[joke] an English joke collection

[Phan Anh Son <Phan@pgsm.hu>]

Hi All,

Check another joke collection for fun

Son,

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(From Daren)

>         Life Environment
>
>         Wise Man + Wise Woman      =    Romance
>         Wise Man + Dumb Woman      =    Affairs
>         Dumb Man + Wise Woman      =    Divorce
>         Dumb Man + Dumb Woman      =    Marriage
>
>         Work Environment
>
>         Wise Manager + Wise Employee    =    Profit
>         Wise Manager + Dumb Employee    =    Production
>         Dumb Manager + Wise Employee    =    Promotion
>         Dumb Manager + Dumb Employee    =    Overtime

------------------------------------
American & Vietnamese

An American and a Vietnamese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA
> when the American turned to the Vietnamese and asked :"What kind of -ese
> are you ?" The Vietnamese confused,replied,"Sorry but I don't understand
> what you mean."
>
> The American repeated,"What kind of -ese are you ?"Again,the Vietnamese was
> confused over the question.The American,now irritated,then yell "What
> kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese,
> etc......"The Vietnamese then replied, Oh, I am a Vietnamese."
>
> A while later the Vietnamese turned to the American and asked what kind of
> '-key' was he.The American, frustrated, yelled,"What do you mean what
> kind of '-key' am I? "The Vietnamese said, "Are you a monkey, donkey or a
> Yankee ?"


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subj: $$$answering machine message$$$


> Hi.  This is John.  If you are the phone company, I already sent the
> money.  If you are my parents, please send money.  If you are my
> financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.  If you are
> my friends, you owe me money.  If you are a female, don't worry, I have
> plenty of money.

------------------------

subj: typo errors

Describing a young bride, the editor wrote:"Her dainty feet were encased
in
shoes that might be taken for fairy boots."
It appeared in print, "Her dirty feet were encased in shoes that might
have
been taken for ferry boats."

-----------------------

subj: natural disaster

During a recent flood in the Kentucky lowlands, one family sent its
little
boy to stay with an uncle in another part of the state, accompanied by a
letter explaining the reason for the nephew's sudden and unexpected
visit.
2 days later the parents received a telegram: "Am returning boy. Send
the
flood."

---------------------

subj: new recruit

"Does the sergeant know about this?" inquired the Colonel as he surveyed
a
barricade of sandbags which had just collapsed.

"He ought to,"replied a private. "He's underneath!"

--------------------

subj: a natural

"What profession is your boy going to select?"

"I'm going to educate him to be a lawyer," replied Jones. "He's
naturally
argumentative and bent on mixing into other people's troubles and he
might
just as well get paid for his time."

--------------------

subj: farm visit

"Oh, what a strange looking cow," exclaimed the sweet young thing from
Chicago. "But why hasn't she any horns?"

"Well, you see," explained the patient farmer,"some cows are born
without
horns and never had any, and others shed theirs, and some we dehorn, and
some breeds aren't supposed to have horns at all. There are a lot of
reasons why some cows haven't got horns, but you see the reason why that
particular cow hasn't got any horns is becos' she isn't a cow - she's a
mule."

-------------------

subj: mishap

One early afternoon,An Aussie farmer was driving his pickup loaded with
vegetables and stuff to the wholesale market. As he made a sharp turn at
a
treacherous road junction, all the vegetables on the pickup spilled onto
the road. The farmer got down from the pickup, sat on the kerb,  and
stared
sadly at the spoiled veggie.

After a while, his face suddenly lighted up, he scooped what remained of
the tomatoes off the road onto the pickup, and sped off in a different
direction.Where was he going?
.........
To attend the next pauline hanson speech!
-------------------

(From Ed)

Q:  What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A:  Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: What is that: 1 rubber a year?
A: Goodyear
Q: What is that: 365 rubbers a year?
A: Great year

Q:  What's the difference between sin and shame?
A:  It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q:  What's the speed limit of sex?
A:  68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q:  What's the ultimate rejection?
A:  When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q:  Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A:  Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning,
    "Lie to me!"

Q:  Why is air a lot like sex?
A:  Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q:  If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is
    on the outside?
A:  K9P.

Q:  What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A:  "How can you expect me to get hard so fast?  I just got
    laid a minute ago."

Q:  What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A:  If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.

Q:  What's another name for pickled bread?
A:  Dill-dough

Q:  Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A:  He heard the snowblower coming.