Fwd from Tuan V Nguyen: La.i chuye^.n ghen tuo^ng

["Hoa Nguyen" <thanhhuy@email.msn.com>]

Cha`o ca'c ba'c,
Ho^m tru+o+'c to^i co' nho+` anh Ho`a fwd ba`i ba'o ve^` vu.
dda'nh ghen da~ man cu?a mo^.t nho'm dda`n ba` o+? Sa`i Go`n.  Vu.
na`y la`m to^i nho+' dde^'n mo^.t vu. dda'nh ghen no^?i tie^'ng cu~ng
o+? SG ho^`i tha^.p nie^n 70s (hay cuo^'i 60s gi` ddo') ma` trong
ddo' na.n nha^n la` mo^.t ca si~ kha? a'i bi. ta.t acid la`m cho
khuo^n ma(.t cu?a chi. ta xa^'u ddi vi~nh vie^~n, va` ngu+o+`i ga^y
ra to^.i na`y la` vo+. cu?a mo^.t si~ quan cao ca^'p tho+`i ddo'.
Ta^'t nhie^n, co`n nhie^`u vu. kinh hoa`ng kha'c nu+~a ma` to^i
kho^ng bie^'t, nhu+ng qua va`i tru+o+`ng ho+.p na`y cu~ng cho ta
tha^'y gio+'i phu. nu+~ ghen cu~ng ra^'t nguy hie^?m, chu+' cha(?ng
ddu`a chu't na`o.
Ho^m nay, ti`nh co+` to^i vo+' ddu+o+.c mo^.t ba`i ba'o tre^n
to+` Lancet so^' tha'ng na`y (to+` ba'o ma` ba'c na`o la`m y khoa co'
te^n mo^.t la^`n cu~ng ddu? "le lo'i ca? tra(m na(m" va` bu`a ho^.
me^.nh ky` die^.u) no'i ve^` hi`nh thu+'c "pha?n co^ng" cu?a vo+./
cho^`ng khi bie^'t ngu+o+`i "ba.n tra(m na(m" cu?a mi`nh co' "dultery",
tu+'c la` "ngoa.i ti`nh".  Theo nhu+ ba`i ba'o na`y thi` ca'c o^ng
cho^`ng tre^n qua^`n dda?o Kiribati (ddu+o+.c bie^'t dde^'n la` Gilbert
Islands nga`y nay) pha.t ngu+o+`i vo+. ngoa.i ti`nh ba(`ng ca'ch ca('n
cho su+'t mo^.t pha^`n ca'i mu~i (tie^'ng Anh go.i la` nose-biting hay
la` hoa hoe` khoa ho.c chu't la` nasal imputation).  Ne^'u ngu+o+`i
dda`n o^ng ma` ngoa.i ti`nh thi` hi`nh pha.t cu~ng tu+o+ng tu+., do
ngu+o+`i vo+. thi ha`nh.  Cu~ng da~ man cha(?ng ke'm gi` ta.t acid!
Nhu+ng thu+.c ra, hi`nh thu+'c nose-biting na`y kho^ng pha?i la`
mo+'i va` chi? gio+'i ha.n trong nho'm da^n o+? dda?o Gilbert, ma` co`n
la` mo^.t tho^ng le^. cu?a da^n A^'n Ddo^. nga`y xu+a va` co`n tha`nh
lua^.t Roman nu+~a.  O+? A^'n Ddo^., ngu+o+`i na`o ngoa.i ti`nh, a(n
tro^.m, va` tu` nha^n chie^'n tranh thu+o+`ng bi. ca('t mu~i.  Tha`nh
ra, ngu+o+`i A^'n Ddo^. co' nghe^./ky~ thua^.t ghe'p mu~i ra^'t kha'
tu+` 1000 BC, va` da^n Y' cu~ng kha' ve^` ngha`nh na`y tu+` the^' ky?
thu+' 15.
Ngoa`i ra, hu? tu.c nose-biting dde^? pha.t ngoa.i ti`nh co`n
co' trong ca'c bo^. la.c Indian Americans nhu+ Apache, Blackfeet va`
Mesquakie.  Da^n Pakistani, Serbs, Caucasus, v.v. dde^`u co' hu? tu.c
na`y trong tho+`i xa xu+a.  Ngay ca? Thomas Jefferson cu~ng co'
vie^'t trong lua^.t la` nhu+~ng ke? na`o co' to^.i ha~m hie^'p, dda
the^, sodomy ... thi` hi`nh thu+'c pha.t la` "if a man, by castration,
if a woman, by cutting thro' the cartilage of her nose a hole of one
half inch diameter at the least."
Nhu+ng ta.i sao la.i ca('t mu~i ma` kho^ng la` nhu+~ng cho^?
kha'c nhe. va` ki'n dda'o ho+n?  Ca^u tra? lo+`i cu~ng kha' thu' vi..
