Brian Frederick
| Height: | |
|---|---|
| Weight: | |
| Major: | |
| Year: | |
| Years Played: | |
| Hometown: | |
| Number: | |
| Phrase: | |
| Bio: |
Act 1
[Lights slowly turn on. Empty Stage, expect for a bed with two people in it. One, a beautiful sleeping woman. Another, a man sitting up coming to grips with his surroundings. We hear his voice over speakers to indicate inner monologue] Man: Where the fuck am I? What is that smell? [A devil and an angel appear on his shoulders] Devil: Dude, you did it again. Man: Did what again? Who the hell is she? Angel: You don’t know? You should be ashamed of yourself. What did you do last night? What’s that smell? Devil: Dude, you shat yourself again. You really fucking stink man. I love you. Man: Holy shit – literally. I gotta bounce out of here before the smell of rotting garbage wakes this poor girl up. Angel: Brian, when will you ever listen to me? When are you going to restrict your shitting on people to on the field, where it’s acceptable? Devil: Shut up, bitch. Brian is too much man to restrict him. He’ll shit on whomever he wants, when he wants. Man: Man, I must still be wasted, I’m seeing little Mexican things on each of my shoulders. Now, how to make a graceful exit and get to the fields on time…? Angel: You have no shame. Think about wiping your ass before making your graceful exit, you monster. Devil: Don’t bother with her, dude. She’s got a tremendous jalapeño up her ass. Man: No doubt, let’s continue my incontinence against opponents on the field. Out. Angel: What’s it gonna take for you to learn? Man: It’s been two trips to detox, five pissy mattresses, and Hector’s balls on my face. If I haven’t learned by now, you might want to find another shoulder to rub on. I’m gone, I’ve got ten minutes till game time, and the MCAT’s later. Devil: Tell her Doc. It’s time to operate. [Man is seen wiping ass with corner of bedsheet. He gathers clothing in hands, and stands to leave. Lights cut out. Curtain.] Hh |