Dear Kitty Powers' Matchmaker

I remember the first day we met. I heard dozens of people talking about how funny and original you are. When we saw each other for the first time, it was love at first sight. The time we spent together was wonderful. I loved your naughty sense of humour, creative ideas, cartoonish appearance and open minded nature.
But as our meetings became longer and more frequent, things started to change. You gave me this weird challenges that were pretty much luck based, and when I failed sometimes you would punish me, and sometimes you would forgive everything. It was like I had to spin a wheel of fortune everytime I messed up! And I'm not even talking about the times when you forced me to struggle with hard tasks that were often full of random unfair obstacles!
Sure, sometimes you had something different in store, but how was that supposed to be refreshing when it was all either memory games or random luck?

I tried to make our meetings exciting, but you wouldn't cooperate. We kept doing the same things over and over, and when you suggested something different, it was as boring as everything else. Sure, you promised a lot, but you wanted me to spend hours doing the same thing with you first!

So, I think you know what I'm going to do.

You're nothing but a pretty box that promises tons of fun, but I kept getting out the same boring things and couldn't get to the "super cool thing" you had on the bottom.

I can't help but feel that the time we spent together was wasted.

I'm sorry, but that's it.

I'm honestly not sure how I can review this game without it turning into a gushy love letter to one of the most entertaining and fun games I've come across, so I won't even try to avoid that.

Dear Kitty Powers' Matchmaker,

You are the campiest game I have ever played, and you are simply fabulous. I love you not only for your adorable looks, but also for your sparkling personality. Often, you can be a bit cheesy, but you always know how to make me laugh.

I enjoy the completely nonverbal but totally understandable communication that my clients make, and I love your innuendos and your swingy little music. Sometimes you remind me a little of Cook, Serve, Delicious, in that you are a very well-balanced, innovative, and challenging game in the guise of a loungey little casual game. But don't be jealous, honey, because you are definitely an original.

I love that you look at a player less for their reflexes and more for their memory and attention to detail. I really like when you encourage my competitive side and make me want to be the very best (out of all my Steam friends). I also think it's really sweet that you've helped me to get love blossoming amongst my friends (who are cool enough to play this game).

I really enjoy your progressive nature, and the way that you make me work to unlock new perks and goals as I play. You keep adding new and fresh things into our relationship, and that just makes the fun last longer.

Kitty, you and I have spent several nights with each other, and every time I just don't want the evening to end and for us to part ways. Sometimes this makes mornings very difficult, but that's ok because I enjoy every moment of our time spent together.

Basically, Kitty, I am simply crazy about you!

Love,

Praxis

Gay couples can go to the 'Sausage Factory'. 11/10

Serious review (Humorous, non serious review below): This game is... interesting. You create a character, that is supposed to be "You". You choose your looks, your personality traits, your birthday which is also your star sign (Gemini, Aquarius, etc.) Your first date you set up you cannot mess up, as it's the tutorial that's running you through how to play.

You choose your venue that you want to act as a matchmaker for. Each venue has different people's personalities. You do kinda feel like a third wheel on the dates, since you're just silently watching them. The goal is to pick up on verbal cues by the dates and give them the best experience. Make the right comments, order the right food based on the hints they give, etc. You can date other peoples character profiles as well.

You get coins that are used as a currency to buy upgrades and other things to help you. The better you do, the more coins you are tipped at the end, the higher your reputation goes up, and the more you matchmaking you can do.

All in all, it's a pretty interesting game and if you like the idea of setting people up on the perfect date, then it's worth a try.

Humorous, non serious review:

I am Lord Tippington, a balding, introverted, antisocial, nerd. I have hundreds of hours logged in "The Sims", have had many lovers, and as such I feel I am the most qualified to take the esteemed role as "Matchmaker".

My first day begins now.

I have chosen a comic book shop as my first matchmaking venue, I will help fellow nerds such as myself find love.

My first individual is none other than m'lady "Ambrosia Bunfoot". I tip my Fedora at her. "M'lady!" I inquire, "What doth bring such an esteemed m'lady such as yourself to my humble abode?"

