...E tu vivrai nel terrore! L'aldilà (1981)

I can't get my head around all the people giving this film 10 stars and claiming it's one of the best horrors ever made. I like early 80's horror films and as cheesy as some of them are, you have to appreciate that they were made near on 30 years ago. This however, was one painful watch.

The Good: The gore and effects were very well done for the time and still hold their own now. Credit where it's due but that's about it.

The Bad: The cheesy god-awful music just bellows out at the most inappropriate times and then cuts off without warning. How a horrific scene is supposed to have any effect when cheesy 70's pop music blurts out of nowhere is beyond me.

The acting is atrocious, most of actors are Italian and are dubbed over in English, this is all fine and dandy but the shock horror expressions that they pull are hilarious. Their over the top facial expressions and body movements totally distract you from everything else that's going on.

The plot, there isn't one. Seriously, woman inherits old hotel, said hotel is built over the gateway to hell, lots of random people die for no real reason, the end.

The deaths, people just lie there and get eaten or covered in acid or torn apart by zombies without even bothering to move or trying to escape.

Common sense, there isn't any. In one scene the 2 leads are being chased by extremely slow zombies and the male lead shoots about 10 zombies in the chest and gut to no avail. Then he shoots a couple in the head and they drop to the floor. Seems simple enough right? Hit them in the head and you kill them, hit them anywhere else and it's a wasted bullet. So why oh why does this bumbling idiot waste the next 20 or so bullets shooting the zombies in the chest and shoulder?

The blind woman, she has to be the most annoying actress ever. In one scene she thinks someone is in her living room and she backs into a corner and she screams and shouts...And screams and shouts...And shouts and screams...And so on and so forth for a good 5 minutes, "no, no go away leave me alone" she wails constantly, over and over for 5 solid minutes, it completely did my head in and was totally unnecessary.

The scares, there aren't any, there is nothing scary about this film at all, sure, there's a decent amount of gore in the film but none of it is scary or even unnerving. The music, acting and shoddy camera work see to that.

As I said, I love early 80's horror films, The deadly spawn, Phenomena, Demons, I spit on your grave, The burning to name but a few, but The Beyond is a big pile of steaming crap. One reviewer on here wrote "If you haven't seen The Beyond you are not a real horror buff" Well my friend, I have seen The Beyond and if you can call this "Horror" then you have my sympathies. Quite simply put, it is rubbish, even for an early 80's film.

My vote is 3 for the gore effects alone.