Jokes from eunet.jokes

[VietHai.Nguyen@di.epfl.ch (Viet Hai NGUYEN)]

Hi,

Gu+?i cac bac them may truyen, cai na`o ba^.y ba. qua' thi bi.t mu~i
nhe', my apology in advance :-) VH

----- Begin Included Message -----

>From covey@us-es.sel.de (Der Looney Bon)

> In general jokes don't translate well. I thought this was supposed to be
> a European Newsgroup anyway.

> Objoke (translated from Alice in Wonderland) - sorry can't remember the
> precise wording:
> In einer gewissen Schule (unter dem Meer), gibt's zehn Stunden am ersten
> Tag, neun am zweiten Tag, acht am dritten, usw. Deswegen heisst es die
> Lehre - weil es jeden Tag leerer wird.
> 
> Derek Holt.

Ha ! In French they translated it by : "C'est pour ca qu'on les
appelle des cours ... parce qu'ils deviennent chaque jour plus
courts." And the original in English was "That's why they're
called lessons - because they lessen every day".

How has it been cunningly translated into other languages ?

------------------------------------------------------------------

>From dremacle@vub.vub.ac.be (Dirk Remacle)
...

Ooops small mistake by the dutchman!  Now I'll have to throw in some jokes
about dutch people!

Who invented cupper wire?
..
Two dutchmen fighting over a cent...  (that's a cupper coin worth about .004 
Pounds)


Why do they burry dutchmen with their asses above the ground?
..
To be used as parking-space for a bicycle.


Why do they burry gay dutchmen with their asses above the ground?
..
To be used as parking-space for motorcycles!


How do you know when you are flying over holland?
..
When you see toiletpaper hanging out to dry!

That was it...
I hope to have launched a chain reaction here so that we can all begin
insulting one another with our silly jokes and live happily ever after!


	Dirk

------------------------------------------------
....

You asked for it:

A Dutchman, who got tired of the high gas prices in his home country,
decided to move to Germany. Because he wanted to be a true German, he
went to see a surgeon to give a true Aryan look. "No problem," the
doctor replied, "I simply remove 20% of your brain, that'll make you
German as hell." And so it went.
When the (now ex-)Dutchman woke up from his narcosis, the doctor was
standing next to his bed:"I'm terribly sorry, but I made a horrible
mistake. Instead of REMOVING the 20%, I LEFT only 20% of your brain."
To which the patient replied:"Awel zulle, daar pak ik 'n pintje op!"
                              ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Ca'i na`y pha?i de ba'c na`o o Bi? biet flament di.ch ho^.!

----------------------------------------------

A better one, to make it up with you (it comes from a show from Urbanus,
a very good Belgian comedian):

A Fleming (Dutch speaking Belgian) is walking across a flee-market in
Brussels, when he sees a large crowd gathered around a Walloon (French
speaking Belgian) and a pig. The Walloon is yelling that his pig can
count. So the Fleming steps a little closer, and hears the Walloon
ask his pig:"5+4, ca fait combien?" And, o wonder, the pig answers:"Neuf."
The Walloon continues:"3x3?" And the pig replies:"Neuf." The Walloon 
eeps on asking:"10-1? 6+3? 18/2" And every time, the pig replies:
"Neuf" with the same nasal voice. The Fleming is now in the front row,
and askes if he's allowed to question the pig as well. "Bien sur," the
Walloon replies. So the Fleming asks:"2x4+1?" And again, the pig says:
"Neuf." By that time, the Fleming got a little suspicious:"Wait a
minute, every time, the calculation results in 9, which is very easy
to pronounce, even for a French pig! Can I ask him another question?"
Before the Walloon has a chance to take away his pig, the Fleming
asks:"4+4?" The pig starts to sweat, looks frightfully at his boss,
tries, and tries, but cannot come up with the proper answer.
Until finally, the Walloon pulls the pig's tail, which then shouts:
"Huit!"

---

Marcel.
-- 


>From smcmilla@gssec.bt.co.uk (Steve McMillan)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes,rec.humor,eunet.jokes
Subject: Re: Canonical Masturbation Euphamisms
Date: 26 Sep 1995 15:22:08 GMT
Content-Length: 970

In article <448t8o$plg@josie.abo.fi>, manybom@news.abo.fi (Markus Nybom BKF) writes:
|> swgarrett@mmm.com wrote:
|> : >In article <444cvc$7v4@eiger.pncl.co.uk>
|> : >softly@pncl.co.uk (Geoff Gant) writes:
|> : >
|> : >>In article <AC8B0B0E96681C3AB6@a07m.cet.co.jp>, stuart@cet.co.jp says...
|> : >>
|> : >>>My father always claimed that as a child his family was so poor that his
|> : >>>mother cut a hole in his pocket so he would have something to play with.
|> : >>
|> : >>
|> : >>My father was so poor he didn't have a knife to cut a hole in my pocket
|> : >>
|> : >>
|> : >You could afford pants WITH pockets???  All I had was a figleaf.
|> 
|> 	Luxury. We used to CRY when we saw figleafs. All day weŽd walk 
|> around with nothing but a grassstraw covering our genitals.
|> 

You could afford to waste the grassstraw as clothing???  That was my favourite 
bit of dinner.....................*sob*.  Tasted better when the neighbours dog
had flavoured it too...