She does not answer, save for the phrase "DUNGEON MASTER."

Ah! But the esteemed m'lady is a dungeon master! How could I not have guessed by her beautiful bowl-cut-mullet which appears to be stained by the grease of hot pockets of the distant past?

I brush my trenchcoat back and fall to one knee, and grip noble Ambrosia's hand with my cheeto stained fingers, "M'lady, I, Lord Tippington, am an expert matchmaker and can find you the most noble of men! Pray, tell me, what interested such a fine m'lady such as yourself?" It is not long before she robotically belts out the words:
"FPS GAMES."
"WIZARDY."
"ELVES."

"M'lady! I had no idea you indulged in wizardry! Pray, tell me, are you familliar of the Wizard's Gathering?" "Nevermind yourself with such trivial questions! I will find you a suitable sir right away!" I tip my fedora as I search for potential candidates.

I find a match! I tip my fedora multiple times in glee. He is a fellow neckbeard, with a long, grease drenched mane. The sir goes by the calling of "Lucas Goldthwaite".

Tonight is date night, I have chosen a noble English pub as the location. They are taking their seats! I begin tipping my fedora furiously in anticipation.

M'lady is getting along really well with Sir Goldthwaite!

They're... quite happy together. Happy. Together. My sausage-fingers clench into a fist and shake with jealousy.

As I watch in the shadows I notice they order Cheese Cauliflower and a Cheese Board to feast upon. I would've chosen something more bacon oriented, but alas.

The date winds down. They have agree'd to get more serious, settle down with a glass of fine champagne in a romantic hot tub, and partake in the age old tradition of making autistic kissing sounds at eachother. I watch from a distance, and stare at the happy couple I have created with ever-growing jealousy and tip my fedora repeatedly with rage.

My next dear romantic is a M'lady by the name of Rita. Rita... is b-beautiful. I find myself at a loss for words upon her entry. I begin sweating profusely, and begin to sheepishly stammer: "H-hello m-m-m'lady.. can I h-help you today?"

She is no different than the damsel as before.

"TRAIN DRIVER."

"BUILDING COMPUTERS."

"UFOS."

"READING INSTRUCTIONS."

"I must find a sir for such a perfect m'lady!" I thought.

I turned to my computer and placed my cheeto dust stained fingertips upon my keyboard and began searching the database with expert precision. I have concluded her match is a dirty peasant butcher by the name of "Frazer Melonthwaite". A sir that appears to have taken after Mrs. Doubtfire.

Date night has arrived and they have chosen an American themed restaurant. It appears to be a 50's style diner. I would have chosen a Taco Bell at 3 am to ensure I would only encounter my own fedora and trenchcoat clad brethren.

The two have taken their seats, and Rita, being the kind, and gentle lamb of a lady has allowed the uncouth sir "Frazer" order first.

...He appears to have ordered something without meat! S-surely he must be mistaken! A sir-ly sir that may be suitable to ste- I erm... mean... take the harmless Foal "Rita" from my good graces just yet! No! I will h-help him. I will get him a large order of Buffalo Wings! The manliest and sir-liest food in all the land!

My dear Rita loves it! Frazer... Frazer is displeased. My tip my fedora in disgust.

I shall try conversational topics next! I have told the sweet, dear angel Rita to ask the peasant boy Frazer his valueless opinion on her attire!

...

He hates it?! Oh, my dear Rita how I'm sorry for wasting your precious time with this... dirty individual.

He's left for the restroom? How dare he leave such an exsquisite m'lady all alone?! I expect him to be gone for long, as he is likely only accustomed to disease-ridden defecation holes. I ponder whether I should approach her and take his place...

Alas, he eventually returns and he appears to have mistaken the toilet as a wash bin, and tried to freshen up. His hair is soaked. It looks awful.

Being the fragile little butterfly Rita is, I inform her to lie to this insufferable fool of a "sir" that his hair looks good. Alas, she is timid and her speechcraft is lax. He does not believe her, and storms out. Rita is heartbroken, my white knight instincts kick in. I extend my greasy hand towards her and bellow "Dear Rita! Please allow a true good guy such as myself to court you! I shall treat you to only the best Hot Pockets my mother has to offer, and I will protect you from the evil "bros" that wish to harm you!"