Theo nhu+ ca'i suy nghi~ cu?a da^n chu'ng o+? dda^y, thi` nose-biting
la` dde^? "kabainranga" hay la` la`m xa^'u ddi ca'i pha^`n ha^'p da^`n
du.c ti'nh (sexual attraction) cu?a ngu+o+`i phu. nu+~.  Nhu+ng ta.i
sao ca'i mu~i la.i la` sexual attraction\?  Well, theo mo^.t thuye^'t
xa xu+a thi` ngu+o+`i La Ma~ ho^`i ddo' tin ra(`ng nhu+~ng ngu+o+`i co'
mu~i to va` cao la` nhu+~ng ngu+o+`i co' bo^. sinh du.c cu~ng ... to
va` da`i.  Ho^`i the^' ky? 16, o+? Anh, ngu+o+`i ta quan nie^.m ra(`ng
phu. nu+~ co' mu~i to la` ngu+o+`i co' nhie^`u nhu.c du.c (sexual
impulse).  Khoa?ng 100 na(m tru+o+'c, o^ng ba'c si~ John Mackenzie tin
ra(`ng te^' ba`o cu?a nasal turbinate (xu+o+ng cuo^'n mu~i) va` te^'
ba`o cu?a du+o+ng va^.y cu+o+ng (penile erectile) la` mo^.t hay ra^'t
gio^'ng nhau.  Tu+'c la` co' su+. lie^n he^. giu+~a ki'ch thu+o+'c
cu?a mu~i va` su+'c du.c cu?a dda`n o^ng.
Nhu+ng di~ nhie^n, hi`nh pha.t ngoa.i ti`nh dda^u chi? gio+'i
ha.n trong vie^.c nose-biting, ma` co`n nhie^`u hi`nh thu+'c kinh khu?ng
kha'c nu+~a.  Theo nhu+ ba`i ba'o, va`o tha^.p nie^n 70s, o+? Thailand,
dda`n ba` Thai thu+o+`ng hay du`ng dao nha` be^'p ca('t bo? cu?a qui'
cu?a o^ng cho^`ng trong lu'c o^ng ta ngu?.  Ghe^ chu+a\?
Ghen tuo^ng (jealousy) la` mo^.t chu? dde^` la`m hao gia^'y
mu+.c cu?a nhie^`u vi. ba'c si~, ta^m ly' si~ :), khoa ho.c gia,
toa'n ho.c gia, v.v. la('m ro^`i.  Co' kha' nhie^`u loa.i ghen,
nhu+ng ca'i ghen ddu+o+.c chu' y' nhie^`u nha^'t la` romantic
jealousy, tu+'c la` ghen co' di'nh da'ng to+'i ti`nh ca?m lu+'a
ddo^i, vo+. cho^`ng.  Va^.y trong ba`i na`y, ta ha~y hie^?u ghen
la` romantic jealousy.
Ghen la` gi` ? Theo nhu+ mo^.t nha` nghie^n cu+'u ha`ng
dda^`u ve^` li~nh vu+.c na`y, Paul Mullen, vie^'t tre^n to+` Br J
Psychiatry: "Romantic jealousy is a complex of thoughts, emotions,
and actions that follows loss or threat of self-esteem and/or the
existence or quality of the romantic relationship.  The perceived
loss or threat is generated by the perception of a real or potential
romantic attraction between one's partner and a (perhaps imaginary)
rival."
Nhu+ va^.y, ghen kho^ng pha?i chi? thua^`n tu'y la` chuye^.n
ye^u ie^'t dda^u.  Thu+' nha^'t, ghen la` mo^.t ta^.p ho+.p nhu+~ng
suy nghi~, ti`nh ca?m va` ha`nh ddo^.ng.  No'i no^m na la` vu+`a
dda'nh dda^'m ba(`ng tay cha^n, ma` co`n vu+`a co' suy nghi~ va`
ye^u thu+o+ng nu+~a.  Phu+'c ta.p la('m!  Thu+' hai, co' hai khi'a
ca.nh ta^m ly' o+? dda^y la` do su+. ma^'t ddi ca'i tu+. chu?
(Cha(?ng ha.n nhu+ ngu+o+`i phu. nu+~ tha^'y mi`nh gia` ddi, ma^'t
dde.p, kho^ng co`n ha^'p da^~n ngu+o+`i kha'c pha'i), va` su+. ma^'t
(hay bi. dde do.a) ve^` mo^.t quan he^. mo+'i (nhu+ o^ng cho^`ng
ba('t dda^`u ddi so+'m ve^` khuya, go.i ddie^.n i't khi ga(.p, ti'nh
ti`nh thay ddo^?i, hay da^'u die^'m ...)

