Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)

Spoilers Ahead:

My header was heard from the mouths of dozens of other sunburned faces exiting the Westgate theater in 1984. It was over ninety degrees out; we all stood out, in the blazing sun, for over three hours with the memory of Raiders Of The Lost Ark in our minds. There was such palpable excitement in line. We all shared our favorite scenes from the original. The movie starts so well, my friend Eric whispers to me,"Hey, this is going to be good." What happened? Well, from the moment that the three of them fall from, like three thousand feet, slide down the side of the Himalayas on a rubber raft, off the side of a thousand foot cliff. Eric says," WTF? I said, We're in trouble," yes, we were in very big trouble. For everyone, like everyone in the theater, wondering why Short Round is in the freaking movie: he is put there by the studio after they saw the dailies and Paramount knew the Asian community was going to go ballistic at the painfully racist depiction of the Indian people. Look, I am a conservative and I found it offensive; what does that tell you? Indian cuisine, which I love, actually does not consist of snake surprise, eyeball soup or chilled monkey brains. Take it from some one who wrecked his stomach eating Chicken Vindaloo; they have some of the best food known to man. I should know I kept our local Kashmir's Indian restaurant in business filling up my car with take out.

Now, when we think of all the kiddies who filled the theater, a huge chunk of the demographic for Indy movies; who was the genius who thought,"Hey, how about the Cue ball Indian villain rips peoples' freaking hearts out of their chests? The kids will love it; the parents will bring them back over and over? In the theater I was in parents were covering their little darlings peepers with their hands. You had really P off'd parents walking out of the theater with their kids. What is this Alien? The acting, given the language barrier, is just dreadful. Even the guy with the quadfocals stinks it up big time and voodoo doll boy. Do you want to know how this was received in 1984? It went from an exclusive engagement at the Star Wars cinema to the drive ins in about two weeks. Stevie was up to his Adam's apple in really p'd off Indians who did not exactly like their portrayal. The movie is awful; there is zero chemistry between Ford and Capshaw, Stevie's alleged squeeze, by the way, which explains her bad acting yet prominent placing with the wrecking ball she swings on the movie.

Want to really appreciate Karen Allen, check out Capshaw's performance, please? She is beautiful but her acting sucks. She wrecks the movie; I can still hear the shrieking thirty four years later. The revolt of the Kiddies: is this what you expected? Indy shouting some Hindu religion against Big, Bad Acting Baldy; are there a lot of Hindus watching? Let me check, no, not here in Oregon? We do not understand the Hindu religion, did I miss a hand out at the box office? Why is he quoting Shiva when we have no idea WTF he is babbling about? For all we knew, he was summoning Ronald Mcdonald; look, the movie will never complete my trilogy for a reason. I will not own this film. It has been rehabilitated since it landed with a booming THUD in 1984. The movie was ripped to pieces by critics. Due to the new comic book movie generation, it may have found its new audience.

Save your money, your time do not buy this movie. It is just as bad as it ever was and yes, coming from the most non PC person on earth: it is racist against the Indian people. Besides that it is boring, stupid, gross, ugly and relentlessly offensive. One Lousy Movie