She ignores my White Knightery. She is heart broken and vows to spend the rest of her days in a trash can.

In the desert wasteland.

During a neverending storm.

I tip my fedora in shame and question why no m'lady would allow such a good guy to take their hand in courtship.

10/10 Strangest and best blind date & bitter third-wheel-nerd simulator.

Being a lady with with lady bits I am perticularly good at playing these kinda games. Except I can't tell the difference between hipsters and nerds. Actaully I'm not very good at this game at all. And my friends bully me for playing it. I don't know where I'm going with this. Send help.

Kitty Powers' Matchmaker is an incredibly fun and satisfying dating simulator that you can't put down. You want to play for an hour? WRONG. You will play for several.

In the game you run a dating agency and find perfect and not-so-perfect matches for your clients.
Your guardian angel, Kitty herself, drops occassional sassy hints throughout the game which require me to breathe in a plastic bag.

The game consists of choosing a client, looking at their interests, personality traits and preferences then finding a match in the little black book (a must have *wink*). If the match prefers a certain hair colour you can always change it before the date. Because who doesn't want to change themselves for someone else?
Be careful with picking the right restaurant! Each has different difficulties and scenarios. If you can't calculate the right tip, like me - someone who cried on their final math exam, here is a nice link I found to help you out: http://www.onlineconversion.com/tip_calculator.htm

Make sure you watch out for your mail as the clients will write back to you whether their relationship has grown or dissolved. With all the weddings I arranged I'm upset I haven't be invited to a single one!

I never found anything in my life so satisfying as matching fictional characters and watch them diss each other's outfits and hair. This is why I'm single and spend my evenings playing dating simulators until 1AM.

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tl;dr

10/10 - I farted and blamed it on the waiter.

This game is like eating three pints of ice cream while watching your favorite movie. You have this sinking feeling that something or someone may judge you, but you know what? It tastes good and it just FEELS SO RIGHT.

This is a very well thought out dating sim game and I'm happy to still be waist deep within it. Your task is to help your boss, Kitty Powers, make perfect matches. Send your clients off on their dream dates and make sure they don't blow it.

Simple enough, right? Not quite. There are types of people to mix and match together while hoping that date goes perfectly. Will it take one perfect date or do you want to steam it out with three dates? Guide your clients by playing mini games to make sure they succeed in winning the affections of their date.

If you succeed, you get promotions and you get paid. Getting paid means better restaurants to take dates to, better ways to fancy up your clients (because they REALLY need your help), and other little perks like kicking out the more troublesome clients.

The tutorial makes things look incredibly easy, but once that's done, you are almost completely on your own and left figuring out things for yourself. You'll have to understand clients interests and how your little black book works. You'll either figure this out through dumb luck or failing. Either way, there's no harm in making a few mistakes at first. No one's perfect starting out. Even I have a completely ruined relationship from a client that I thought were totally into each other. Oh well, win some and lose some.

I love that you get updates from satisfied customers and you get perks from their continuing relationships. I thought that this was a great touch and another incentive to get things right the first time. Another thing that I loved? Making my own profile to send out myself to be a "mystery shopper" for my own dating life. Can't wait to see the results to have a good laugh over that.

The graphics are bright and inviting, reminding me of traditional time management games. And those games? Those games remind me of addiction. They remind me of "just one more level". That's what I noticed immediately. I wanted one more date conquered just because I needed the ego boost. Just to say I was Kitty's best employee (I have no friends playing this so this is my wild imagination), I needed to do more work for more upgrades. Just ONE MORE client! It's very friendly and I'm almost happy that Kitty isn't cartoony because that would take away from the humor that is our wonderful and loving boss. She is quite sassy and pixels just wouldn't suit her, after all.

I especially appreciated that there was a bit more inclusion in this game. It's not just limited to man-seeking-woman or woman-seeking-man, the devs did realize there's more than man and woman relationships so I must say I appreciated that option. Thank you. It means a lot that you did that.