Dda(.c ti'nh ghen tuo^ng la` gi` ?  Theo mo^.t ba`i ba'o
tre^n to+` Psychol Rep thi` nhu+~ng ti`nh huo^'ng sau dda^y thu+o+`ng
da^~n dde^'n ghen:
(a) di'nh da'ng va`o mo^.t mo^n hobby na`o ddo' nhu+ tenis,
ddi thu+ vie^.n ddo.c sa'ch, ddi shopping, ddi picnic ...;
(b) ho^.i ho.p ha`ng tua^`n o+? co+ quan la`m vie^.c hay ca'c
no+i la`m ngoa`i gio+`;
(c) quen bie^'t, lie^n la.c vo+'i ddo^`ng nghie^.p trong so+? la`m;
(d) ngoa.i ti`nh mo^.t ca'ch "casual".
Sau khi nghie^n cu+'u, dda'nh gia' ba(`ng ca'ch scoring
thi` ca'c nha` nghie^n cu+'u na`y ke^'t lua^.n ra(`ng ti`nh huo^'ng (a)
(average score = 3.5) va` (b) (score = 5.6) kho^ng da^~n dde^'n ghen
ba(`ng ti`nh huo^'ng (c) (score = 9.6) va` nha^'t la` (d) vo+'i top
score = 10.6.
Trong ti`nh huo^'ng (a), dda`n o^ng ghen ho+n dda`n ba` (scores
= 4.1 vs 2.8); ngu+o+`i chu+a/kho^ng co' con ghen ho+n ngu+o+`i dda~
co' con (3.7 vs 3.2); ngu+o+`i o+? tha`nh thi. ghen ho+n ngu+o+`i o+?
no^ng tho^n (3.7 vs 3.2).  Trong ti`nh huo^'ng ho^.i ho.p, dda`n o^ng
cu~ng ghen ho+n dda`n ba` (6.2 vs 4.6); ngu+o+`i chu+a/kho^ng co' con
ghen ho+n ngu+o+`i dda~ co' con (5.9 vs 5.3); nhu+ng kho^ng co' su+.
kha'c nhau giu+~a da^n tha`nh thi. va` no^ng tho^n.  Khi trong ti`nh
huo^'ng "nguy hie^?m" (c) va` (d) thi` ca? hai pha'i nam nu+~  dde^`u
ghen nhu+ nhau va` kho^ng co' su+. a?nh hu+o+?ng cu?a co' con (hay
kho^ng co' con), cu?a no+i o+? (tha`nh thi. hay no^ng tho^n). Tu+'c
la` ho. ghen nhu+ nhau ca?.
Ddo^.ng co+ na`o la`m cho ho. ghen?  Ngu+o+`i ghen thu+o+`ng
ca?m tha^'y mi`nh co' tha^'p  pretige ho+n ddo^' thu? (interloper).
Nhu+ng su+. ha^'p da^~n (attractivenes) cu?a ddo^'i phu+o+ng la`
ye^'u to^' so^' 1 la`m cho ho. ghen.  Nhu+ng nga.c nhie^n thay,
ngu+o+`i ghen kho^ng quan ta^m gi` to+'i su+. gia`u co' cu?a "ddo^'i
thu?".  Co' le~ vi` ngu+o+`i attractive thu+o+`ng ddu+o+.c rewarded
ti`nh ca?m ho+n ngu+o+`i ke'm attractive, ne^n mo^.t khi ng+o+`i ta
ca?m tha^'y mi`nh ma^'t ca'i ddo^. ha^'p da^~n ngu+o+`i kha'c pha'i
thi` ca'i score ve^` ghen la.i ta(ng mo^.t ca'ch dda'ng ke^?.  He`n
gi` qui' vi. phu. nu+~ (va` ca? ma`y ra^u) u`n u`n ddi tha(m tha^?m
my~ vie^.n!
Chuye^.n ghen tuo^ng la` chuye^.n ne^n ba`n.  Ne^n ba`n vi`
no' la` dde^` ta`i khoa ho.c ra^'t ha^'p da^~n.  Nhu+ng quan tro.ng
ho+n nu+~a la` no' co' ca'i implication CU+.C KY` thu+.c tie^~n la`
la`m sao chu+~a tri. ti'nh ghen tuo^ng dde^? dda`n o^ng con trai
(va` dda`n ba` phu. nu+~) ddu+o+.c so^'ng vui ve? ho+n, an toa`n
ho+n, kho^ng pha?i no+m no+'p lo so+. bi. abused mo^.t ca'ch kho^ng
ca^`n thie^'t.
No'i chung co`n nhie^`u ddie^`u ra^'t hay ve^` ghen tuo^ng
ma` ai trong chu'ng ta cu~ng ne^n bie^'t qua\.  Tre^n dda^y chi? la`
so+ so+ tre^n surface tho^i.  Ho^m na`o ra?nh ro^?i to^i se~ to'm
lu+o+.c mo^.t ba`i ddo.c cho+i.

=====
Tuan V Nguyen
__________________________________________________