[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]

Re: [Tho+] Nie^`m rie^ng ( to anh AiViet )

Hi anh Aiviet,

On Fri, 18 Apr 1997, Aiviet Nguyen wrote:
> HI TTLH,
> 
>   Your poems are very well polished. I think you should have spent a long 
> long time to play with words and rhythm to reach such level. To tell the 
> truth not every Vnmese poets including Tien Chien could do that.

Anh Aiviet khen qua' lo+`i ro^`i. Nhu+~ng va^`n tho+ ddo' chi? la` tu+`
ca?m hu+'ng nha^'t tho+`i ma` ra. Qua? tha^.t TTLh co' du`ng mo^.t
va`i tu+` co^?, ddie^?n ti'ch trong tho+ mi`nh, nhu+ng dde^? ddem ra so
sa'nh cu`ng ca'c nha` tho+ tho+`i Tie^`n Chie^'n, cu~ng nhu+ tho+`i nay
thi` tha^.t cha(?ng kha'c na`o "cha^u cha^'u dda' voi" ...
 
>  However, an appraise from me who is chilly in criticism ( that is evidence
> of my failures in literature) does not mean much. Now please taste my 
> "Cu?i ta.":
> 
>    I like Noi niem the best. That is why I " soi ngo.c ti`m ve^'t".

Ca'i na`y TTLh se~ go.i la` "va.ch la' ti`m sa^u" (*grin*) - Joke ! Please
read on !

> Even "ra.ng que^' tra(ng ga^`y" is not clear to me.
> 
>   If you want to talk about different times when the moon is full and not.
> It would be better to use one subject. If you want to use the technique of
> " tru`ng ddie^.p" the order of noun adjective should be the same. And in 
> that case que^' ra.ng tra(ng ga^`y would be better. Even in that case
> two phrases with the same subject sounds not very good, that is why you 
> have to use que^' instead of tra(ng.
> 
>   I would propose something like " Cung Qua?ng vo+i dda^`y" or
> "Ngo.c tho? be'o ga^`y" ( this would totally ruin your verse).
> 
> Anyway, I am still not sure that I understand that phrase correctly.
> 
> Cheers
> Aiviet

Ho^m tru+o+'c tra? lo+`i anh kho^ng ddu+o+.c ca(.n ke~, khie^'n anh AV
pha?i ho?i la.i, TTLh ca?m tha^'y ra^'t a'y na'y trong lo`ng. Va^.y ho^m
nay xin ddu+o+.c ddo^i lo+`i cu. the^? ho+n mo^.t chu't cu`ng anh\.

Tu+` "ra.ng que^'" du`ng dde^? chi? ma(.t tra(ng vu+`a sa'ng to? ( anh AV
co' the^? tra trong cuo^'n "Tha`nh ngu+~ ddie^?n ti'ch danh nha^n tu+.
ddie^?n" cu?a GS Tri.nh Va^n Thanh ). DDo^i khi ca'c nha` tho+ co`n
du`ng "ra.ng que^'" dde^? chi? ve^` dde^m thu, vi` va`o ra(`m trung thu
tra(ng ra^'t sa'ng. Trong ba`i "Tu.ng Ta^y Ho^`", Nguye^~n Huy Lu+o+.ng
co' ca^u :

	Ngu+o+`i nha.o thu?y o^m ca^`m khi ra.ng que^'
              ( page 1134, quye^?n II )

Trong ca^u tho+ cu?a mi`nh, TTLh cu~ng du`ng tu+` "ra.ng que^'" vo+'i y'
gio^'ng nhu+ trong ca^u tho+ na`y. Ho+n nu+~a hai ca^u tho+ cu?a TTLh la`

	    Gio' khuya giao chuye^?n re`m ma^y
	DDe^? khi ra.ng que^' tra(ng ga^`y soi nghie^ng

Y' muo^'n no'i : trong khi mo^.t mi`nh ta ddang cu`ng che'n quy`nh tu+o+ng
vo+i dda^`y thi` co+n gio' trong dde^m la`m rung chuye^?n chie^'c re`m
be^n cu+?a so^?, va` lu'c ddo' vu+`a lu'c tra(ng sa'ng to?, a'nh tra(ng
ga^`y guo^.c soi va`o la`m cho ta muo^'n to? chu't nie^`m ta^m su+. cu?a
mi`nh cu`ng tra(ng\.

TTLh kho^ng du`ng "que^' ra.ng" ( nhu+ anh Aiviet suggest ) vi` tu+`
"ra.ng que^'" itself co' nghi~a ra^'t dda^`y ddu? va` hay ( TTLh nghi~
nhu+ va^.y ). Va? la.i trong ca^u tho+ ddo', ne^'u no'i ve^` a^m
lua^.t thi` "ra.ng que^'" se~ chi?nh ho+n la` "que^' ra.ng". Ho+n nu+~a,
ngu+o+`i ta no'i "ra.ng ddo^ng" chu+' kho^ng pha?i "ddo^ng ra.ng"
(*grin*). Co' the^? khi na`o ro^~i, TTLh se~ vie^'t mo^.t ba`i ve^` lua^.t
a^m, lua^.t va^`n trong tho+ lu.c ba't cho mo.i ngu+o+`i tre^n VNSA cu`ng
tham kha?o\.

Va`i lo+`i mo^.c ma.c, co' gi` kho^ng ddu'ng mong anh AiViet kho^ng ba('t
lo^~i TTLh. Tie^.n dda^y TTLh xin ta(.ng anh AiViet mo^.t ba`i tho+ go.i
la` ky? nie^.m phu't "tu+o+ng giao". 


	   Gio.ng Quy`nh Tu+o+ng sa'nh che'n Ha`
	Cho ta chuo^'c ta(.ng go.i la` ta^m giao
	   DDo+`i ta co^ qua.nh su+o+ng sao
	Lo`ng ngu+o+`i vu+o+ng va^'n ra.t ra`o ti`nh xua^n
	   Ngu+o+`i nhu+ tra(ng a'nh ma`u nga^n
	Ta nhu+ mo^.t a'ng phu` va^n la.c loa`i


Tra^n tro.ng,
T.T.Lh
------
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The most pleasant thing in life is do what people say you cannot do !
---------------------------------------------------------------------