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May 18, 2005 4:32 AM CDT by psilord in category Apocryphal

The Birth of Angry Unix Programmer

I was walking back to work from a coffee shop with a friend of mine, Alan De Smet, explaining to him some detailed facet of unix shell programming that I truly despised, when after a while he mentioned that he'd like to see a blog of my rants about Unix, programming, life, and the other ridiculous garbage that flows from my pie hole. "A blog?", I said incredulously, "What do I look like? Some 14 year old goth with an exhibitionist fetish and a misdiagnosed case of ADD?"

He smiled in that usual way which caused me to think he was about to punch me in the face when he said, "Nah, I just like reading rants written by people who are experts in their field". Obviously, I became suspicious at that and pondered if I owed him a lot of money or something. "I don't know, Alan, I didn't think I was filled with enough bitterness for a blog", I hazarded, "And besides, noone cared what I thought about or said anyway as it stood and a blog would make that situation perceptably worse."

Alan gave me a stark look of bewilderment and darkly intoned, "I'm going to kick you sqwah in the noots".

At that point, I decided I needed a blog.

I looked around and found some blog sites elsewhere, like livejournal, but decided that I liked the content in my web pages and on my hard drives. So, I figured it wouldn't be too hard to write a rudimentary blog construction script. I decided I had no need for comments--I could already predict the form they would take: "You Suck!", "It is "its", not "it's", idiot!", "I could have spent my time more effectively while choking on fish bones instead of reading this garbage!", and "Buuy Viiagr anow!!!". In addition, I determined that web design was for the weak and decided not to care. If a comment system existed, I'm sure it would find heavy use detailing exactly how I could make my pages better on the eyes. But frankly, if you wanted better on the eyes, walk away from your computer and go outside for a change. In fact, stop using a computer all together since they do more damage to your self-esteem, let alone your eyes, than you realize.

End of Line.

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