Tabitha Cundy - Maid of Honor

Sister of the bride

Dann Kronenfeld - Best Man

Co-Executive Regional Manager, Special Assistant to the Chief Financial Officer, and Part-Time Front Office Handyman in Residence of the Cleveland-based branch of the Kronenfeld corporation. As a byproduct of the recent merger with Desatnik Industries, Dann's job duties have recently expanded to include the supervision of three junior employees, Lucas Alexander, Dylan Vaughn, and Maxwell Dean. A result of his corporate-committed attitude and consistent 168-hour work week, Dann was recently recognized with a "World's Best Dad" mug and two pieces of Crayola artwork.

Danny Vogt - Groomsman

Brother of the bride

Anthony Argento - Groomsman

Born naked and unable to provide for himself, Anthony has nevertheless matured into one of the most skilled and feared professional eaters in the Super Welterweight class. His personal bests include 8 lbs of spaghetti (no sauce) and a time of 1 minute, 12 seconds in the 1 lb. condiment sprint. Anthony's appetite was recently discovered to be the sole foundation for the rapid expansion of the Krispy Kreme franchise, which quickly deflated when he swore off glaze in February 2007. Self-admittedly, he is only attending the wedding for the buffet, and plans on seconds, thirds, and possibly fourths.

Debbie Vogt - Bridesmaid

Aunt of the bride

John Bang - Groomsman

Fraternal twins separated at birth, John and Scot later reunited at the age of 6 in Mrs. Abel's first grade class. Twenty years later, John has grown tweleve facial hairs, and is nearly indistinguishable from his younger self. John currently resides in Chicago, but spends most of the year on the road touring with his Guitar Hero group No Strings Attached. An accomplished Guitar Hero bassist, newly formed Rock Band groups have been lobbying hard for his services, and the future of NSA has come into question. In his spare time, John founded the philanthropic organization Tonality International, which aims to spread harmony and pitch to the musically deficient.

Karin Krull - Bridesmaid

Friend of the bride

Paul Wesson - Groomsman

"A mishmash of half-baked ideas, loud special effects, and disjointed imagery."

-Adam Graham, Detroit News

"A terse, inventive thriller that confronts humanities deepest fears and desires. This is the stuff of which night tremors are made."

-Jason Wendell, Denver Post

"It's big, it's stupid, it's pretty kick-ass."

-Marc Savlov, Austin Chronicle

"Buckets of flesh eating fun."

-Steven Sobczynski, Santa Fe Reporter

Crystal Nguyen - Bridesmaid

Friend of the bride

Matt Baures - Usher

Matt Baures is a level 70 paladin from the outskirts of Elwynn Forest. Wielder of the legendary Warglaive of Ragnarok and founding member of the Knights of Azeroth, Baures was a member of the Order of Thirteen responsible for opening the portal to the Outlands. Baures, assisted by the Knights, led the Allied Forces through Ahn'Qiraj to protect the Eastern Kingdoms from the invading Undead Scourge. His single handed defeat of the Renegade Commander Ameer in the Mana Tombs of Terokkar Forest earned him the Stormwind Medal of Honor and the title of Grand Marshal. Baures is currently seeking companions to lead on a Scholo or Strat run, preferably in the next hour or so before helping his wife with the laundry.

Kimberly Peterson - Bridesmaid

Friend of the bride

Eric "Ed" Daniels - Usher

"The man so nice they named him twice", Eric's latest television appearance was as a supporting actor on ABC's debut sitcom Cavemen until the show's abrupt hiatus in November of 2007. Prior to his cro-magnon role, Eric was originally cast on NBC's Heroes as Byron Bevington, a man with superhuman strength but split personalities. A subsequent physical examination revealed that Eric was, in fact, a Wookie, and his strength only qualified for the subpar to average category within his own species. Eric was written out of the show in place of Ali Larter, and his character was recycled to become a man whose clairvoyance could locate the next available parking spot in New York City. After his Hollywood fallout, Eric was last seen driving cross-country in a hearse stocked with Milwaukee's Best.

Luke Lopas - Usher

Friend of the bride

Matt Malloy - Usher

Although Matt's athletic career has been overshadowed by that of his father, Franz Malloy (of Chicago Sting goaltending fame), his legacy was recently dusted off as a Jeopardy trivia question ("Non-legends that time forgot", $400). Matt endured a brief, but memorable career with the New York/New Jersey Hitmen, where, after injuries to the first through fifth string quarterbacks, Matt became the first and only quarterback in professional football history to throw two interceptions on a single play. Since the 2001 disbanding of the XFL, Matt has had stints as a commentator on CBS, NBC, and Big 10 network. He was released from his latest announcing position on Title Nine Network after calling the WNBA "functionally defunct" during a pre-season broadcast of the Minnesota Lynx.

Nicole Klinkner - Violin

Friend of the bride and groom

Brandon Böyle - Piano

Born in Jönköping, Norway, Mr. Böyle studied classical piano at a young age under the tutelage of Erikk Gustavson at the Gustavson Royal Piano Academy in Oslo. His immense talent was quickly recognized through his unique interpretation and improvisation of Bartok's second concerto. Thrust into the professional spotlight at the age of 12, Mr. Böyle was a member of the Professional Piano Circuit for the subsequent 14 years, performing for sold-out audiences at the Concertgebouw, Palais des Beaux-Arts, and Carnegie Hall among others. During the 2006 Mitchell investigation, Mr. Böyle was linked to BALCO and indicted by a grand jury, which forced him to retire prematurely from the PPC. He now performs at weddings, bar mitzvahs, and senior centers in between Congress testimonials. Please check out his web page for rates and availability.

Anna Kraemer - Violin, Tamborine

Friend of the bride and groom

Adam Goodberg - Electric Harp

Adam Goodberg returns to the spotlight after his starring role in last year's production of The Santaland Diaries. Described as "one terrific talent" by Jim Cavener of the Asheville Citizen-Times, Goodberg is the former Artistic Director of NYC's Gotham City Improv/Groundlings East and has studied with the Groundlings, Second City, and comedy icon Chris Farley. Recently, he has appeared onstage with his original material as a part of the Mad(ison) About You Festival and on Mad TV, a sketch comedy show that he co-wrote. Goodberg and Tom Hanks have collaborated on Harm for the Holidays, Hometown Security, a short film which was awarded Best Film in the 2005 Asheville 48 Hour Film Project, and the stage production of Judy Blume's Forever: An Unauthorized Parody.