Paper Planes (I) (2014)

Way too often I see Australian reviewers take it easy on mediocre Australian films because they want to see the Australian film industry succeed. How they think that does anyone any good is perplexing. It encourages mediocrity. It causes Aussie films that are actually good (like The Babadook) to be viewed with suspicion and distrust even when they get good reviews -- because if Paper Planes can get positive ratings for being Australian, so can pretty much anything.

I'll start with the soundtrack. The only song which I imagine was originally written for the movie goes something like this: "The world is full of beauty / So boys and girls shake your booty" (the tune itself is even more devoid of appeal). And then there is what I think is THE most unthinkingly tasteless use of music in a film EVER when the lead boy's grandfather shows up with baked goods while "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" plays. WTF!?!?!?! I'm no prude. That might have worked in an Abrams and Zucker film, but here it is totally out of place. Considering how clueless much of the direction of the film is, I couldn't even bring myself to see it as some sort of deliberately perverse joke. Sort of like people who cluelessly play "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" at funerals, or "Every Breath You Take" at weddings. No, that wasn't creepy at all.

So on to the plot: Sam Worthington is wasted as a man who just spends the entire film moping. He is such a useless weight you just want to slap him. And he's the film's sole source of emotional gravitas. Next, for suspense we have this unusual plot device: The lead boy goes from making the greatest paper airplane ever to instantly forgetting how to make one (I mean, he cannot make a plane that goes more than a few inches), etc -- whatever thecontrived plot needs at the moment. I will avoid getting into that in any more detail to avoid spoiling anything, but the film is so utterly clichéd and paint by numbers you barely have to watch any of the film to know how it will all go.

"BUT", you might say. "It is made for KIDS. They haven't seen (The Wizard / Karate Kid remake / generic kid enters competition film)." And, of course, even in predictable films it is the journey itself that counts. Well, my daughters (almost 4 and 8) haven't seen any of those other films yet, either, and Paper Plans completely failed to hold their attention. Was it because it lacked animated characters? Or was it too mature? Hell, no. In contrast they have, e.g., watched "Bridge to Terabithia" with full attention from start to finish -- a film that actually deals with serious issues like love, loss, bullying, friendship, redemption, etc, effectively, without Sam Worthington moping around like a worthless bum for 5 out of every 10 minutes. Usually the girls comment about the movies we watch together. The only thing either brought up was when the 3 year old asked where the boy's mummy was. Paper Planes is, quite simply, barely watchable garbage. Which is a shame since Sam Worthington and David Wenham are great actors -- even this dog's breakfast of a script cannot hide that fact -- but nothing could possibly save this film.