ng.  Ca'i na`y ma` co^ go.i la` "bu*~a a(n"
   ddu*o*.c sao?
 
Y ta':
 
-  Va^ng, the^' ddo'!  DDa^y la` thu*.c ddo*n da`nh cho bi.nh
   nha^n mo*'i mo^?.  O^ng ca^`n gi` kha'c kho^ng?
 
Ba Ga`:
 
-  Co', co^ cho to^i mo^.t con tem.
 
Y ta':
 
-  Chi va^.y, o^ng ddi.nh go*?i tho* a`?
 
-  Kho^ng.  To^i co' tho'i quen ddo.c ba'o trong khi a(n.
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VA`O BI.NH VIE^.N
 
Be' Bi ta^m su*. vo*'i co^ gia'o:
 
-  Ba em pha?i va`o bi.nh vie^.n ca? ma^'y tua^`n nay.
 
Co^ gia'o:
 
-  O^, to^.i nghie^.p qua'!  O^ng a^'y bi.nh gi` va^.y?
 
Be' Bi:
 
-  Ba dda^u co' bi.nh!  Ba mo*'i dda^.u ba'c si~ ma`!
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UO^'NG SU*~A VA` A(N THI.T
 
Mo^.t ta`i tu*? ddie^.n a?nh ddu*o*.c giao ddo'ng mo^.t ma`n na(`m
ca.nh con su* tu*?.  Anh ta nha^'t ddi.nh tu*` cho^'i. 
 
DDa.o die^~n tra^'n an:
 
-  Anh ddu*`ng lo!  Con su* tu*?na`y chuye^n ddo'ng phim, hie^`n
   la('m, ngu*o*`i ta nuo^i no' ba(`ng su*~a kho^ng ha`!
 
Ta`i tu*? nha(n ma(.t:
 
-  Khi?!  Ho^`i nho? to^i cu~ng bu' su*~a va^.y ma` ba^y gio*`
   to^i co' tra'nh a(n thi.t dda^u!
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KHO^NG DDU? MUO^~NG
 
Ba'c si~:
 
-  DDa^y ca'i toa, co' mo^~i mo^.t mo'n tho^i.  Ba` xuo^'ng nha`
   thuo^'c ta^y mua ve^`, tru*o*'c khi ddi ngu? uo^'ng ba muo^~ng
   ca` phe^.
 
Be^.nh nha^n:
 
-  Thu*a, hai muo^~ng co' ddu*o*.c kho^ng a.?
 
Ba'c si~ nhi`n be^.nh nha^n:
 
-  Ba` ddu*`ng lo, thuo^'c na`y nhe. la('m, vo*'i so^' ca^n cu?a
   ba`, ba muo^~ng la` vu*`a pha?i.
 
Be^.nh nha^n ru.t re`:
 
-  Nhu*ng ... nha` to^i chi? co`n hai ca'i muo^~ng tho^i a.!
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DE^~ QUA' MA`
 
Co^ Hai Xi' Xo.n than vo*'i ba'c si~:
 
-  Ba'c si~ a`, kho^ng hie^?u sao ma^'y tha'ng nay sa'ng na`o
   thu*'c da^.y, em cu~ng xa^y xa^?m ca? tie^'ng ddo^`ng ho^` mo*'i
   he^'t.
 
Ba'c si~:
 
-  Thu*o*`ng thi` co^ da^.y lu'c ma^'y gio*`?
 
-  Ta'm gio*`.
 
-  De^~ la('m!  Co^ cho*` to*'i 9 gio*` ha~y da^.y.
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TO^.I NGHIE^.P CHU*A
 
Y ta' Hoa Hu*o*`ng bu*o*'c le^n mo^.t chie^'c xe bus.  Co^ cho*.t
tro^ng tha^'y mo^.t ngu*o*`i dda`n o^ng gu.c dda^`u u'p ma(.t trong
lo`ng hai ba`n tay.
 
Hoa Hu*o*`ng thu*o*ng ha.i, tha('c ma('c:
 
-  Ki`a o^ng, cha('c la` o^ng cho'ng ma(.t.  To^i la` y ta' dda^y,
   lie^.u to^i co' giu'p ddu*o*.c gi` o^ng kho^ng?
 
Ngu*o*`i dda`n o^ng nga^?ng nhi`n le^n:
 
-  Kho^ng sao!  Kho^ng sao!  To^i khoe? la('m!  To^i chi? tha^'y
   ho*i kho' chi.u khi tha^'y co' phu. nu*~ ddu*'ng trong khi to^i
   ngo^`i!
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MA.CH TO^'T
 
DDo^ng y si~ cha^?n ma.ch va` ba?o be^.nh nha^n:
 
-  Ma.ch cu?a o^ng nha?y to^'t la('m, dde^`u dda(.n y nhu* mo^.t
   ca'i ddo^`ng ho^` va^.y.
 
Be^.nh nha^n:
 
-  Va^ng, thi` tha`y ddang dde^? ma^'y ngo'n tay le^n chie^'c
   ddo^`ng ho^` cu?a to^i ma`!
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PHA^N BIE^.T
 
Trong gio*` mu*u sinh thoa't hie^?m, mo^.t kho'a sinh ho?i ba'c
si~ gia?ng hua^'n:
 
-  La`m sao pha^n bie^.t giu*~a na^'m thu*o*`ng va` na^'m ddo^.c?
 
-  Anh a(n thu*? mo^.t ca'i tru*o*'c khi ddi ngu?.  Ne^'u sa'ng
   ho^m sau anh thu*'c d^.y thi` ddo' la` na^'m thu*o*`ng.
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GIA?I QUYE^'T GIA?N DI.
 
Tu* Ma^.p bi. nhu*'c dda^`u kinh khu?ng, go.i ba'c si~ la^'y he.n.
Co^ y ta' xem so^?, tra? lo*`i:
 
-  Thu*' sa'u tua^`n sau, 11 gio*` sa'ng.
 
Tu* Ma^.p re^n ri?:
 
-  Co^ xem co' ca'ch na`o cho to^i ga(.p ba'c si~ so*'m ho*n
   kho^ng?  E to^i kho^ng so^'ng so't to*'i thu*' hai!
 
-  Va^.y thi` o^ng nho*` ai ddo' go.i la.i dde^? bo? ca'i he.n
   cu~ng ddu*o*.c.
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SAO LA.I KHO^NG!
 
Ba'c si~ to*'i nha` du*o*~ng la~o kha'm cho ca'c cu..  O^ng ma'y
mo'c chu'c tu.ng mo^.t cu. ba` dda~ 99 tuo^?i:
 
-  To^i hy vo.ng se~ ddu*o*.c du*. sinh nha^.t thu*' 100 cu?a cu..
 
Cu. ba` ho*i giu*.t mi`nh, nhi`n ba'c si~ mo^.t thoa'ng ddoa.n
dda'p:
 
-  Sao la.i kho^ng?  To^i tro^ng ba'c si~ ha~y co`n khoe? la('m
   ma`!