Phantom (2015)

For a film that promotes itself using a tag-line that goes "a story you wish were true," one can easily guess the amount of twaddle it's gonna throw at you. And no wonder, Kabir Khan's latest attempt at an action feature is as repugnant as vomit of a jaundice patient.

You have a tainted army-man (Khan) who is sent on a suicide mission as a retaliation for the disastrous 26/11 attack on Mumbai by a bunch of sorry ass defense ministry babus who in the first place got the idea of counter attack while they were taking forty winks. Without any prologue the next thing you witness is Khan sporting an elegantly trimmed beard and reconnoitering a London stadium with the help of a beautiful informer (Kaif) who is immodestly named Nawaz. That Nawaz is a security consultant and goes on to assist her future husband in his mission where its all guns and bullets and gore is as appealing as Kaif's helpless Hindi.

Khan is a mono-acting doll in the film who uses his haunch to fight his enemies, kill his enemies, and maybe even make love to his enemies. As far as the pompous writing is considered, one wouldn't find that inexplicable. Kaif is svelte in her avatar but all she does is blurt out her accented speech and jump out of her bed to shout at her co- actors. Where else would you see the protagonists debating about their actions just as they walk out after murdering a high-profile terrorist leader in London by blowing him up in his own apartment?

A car hits here, a bullet hits there and all's still well at the end. Lousy characters, lousy writing, lousy dialogs, lousy direction, lousy photography, and so many other lousy factors that even the word "lousy" loses its literal sense's sheen. As a whole, the film is nowhere near the book it is based on, and trust me the book is pure disaster.

BOTTOM LINE: Phantom is a messy depiction of an implausible revenge cause that looks pretty on foreword, average on paper, and horrific on reel. Avoid.

GRADE: F

Can be watched with a typical Indian family? YES