Re: [Tho+] Nie^`m rie^ng

[Aiviet Nguyen <aiviet@cat.syr.edu>]

HI TTLH,

  Your poems are very well polished. I think you should have spent a long 
long time to play with words and rhythm to reach such level. To tell the 
truth not every Vnmese poets including Tien Chien could do that.

 However, an appraise from me who is chilly in criticism ( that is evidence
of my failures in literature) does not mean much. Now please taste my 
"Cu?i ta.":

   I like Noi niem the best. That is why I " soi ngo.c ti`m ve^'t".
Even "ra.ng que^' tra(ng ga^`y" is not clear to me.

  If you want to talk about different times when the moon is full and not.
It would be better to use one subject. If you want to use the technique of
" tru`ng ddie^.p" the order of noun adjective should be the same. And in 
that case que^' ra.ng tra(ng ga^`y would be better. Even in that case
two phrases with the same subject sounds not very good, that is why you 
have to use que^' instead of tra(ng.

  I would propose something like " Cung Qua?ng vo+i dda^`y" or
"Ngo.c tho? be'o ga^`y" ( this would totally ruin your verse).

Anyway, I am still not sure that I understand that phrase correctly.

Cheers
Aiviet