There is a bit of stereotyping...but more so on the personality types of "sporty", "nerds", "hippies", etc. If that offends you then I have no idea what to say. If you have trouble with characters who are supposed to be "punk alternative" speaking with what seems like (forgive if I read it in the wrong accent!) a Cockney/London accent then steer clear. Seriously. British Punks from London stereotypes. I can't imagine anyone hating that but hey, they're there amongst a few other cliches. I thought they were all incredibly adorable characters I really, desperately wanted to see happy. They're very "human" with wants and needs and the need to be validated.

Even for cartoon people without souls, yes. I'm entirely serious.

The more things you buy for your matchmaking business, the harder things get. If you buy better restaurants, you get paid more, but the games get harder and sometimes slightly lewd. Yes there is a game to hold in your fart. The fact I can write a review complimenting a game for recognizing that yes, you have to hold in your gas during a date and it is indeed a game of chance is astounding. I never thought I'd have to compliment a fart mini game.

Buy a salon for your business and you can alter your appearance for a better potential mate for your client. Wouldn't that one guy or gal be great IF ONLY your client dyed their hair lilac? Now you can...if you do it quickly. Does that guy/gal prefer a more chic style? Quickly change clothes after you buy an add-on for your salon. They say you shouldn't change for anyone but hey, let's make an exception, right?

It's an easily accessible game that truly anyone can play. While I'd keep this for the crowd that can understand dating, I'd honestly say this is really a decent game for anyone to play. It's cute. It's bubbly. You can play against your friends and compare scores. You can even send your friends personas on dates if they're playing. You get bonus points for making matches with real life people and you'll tell who they are by the little globe by their profile as you match them up to people.

I can't find a single thing bad about this game, really. It's a little tycoon/sim on dating and it really illustrates the whole luck/chance and repetition that is dating. And I'm not bored! There's always some new curve ball coming at me!

Plus Kitty Powers is the best boss I have ever had. If I could just do this in real life with Kitty as my real boss, this would be great.

I bought this of sheer boredom.
And I hate to admit it, but it's actually a lot of fun, challenging, and incredibly addictive, though it's nothing more than a gloryfied memory game.
Played 4 hours in my first session, and I'm nowhere near having everything unlocked, and have yet to get my first achievement.

Basically, you run a dating service, and your job is to pair up couples successfully, by comparing attractions, interests and personality types.
Take them on dates, pay sincere compliments (or lie), and keep dates interesting by selecting different conversation topics.
While on dates, you get to play different mini-games (mostly memory oriented, as far as I can tell after playing 4 hours).
And occasionally, something incredibly funny happens, and it actually made me LOL af few times.

Personalities consist of 5 different traits, each with 2 different mindsets and behaviors connected to them.
Combining these with a ton of different interests, jobs, hair styles and colours, clothes style, eye colours and make-up (for women), and facial hair (for men), and different accessories, makes up a dating pool with tremendous variety.
And this variety is what makes the game interesting.

The really brilliant part of this game is, that you start of by creating your own character, by customizing looks to your own preferences, and answer a series of questions to determine your own personality type.
And (if you allow) this character will then become a dating option for other players to pair you up.
And the game will then send you notifications on how your 'virtual self' does in the dating world, depending on other players choices and skills to determine your personality type.
Your character is given a fake name if allowed in other players games.....just in case you're the kind to worry about such things.

And as you successfully pair up couples and earn reputation, you unlock different things to add further variety to the game.
Such as extented dating options, different restaurants with different difficulty levels, and pre-dating alteration options that allows you to change clothes or hair styles, colours, make-up, or buy gifts to impress your date.

This is a well constructed casual game, well worth the price tag, if you're into games you can pick up and leave at any time.

I have no problems recommending this game - much to my own surprise.

Kitty Powers is like the transgendered Austin Powers of the world. It is a fun game and a guilty pleasure, though it does not reflect actual match making abilities. 10/10 "groovy babies" would take to a shag carpet again and again.

It's fun to play when you're new to it, but it's pretty dull after a few hours of play time and nothing new or interesting really happens. It's fun, yes. But maybe not worth the money at full price. you should probably get the game when it's on sale so you don't spend nearly as much.